


I’ll love you always

by Danielle97



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Amnesia AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 15:26:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 138,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18034286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danielle97/pseuds/Danielle97
Summary: After Aaron wakes up from a car accident, Robert finds that there are some gaps in his fiancés memory... mainly that he can't remember anything about Robert or their life together.





	1. One

With a deep growl, Robert gave the coffee machine his best death glare, kicking his foot against it rather pathetically with a huff. The vending machine simply stared back mockingly, refusing him the caffeine he so desperately needed.

Heaving a deep sigh he turned away and shuffled towards the room he’d unfortunately become too familiar with over the last week. He’d been forced out a little over two hours ago by a determined Vic who insisted he go outside to get some fresh air and head home for a much-needed shower. He’d rushed through it of course, desperate to get back as quickly as possible, despite the fact that the shower felt amazing and the fresh air was a much-needed break from the overly sterile air that clung to every inch of the hospital. But two hours away seemed like far too long, and he’d rushed back only to realise how truly exhausted he really was. He hadn’t had more than a few hours sleep in days, afraid that if he closed his eyes, he’d miss something.

He had been nearly five hours away, in the middle of a haulage meeting in London with the most insufferable man he’d ever had the displeasure of working with when it had happened. He’d gotten the call from Adam, and at first, he was confused. Adam was all over the place, talking over a mile a minute without really saying anything that made sense. Something about the pub and scrap and blood loss. It wasn’t until Victoria finally took the phone from him that Robert found out the real reason behind the call; Aaron had been in an accident and was in a critical condition at Leeds major trauma centre.

Robert dropped everything immediately, grabbed his things and recklessly broke every speed limit and traffic law on his way to the hospital. The whole time he’d been completely terrified of what awaited him at the hospital, or worse… knowing that Aaron’s condition was critical, he wouldn’t get there in time.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Things were supposed to be good. He was supposed to come home that evening after finishing a long week of meetings and walk into their house, Aaron there, smiling and practically jumping him as soon as the door closed, thrilled that their dreaded five-day work separation was finally over. They’d planned to have dinner together that night and celebrate Aarons new scrap contract and several new clients for the haulage firm. He’d even bought some fancy wine that he’d finally managed to get Aaron to taste and they were going to make heart eyes at each other over the table until they couldn’t resist each other any longer.

Instead, he was racing towards uncertainty, hoping against hope that what would greet him would be better than the worst-case scenario. When he finally arrived at the hospital a little after seven o’clock , Adam and Vic were there in the waiting room, both squirming in their chairs, apparently waiting for him.

“What the hell happened?! Is he ok? Where is he?!”

“They’re just moving him to a room. He’s been in surgery,” Adam explained, nervously wringing his hands together. “There were some… complications and some internal bleeding. They’ve stopped it, but the doctor said the next few hours will be critical.”

Robert just stared at them both, taking a deep breath he tried desperately to keep the tears threatening to spill from his eyes at bay. This couldn’t be happening.

“Robert, he’s going to get through this,” Vic said with as much conviction as she could muster. She tentatively reached out, placing a comforting hand on Robert’s leather-clad shoulder. “Aaron is a fighter. You know that. He’s not just going to give up on you.”

Robert just nodded, staring down at the floor, terrified of what would happen if Vic was wrong. Terrified of the worst. Terrified of what would happen if he lost Aaron.

It was nearly an hour later when the three of them were finally lead to Aaron’s room. If Robert was scared before, the sight that greeted him froze every muscle in his body. Aaron lay in the hospital bed, bruised and broken. He had a set of stitches across his forehead that matched the set along the right side of his jawline, cuts and scratches littering his face and arms, tubes and lines hooked up to all sorts of machines that beeped and buzzed around him. The doctor had warned them that the sight may be upsetting, but Robert wasn’t prepared for this. Aaron was the strong one, the one that could carry the world on his shoulders. But laying there in that hospital bed, he looked so small and fragile.

* * *

It had been eight days since that night. Eight days and Aaron still hadn't woken up. Eight days of the doctors performing test after test, attempting to get any sort of response from him without success. Eight days of Robert never leaving Aaron’s side for more than five minutes, spending his days begging Aaron to wake up and his nights huddled in an uncomfortable chair to the right of Aaron’s bed, holding his hand, and staring at the sleeping man committing every detail to memory.

Today was the first time he’d left the room at all, having taken advantage of Adam, Vic, Chas and paddy, who had arrived the morning after the accident, flying home from their holiday as quickly as they could. They'd all suggested that he take some time away, but it wasn't until he was forced out by a persistent Vic that he actually left. Only now that he was back, the guilt he felt from leaving in the first place was beginning to overwhelm him. What if something had happened while he was gone? What if he missed something? Rubbing his hands over his face with a sigh he rounded the corner towards Aaron’s room and was immediately met with an anxious Vic and Adam.

“There you are! We’ve been calling you for the past hour, why didn’t you answer your phone?” The eager tone of Adams voice caught him off guard.

“What’s going on?” Robert asked, glancing down at his very dead phone and realising for the first time that he hadn't actually used it since he called Chas a few days ago. “Did something happen? Is he-”

“Awake! Robert he’s awake!”

“Are you serious?”

He didn’t even bother waiting for an answer as he barrelled past both of them and into Aaron’s room, his eyes immediately meeting those ocean blue eyes he’d been so desperate to see. He was awake. He was okay. Hearing Adam and Vic rush in behind him, he finally let out the deep breath he’d been holding, and felt his lips turn up in the biggest smile he’d had in weeks.

“Hey you,” he said, slowly walking towards the bed and taking Aaron’s free hand, smiling down at him. It was taking everything he had to keep the tears welling in his eyes at bay, he couldn’t break down now. Not when Aaron was staring back at him expectantly. “God, I’ve missed you so much. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. Sore. Confused. Tired.”

“God, it's so good to hear your voice,” Robert chuckled, tenderly brushing his thumb across a few bruised knuckles.

“Yeah… I just… sorry, I don’t understand.” Pausing, Aaron looked around the room, briefly making eye contact with Robert before casting his eyes down at the scratchy hospital bed sheet.

“Don’t understand what, Aaron?”

Turning his gaze back to Robert, he opened his mouth to speak only to close it again struggling to find the right words. Briefly glancing down at their joined hands only seemed to heighten his panic.

“Aaron, you were in a car accident. But everything is going to be fine,” Vic anxiously chimed in, looking for some way to be helpful.

“Yeah, I know. I remember the crash. I was on my way back from a pick up and I was going to meet Adam in the pub,” he said, turning his gaze towards Vic and Adam.

“Yeah mate that’s it. Do you remember anything else?” Adam spoke hopefully from the corner of the room.

“Er…. I just, I don’t remember…” Aaron paused, once again glancing back and forth from his hand gently clasped in Roberts and to the blondes anxious eyes. Pulling his hand away, he closed his eyes and briefly shook his head, seemingly trying to collect himself. When he opened his eyes again he was met with a confused look from the man next to him.

“Don’t remember what? What is it, Aaron?” Robert was panicking now, why was Aaron pulling away?

“Who are you?”


	2. Two

“Who are you?” The uncertainty with which Aaron uttered the question stunned him because if Aaron was anything, it definitely was not uncertain. The brunette was one of the most stubbornly sure people Robert had ever met, even when he was clearly in the wrong.

“Aaron, what are you talking about?” He knelt down further beside the bed, attempting to reach for Aaron’s hand once more but finding it impossible with him keeping it closely clasped to his chest.

“You okay, Mate?” Adam and Vic both stepped closer to the bed, their faces both awash in concern.

“No. I mean yes. I mean…what-”

“Aaron! We are here to see Aaron Dingle. Im his mother!” The commotion from the hallway was enough to draw the attention of all four members of the room towards the doorway. Less than a second later Chas and Paddy stood there in the doorway, both red-faced and breathless.

“Mum..” Robert turned back to watch Aaron’s face immediately light up at the sight of his mum and paddy, thrilled to see the smile that enveloped his features.

“Oh love, I’m so happy to see you awake and okay.” She clambered towards the head of the bed, taking a spot next to Robert, and placed a comforting hand on Aaron’s shoulder and a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I’m fine mum. No need to worry,” Aaron sighed.

“You sure about that, mate?” Adam watched him with concern in his eyes.

“I’m Positive,” Aaron answered, turning back to Adam. “I mean considering I’ve been in a car accident, I don’t feel too bad.”

“God only you could get in a car accident, take eight days to wake up and say you’re fine.” Robert watched the smile slip from Aaron’s face as their eyes met once again. There it was; the complete confusion and lack of recognition that he’d seen just a few moments earlier.

“Who are you again? Were you involved in the accident or something?”

This must be what if feels like to have an anvil crush your chest, Robert thought, watching Aaron reach for his mums hand and pull her closer, almost as if he was trying to put more obstacles between him and Robert.

“Aaron, love, what are you talking about?” The obvious panic was lying just under the surface in Chas’s voice.

“Don’t you recognise Robert?”

“Robert? Who’s Robert?”

Fuck.

* * *

   
“Post-traumatic amnesia? What the hell is that?” Robert glared at the doctor, his hands firmly planted on his hips, his face a mask of anger.

“I know this is scary for you, Mr Sugden. But considering how hard Aaron hit his head, we knew there would likely be a possibility of traumatic complications following the accident. Unfortunately, amnesia was one of the complications we knew could possibly surface, but in Aaron’s situation, it’s rather mild, and it’s not the worst case scenario. Be thankful for that.”

“Thankful!?” Robert stared back at the doctor, looking like he was about to come unhinged. “I’m supposed to be thankful that my fiancé has no idea who the hell I am?”

“Robert, let’s just calm down, it’s all going to be alright,” Vic said, doing her best imitation of a comforting mother. The murderous look Robert shot her at the suggestion was enough to keep her from saying anything further and forced her to unconsciously step away from the seething man.

“Again, I know this is upsetting for you, Mr Sugden. It’s upsetting for all of you, I understand, but please, let’s not do anything rash just yet. We’re going to run some more tests to confirm and to make sure that everything else is okay.”

“Is this really that common? It seems beyond strange that Aaron is only forgetting one person, let alone that person being Robert. It just doesn’t seem right,” Chas chimed in, her overly protective mum exterior firmly in place.“Is there a chance it’s something else or that something else might be wrong with him?”

“I can assure you, Ms Dingle, this was a possibility all along. Like I said, we’re going to run a few more tests now that Aaron’s awake just to rule out anything more serious. It shouldn’t take long. While we’re doing that, why don’t you all go get some coffee, and just sit tight. It’s very possible that this will only be a short-term loss.”

“How short term?” Robert’s tone was beyond desperate at this point.

“We can’t say for sure. But let me get back to Aaron. The main thing right now is not to panic.” With that, the doctor turned on his heel and left the group standing at the end of the hallway.

“This can’t be happening. I mean, he can’t just not remember…” Robert trailed off, staring into the distance down the hall where the doctor had just vanished.

“Let the doctors do their tests and see if they can figure anything else out, yeah?” Chas said, stepping towards him. “I know it’s scary now, but… well, let’s just see what happens.” Robert finally looked at her then and saw the unmistakable fear clouding her eyes, which only sent him into a deeper state of panic.

The group watched in silence as a moment later, Aaron was wheeled out of his room on the hospital bed and down the hall, further away from them. An hour or so, that’s what the doctor had said. What was another hour or so of waiting for answers? After all, it had already been eight days. Eight long, excruciatingly awful days.

The group slowly made their way to the waiting room on that floor of the hospital, looking for anything to make the time go by faster. Paddy made a few more update phone calls to some of Dingles whist Adam scoured the internet for any information they could find on the amnesia Aaron’s doctor had referenced, and Chas paced around the waiting room, reminiscing and rambling through any and all of the Aaron’s getting into trouble stories she could remember.

Dianne had arrived with food and caffeine for everyone half an hour into the wait. Robert had got Vic to text her a while ago, he could do with a few wise words from her at the moment. It was all too much for him as he sat in the corner, hunched over, head in his hands, desperately trying to get his thoughts in order and keep the migraine he felt coming on at bay long enough to get through this mess.

“Ive got an idea.” Adam practically shouts to everyone close by, earning him a look of disgust from one of the nurses passing by. “What if we all take it in turns telling him old memories and stuff we got up to, maybe that’d help him remember everything!”

“Like what Adam?” Vic asked, already rolling her eyes. “He remembers us, it’s Robert that’s missing. You want us to put on a reenactment of their first date? Or their housewarming party? Or how about the time you caught them both at it in the portacabin.”

“Wait, what?” That seemed to stop Paddy’s rambling on the phone.

“Or we could reenact the time he almost punched that guy at that club when he wouldn’t stop hitting on Robert,” Adam spouted off with a laugh. “Robert had to practically drag him out of there.”

“He did what?” Paddy spoke again, but was once again ignored.

“Yeah! Or like that time we all went camping and they were up to no good because they thought we were all asleep. Neither of them had a clue until the next day, but still, it was pretty funny when they realised we weren’t asleep after all, Aarons face was a picture.”

“Oh, I really don’t want to hear this,” Paddy said, finally walking out of the room.

“Alright, both of you, that’s enough,” Dianne scolded, attempting to reign in the pair. “Paddy doesn’t need to know all of the intimate details of Aaron’s life with Robert, neither does Chas, and its hardly fair to Robert bringing all of this up now. What we need to focus on right now is helping Aaron get better, however we can.”

Robert peered up for a moment to see Vic and Adam immediately nod in agreement. Dianne always did have a way of getting things in order and right now he was thankful for his step mum being there.

It was quiet for all of two minutes before Paddy popped his head back in and announced that they were settling Aaron back into his room. The group instantly gathered their things and followed him down the hallway, all the while still keeping as quiet as possible until they reached Aaron’s room, and all breathing a collective sigh of relief to see him still there, sleeping peacefully. After all, it had been a long day.

As the nurses were settling Aaron back in, they seemed pleased to provide the group with positive news that there didn’t seem to be any further damage beyond what they’d already discovered. The doctor wanted to keep an eye on him for another day or two, but was hopeful that he’d be able to leave the hospital soon as long as nothing further came up. He was healing nicely from his surgery, and beyond the broken left arm and a few cracked ribs, he seemed to have come through unscathed.

Chas immediately pulled a chair up to the side of the bed, apparently intent on waiting there until her son woke up again. The others took her cue, quietly making themselves comfortable wherever there was room available. Robert, however, stayed glued to the door frame, his right hand fiddling with Aaron’s engagement ring in his front pocket. One of the nursing staff had given it to him not long after Aaron was settled into his room after surgery, and he’d found himself frequently running his fingers over it for some sort of comfort over the last few days. Of course, it was more comforting when it was settled securely on Aaron’s finger, but at this point, he’d take whatever he could get.

“Mate, you coming in?” Adam asked from his spot near the window.

Robert looked up, seeing all eyes on him, all of them curious and he quickly backed away, suddenly overwhelmed by the events of the last eight days. It felt like he’d just been slammed into by a freight train.

“Actually, I think I’m going to get some air. I’ll be back in a bit.” He didn’t wait for a response from anyone before quickly making his way down the hall, foregoing the elevator in favour of the nearby stairs. Ten flights down was way easier than waiting for the elevator and continuing to breathe in the stale air pushing down on him with twenty-thousand pounds of pressure. Sprinting down them and through the hospital reception, he roughly pushed through the front doors, taking in gulps of the cool autumn air the early evening offered. Putting his hands on his knees he realised just how close he was to a panic attack at that moment, and swallowed hard to keep the bile rising in his throat from coming out.

Not now. Just keep it together, Robert. You can do this. Taking one final deep breath, he pushed himself to stand and made his way over to a nearby bench, plopping down heavily.

He looked up and watched the newly turned autumn leaves undulating softly against the gentle fall breeze and the welcoming crisp air. A young couple across the street sharing a kiss like they were the only ones around. Him and Aaron were like that not long ago. Him and Aaron. Aaron…

He’s awake. He’s awake. Just focus on that. He’s awake and okay, Robert thought as a few stubborn tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Who are you?” The words kept ringing in his mind, over and over, each time seeming more unbelievable than the last.

  
Robert stood near the doorway, out of sight from the others, staring intently as the group chatted animatedly with each other, eager to catch up with what had happened over the last week. He’d spent a good hour outside, collecting himself and making a few calls to some haulage contacts that he’d neglected for over a week now, before forcing his feet to carry him back inside, and up to the tenth floor. Inside the room, he watched as a now much more awake Aaron smiled and then laughed as Vic slapped at the back of Adams head, clearly displeased with whatever innocently inappropriate comment he’d made. On the one side of the bed, Chas watched on with a smile on her face and Paddy seemed to be trying to suppress his own chuckle from his post at the other side of the bed. It felt so good to see Aaron awake and smiling, alive and happy to be surrounded by his family. Robert tried to focus on that feeling and not the one heavily weighing down his heart at the possibility that Aaron would never remember him or the life they’d built together.

The last week had left Robert terrified to the very core, something he had never felt before, and something he wasn’t eager to feel again anytime soon. The whole time he’d been waiting for Aaron to wake up, all kinds of horrible scenarios had crossed his mind, the worse being that the love of his life wouldn’t wake up at all. But Aaron forgetting him had never been one of those scenarios, and therefore, something he really had not prepared for.

Sighing deeply he thought back to what had happened just a few hours ago, thinking of how quickly he’d gone from ecstatic to have Aaron back to devastated with just three little words.

Robert watched for another minute, before collecting the courage to quietly step into the room. Chas was the first to notice him, her eyes meeting his and a small sad smile pulling at her lips.

“We were wondering where you’d gotten off to.” He watched as the rest of the group turned towards him, their eyes all wide and expectant. Well, all except one pair that stared back at him, filled with confusion.

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” he mumbled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. “I just needed a minute. And I needed to make a few phone calls.” He looked around the group once more before finally landing on Aaron, feeling his heart skip a beat at the sight of those beautiful blue eyes looking back at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Um… okay, I guess. Just still…” Aaron trailed off, clearly trying to find the words.

“It’s alright, Aaron. Remember what the doctor said, theres no need to push yourself.” Chas said, standing and placing a comforting hand on her sons shoulder. “This is Robert.”

Seriously? The introduction felt like a sucker punch right to his chest but he forced a soft smile to his face anyway.

“Right. Robert. And you are…?” Aaron spoke, sounding unsure of himself.

“Um, he’s kind of your fiancée, mate.” Adam spoke the words everyone else seemed to be so reluctant to say.

“What?!? No, that can’t be right. I’d remember if I had a fiancée! I’d remember if I’d promised to spend the rest of my life with someone! I’d remember that!”

“Sweetheart, calm down, it’s okay. We’re not sure why you can’t remember Robert, but the doctor said this sometimes happens. Just give yourself some time.”

“But how? How can I not remember something as important as that? I mean, how could I forget a major detail in my life like that? I don’t know him,” Aaron said, his voice increasing in volume as he turned from one person to the next, looking for an explanation. “I don’t know him at all. How did I meet him? How long have we been together? How did we get together? Where do we live? How did we get engaged? And how in the hell did I land him? I mean, come on, people like me don’t get blokes that look like that! There’s no way in hell I’m that lucky!”

Though it wasn’t exactly fun to hear, Robert had to smile at the last bit. Typical foot in mouth disease Aaron.

“Believe it or not, I think I’m the lucky one,” Robert said quietly, smiling again when Aaron finally met his eyes. The blush that coloured the brunettes cheeks reminded him of when they'd first met, and he felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. Taking a deep breath, Robert realised that he needed to take the pressure off and calm Aaron down. “Look...I know you have a lot of questions and I’ll answer all of them for you. But maybe you should get some rest. It’s been a long day.” For once Aaron kept his mouth shut and gave a slight nod after contemplating the suggestion. “We can talk tomorrow if that’s okay with you.”

“Okay, yeah. Tomorrow. Maybe… Adam and Vic could be here too?” Robert tried to shrug off the hurt the request left and just nodded softly at the suggestion.

“Yeah course. I’m sure you two don’t mind scheduling in a Q and A session tomorrow do you?”

Adam and Vic both nodded in agreement and the group started to gather their things and leave the room, each sending Aaron a soft smile and a good night as they passed.

“You get some rest. That’s an order alright,” Chas said, smiling and leaving a quick kiss on Aaron’s forehead before exiting the room.

Robert watched them make their way towards the elevators before turning back to his fiancée, surprised to see him staring back intently.

“Um, if you need anything… well, I’ll be around,” he said, realising Aaron might not be too keen to have a ‘stranger’ staying in the room with him while he slept. He was pretty sure that camping out on the chairs in the waiting room would leave his back in no worse condition than the chairs in Aaron’s room had over the last week. The younger man just nodded and pulled the blankets up to his chin with his good arm. “Goodnight, Aaron.”

“Night.” It was said so softly, Robert almost didn’t catch it. He smiled gently at Aaron one last time before slowly trudging his way down the hall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone whos taking the time to read this. It’s been a while since I’ve written so exuse the errors while I get back into the swing of things. Hope it reads ok. Let me know what you think :-)


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron finds out how he and Robert first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kind of got carried away writing this and it ended up way longer than I expected, but hopefully no one minds a really long chapter. Also there are some flashbacks in the chapter but I’ve made it obvious so that I dont confuse anyone jumping back and forth.

Ugh, worst coffee ever, Robert thought as he swallowed the mouthful of sludge with a grimace. After a week of attempting to stomach the disgusting liquid, you would think he’d have known better than to continue to consume the hospital's coffee, but desperate times…

He stared out of the window at the view overlooking the city from his seat in the corner of Aaron’s room, the sun having only risen a few minutes earlier. It wasn’t the most impressive city view he had ever seen, not that it mattered because he couldn’t wait to leave the place and never come back. He had been used to looking at similar views from his student block when he attended leeds university only a few years back, ideal location being not too far from home but far enough from his dad, him being partly the reason he decided on going to university in the first place. He had always wanted more for himself than working on the farm, that may have been what Andy wanted, but never him. He was always more business minded and wanted to go onto bigger and better things. As well as that, there was the added bonus of pissing off his dad, which was what made him make the decision to make his own path and head off to uni to study a masters in Business.

Of course, his choice to go to university wasn’t the first time he’d upset or disappointed his Dad. In fact, the list had gotten so long he’d stopped keeping track of all of his ‘wrongdoings’ probably since the day Andy’s adoption was finalised. He’d always been somewhat of a strong-willed and rebellious child, which was the main reason he and Andy didn’t get along from the beginning. Nothing he ever did was good enough, when he did try and do something it wasn’t to his Dads satisfaction and when he stopped trying at all that was when it went downhill.

Andy had married and moved abroad after their dad passed away seven years ago, he hadn’t been invited to the wedding but its not like he was too offended at the lack of an invite. Luckily though, him and Vic seemed to make it through anything, his younger sister having the same rebellious attitude as himself. The two had their differences like any siblings sure, but also a deeper understanding of each other, having gone through the same hardships in their early years. Vic was just as headstrong as himself and like Robert, had chosen to do things her own way. Not that the road had been easy but after putting in the hours and commitment she now successfully ran her own catering business, traveling the country, working at big events, and doing things she’d never dreamed of.

In Roberts years away from the village, studying in leeds, Vic had met Adam and the two had practically become inseparable. Robert had given him a hard time in the beginning, the guy seemed like a total idiot and a waste of space, but then he took a step back and realised how happy he made her, well eventually he did after a bit of perspective from dianne of course.

Lost in his thoughts, Robert took another sip from the Styrofoam cup in his hand and almost gagged at the awful taste.

“Ugh, God!” He turned away from the window, intent on dumping the coffee when he noticed a pair of blue eyes staring at him. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t. I’ve been awake for a few minutes,” Aaron said, not breaking eye contact. “Have… have you been here long?”

“Oh, um, no not long,” Robert lied. Aaron didn’t need to know that he’d ducked back in at around three in the morning after being unable to sit still in the waiting room any longer. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Okay, I guess. My arm kind of hurts. And my ribs but I guess that’s to be expected, eh?”

“Yeah,” Robert said with a small smile, standing and taking a hesitant step towards the hospital bed. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, I think I’m okay,” Aaron answered, attempting to find a more comfortable position in the narrow bed. “Is anyone else here yet?”

“No,” Robert said, trying not to let himself deflate at the question. “But they probably will be soon. Your mums been showing up usually around eight or so. And Adam and Vic are never too far behind.”

“Never too far behind what?” Vic asked as she and Adam breezed into the room, their hands full of what appeared to be breakfast. “Morning, Aaron.”

“Hey, Mate! Good to see you awake, although I wish Robert here would have a lie in for once,” Adam said, handing Robert his usual americano. “I got you a double shot.”

“Thanks, Adam,” Robert said, taking a sip and moaning at the taste.

“So you’re one of those annoyingly early risers are you?” Aaron asked, accepting Victorias help to sit up further on the bed.

“Its like he never sleeps mate. Bet its well annoying for you when you want a lie in.” Adam spoke, taking one of the vacant chairs in the room. Aaron just started back, a mix of confusion and awkwardness written all over his face.

“Adam, we talked about this last night and this morning. We’re here to be helpful, remember?” Vic scolded as she fluffed Aaron’s pillows.

“You’re in trouble…” Robert said with a smirk before turning back to Aaron. “And yeah I’ve never been one to sleep in. But I’ve been trying over the last few years. You um… you like it when you wake up and I’m still next to you.”

Aaron just nodded, seeming to absorb the new information but still unsure. The three of them settled in, Adam and Robert each grabbing one of the bacon sandwiches out of the bag they’d brought with them, while Vic went off in search of Aaron’s hospital issued breakfast. She returned a moment later with a tray of fruit, oats, and some kind of juice, an encouraging smile on her face.

“Now, I know this isn’t exactly your type of breakfast, but you need to keep your strength up,” Vic said as she fussed about.

“I don’t know how they expect anyone to get better eating this rubbish Vic.” Aaron said, cautiously eyeing the tray and then pouting as he caught a glimpse of the fresh bacon sandwich in Robert’s hand. The blonde just smirked after catching the pout and placed the still warm sandwich in front of Aaron with a wink.

“Thanks,” Aaron said greatfully, avoiding eye contact as he picked it up and took a huge bite. “Oh my god, see, this is what I needed,” Aaron said, moaning around the bread. Robert chuckled at the noise, causing the blush on Aaron’s cheeks to deepen. He took another bite before turning back to the three visitors, brushing the crumbs from his hands. “So… erm…” He finally met Robert’s eyes and frowned. “We’re engaged?” Robert just nodded, taking another sip of his americano and taking his turn to avoid Aaron’s gaze.

How was he supposed to have this conversation?

“So, then how long have we known each other?”

“Well, we met when I was in my third year at uni, so about five years ago now. You were twenty one, I was twenty four.” Robert watched as Aaron’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“Five years?! How am I missing five years?” Using his good hand, Aaron gripped the railing of the bed, his knuckles turning white under the pressure. “That’s insane. How the hell is this even possible? I mean, five years. How can it just be gone? How can I-”

“Hey, calm down. It’s okay,” Robert said, reaching out and placing a comforting hand on Aaron’s knee for a moment before realising what he was doing and pulling away as if he’d been burned. “Look, whatever you want to know, just ask, alright? It’s all going to be fine. You just… you need to trust me, ok?” Roberts eyes begged him to listen, racking his brain for any way to comfort the younger man without making him feel any more distressed.

“Aaron, why don’t you just finish your breakfast. Then we can talk, okay?” Vic chimed in.

Aaron just nodded, looking down at the tray of food in front of him. Robert watched for a moment, knowing exactly what the brunette was thinking.

“Don’t say you’re not hungry anymore,” he said, as he stood, smirking at the shocked expression that came to Aaron’s face. “I’m going to go check in with the nurses. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Walking out of the room, he smiled again at the groan he heard coming from behind him, and headed towards the nursing station. Seeing two of the familiar nurses standing there he pointed towards Aaron’s room, asking if someone could check in, and kept walking further down the hall. Reaching the waiting room, he pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly sent off a quick text to Chas, and an email to a haulage client that he was scheduled for a meeting with this weekend that would need to be put off until he was sure Aaron was okay, and safely home. It was a small contract, one he should easily be able to work something out for a later date.

That done, Robert turned and headed back towards Aaron’s room, catching a smile and nod from the nurse that had gone to check on Aaron as he passed. Stopping near the doorway, he heard the trio inside apparently in deep conversation.

“What do you mean Aaron?”

“It just feels like someone is pulling a prank on me or something. Five years is missing Vic, and now you’re married to my best mate and I’m apparently engaged to your brother. I… I just cant get my head around it.”

“It is difficult. But remember, this might not be permanent. For all we know, you’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will come back to you.”

“But… what if it doesn’t? I mean, I know he’s your brother Vic, but I don’t know him. How did I meet him, how did we end up together, how-”

“Mate, stop” Adam said, apparently unable to keep the smirk from his face. “Look, if it helps, we’ll have story time from now until you remember if that's what you want. In the meantime, just know this is all very real, no one’s pranking you.” Adam looked up at him then, serious for a moment. “Look, five years ago, you were actually really into Ed, and he didn’t see you as anything more than a friend. And then you met Robert. And while he didn’t exactly get on with your lot to begin with, he was crazy about you and would do anything for you. He’s a good one, alright.”

Robert was actually taken aback by the comment from Adam. He’d always thought that Adam, along with the rest of the Dingles, thought he wasn’t good enough. “Roberts a good bloke. Just be patient and give him a chance.” Robert took a moment to ponder that advice, hoping Aaron would listen, and realising he needed to be patient also. Taking a deep breath, he stepped back into the room, taking back the seat he’d vacated only ten minutes ago.

“Alright, hows the oats then?” Robert said, trying for something light first.

“I think I’ve eaten all I can,” Aaron said, pushing away the mostly empty tray. “So, maybe we can talk now?”

“Yeah, we can talk. Where do you want to start?” Robert asked, taking the last sip of his americano.

“Well, maybe the beginning. How did we-”

“Hey, sweetheart! How’re you feeling today?” Chas asked, walking into the room all smiles. Robert smirked as he watched Aaron’s hopeful face fall in frustration for a moment before painting on a smile for his mum.

“Maybe we can do this later?” Robert suggested, standing and heading towards the door. “Spend some time with your mum. I’ll be back in a little while.” He had to admit he took a little bit of pleasure at the small look of disappointment he saw in Aaron’s eyes.

 

Robert readjusted himself in the hard plastic chair, watching the news channel silently on the TV in the waiting room. Aaron’s room had been a hive of activity all day with the nurses and doctor coming in and out to do checkups, practically all of the Dingles stopping by with their well wishes, and Aaron himself frequently nodding off as his body continued to try and heal.

Robert tried to stay close but wanted to give the man some space, hoping to not overwhelm him any more than he already was. He’d been popping in and out of the room throughout the day, every time seeing Chas sitting steadfastly at Aaron’s side. He understood her desire to stick around. After all, he was just as eager to spend time with Aaron. It was probably for the best that he didn’t push for any alone time though. He didn’t think Aaron was ready for that.

It was after six when Vic came looking for him in the waiting room, apparently on a mission.

“Aaron’s asking after you. Do you want to come in for a bit?”

“Is it still crowded in there?”

“No, Moria and Cain have taken Chas home, and Aaron just woke up from a nap. I thought it might be a good time to answer some of his questions.” Robert just nodded, standing and following Vic down the hall, his joints cracking along the way.

Damn these hospital chairs.

“Look who I found.” Vic’s chipper voice was a stark contrast to everything about the hospital, but for once, Robert appreciated her positivity. He took the seat Chas had been refusing to give up the whole day and smiled at the brunette. Aaron, for the first time since he had woken, smiled back and didn’t seem to shy away. Progress he supposed.

“Alright, so I’d say we’ve probably got a while before any more interruptions. What do you want to know?”

“Well, I guess, maybe we could just start at the beginning? How exactly did we meet?” Aaron asked, his eyes still on Robert.

The blonde smirked once more, settling back more comfortably in his chair.

“I guess that’s as good a place as any other.” Turning to Adam and Vic, he let out a small laugh. “You two want to kick this one off?”

“With pleasure,” Vic said, rubbing her hands together, smiling at Adam.

 

**Five Years and One Month Earlier**

Walking into the crowded bar that Saturday night, Aaron was immediately taken aback by the incredibly loud music and the mases of people, mostly men, taking up almost every available inch in sight. Anxiously he grabbed at the back of Adam’s jacket, thankful that him and Vic had agreed to come with him when Ed had insisted he come to the rugby teams end of season party.

“I didn’t realise this is where we were coming,”he heard Vic call from behind him. “How are we supposed to find Ed amongst all of all these giants?”

“There he is. Thank god he’s so damn tall,” Adam shouted, pointing to the bloke near the bar, towering over the majority of the people in the room. Aaron glanced in the direction and felt himself immediately becoming nervous at the sight of him.

He’d had a bit of a thing for Ed for the last year now, finding everything about the athletic man beyond intriguing. They’d met when Ed had brought his car into the garage where Aaron worked, but he’d spent more time paying attention to the mans eyes instead of listening to the problems with his car. Though they’d formed a friendship after Aaron had given him mates rates, Aaron had been hoping for more for months now, but as of yet, Ed hadn’t taken the bait.

The three of them took a seat at the bar, catching Ed’s eye as they did. Smiling, he made his way over to them, bringing an almost grin to Aaron’s face as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Finally! I’m so glad you guys made it. This is by far the best season we’ve had in years.”

“It looks like quite the turnout,” Aaron said, looking every bit as uncomfortable as he sounded.

“Hopefully the buzz is going to drum up so much interest for next season. We’ll have our pick from the best athletes on campus. We’re going to crush the other teams come the winter games!” His excitement was infectious and Aaron felt himself laughing along, feeling his stomach flutter when Ed smiled back at him, and squeezed his shoulder. “So, what’re you drinking?”

“Um, whatever you’re having is fine with me.”

“Hey,Robert!”

Aaron turned towards where Ed was signalling for the bartender and froze. Standing there in a shirt, black leather jacket and jeans was the hottest man Aaron had ever seen. And considering that was the thought that crossed his mind as he stood next to Ed, that was saying something.

“God, I hate this bartender, he always ignores me. He’s got like every gay, bi-sexual, and possibly questioning bloke within fifty miles flocking here to stare at him. Personally, I don’t see the appeal but he’s really not my type anyway,” Ed said.

“Oi, watch it you.” Vic shouted over the music, giving her unimpressed look to Ed. “Aaron, that’s my brother I hardly ever see, Robert.”

Aaron watched the blonde bartender mixing drinks with an effortless flair, charming and captivating everyone standing near the bar. It was kind of overwhelming that someone could be that fascinating and hold so much appeal from afar, but that was a thought Aaron would dissect later. Then and there, he was just focused on how it was becoming harder and harder to keep the bulge from forming in his jeans. It was beyond awkward knowing that this was in fact Vic’s brother he was practically drooling over, but it wasn’t his fault that Vic had never mentioned how good looking he was, or that he was into blokes.

A moment later, he felt his face heat up from an overwhelming blush at being caught staring when the man looked his way, their eyes meeting. He looked away for a moment, hoping to collect himself before looking back up, surprised to find the blonde still staring at him and slowly walking his way.

“Thirsty, are you?” That voice… Aaron felt his knees shutter as it reached his ears. Never had a voice been so appealing to him. Floundering, he continued to stare as the bartender leaned forward across the bar, smirking at him, his eyes holding an intensity that Aaron had never seen before. “I’d be happy to get you whatever you want.”

“Just get us three pints and a gin and tonic,” Ed said from somewhere behind him. Aaron had lost track and, honestly, didn’t care at this point. The bartender continued his staring contest, his sly grin growing just the tiniest bit the longer it went on. “Seriously! Come on, I’m a paying customer here.

“Ed, you have got to take it down a notch. Or ten.” Aaron watched the man finally look away and completely change his facial expression from one of flirtation to complete annoyance as he looked at Ed.

“Just give us the four drinks.”

“Oh, make that three. I’ll stick with water,” Vic said quickly. “I’m driving.”

“Alright, three pints and one water for my little sister.” Robert called out, his loud voice heard even over the thudding of the music.

“Why don’t you just do your job and make the drinks. We don’t need a running commentary.”

“Maybe you don’t Ed, but why not let other people make up their own minds,” he said, quickly filling the glasses with ice. Aaron couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. Apparently, Robert could hold his own against Ed. Of course, everyone heard it and he quickly attempted to cover it up with a fake cough. Ed just looked irritated but the bartender smiled up at him before going back to mixing the drinks.

With his attention now elsewhere, Aaron took the opportunity to peruse further. Robert was definitely the kind of person to know how good looking he was, and as he continued to check him out he could see numerous other people by the bar doing the same and realised just how out of his league the bartender really was. So why did the blonde keep looking up to catch his eye?

“Here you go, three pints and a water for Victoria.”

“Just put it on my tab.” Ed said, obviously now fed up of talking to him.

“I’ll put yours on your tab but his is on me,” he said, nodding to Aaron and smiling.

“I said I’d pay for it!”

“And I said don’t bother. I want to buy the bloke a drink. You’re not going to stop me.”

Aaron watched the exchange, not quite knowing where to put himself, and ducked his head after seeing Adams wide grin.

“Hey, Ed! We got an issue outside.” The trio turned to another man Aaron recognised from Ed’s team. “A few lads from another team are out front and it's becoming a problem.”

“Alright, alright I’m coming,” Ed said before sending one last scathing glance at Robert and walking away.

“It must be so hard to be that uptight all the time.” Aaron turned towards the voice, surprised that Robert was leaning further across the partition than before. “Are you two… together?”

“Together?” Aaron laughed. “Ed and I? No, we’re just friends. I just know him from the garage I worked at and I mean he’s great. Fantastic even but no, we aren’t a couple.” Roberts smirk grew more and more amused the longer Aaron rambled, making him realise just how ridiculous he sounded. “So, yeah. Not together.” The other man nodded once, looked him up and down and stepped back.

“Good to know,” he said, smiling once more before walking away towards a pretty blonde, practically spilling out of her top and apparently very eager for some attention.

Great. Just fucking great. Sighing, he turned towards Adam and Vic, noticing a matching amused look on both of their faces as he did.

“What? What’s wrong?” Adam and Vic glanced at each other for a moment before looking back at him and shrugging.

“Nothing, just you appear to be very fond of my brother.”

“Mate, I’ve never heard you talk so much. You so like him, why didn’t you ask for his number, or just ask Vic.”

“Shut up the pair of you. Lets just take our drinks over there and wait for Ed.” He nodded to the back corner where he spent the rest of the night, nursing his pint, watching as every other person in the room downed drink after drink. He cant say it was the best night out he’d had, but at least the view was nice.

  
**Five Days Later**

The following Thursday Aaron took a seat at his desk, already dreading the day ahead. The accounts for the month needed to be in order and it was his turn to do them. Looking between folders from the previous months, he sighed, unable to make heads or tales of what had been scribbled down. He hated having to do any kind of paper work at all but accounts were just not his thing and he already couldn’t wait for the day to be over. After four hours and him having gotten completely nowhere other than writing the date he decided they really needed to get someone in to do this for them from now on. He would speak to Adam about it when he got back from his extra long lunch break that he went for over an hour ago. His mate had promised it would only be a quick break so he could be back to answer the phone, try and keep Aaron free from distractions. However he was still nowhere to be seen and Aaron was starting to loose his patience.

“Hey, Mate. Sorry got carried away with lunch. Vic wanted my opinion on new curtains.” Adam stated, as he strolled in a short while later.

Aaron didn’t even bother to look up, too engrossed in the paper work he was currently trying to get his head around.

“How you getting on with those accounts.” Adam spoke again.

“My heads not in it today. Remind me again why we cant just get an actual accountant to sort all of this crap out.”

Adams laugh once again filled the room.“Because that would cost money, and the whole point is for us to make money, not spend it.”

“I could always help with it if you like,” a voice chimed in from by the door. He froze. He knew that voice. He’d spent the better part of the last few days replaying it over and over in his mind. Slowly, he looked up from the desk, suddenly wishing he had come better dressed today. There he was, even better looking than Aaron remembered.

He immediately turned back to the paper work on the desk in front of him, which he’d been struggling to make sense of before, let alone now. What the hell was he doing here.

“Robert!” Adam called out with a smile, which Aaron was sure was just to keep Vic’s older brother sweet, before going back to his confused look. “What can we do for you mate?”

“I was speaking to Vic, and she mentioned that you both ran a scrap yard. So I just thought on my way to see her I would come and check the place out.”

Aaron looked down, feeling his cheeks redden even further when he noticed the blonde staring back at him, that confident smirk, that he was really beginning to find very attractive, firmly in place.

“Oh, interested in scrap are you?” Adam asked. “Or are you here for something else, or should I say someone else?”

The blonde quirked an eyebrow at Adams questions before taking a seat on the desk opposite Aaron.

“It seems I came just at the right time. I could help with the books if you like, maybe even show you how it’s done properly.”

“Well, Aaron was just saying how much he hated accounts.” Adam grinned. “But I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you showing him, would you Aaron?”

Aaron quickly shot Adam a look that he hoped conveyed his thoughts perfectly: Shut up right now or I will be forced to murder you.

“Yeah, the more I think about it, it’s a great idea. Thanks Robert,” Adam said, after noticing the death look Aaron was currently throwing his way.

Aaron watched the blonde look back and forth between them, clearly trying to decide if this was a joke or not. Finally, Robert looked at him and smirked, clearly noticing his increasing embarrassment.

“I think we could work something out.”

“Fantastic! There you go mate. Now you’ll finally know how to do them properly.” Adam exclaimed, clearly thrilled with his medaling before turning and flicking on the kettle.

With Adam clearly sidetracked by his choice of beverage, Aaron turned back to Robert, fully intent on apologising for his mates antics, but found himself being cut off before he could speak.

“So… when do you want me to... go through things with you?” Was he hearing things or was there a suggestiveness lying under that question.

“Er, well, you know you don’t have to do this. I mean, I appreciate it, really. But you don’t have to take time out of your day to help me. I am capable.”

“Im sure you are. But I’m offering. So when is best for you?”

Yep, definitely a suggestive tone there. Of course, it didn’t help that he was sporting a look like he was about to eat Aaron alive. Would that really be such a bad way to go though?

“Well, I guess we could meet up. I’m free tomorrow night. I mean, if you are. I’m sure you have better plans than helping me to work out VAT returns. We can meet another time if you want. Anytime really. I mean since you’re doing me a favour and-”

“Aaron.” Robert interrupted, laughing. “Tomorrow night is fine. Here,” he said, reaching to grab a piece of paper and a pen from Aarons desk. He watched as the other man uncapped the pen and gently scribbled something on the paper. “Just text me what time and where.”

Aaron looked down at the desk seeing Robert’s phone number neatly written next to his name.

When he looked up, the blonde was still smirking at him, clearly aware of the effect he was having. Giving Aaron one final raise of an eyebrow, he moved towards the door and was disappearing outside before Aaron could say anymore.

“Here you go,” Adam said, handing him a cup of tea, pulling him away from all things Robert. “So things are looking up, eh?”

“Yeah I guess they are,” Aaron said, glancing out of the window and watching for a moment as Robert walked away to his car. Those jeans, on a bum that good, should be illegal.

  
**Present**

“So, that’s how we met? You hit on me at a bar and then Adam got you to give me a private lesson on accounts?”

“First of all, I did not hit on you. I used my incredibly charming ways to entice you. And then, yes Adam got me to show you how to do accounts properly, which I was more than happy to do since I wanted to see you again anyway, but you’d left the bar before I could get your number. And secondly, don’t judge the story, I quite like how we met.”

“I wasn’t judging the story.” Aaron smiled softly, staring down at his fingers playing along the edge of the blanket. “It’s a good story. So did we start dating after that?”

“I think that’s enough stories for tonight,” Vic said as she looked up from her watch. “It’s late, the nurses will be kicking us out soon, and you should get some rest.”

Robert turned towards the clock on the wall and noticed just how late it had gotten. He hadn’t even realised it, so caught up in helping Vic and Adam tell the story.

“Yeah, Alright,” Aaron said, suppressing a yawn. “But, you two… you talk about it like you knew I was already interested in Robert.”

“We did. You were acting weird the rest of the afternoon, being quieter than usual. Not to mention the fact that before all of that happened, you spent the entire night at the bar staring at him. We couldn't get your attention to save our lives, even when Ed came back over."

“It was kinda obvious.”

Robert laughed as Aaron blushed once again and attempted to avoid eye contact. As he settled further into the bed, the three of the grabbed their things, intent on leaving the room for the night, each saying goodbye, and promising to be back the next day.

“If it’s any consolation, I already knew I was interested in you before I offered to help with the accounts,” Robert said quietly, stopping just short of walking out the door. He watched as Aaron finally looked up at him and smiled shyly.

"Thanks, Robert."

"Anytime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for taking the time to read and thankyou for people leaving comments, I really appreciate it. :-)


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou to everyone who has left a comment or kudos, it’s nice to know there are people enjoying this.

Aaron squirmed in the chair, bored out of his mind, wishing he at least had a TV to watch or something. He’d woken up early that morning, completely fed up with the hospital and the bed he’d been confined to for over a week. He’d gotten up carefully, hoping to avoid the pain in his ribs or the stretch of the stitches across his abdomen, and padded his way out of the room and into the hallway, surprised when the unfamiliar nurse on duty immediately shooed him back into his room with a glare. He’d looked at the bed in distaste and decided against climbing back in, opting instead for the plush chair one of the nicer nurses had dropped in earlier.

He was surprised that he was alone when he woke up. It was the first time he hadn’t seen Robert nearby and the thought made him feel a little lonely. Not that he needed the blonde there. After all, he barely knew him. But he’d gotten used to his presence. It was calming and though unfamiliar, it was still nice and somehow comforting.

He must’ve finally gone home and taken a break. Home? Aaron wondered briefly where that was. He assumed it was the same place he called home. But despite how hard he tried, he just couldn’t conjure up an image. Unless maybe Robert had just moved in with him at Vic and Adam’s.

It was a little over an hour later, still sitting in the chair and gazing out of the window, watching the world go by below him, that a soft knock on the door caught his attention. There stood Robert, dressed in jeans, blue shirt and a dark blue blazer, and Aarons breath caught in his throat momentarily.

“What are you doing up and out of bed?” Robert walked further into the room, a Styrofoam cup in each hand.

“I needed to get up for a bit,” he answered with a shrug. “I’m honestly starting to go mad with the boredom, I think.”

“Well, I have some possibly good news then,” Robert said as he sat down and handed Aaron one of the cups, putting a finger to his lips to indicate that the contents had been smuggled in. Aaron just smiled his thanks before taking a small sip of the hot coffee, just the way he liked it. He hummed happily and nodded for Robert to continue. “I saw your doctor just now. He’s very impressed with your recovery so far and said that if all goes well today, there’s no reason you can’t be out of here by tomorrow.”

“Really? Even with the busted ribs and stuff?”

“They’re healing. And as long as you have someone helping to change your bandages for a few more days before the stitches come out from your surgery, he said it should be fine. You don’t live alone so that’s helping your case.”

“I don’t live alone,” Aaron repeated, realising he’d just been having similar thoughts.

“Yeah, well…” Robert trailed off, looking uncomfortable and avoiding eye contact. “I mean, you and I… well, we kind of…”

“I assumed. I mean, we are engaged, right?”

“Right.” Aaron watched the blonde play with the label on his cup, obviously unsure of what else to say or do. Aaron’s heart clenched at the sight, hating that this stupid amnesia wasn’t only hurting him.  
Unable to help himself, he reached out and placed a comforting casted hand on Roberts forearm. The other man looked up, surprise evident in his eyes. “Well, that’s good. I’m glad to be finally getting out of here.” He watched a small smile take form on Roberts face and felt himself become a little lighter at the sight.

“Yeah, me too.” They both briefly smiled at each other before Aaron retracted his hand, each nervously taking a sip of their drink.

It was a few hours later when Robert found himself in the same position he’d found Aaron in that morning. Damn, why did no one think to bring this chair in when he was sleeping in here every night, he thought, briefly adjusting himself and setting down the newspaper he’d been reading. He looked up and saw Aaron was still asleep, having finally climbed back into the narrow hospital bed only an hour earlier. He’d insisted on staying awake whilst Chas visited, and then Paddy, followed by a few more of the dingles as the morning wore on and they’d filtered in, one by one. Thankfully, they’d all headed downstairs to grab a bite to eat, leaving him in peace for the first time in hours.

He studied the brunette further for a moment. The cuts and scratches were mostly healed and the stitches on his face had been removed, leaving behind subtle pink scars that Robert had already memorised. Other than the cast on his left arm and the hospital gown, you’d never know anything had happened. He just looked like Aaron, sleeping. Studying his face further, Robert smiled at the wrinkle he saw forming between Aaron’s eyebrows, his face otherwise peaceful.

All morning he’d caught Aaron staring at him out of the corner of his eye, his energy slightly reminiscent of the awkward man that Aaron had been before they first started dating. He kept finding himself smiling at the memory. Or at least he did until he was brought back to reality that Aaron couldn’t remember any of it.

“Why’d you make that face?” He heard Aaron ask, his voice heavy with sleep. Looking back towards the bed, he realised the smaller man was now awake, looking at him expectantly.

“What face?”

“You were smiling and then it was like someone threw a bucket of cold water on you.” Robert had to laugh at that, always finding sleepy Aaron more inquisitive.

“No reason. Just thinking about stuff.” He held the other mans stare, surprised when Aaron didn’t immediately look away.

“Were back, hope we’re not intruding on any deep conversation.” Robert rolled his eyes, realising their moment of peace was gone as he watched everyone file back into the room.

“Your not missing much downstairs mate, the foods awful. Although, I bet it’s still better than the stuff they give you.” Aaron nodded and smiled at Adam as he entered the room with his mum, closely followed by Vic, Paddy and Marlon.

Robert moved to the corner and propped himself there, silently offering his chair to Chas. He remained standing and silent, opening the newspaper and continued to read as the rest of the group chattered on with Aaron for the next few hours, occasionally taking breaks and leaving the room for a few minutes at a time to stretch his legs and get rid of the claustrophobic feeling of having so many bodies in such a small space. It was a little after six when he came back to only Vic and Adam sitting with Aaron, the three of them laughing, probably at one of their hundreds of inside jokes.

“Where’s everyone gone?” He asked, plopping down in one of the many chairs available and using another to prop up his feet.

“They’ve gone home for the night and I actually convinced my Mum to go home early. I was hoping to talk to just you three again?”

“Fine by me,” Robert said with an indifferent shrug, hoping he was successful in hiding the thrill of knowing Aaron didn’t mind him around.

“Aaron was just asking about the two of you… and what happened when you helped him with the accounts,” Vic said, smiling fondly at both men. Robert laughed out loud, remembering the first night he’d shown up at Aaron’s place. “We thought you could maybe help out with your side of the story.”

“I’m happy to tell my side but are you sure you don’t want to tell yours? I mean, you two were almost as bad as Chas, especially you Adam.”

“Mate!”

“We were not!” Robert laughed again as the two immediately refuted his accusation, raising an eyebrow at Aaron when he smiled along with them.

“It just so happens that we care about Aaron very much and we were unsure of your intentions initially, and with your reputation at the time you cant blame us.” Vic said with a huff.

“Yeah, we were just looking out for him. I mean, it’s not like we didn’t have good reason to second guess your motivation behind agreeing to help with the accounts. What with all the flirting and everything.”

“I was on my best behaviour when I realised he really did want help with the accounts.” Robert shrugged.

“Wait, when you realised I really did want help? What did you think I wanted to… oh!” Robert was unable to keep the smirk off his face. “Right I’m starting to get the picture, why don’t you just start from where you left of yesterday.” Aaron asked, getting comfy in the bed.

 

**Five Years and One Month Earlier**

“Aaron, you need to calm down,” Vic said from her spot in the kitchen where she was busy arranging food on a plate. “You’re going to end up wearing a hole in the floor if you don’t stop pacing.”

Aaron rolled his eyes at the over exaggeration and continued striding back and forth, stopping every once in a while to check himself in the mirror, which was completely unnecessary as its not like Robert was even interested in him that way, why would he be?

“Seriously, what’s up with you, man? Why are you so nervous?”

“I’m not nervous,” he shot back, causing both of them to look at him in disbelief. “I’m not! Why would I be nervous? It’s not like this is a date or anything. Just Robert coming over to help me out. Nothing to be nervous about there.”

“You sure? I mean, you did ask us to stay in.”

“I just thought it would be better if the two of you were here.”

“Why? In case her brother tries to make a move on you?” Adam chuckled and ducked out of the way of the recently fluffed pillow thrown his way.

“No, Ad.” Aaron sat down heavily on the sofa with an indignant huff. “I don’t know him do I. What if it gets awkward? I just thought it would be easier with you here.”

“No need to explain. I just thought after the way you were both checking each other out yesterday you might want the place to yourselves for a while.”

“Adam!” Vic effectively ended the next words about to come out of Aaron’s mouth, which if his face was any indication, were going to be pretty scathing. “We promised Aaron we would stay here with him tonight. So we’re going to sit here quietly and watch a movie while they do the accounts. End of discussion.”

Adam rolled his eyes as Aaron gave him the ‘I told you so’ look once Vic turned her back. His amusement was short lived though as a sharp knock on the door sounded throughout the house, effectively throwing him back into a nervous state. He looked at Vic, getting an encouraging nod and then a teasing grin from Adam. He slowly stood and brushed his hands down the front of his black jeans and pulled on the sleeve of the green jumper he had paired them with. After being caught out yesterday at the scrap yard he wanted to make sure Robert saw him in something decent. And if he did spend a good hour in the mirror making sure his hair looked alright, well no one needed to know did they because this wasn’t a date.

He took one last look back to see a supportive smile from Vic before opening the door, swallowing hard at the sight. Robert stood there, looking as amazing as ever, in a blue shirt and jeans with his usual leather jacket, his hair perfectly styled. Those jeans are going to be the death of me, Aaron thought to himself whilst clearing his throat.

“Robert.”

He heard a distinctly muffled laugh from behind him and rolled his eyes at just how high pitched his voice just sounded. He took a deep breath, telling himself to chill out.

“Aaron.”

The younger man blushed and stood to the side, holding the door open further, and motioning to the blonde to enter. Never taking his eyes off the brunette, Robert entered the house, his trademark smirk faltering a bit when he saw two other people standing within its walls.

“Robert, how nice of you to finally visit after Ive lived here for a year.” Victoria’s chipper voice sounded throughout the open space, smiling sarcastically at her brothers arrival. “Come in, are you hungry?”

Oh god, kill me now, Aaron thought as he watched Vic offer Robert a sandwich from the platter she’d just arranged, the blonde now looking utterly confused at the situation.

“No I’m fine Vic.”

Oh god, he was never going to live this down. Behind Vic, Aaron watched as adam nearly doubled over trying to keep his laughter inside. “What about a coffee? I was just about to put the kettle on anyway.” At this point Adam could no longer control himself, letting his booming laugh escape as Robert silently stared back at an overly helpful Vic, and Aaron buried his face in his hands, his embarrassment beyond measurement at this point.

“Okay, okay, sorry about that,” Adam said after a moment, finally getting himself under control. “Robert, mate, nice to see you again. Don’t worry, me and Vic are going to watch a film, we will be out your way in a minute.”

“Yeah, of course, sorry.” Vic agreed, retreating to the kitchen along with Adam.

“Sorry about that,” Aaron said quietly, still having trouble holding eye contact. “They’re just…” He looked up, hearing the chuckle that left Robert’s mouth, feeling his stomach flutter at the smile he saw there.

“No problem. I know what my sister can be like,” he said. Aaron just smiled back and nodded.

“So, these accounts. Do you want to do them out here, in the kitchen or…”

“Wherever you like,” Robert answered, removing his messenger bag from his shoulder and taking a bite out of one of Vic’s sandwiches. He hummed in appreciation and then looked back up at Aaron, waiting for an answer.

“Well, I guess the kitchen is fine. We can set up at the table.” Robert simply nodded and walked further into the house, setting his bag down and taking a seat at one of the chairs in the kitchen. Aaron followed, smiling his thanks at Vic who’d just sat two steaming mugs of coffee down for them, and then followed Adam upstairs. He took the chair next to Robert’s , realising he probably should have sat opposite him instead as his knee brushed against Robert’s thigh.

“So where shall we start.”

“Sorry, what?” Aaron turned to Robert, realising he’d missed what the blonde was saying. Robert just laughed and leaned over, grabbing the folder for the current month.

“Pay attention. I said where shall we start.”

“Oh, right, yeah. I need to do the balance sheets and cash flow projection and er….” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Robert smirk at him. This was going to be a long night.

 

**Two Weeks Later**

“Come on, you know this,” Robert said with a teasing smile. “You just have to minus the totals from these outstanding invoices and-”

“Robert, I’ve had enough now. We’ve been at this for hours, my brain is fried,” Aaron said, his voice muffled. The two of the sat on the floor in the living room, folders and notes spread across the coffee table in front of them. “Can’t we take a break? Just for a bit?” He peered up from where his head rested across his forearms on the table, his eyes pleading. Robert just laughed and sat back, using the sofa to lean against and stretching his long limbs. Aaron watched for a moment, enjoying the view.

Robert had been over a few times in the last two weeks, and each time, Aaron found himself becoming more and more intrigued by the mysterious Robert Sugden.

They usually spent half of their time going over the books, but the other half, Robert would tease and flirt while Aaron blushed and attempted not to say something completely stupid or embarrassing. He was proud to say his success rate was about fifty-fifty so far.

Admitting he found Robert attractive had been easy, but acknowledging that he liked the other man and wanted to get to know him had taken a little longer. And Robert was proving to be a hard shell to crack. Aaron had been quite forthcoming, for him at least, about his personal life; living with Vic and Adam, who he’d met three years ago when he moved to Emmerdale. He had originally lived with his dad in Leeds, after his mum and dad had split. He was a trained mechanic, but him and Adam had gone into business last year and things were going well for them. But, as of yet, Robert had kept stum on any personal subject beyond his job at the bar, and the only reason Aaron even knew anything about that was because he had brought it up.

“Wheres Vic and Adam tonight then?” Robert asked pulling him out of his thoughts. This was the first night they’d been alone together without constant interruptions from Vic making sure they had everything they needed and Adam trying to cosy up to Robert to get on his good side, him being Vic’s older brother and all.

“They’re having a date night. I think they were doing dinner and a movie,” Aaron answered, finally sitting up straight and leaning back against the sofa as well, feeling a small thrill when his shoulder brushed Robert’s .

“How’s it for you then? Living with a couple. You feel like you’re constantly third wheeling?”

“No, they kind of keep that part to themselves. When it’s the three of us, it’s just the three of us, as friends.” Robert just nodded, looking around the room without really taking anything in. “What about you? Do you live with anyone?”

“No.”

“How come?”

“Do I strike you as the type of person who could share a place with others?” Aaron laughed at the obvious statement. “I spent enough time sharing a room when I was growing up. So I quite like my own space now.”

“Vic mentioned about Andy.” Maybe he’ll open up a little, Aaron thought.

“Right.”

Aaron stayed quiet for a moment, waiting for more but Robert seemed more interested in the muted TV than with the conversation. Sighing quietly in defeat, he leaned forward again, preparing to get back to the books. He began reading through the end of month statement Robert had helped him with, hating the blondes reluctance to share. He wasn’t asking for much, just a hint of something about the man that had consumed his thoughts for weeks now.

“Andy and I didn’t get on.” Aaron quickly turned back to Robert, surprise clearly evident on his face. “When Andy came to live with us, I hated it. We were in constant competition for my Dads attention and he always seemed to impress him more.”

Aaron sat back again, angling his body towards Robert, hoping he would continue.

“So you guys didn’t get along?”

“Understatement of the century ,” Robert said with a shrug. “I guess some people just don’t get on no matter how much people want them to.”

“What do you mean?”

“My dad wasn’t exactly a person you could open up to. I mean, he wasn’t a bad parent or anything. Just, we never had family board game night or anything like that,” Robert said with a sardonic laugh. Aaron reached out, taking Robert’s hand without thinking. The blonde looked up in surprise, clearly not expecting that. He smiled and squeezed Aaron’s hand once before continuing to hold tight, clearly thankful for the attempted comfort. “It felt like my Dad always put me and Andy up against each other, I’m sure he didn’t mean to, but that’s how it felt. Andy was always better at things, like working on the farm, and the constant competition made us hate each other. My dad, he died the year I went to university. He wasn’t exactly happy with me or with my choices. I was supposed to be helping run the farm, according to his plan, not studying in Leeds.”

“Im sure he was proud of you though?”

“Well if he was, he never said so. But it doesn’t matter, I did what I’ve always wanted to do, and I’ll have a masters in Business by the end of the year.”

“That’s really brave of you, you know? Not just doing what he expected of you and doing what you wanted to do.” Robert simply shrugged, his eyes locked on where Aaron’s hand still rested in his. Aaron smiled at the sight, feeling butterflies in his stomach when Robert’s thumb began stroking softly across the back of his hand.

“So why Business?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, apparently you gave up a life of working on the farm for it,” Aaron teased. “Why’d you choose that?”

“Well, I was never going to make it as a farm boy.” Aaron laughed and continued to stare at the beautiful man next to him. “I just always loved Business. I had ambition, I’m competitive as hell and Ive always been a risk taker. I don’t know, its just something I’m good at.”

“Well, from what Ive seen you’re good at what you do.”

“Oh you think so do you?” Aaron blushed at the insinuation and turned away, unable to stop the smile from coming to his lips.

Apparently, they’d reached the flirtatious part of the evening. To be honest, Aaron had stopped counting how often Robert teased him that first evening. He’d found himself either blushing quietly or trying to avoid the attention, but this time, he found himself wanting to reciprocate.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind finding out,” he said, turning slightly to meet Robert’s intense gaze.

“Really? Well, in that case…” Aaron’s heart leapt into to his throat as Robert leaned forward, reaching up with his free hand and brushing his fingers across his face in a move that had the brunette melting. Aaron felt his eyes involuntarily flick down to Robert’s lips, taking in just how amazing they looked and realising, not for the first time, just how much he wanted to taste them. He looked back up to Robert’s eyes, noticing the playful look there, and the subtle rise of an eyebrow as Robert moved his head a little closer.

“Aaron!” The persistent loud knocking on the door immediately killed the moment, and he sighed, looking away towards the banging, only to look back and notice Robert not even looking at him. Frustrated and ready to kill the unexpected visitor, Aaron got up and walked quickly to the door, opening it in a huff. Unfortunately, he didn’t get a chance to inflict any pain as Ed barged past him, apparently already in the middle of a tirade.

“Where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you been answering your phone? I’ve been calling and texting you all night!”

“Er, I’ve been here, in the house, where I live. And I was busy. My phone’s on silent. What’s the big deal?”

“I was worried. I know you somehow always have a knack for finding trouble. I thought… I was just worried.” Ed stared back at him, his shoulders sagging in defeat.

“Well, I’m fine Ed. So no need to worry.”

“Good, I’m glad,” the tall man said with a smile. “So, anyway, since I’m here, you want to order in and watch a movie?”

“Oh… well, actually…” Aaron trailed off, looking behind Ed to where Robert sat, watching the exchange. Following his line of sight, Ed turned, immediately frowning at the sight of the blonde man.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing. At least I was invited,” Robert said, standing up and moving towards the pair.

“Aaron? What the hell’s going on?”

“Ed, Robert has been helping me with the accounts for the scrap yard.”

“What? How long has this been going on?”

“For a couple of weeks. It’s not a big deal, he’s just showing me how to do the accounts properly, that’s it.” Out of the corner of his eye, Aaron thought he saw Robert flinch at his words, but by the time he turned the man was composed.

“You couldn’t find anyone better to help you with that? Why didn’t you ask me?”

“Ed, what do you know about end of month accounts?” Aaron asked incredulously.

“Im sure most of it’s on google, Aaron.”

“Well, I could of done that myself. Robert’s good at explaining this stuff and he offered. Kind of.”

“Oh, I’m sure he did.” Ed angrily turned from Aaron to Robert, his voice continuing to rise in volume. “What, all those people throwing themselves at you at the bar wasn’t enough? You had to go after Aaron? Give yourself a challenge on how long before you could get him into bed?”

“Ed! It’s not like that at all,” Aaron shouted back, pulling Ed’s attention back towards him. “Seriously, I needed help, Robert knows his stuff. That’s it, end of story.”

“Look, I hate to break up the fight, but I’m going to go.” Aaron looked over to Robert, seeing the man had already packed up his things and was heading for his jacket draped over one of the kitchen chairs.

“Robert, you don’t have to go.”

“Oh, I think I do, Aaron.”

Aaron again watched helplessly as Robert threw his messenger bag over his shoulder and turned towards the door.

“Well, alright, if you have to. But we’re still on for Tuesday night, right?”

“Sure.” Okay, fix this Aaron. Come on. At least get him to look at you.

“Well, thanks for coming and helping with all this.” Aaron gestured to the mess of folders on the table.

“That’s what I’m here for right?” Robert said as he opened the door and walked out without looking back.

Shit.

 

  
**Present**

“So I just let you leave? Just like that?” Aaron scoffed. Robert just shrugged.

“Oh man. Ed was so mad when he found out you guys were spending time together. He hated it!” Adam said. “Almost as much as he hated it when you guys started dating.”

“Or when they first got serious.”

“Or when they got into the ‘I love you’ stage.”

Aaron looked over to meet Robert’s eyes as Vic and Adam continued to riff off each other, looking for confirmation. Robert smiled softly and just shrugged once again.

“Excuse me,” a soft voice caught everyone’s attention from the doorway of the room. The group turned, noticing one of the kinder nurses standing there. “It’s getting late and we want to make sure Aaron gets a good night's sleep before he’s discharged tomorrow.”

“Yeah course, we should get going anyway,” Vic said, standing and pulling on her jacket. “Adam and I both have some things to take care of tomorrow morning, so depending on when they let you go, we may or may not see you until you get home, alright?”

“Yeah, no problem. Thank you both for coming again. And for everything.” Vic smiled before following Adam out of the room. Aaron turned to Robert, who was gathering his things from the opposite corner. “Hey, can I ask you something?” He waited until Robert turned towards him, giving Aaron his full attention. “Why?” He asked softly.

“Why what?” Robert replied, confused.

“Why does Ed have such a problem with you?”

Robert sighed and looked down, scuffing the toe of his shoe along the white linoleum floor. When he finally looked up, Aaron saw something in his eyes that he couldn’t quite place. Fear? Apprehension?

“Did have a problem with me, past tense.” Robert watched the confusion spread across Aarons face. “He left about four years ago to play for a team in France, you haven’t heard from him since.”

Aaron let that sink in for a moment, he had wondered why Ed hadn’t been to visit, but from the stories he had heard he just thought it was because him and Robert didn’t get on. He knew a lot would have changed with him missing five years of his life, but for Ed to have left and him not remember just felt odd. Taking a deep breath he looked up for Robert to continue.

“Ed never thought I was good enough for you,” Robert said, continuing to look away. “Apparently, when I started coming around was the same time that he was starting to reciprocate your feelings for him.” Robert paused and looked up, finally meeting Aaron’s eyes, seemingly searching for something there. “I think everyone was kind of rooting for the two of you. Since you’d liked him for a while.”

“Oh.” Clearly, that wasn’t the answer Robert was hoping for as he quickly looked away again and went back to gathering his things.

Aaron thought back to when he first met Ed, and just how much he liked him at the time. He remembered that as clear as day. He also vaguely remembered when Ed did start to reciprocate those feelings, but by then it was too late, though the reason why was absent from his memory. Of course, that made sense as the missing piece was Robert; the man who’d been by his side constantly over the last few days, offering encouragement and assistance with anything Aaron needed, whether he asked for it or not. Robert just seemed to know. It seemed like he knew Aaron better than anyone else. Aaron was suddenly overwhelmed by just how grateful he was for the blonde man, even if he couldn’t put their past puzzle together quite yet.

“Hey.” Robert turned back to him having packed up the last of his things. “I just want to say thank you. For being here through all of this and, well, just for everything. You’ve been really amazing and, I really appreciate everything.” Robert smiled softly and nodded, stepping towards the bed, stopping when he was only a foot away. “You’ll be here tomorrow when they discharge me, right?”

“I’ll be here.”

“I’m glad.” And Aaron realised, he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought :-)


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou again for the comments and Kudos they mean a lot to me to see people like what I’m writing so thankyou!

The papers were signed, the instructions were in a bag, and Aaron was still flustered from the nurse's demonstration for Robert on helping Aaron change his bandages. Robert had honestly been so focused on the task, fearing he would mess something up and hurt Aaron further, that he didn’t even notice the obvious blush until after Aaron was fully dressed in the sweats and a loose hoodie that he had brought with him that morning.

Of course, Chas had stopped by to make sure everything was in order and ask the doctor a million and one questions earlier that morning before the discharge was final. Aaron expected nothing less from his overprotective mum.

“Ms Dingle, I assure you, Aaron is doing exceptionally well. He’s ready to go home. Just make sure he attends his follow up appointments.” With that, the doctor turned and walked away with a smile, clearly used to this kind of behaviour from family members.

“I don’t know, love,” Chas said, turning towards her son, a frown firmly in place. “Are you sure you feel up to this? Going home is a big deal now.”

“Mum, I have to get out of this place before I completely lose it.”

“Alright, but I need you to promise me that you’ll call the second anything happens. You promise me?”

“Yes, mum.”

“I wish I could come and help you settle in at home, but I’m needed at the pub.”

“Mum, it’s fine,” Aaron said, settling into the wheelchair that had been placed there only a few minutes earlier, already knowing being pushed out was the only way they’d let him leave. “You’ve already been here far too long anyway. You need to get back to normal now. Besides, it’s not like I’ll be alone.” He looked over his shoulder to where Robert stood nearby, reading over some of the instructions they’d been given for the fifth time, completely oblivious to the conversation. Chas watched the interaction, clearly amused by both men, but finally accepting the doctor and Aaron’s words. When she leaned over to hug him tightly, he smiled brightly and thanked her once again, sincerely appreciating how much his mum had been there over the last few weeks.

An hour later, with Chas long gone, Robert wheeled him out the front doors of the hospital, and Aaron lifted his head to the sunlight, basking in it's warmth for the first time in weeks. He felt Robert stop pushing the wheelchair and he stood, thrilled to stretch his limbs in the early autumn air.

“Alright, you ready?” Robert asked, loaded down with all the things they’d accumulated over their time at the hospital. Aaron just nodded and stretched, walking towards the cab waiting at the curb for them, taking note that Robert was never more than half a step away.

“So I’m assuming my car is not exactly up to being driven right now,” Aaron asked a few minutes into the drive.

“Not exactly,” Robert answered, his gaze focused straightforward. “I talked to the insurance company the other day and it’s a write off.” Aaron felt the frown taking over his face and panic in his chest. He opened his mouth to speak but Robert cut him off immediately. “Don’t worry, okay. I’m taking care of it. Once everything is settled down and paid for, we’ll go and get you a new one. I hated that car anyway.”

“I loved that car. But thanks for taking care of everything,” Aaron said quietly.

“No problem,” Robert answered just as quietly as he turned and looked out the window.

Aaron turned to his own window and took notice of their surroundings as they drove home. Everything looked familiar, nothing out of place. He saw the pub, and Vic and Adams place, he realised he obviously didn’t live there anymore as they continued to drive past. There was the café and the garage, which he noted both looked the same as he remembered, despite that memory being five years old.

But no Robert. He’s not in any of these places. Why couldn’t he remember? No memory at all and now he was heading to god knows where with said man, having no idea what awaited him.

He’d been so excited about leaving the hospital that he hadn’t fully considered the fact that he was going home to a place he couldn’t remember, with a fiancée that he’d forgotten every detail about. And it was kind of terrifying him. With just the two of them, what would they do? How would they actually live together over the next however long until he remembered? The panic over his car had clearly merged into a panic about his soon to be close quarters with the man to his right.

“Hey.” He turned towards Robert, his thoughts derailed. “Vic texted me earlier and promised her and Adam would be at our place when we got there. We won’t be there… alone.”

Aaron watched as Robert looked away once again, clearly as uncomfortable with the situation as he was.

“I thought they had plans this morning?”

“Well Adam had a meeting this morning with a new scrap contact and Vic apparently decided she had to clean our house top to bottom, and make sure our fridge was fully stocked,” Robert said with a smile, still staring out the window. “I caught her mid-dust when I ran home this morning for a shower and a change of clothes for you.” Aaron had to laugh both at Robert’s attitude and Vic’s predictability.

He turned back to gaze out the window, noticing that the cab was slowing down. He was beginning to wonder where they were going before it stopped in front of one of the bigger buildings hidden in the corner of the village, all brick and gorgeous windows. This was definitely a surprise.

“Wow.” From beside him, Robert chuckled as he climbed out of the cab. A moment later the blonde was at his side as he climbed out, his eyes still glued to the building. “This place is… I mean… how the hell did we afford this place?”

“We wanted to move out of Vic’s to have our own space, and then this came on the market and we just went for it,” Robert said with a shrug as he paid the cab driver and grabbed their things. “We made it work.” Aaron stared at the other man in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate but it seemed no further explanation was forthcoming. “Come on. Let’s go inside. You should rest.”

He took one last look at the exterior and followed Robert inside. Aaron took in every detail, hoping something would seem familiar but nothing was jumping out. With his gaze elsewhere, he looked back just in time to avoid crashing into Robert.

“You okay?” Robert asked with a grin.

“Yeah, sorry. I just got distracted. This is amazing. How long have we lived here?”

“Just a little over a year,” Robert answered as he fished for his keys. “We moved in after they remodelled the building.”

“Seriously, Robert, unless I’m also forgetting that we won the lottery or something I don’t know how we managed to buy this place.”

“We’ll talk about it later,” Robert said as he unlocked the door and pushed it open, motioning for Aaron to enter. “Welcome home.”

Aaron stepped inside; into his home. Their home. And it was even more perfect on the inside. Dark blue walls and all modern interior. Across from the door, he saw the most amazing kitchen, which he was sure he rarely used, and where Adam and Vic sat at the table, smiling and apparently waiting for them.

“Welcome home, Mate!”

“Its so nice to have you home Aaron.”

“Yeah, er, thanks,” he said, still looking around and trying to take everything in. Other than the kitchen, he could see a spiral staircase at one side of the room. In front of him was the living room, which looked incredibly cozy and warm, bright coloured cushions scattered across the sofa. He still couldn’t believe this was his house. Continuing to look around, he noticed little things here and there that he assumed were Robert’s additions. The fact that there was two ovens for a start, because unless he had become a chef in the last five years there was no way he would use even one of those, let alone two.

“What do you think?”

“This place is amazing.”

Robert just laughed before he disappeared upstairs with all the bags.

“Why don’t you sit down. You may be out of the hospital but you still need your rest,” Vic said in full on caretaker mode. “I’ve already prepared food for everyone.”

Aaron allowed himself to be ushered to the sofa, taking in more of the room as he walked through. And then he saw them; pictures of him and Robert all over the room. Some of them smiling at the camera, others with one of them looking at the other, all of them looking completely and totally in love. He focused on one wooden frame on the fireplace and found that he couldn’t stop staring at it. In the photo Robert stood behind him, arms wrapped around his waist, eyes closed, his lips pressed against Aaron’s temple and slightly upturned in a small smile. Aaron had the absolute biggest, happiest smile lighting up his face.

“Aaron, sit down. I know you’re feeling better, but you still need to rest,” Vic scolded as she handed Aaron a plate of food. Aaron just smiled and obeyed, knowing what Vic was like and just did as he was told.

“So, what’s the plan for this afternoon?” Adam asked, as he tucked into a sausage roll.

“Napping,” Robert suggested as he came back downstairs and plopped down on the sofa, resting his feet on the coffee table, making sure to leave a decent amount of space between him and Aaron.

“Robert, I’ve spent most of the last two weeks asleep. It would be nice to stay alert for a bit.”

“Well, we could watch a film if you like?”

“Or we could just chat? You know, catch up.” Vic suggested.

“Catch up on what, Vic? We’re always together,” Adam said.

“Yes, we are. But, Aaron might like to catch up,” Vic said, her eyes wide, clearly trying to get Adam on board.

“Huh?”

“It’s fine,” Aaron said with a laugh. “You’ve all been great the last few days trying to get me to remember but I know everyone’s exhausted.”

“What did you want to hear about next?” Robert asked, his head pillowed on the back of the sofa, eyes closed. Aaron couldn’t help but smile at him.

“How about whatever you lot want to tell me since you’ve offered.”

“Well, what if we keep going in order?” Vic suggested. "Order is important."

“Sounds good to me,” Aaron said, leaning further back and getting comfortable.

 

**Five Years Earlier**

Robert stood, shifting from side to side staring at the heavy, opposing door in front of him, contemplating whether or not he actually wanted to knock. He’d been avoiding Aaron since he walked out the previous week, although, not that there was much to avoid. Aaron had only sent him one text about an hour after he’d left the week before, thanking him for his help and then one that afternoon, asking if they were still on for that night. Robert had replied with a simple ‘Yes’ and nothing more. No flirtatious innuendos. It felt odd but at the same time, he wasn’t about to pursue this any further.

He knew he liked Aaron. He knew he liked him a lot. He’d immediately been attracted to the brunette from the very first night at the bar. But after they actually started talking and spending some time together, he realised how amazing Aaron actually was. Which was weird. He didn’t spend time getting to know people usually, at least outside the bedroom. And, up until last week, he was honestly starting to believe that he wasn’t alone in his feelings. Apparently, he was wrong. And this is exactly why he didn’t do fucking relationships.

Sighing in exasperation, he raised his hand and knocked twice, grateful when just a moment later Adam was the one who opened the door.

“Hey, come in, you’re just in time.”

“Just in time for what?” He asked, closing the door behind him and making his way into the house.

“We ordered pizza and it just got here. Ham and pineapple for me and Vic, extra cheese for you and Aaron.”

“No point working on an empty stomach right?” Aaron joked from behind him, near the doorway to the kitchen. Damn that voice, if it didn’t make his stomach flutter. Keeping his attention on Adam, he attempted to ignore that feeling.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry,” he said, dropping his heavy bag to the floor.

“You aren’t?” Again, Aaron. And that damn feeling in the pit of his stomach. He avoided answering beyond shaking his head and instead started setting the folders down on the table, he moved one of the chairs further away before taking a seat, making sure all accidental touching would be avoided before it could even happen.

“You sure Robert? There’s plenty here,” Vic said, ever the hostess.

“I’m fine, really,” he replied, offering a forced smile to his sister before finally turning to Aaron. “But we should get started. I have plans tonight.”

It was a lie, completely and totally. He had nothing planned and had become pretty much a hermit over the last few weeks, only leaving his flat for lectures, work, or Aaron. No parties or clubs or visits to the long list of people he kept on hand just in case he was feeling a little lonely. In fact, half of said people had texted or called multiple times over the last few weeks, but he’d ignored them.

“Yeah course. Let me just grab the laptop and we can get started.”

Robert continued to stare at the folders, pretending to focus on them and not the sight of an uncomfortable Vic and Adam scooting out of the kitchen in his peripheral vision.

“So, I guess we’re sitting in here and not in the living room?” Aaron asked as he came back, laptop in hand as he carefully sat down at the table.

“We get more done when we sit here. It’s easier for you to focus.”

It was only about thirty minutes later; thirty minutes of being completely professional and working mostly in silence , when the dam finally broke. Adam and Vic had gone out to the pub, apparently too uncomfortable to sit in the tension-filled house, and he’d been sitting there with Aaron, only speaking when forced to explain something. There had been no accidental touching, no flirtatious smiles, no teasing. He could feel the other mans eyes on him but refused to meet his gaze, fearing if he did so, Aaron would see the truth.

“Is everything alright with you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Look, Robert… I’m sorry. What I said the other night… about you only being here to help me with the accounts, I didn’t mean it. I never should’ve said that.” Robert heard the remorse in Aaron’s apology but that didn’t mean it was any easier to hear it.

“It’s fine, Aaron,” Robert said, finally looking up, only making eye contact for a brief moment, knowing his gaze was cold before looking back to the paper in front of him. “I mean, that is what I’m here for.”

“But that’s not all there is to it. You mean so much more to me than just that.”

“What?” Robert’s eyes snapped back to Aaron’s just in time to see the embarrassment cloud them, followed immediately by his cheeks reddening. Robert did his best to keep his breathing even and slow the rapid beating of his heart, hating that he was already peeking over the walls he had so carefully constructed to avoid getting hurt. Did Aaron actually have feelings for him?

“No, I mean, yes, you do mean more to me. I mean… we’re friends, right?”

Oh. Right. Robert looked away again, his heart plummeting to his stomach in disappointment.

“Sure. Friends.” All of a sudden he despised that word.

“I mean it, Robert. You’ve helped so much these last few weeks and I really appreciate it. But, more than that, I appreciate you. I like it when you’re around. I like spending time with you. It would be nice if we could be friends.”

That goddamn F-word. Robert sighed and looked back at Aaron’s hopeful face, feeling his will crumble. He had absolutely no desire to be friends with this man who’d captivated his thoughts non-stop for the last few weeks. Being friends meant spending more time together, getting to know one another, enjoying each other's company. He didn’t think he could do that and not end up feeling like there was constantly a knife in his heart. When the hell did these feelings for Aaron get so strong?

“Please?”

Robert sighed, finally turning to the man next to him and couldn’t help but chuckle at the earnest plea in his expression, the hope in Aaron’s voice just the icing on the cake.

“I know I screwed up but I want to fix it.”

“Okay,” he nodded resignedly. “Friends.”

He’d expected Aaron to drop it after that and let them get back to their work. What he hadn’t expected was Aaron’s arms wrapping around his shoulders in a tight hug. Dammit, why did he have to smell so good? Robert smiled softly, letting his temple fall against the top of Aaron’s head for a moment.

“Great, okay,” Aaron said as he finally let go, smiling and retaking his seat, but something in his eyes… Robert wasn’t sure what that look was but he’d never seen it on Aaron before. “So I guess we should call it a night? I mean... you have plans. Probably something better than a night with me.”

Sadness. That’s what the look was. The brunette looked so dejected at the prospect of the evening coming to a close and, dammit, it broke Robert’s heart.

“I can stay a bit longer,” he said, unable to help himself. The smile he got in return made it totally worth it.

 

**One Week Later**

“Where’s Robert today? He bail on you again?” Adam asked as the toed off his work boots in the hall. From the kitchen, Aaron heard Vic sigh and knew it would only be a matter of seconds before she went and put them away in their proper place.

“No, not exactly,” Aaron said from his spot on the sofa where he was flicking through channels, trying to find something to hold his interest. Nothing seemed to be working. He hadn’t even lasted ten minutes on the Top gear marathon that was on. “He had to work. Again.”

It had been a week since he’d seen Robert. The blonde had canceled on him twice because of being called into work last minute. Aaron had hoped to see him at a different time but so far their schedules hadn’t lined up. At least he knew he wasn’t getting frozen out as they’d been texting constantly. The texts weren’t as teasing or flirtatious as he was used to, but he’d take whatever he could get at this point.

“Well, that sucks,” Adam said, plopping down next to him and taking over on channel surfing duty. “Hopefully you’ll see him soon because if I have to come home to that miserable face one more time then-”

“I don’t have a miserable face.”

“Oh come on.” Adam said with a chuckle, muting the television and turning towards Aaron. “Its so obvious that you like Robert and you’re sulking because you haven’t seen him.”

“Im not sulking.”

“You’re totally into him mate. You get dead miserable when he’s not around. You smile like an idiot when he is and you’re always nervous before he gets here. You stare at him constantly when you think he’s not looking and then blush like crazy when he does. You talk about him like all the time. It’s actually driving Ed nuts. And speaking of Ed, you’ve totally been ignoring him and blowing him off.”

“No I haven’t.” Aaron denied, but even he knew what Adam was saying was kind of true.

“Ed asked you out several times over the last week for dinner or coffee and you’ve found an excuse to get out of it every time. I’m telling you, he’s way more interested now that you’re all into Robert.”

“That’s ridiculous Ad.”

“No mate, I’m right. Now that you’re no longer ‘available’ to him, he wants you. Not to mention the fact that the man you want Ed’s hates. If you’d have done this six months ago, you’d probably be living with him instead of me and Vic. Though with Robert still in the equation, and you being totally smitten with him, it actually still probably wouldn’t have worked in Ed’s favour.”

“Your thinking into things too much… Robert isn’t even interested in me.”

“Actually mate, Robert is very interested in you. You’re just too blind to see it.”

“What? No, he isn’t. Robert can have anyone he wants.”

“Precisely. And he wants you.” Adam smiled softly at Aaron, unable to help it. “Think about it. He gives up his free time to come and help you with the accounts. He flirts constantly with you, which before you go there, yes, he is a flirt, I know. But it’s different with you. He looks at you like you’re the only person in the room when you’re not looking. And you said it yourself, he was starting to open up to you. That’s a big deal when he was completely closed off before.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means a lot actually. It means that he likes you and you like him.”

“I hate to butt in but Adam’s right.” Aaron turned in surprise to where Vic still stood in the kitchen, cooking something that smelt amazing. “I’ve not seen my brother like this before. If you like him then why not just give it a go.”

“Okay, fine. Maybe I do like him. But what am I supposed to do?”

“Go and do something about it! I doubt the bar’s busy tonight. Go see him. Talk to him, ask him out for God’s sake!”

Aaron looked back and forth between the pair, taking in their encouraging smiles before sighing in defeat and slumping back into the couch.

“What if you’re wrong? What if he doesn’t have feelings for me and I end up totally blowing this?”

“You won’t blow this. The worst that can happen is he’ll say no.” Vic smiled encouragingly.

“So go get yourself changed,” Adam let the statement hang for a moment, giving Aaron a moment to see the possibilities. That was all it took for the start of a small smile to begin forming on his face. “Go on. You can’t go there dressed like that.”

An hour later Aaron stood just inside the bar, hidden in the dark, bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet. Glancing across the room he saw Robert there, cleaning a shaker and laughing at something the bloke next to him was saying, his smile literally melting Aaron to the core.

Adam was right, the place was dead with only a handful of people sitting in the back corner and one man, the man Robert had been laughing with, sitting at the actual bar. Taking a deep breath he stepped out of the shadows and slowly made his way towards the bar. Robert laughed again and it caught him so off guard that he tripped on the leg of a nearby chair, catching the attention of everyone in the room, including the man that he’d been distracted by.

“What’re you doing here?” Robert asked when he got close enough to finally be able to hear over the music. There was that smile again. Aaron recognised it as the one that came out when Robert really was genuinely happy. It seemed to sneak up on him and explode across his face before he could stop it.

“I er… I came to see you,” Aaron said, taking a seat on one of the stools, nodding politely to the tall guy next to him.

Aaron saw the look in Roberts eyes, he looked surprised. “You don’t mind do you?”

“No course not,” Robert replied quickly. “You having another,” He nodded to the empty glass of the other man at the bar, “Or are you heading off?”

“Nah, I’m going to go. Thanks for the chat though, you in on Monday?”

“Yeah I’ll be here. See you then.” The man smiled once more at each of them before tossing some cash on the bar and walking away.

“So who’s he then?” Aaron asked, once the man was out of earshot.

“He’s just one of the few people that comes in here that I actually don’t mind. Most of the time,” Robert admitted with a grin. “He lives in the apartment next door to me. Just split up with his girlfriend so he’s drowning his sorrows.”

“Its nice to see you do actually have some friends then.” Aaron laughed. Robert chose to ignore that comment and instead went back to wiping things down behind the bar. Pointedly looking around, Aaron turned back to the blonde, still smiling. “So this place is busy tonight. So busy they just had to call you in, huh?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cancel on you again. But the other bartender’s called in sick and I need the money, so…”

“Rob, it’s fine, really.” Aaron paused as the nickname escaped his lips.

“So, really, why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you.” Aaron paused again, taking a deep breath, attempting to gain some courage. “I kind of missed you this week.”

“Really?” There was that cocky smirk.

“Are you going to purposely make this difficult?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The two stared at each other, both smiling flirtatiously, daring the other to look away. Aaron broke first, looking down briefly at his hands on the bar before meeting Robert’s eyes again.

“So, I wanted to ask you something?”

“Ask away.”

“Well… I was wondering if… maybe… you’d like to go out sometime… with me?”

“That depends, will it just be you or will Ed or Adam be tagging along?”

“No just me.” Aaron held his breath for what seemed to be the longest moment in history, taking in the shy smile on Roberts face.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

**Present**

“I’m sorry, are we boring you here, Aaron?” Robert asked with a smirk as Aaron yawned for the tenth time in just as many minutes. “This story not as interesting as the others?”

“No, don’t be stupid,” Aaron said with a laugh. “Apparently coming home just took a lot more out of me than I thought.”

“Go rest, yeah,” Vic said, standing and motioning for Adam to follow.

They’d already cleaned up from their food earlier during a brief break so, thankfully, Robert was able to usher them out of the house fairly quickly, breathing out a quiet thank you as they made their way out. He watched as they walked up the drive before locking up for the night and returning to their flat. Despite the fact that he’d definitely had had his share of issues with Aaron’s friends and family when he first came back to the village, Robert was beyond grateful for everything they’d done for him and Aaron over the past week. He wasn’t sure he’d have been able to get through it without them, though he’d never admit that out loud.

He locked the front door to the flat, breathing a sigh of relief at finally being home, before realising that he was now alone with Aaron in their home. The awkwardness of the situation smacked him in the face, and now he wasn’t sure what to do. He desperately didn’t want to do anything to make Aaron uncomfortable, but he realised it was going to be a hard line to toe.

“Hey.” He was taken out of his thoughts when he turned to see Aaron standing there in the kitchen, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah, just didn’t realise how tired I was.”

“Well, come on. We’ll get you settled.” Robert turned and made his way up the stairs, Aaron following close behind and noting once they had reached the top that there were two bedrooms. He realised one was being used as a store room as they passed and Robert showed him into the door to their left.

Walking into their bedroom, Robert realised this was about to get even trickier. He turned back to where Aaron stood behind him in the doorway, his arms tight across his stomach, looking like he was about to run away.

“Hey, it’s alright,” he motioned, keeping his voice as calm as possible. Aaron slowly walked towards him, the nervousness in his body palpable. “This is our room, but you can stay in here, okay? I’ll take the sofa.”

“No, Robert, I can’t kick you out of your own bed.”

“Amnesic injured fiancée trumps lower back pain. I’ll be fine, really.” He smiled reassuringly at the brunette and then motioned towards the dresser behind him. “Your stuff is in the drawers on the left, since that’s the side of the bed you sleep on. Same with the wardrobe. And pretty much everything in the bathroom. I just like to be as efficient as possible.” He was grateful when Aaron smiled and let a small laugh escape at that. “If you need anything just shout me. But get some rest and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay. Thanks, Robert.” It took every ounce of his willpower to not reach out and wrap Aaron in his arms. He was never affectionate before Aaron, but god did he miss those little bits of physical contact. It hurt so much to be so close and keep this wall between them.

Deciding to leave before he did something stupid, he nodded and made his way to the door.

“Robert?”

“Yeah?

“Was I really the one to make the first move?”

“I don’t know if I’d say that. I mean, I was laying down a lot of signals, hoping you would ask me out,” Robert answered, earning him another smile. “Get some rest. Night, Aaron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first planned this story I thought it had potential but now I’m not sure if it’s that great a plot to keep people interested. Would like to know your thoughts on this if you have the time to leave a comment :-)


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron learns about his first date with Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I’m a bit overwhelmed at the comments that were left on the last chapter. I wanted to reply to each one individually but I felt like I would just be repeating myself so instead I’m just going to say a MASSIVE thankyou to everyone here. Thankyou for taking the time to leave such lovely comments and knowing there are people enjoying this means a lot, so genuinely, thankyou. I worked as quick as I could to get this next update finished, so here you go.... XX

Chapter 6

Aaron woke up slowly, his face snuggled into something that smelled amazing. Like soap and something sweet, it smelt familiar. He pushed his face further into the soft material surrounding his head and breathed in deeply. He’d been so nervous after Adam and Vic had left the night before and he was finally alone with Robert. But the blonde was so thoughtful. Remembering it brought a smile to his face and he relished in the comfort another moment before finally opening his eyes. The sun was high and it was obviously much later than he’d realised. Blinking as his eyes adjusted he turned and realised what he’d been hugging so tightly; it was Robert’s pillow. He’d been very careful about sticking to his designated side when he’d laid down the night before. Clearly, he didn’t have the same reservations once he was no longer conscious.

Taking a deep breath he sat up and put his feet on the floor, realising he could faintly smell something else delicious wafting through their home. Walking out of the room and down the stairs, the scent became stronger and he smiled when he reached the bottom of the stairs to see a freshly showered Robert sitting at the kitchen table, coffee in hand, typing away furiously at his laptop.

“They weren’t joking when they said you were a morning person then,” Aaron said, shuffling further into the kitchen. Robert looked up, instantly smiling when they made eye contact.

“Well, technically it doesn’t really matter because it’s almost midday. And that’s the beauty of sleeping on the sofa. It’s good for napping but not so much for overnight stays,” he said, taking another sip of coffee.

Aaron’s smile instantly disappeared in guilt, looking away from those teasing green eyes. _Of course, he couldn’t sleep on the sofa_. He opened his mouth to apologise but was cut off immediately.

“Hey, it’s fine, really. Besides I needed to get up early anyway. I had a few things to take care of.” Aaron finally looked up, seeing the softness in Robert’s eyes and the small smile on his lips. “How’d you sleep? You want some coffee?”

“Great and yeah, but I can manage,” he said, walking around the table to grab the half-full french press and then staring blankly around the rest of the kitchen. Where the hell are the mugs kept?

“Cupboard above the oven,” Robert said, still staring at his laptop but smirking nonetheless. “Sugar is in the jar on the counter and milk in the fridge.” He nodded his thanks and then opened the cupboard, immediately smiling at the worlds greatest fiancé mug sitting front and centre. Pouring the dark liquid into it, he moved on to spoon an exorbitant amount of sugar into the cup as well before moving to the fridge. He stopped and gazed as he took in three more pictures of him and Robert. The first had them dressed to the nines obviously for something fancy, arms wrapped around waists, smiling politely. In the second they appeared to have been at a beach somewhere, the two of them partially hidden behind sunglasses and laughing into the camera. The last one was a little more intimate; the two of them clearly laying in the bed he’d so thoroughly enjoyed the night before, he was on his back, eyes closed, hair mussed with a small smile on his face and Robert, clearly the culprit behind the photo if his outstretched arm was any indication, smiling directly into the camera, his head cushioned on Aaron’s shoulder.

The man in that photo seemed so happy wrapped up in the blondes arms, and for a moment, he wondered if all of this was just some kind of horrible nightmare. Maybe he’d wake up any minute now, remembering everything that was true about his life and not feeling like an awful person for what he was putting Robert through. It was too early to deal with this. He needed to at least consume some caffeine before he attempted to dissect what was going on inside of him. He shook his head a little, trying to rid himself of the confusing feelings warring in his brain and opened the fridge, topping his coffee off with a splash of milk before taking a sip and immediately moaning at the taste.

“Mm, this is just what I needed.” From behind him, he heard Robert chuckle and he turned towards the blonde, smiling and taking the seat next to him at the table. He watched Robert, still tapping away, his smile slowly slipping from his face and being replaced by a slight furrow between his brows. Aaron felt the guilt wave hit again when he realised just how much time Robert must have lost staying at the hospital by his side for however long. “Are you working?”

“Yeah, sorry do you need something else?” Robert glanced up immediately, clearly willing to drop what he was doing if Aaron asked him to.

“No, no I’m fine. I just… I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“For taking you away from everything for the last few weeks.”

“Hey, none of that,” Robert said, completely turning away from his laptop and towards Aaron, reaching out towards where his hand rested on the table but stopping just short of touching it. “Aaron, I know you don’t remember me or us or any of this. And I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way. But I need you to know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, by your side. I know it doesn’t mean anything to you right now, but you are everything to me, Aaron. I... I’d do anything for you.”

Aaron felt the warmth from that statement warring with the guilt consuming him and looked away, unable to hold Robert’s gaze any longer. This was crushing him.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’ll just... just forget I said anything.” He turned to see Robert staring back at his computer, his brow still furrowed, looking both hurt and ashamed.

“No, Robert don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault that my stupid brain has apparently decided to block out everything about us. If anyone should be apologising, it’s me. I’m so sorry I’m putting you through this and I know it’s hurting you. And I’m sorry for that too because you don’t deserve-”

“Okay, enough. We have to stop this. All this back and forth remorse is doing neither of us any good,” Robert interrupted. “How about instead of arguing over who is sorrier, you go take a shower, I’ll finish up this and we can go get something to eat. It’s almost lunchtime anyway and you still have to take your medication.”

Aaron smiled and nodded, taking another sip of coffee before standing up. He walked around the table and over towards the stairs before remembering something and spinning on his heel, making his way back towards Robert.

“Towels are on the top shelf in our wardrobe,” Robert said, taking another sip of coffee but not looking up. Aaron laughed and went back on his way.

* * *

Aaron stood in front of the foggy bathroom mirror, towel discarded to the side for the moment, fighting with the medical tape that seemed unwilling to cooperate. He’d been standing there for the better part of ten minutes trying unsuccessfully to get the bandages back over his stitches after his shower.

He only had a few more days of this before the stitches would come out but he’d yet to actually change the bandage by himself. Thus proving his dilemma. Though seriously, how hard is it to stick on a bit of tape. He sighed in frustration, attempting to throw away the tangled mess of sticky cotton, finding even that to be impossible as it stuck to his fingertips. He was about halfway to loosing it when a soft knock on the door startled him.

“You okay, Aaron? You’ve been in there a while.”

“Er… yeah, fine, completely fine,” he lied, flinging his hand up and down rapidly in a last-ditch effort to free himself.

“Are you sure? Do you need anything?” He looked in the mirror, sighing in defeat as he caught a glimpse of himself and even distorted from the condensation, the frustration on his face was clear as day. He grabbed the towel, carefully wrapping it around him as best as he could with his casted arm still covered in protective plastic. Moving towards the door, he opened it just a crack to see a concerned looking Robert staring back at him.

“I can’t get the stupid tape to stick so I can put my bandages back on.”

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Robert said with a smile. “I could’ve helped you.”

“I just… I thought I could do it myself. I didn’t want to bother you.” That sounded better than the real reason.

“You never bother me, Aaron. Well, unless you're talking in your sleep but even then, at least it’s amusing," Robert said, successfully trying to add some levity to the moment, making Aaron smile. "Come on, let me help you.” Finally relenting, Aaron let Robert push the door open and enter, immediately going to work and gathering what he needed. “It might be easier in the bedroom. Less steam,” he said proceeding to turn around and carefully usher Aaron to sit on the bed.

Aaron felt himself pull the towel tighter around his body, convinced that there was no way he could feel any more awkward than he was at that moment.

“What’s wrong?” Robert asked, noticing the change and kneeling in front of him.

“It’s just… um… I…” Aaron looked up, meeting Robert’s warm, caring eyes and immediately felt like an idiot.

“Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I’m just a bit uncomfortable. With you seeing me.” Apparently, he was going to have to spell this one out because Robert looked as confused as ever. “Naked.”

“Oh!” Aaron kept his eyes on his feet, waiting for what, he didn’t know but it definitely wasn’t the warm laugh that reached his ears a moment later. Looking up he found a very amused Robert staring back at him, clearly much more at ease with the whole situation. “Well, that I can fix. Come on. Get some clothes on and then I’ll help you.” He stood up, taking the supplies with him and left the room, closing the door behind him to give Aaron his privacy.

Smiling gratefully to himself, Aaron stood up, located what he assumed to be his clothes on the left side of the dresser and wardrobe and attempted to dress as quickly as he could in a pair of faded black jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt . He figured that’d at least make it a little easier on Robert. Throwing on a black hoodie he finally made his way to the kitchen where Robert sat at the table.

“You okay?” Robert asked, looking over at Aaron. He just nodded and smiled. “Alright then. Let’s get you all bandaged up so we can eat. I’m starving.”

“You know there’s a ton of food in the fridge right?” Aaron said, sitting down on one of the other chairs.

“That stuff requires preparation and I’m not in the mood,” Robert said, standing up and grabbing the padding to put down the centre of Aaron’s torso.

“You don’t cook?” Aaron asked, attempting to keep the conversation light and not let his blush overwhelm him as he let his t-shirt be raised just enough for Robert to work.

“Well, I can cook,” Robert said, wincing at the sight of the surgical scar and then quickly placing the gauze pad in place and reaching for the tape he’d already cut. “I just thought it would be nice for us to get out of the house.”

 _Learning new things here, okay. That’s good. Focus on that and not on how nice it feels to have him this close and touching_. Aaron involuntarily jumped at the feeling of Robert’s fingertips gently pressing into his skin.

“Sorry. Hands cold?” Apparently, Robert was doing a much better job at keeping this not awkward than he was.

“No, they’re fine. Um… so I know I’m not much of a chef. So do we eat out a lot?” He immediately felt his face heat up when he saw Robert smirking out of the corner of his eye. “I mean-”

“I know what you meant. And kind of. I usually make us dinner a few times a week. You usually cover one night with something simple like beans on toast. And we normally end up at the pub at least once a week.”

“I am pretty good at toast,” he agreed with a nod, looking down to where Robert secured the last piece of tape. “Thanks for helping with this.”

“No problem. Now, seriously starving. Let’s get out of here.” 

* * *

They ended up seated outside a small pub just outside the village, enjoying the early autumn breeze and sunshine. Aaron hadn’t wanted to go to the woolpack just yet, knowing he would be bombarded with questions and well wishes if he did. But everyone here was kind and smiling, almost like they knew him and strangely, this place with its blocky wooden tables seemed… familiar.

“Do we come here a lot?” Aaron asked after they’d placed their order with the young waitress serving them.

“You could say that,” Robert said with a chuckle. “Why?”

“It just feels like I’ve been here before, even though I can’t exactly put my finger on when.” Robert raised an eyebrow, apparently intrigued.

“Well yeah, we come here a lot. We found it a while back. There was absolutely no food in the house and we wanted somewhere we wouldn’t be interrupted by your mum. We found this place.” Aaron just nodded, looking around some more to take in more of the surroundings. “Does it really seem familiar?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s kind of like déja vu. Or like when you dream about somewhere you’ve never been and then you go to a place that kind of reminds you of it.” He looked back to Robert just in time to catch a shy smile gracing his features.

“That’s good. That’s really good.” They sat there in silence for a moment longer, softly smiling at each other until the waitress set their drinks in front of them.

“So… do we have any other regular places we go? Or things we do?” Aaron asked, taking a sip of his pint, all of a sudden desperate for more information about his life with Robert.

“Well, let’s see,” Robert said, leaning forward on the table surreptitiously, eyebrow raised, holding Aaron’s gaze and making him smile. “We usually go to the cinema a couple times a month. You like action, while I’m more into marvel films, either that or a horror so we usually end up seeing two movies whenever we go. Then there’s a bar in Hotten where we had our first date. We go there sometimes on a Friday night after work.”

“Bar west?” Aaron asked, perking up in his seat.

“Yeah that’s the one.” Robert said with a chuckle. Aaron smiled back, thoroughly enjoying the sound, letting it surround him with its warmth.

“So that’s where we had our first date? I thought I asked you to go the cinema with me?”

“You did. But then we decided to meet for a drink first.”

“Course we did,” Aaron joked with a smile. “Tell me about it.”

“About what? Our first date?” Aaron just nodded and watched the smile bloom across Robert’s lips.

 

**Five Years Earlier**

He was late. That wasn’t unexpected though. He’d forgotten his watch that morning and had been relying on passing clocks all day, not that it excused his lateness but at that moment he was rushing down the main street of Hotten, hoping that Aaron hadn’t thought he’d stood him up and left. He’d have texted him but of course, his phone was dead once again. He really had to get better at putting it on charge from time to time.

Finally seeing his destination in sight he slowed down to a normal pace and strolled up to the bar, taking note that Aaron was nowhere in sight. They’d agreed to meet outside the bar for a quick drink before the film but it looked like he had already messed up and now Aaron was gone. _Goddamn phone!_ It was easier to blame technology than it was to own up to the fact that he shouldn’t have attended the extra class that afternoon, causing him to have a much later start on getting ready. He’d had to rush when he got back to his flat, quickly grabbing a shower and then throwing on the first clothes he could find; jeans and a white shirt.

He sighed and prepared to walk away, thinking he should probably drive to Aaron’s to apologise when something behind him caught his attention. There was a commotion just up the street and as the fight was broken up and the group parted it revealed a frazzled Aaron sprinting towards him. He came to a screeching halt in front of Robert, red-faced and out of breath.

“Robert, I’m so sorry I’m late. I had to go on a scrap run and it took a lot longer than I expected and I didn’t even realise what time it was until I got back! I’m terrible. I’m a terrible date, god I’m sorry.”

Robert smiled at the smaller man, unable to stop his thoughts of just how good Aaron looked at that moment, dressed in a black shirt for once, hair gently windswept, cheeks flushed.

“I tried to call you but it kept going straight to your voicemail.”

“Yeah, I kind of forgot about that whole charging my phone thing.”

“I really am sorry. This is definitely not how I wanted us to start out. Please, let me make it up to you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Robert said with a smile, deciding that there was no reason to make him feel any more guilty. Of course, Aaron didn’t need to know that he was also late. Better to just start their evening together. “Come on, I need a drink,” he said, still smiling and reaching out his hand for Aaron to take. Aaron smiled back gratefully and stepped closer, nervously taking the hand being offered. Interlacing their fingers Robert turned and pulled him into the half-empty bar.

  
“So then what happened?” Aaron asked with a laugh. They’d been sat chatting for a while now, the conversation flowing easily between them.

“She walks in, and were still y’know…naked as can be.”

“Robert she’s your sister!”

“Yeah, it’s not my fondest memory but at least she had enough sense to cover her eyes and leave the room as quick as possible. I think we were both traumatised for like a month afterwards. And the bloke I was with was so embarrassed he didn’t call or text again.” The two men shared a laugh before both taking another sip of their drinks from their almost empty glasses.

“So you didn’t see much of Vic before I came along did you?”

“No, we would speak on the phone but I hadn’t been back to the village since I went to university.”

“She missed you y’know. She might not have said it to you but she did.”

“Yeah, I guess I missed her too. But things got bad at home so it was for the best.”

“I know what that’s like, me and my mum didn’t exactly get on when I came back to live with her. But were alright now, we got through it.” Robert watched as Aaron ducked his head for a moment, all of sudden nervous again, though Robert couldn’t understand why. “You said you didn’t really get along with your dad?”

Oh. That. It wasn’t his favourite topic, by far. In fact, he avoided talking about Jack any time he could. But he didn't want to give Aaron the wrong idea either.

"No we didn’t. It’s not like he was a bad dad or anything like that. I mean he fed me, clothed me, sent me to the best school. He just didn’t agree with my decisions. I told you before about Andy and him being the typical farmers son and I wasn’t. There was a lot about me that he didn’t know.” Robert paused for a moment, looking away to collect his thoughts. How much should he reveal to Aaron? What if he scared him away? “I appreciate all he did for me growing up. It could’ve been worse I suppose. And honestly, when I was really young I couldn’t of asked for a better dad. So for that, I’m grateful. I just… I guess there were some things I wish he’d of understood better.”

“Like what?” Apparently, he had Aaron’s full interest and he had to laugh at the rapt look adorning the brunette's features. And while he appreciated the interest, he thought it was probably better to take it slowly. Maybe he wasn’t going to scare Aaron away but this was new to him and he really, really didn’t want to mess this up.

“Like how if we don’t get going soon, we’re going to miss the film,” he said, smiling when a small pout appeared on Aaron’s face, but he followed when Robert stood.

“Fine.”

 

They’d gotten to the cinema later than they expected and had just grabbed their seats as the lights went down. The half-full room meant that they didn’t have to worry about being squeezed in between strangers but also that any conversation would only disturb the other people. They’d settled on an thriller, mostly because all the other films were already midway through or there was over an hour wait for the next showing.

When they sat down near the back, Aaron became very conscious of the close proximity seats as the side of his arm and knee kept brushing with Robert’s . Not that they’d never had these accidental touches before but this was a date and took on a whole new meaning for Aaron. He attempted to stay on his side without seeming closed off but felt Robert’s fingers brushing along his about half an hour into the film. He looked to his left, but Robert seemed to be completely engrossed in the film and Aaron wondered if he even realised what he was doing. Smiling at the gesture, he allowed it for another moment before boldly taking Robert’s hand in his own, pulling it into his lap and sandwiching it with his other hand. Robert turned to him in surprise, finally pulled away from the story and smiled once before letting his thumb rub across Aaron’s and turning back to the screen. They’d sat like that for the rest of the film, both seeming to enjoy the little touches here and there. They’d only separated once the lights came back on and they had to manoeuvre around the other people to leave. Aaron had been trying to find the courage to reach for Robert’s hand again but so far had come up empty.

He looked over as they slowly walked back towards where Robert had parked his car, smiling as Robert lifted his head, inhaling deeply when the soft autumn breeze tousled his hair.

“Ive had a good time tonight,” Aaron said, breaking the silence. “It’s been nice to come out and just relax for a bit y’know.”

“Because your life is so stressful?” Robert mocked.

“Hey, you don’t know. Me and Adam run a business, it isn’t easy.”He fired back, easily wound up.

“I know, I’m just messing with you.”

Aaron attempted for all of ten seconds to look upset by the comment but the smile on his face gave him away. Robert simply smiled back, lightly bumping his shoulder into Aaron’s as they walked closer.

Aaron climbed into the passenger seat when they reached the car, Robert roaring the engine to life and pulling straight out onto the road back home. The car journey went too quickly and before he knew it Aaron could see the village fast approaching and already felt the loneliness invading his chest at the thought of saying goodnight to Robert. It had been an amazing night, one he hoped they could replay in the very near future. But did it really have to end? I could invite him in. We could have another drink, talk more. Or is that too forward? Oh God, if I invite him in, will he think that I want to-

“Well, here we are. Home safe and sound.” Aaron looked up as they pulled up outside the house, noticing the intensity of Robert’s stare focused solely on him at that moment and he realised he didn’t care what Robert thought. He just didn’t want to say goodbye. They both reluctantly climbed from the car walking towards the house, stoping just a few meters from the door.

“You can come in if you like,” Aaron said, attempting to sound completely in control but the nervousness in his tone was obvious under the green eyes gazing intensely at him. “I mean, Adam and Vic are home. But that doesn’t matter does it?”

“As much fun as it sounds I need to head back, I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

Aaron couldn’t help the immediate feeling of disappointment crushing his chest and looked down at his feet, hoping that Robert wouldn’t notice his crestfallen look.

“Right, of course. Sorry.” Robert’s small laugh caught his attention and he immediately looked up to the amused blonde. “What? What’s so funny?

“I’m in so much trouble because I find it so hard to say no to you.” Frowning further he watched as Robert leant forward, leaving only a few inches between them. He felt his hands being wrapped up in Robert’s , so warm and soft, pulling him closer and effectively eliminating any space between them. “I want to come in, trust me I do. There’s nothing more I’d rather do right now than to continue enjoying your company.” Aaron felt the blush reach the tips of his ears this time as images of him and Robert ‘enjoying’ each other filtered through his brain. He caught the quick flick of Robert’s eyes to his lips before he took another breath and continued. “But I don’t want to screw this up Aaron and rush into anything. I actually really like you. Maybe we could go out for some dinner on the weekend?”

Aaron smiled at the offer, immediately nodding his head and giving Robert’s hands a slight squeeze in affirmation. Robert was right, they didn’t have to run full speed ahead. They had lots of time.

Aaron felt his smile slip as Robert leaned further into him, letting go of one of his hands to gently grasp his jaw, running his thumb along the skin just below Aaron’s lip in a move that had his knees nearly giving out. His gaze darted down to Robert’s lips, looking as amazing and kissable as ever. This was it. This was the moment Aaron had been thinking about for weeks now every time the blonde sent one of those smirks his way. He braced himself and waited… and waited… and nothing. Looking up he met Robert’s intense stare, those green eyes seeming to go on forever. He probably would’ve been content to continues staring into their depths but… well, this wasn’t that moment. Why was Robert hesitating? Had he said or done something wrong?

“Robert?”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” That tone; it almost sounded like Robert needed reassurance. And that he was more than happy give. He nodded vigorously, gently placing his free hand on Robert’s hip, simultaneously pulling on the one behind his back where their fingers were still interlaced.

Apparently, that’s all it took because half a second later he finally felt Robert bring their lips together, the hand grasping his jaw sliding down further and wrapping around the back of his neck, fingertips lightly tugging at his hair.

It was everything he imagined and more as he felt Robert’s mouth open slightly and followed suit, relishing in the way their lips fit together so perfectly. He’d never felt so much from a simple kiss and if the way Robert’s left hand gripped his so tightly while his right hand gently ran along the nape of his neck was any indication, he wasn’t the only one.

A moment later, Robert pulled away, resting his forehead against Aaron’s and Aaron had to remember how to breathe. Opening his eyes, he met Robert’s gaze, feeling himself smile as he took in the beautiful man in front of him.

“Wow.” Okay, he hadn’t meant to say that aloud and immediately attempted to backpedal. “I mean, I just meant, wow like, wow, or no…not like that but more like-”

He was cut off as Robert captured his lips again in another short but still toe-curling kiss, leaving him just as foggy headed as the first one.

“Night, Aaron. Dinner this weekend yeah?” He asked as he removed his hand from the back of Aaron’s neck, much to his dismay.

“Um… yeah. Dinner… this weekend… cant wait.” Robert chuckled once more, leaving one last kiss on Aaron’s cheek before he slowly turned and walked towards his car. Of course, Aaron didn’t move, partly because he was trying to remember how his legs worked and partly because watching Robert walk away was an amazing view.

 

**Present**

 “Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting. Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re welcome,” Robert said, glancing over to see his fiancée smiling at him, the smile almost as big as the one he remembered from that night when he’d dropped Aaron home.

They’d finished up their late lunch and then decided to walk around the village a bit after Aaron had suggested they spend more time outside in the sunshine. Robert had agreed only after making Aaron promise to tell him if he got tired. They’d stopped a few times, taking their seats on whatever nearby bench was available whenever Aaron asked, resuming their walk once the pain had subsided from his ribs.

“And how chivalrous of you, taking me home and not coming in,” Aaron said with a laugh.

“That was new for me,” Robert admitted.

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked, pointing to a nearby bench once again in question and receiving a nod from Robert.

“I wasn’t in a hurry with you,” Robert said as they sat and he saw he had Aaron’s complete attention. He wondered how much he should reveal for fear of upsetting him, but the attentive look in Aaron’s eyes melted him and he found himself being completely honest. “I mean, trust me, I wanted to and I was kicking myself later when I was home alone. But, look, I had a reputation back then. The people I went out with and stuff, it was too easy. I got what I wanted and most of the time, after I got it, I would ditch them. They were too clingy or they wanted more or I was just bored with them.”

He looked over to gauge Aaron’s reaction, hoping he wasn’t scaring the man away. Of course non-amnesia Aaron already knew all this stuff. He knew that he was the first person in a long time that Robert had let in and the first man that Robert had really and truly cared about. But staring back at him was amnesia Aaron, a man who didn’t know any of that and whose expression remained unchanged from the curious one he’d been sporting since they’d sat down. Nodding for him to continue, Robert turned back towards the street, watching the other people around them go about their days like normal. Nothing different for them.

“When we met, I was immediately attracted to you. But I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I wasn’t looking to actually develop feelings for you. I was just looking to get what I wanted and move on. But you were so different.” Robert said honestly, catching a slight blush and smile from Aaron when he turned to meet his eyes. “You were kind and thoughtful. You wormed your way into my subconscious and I realised that you were different and that I really did like you. When we started dating, I didn’t want to screw it up. Normally I didn’t care if I hurt someone because I was just looking out for me and getting what I wanted. But when it came to you, I cared.”

Robert stopped, looking away from Aaron’s gaze when it became too much. _He doesn’t remember you. He doesn’t know you. Don’t scare him._ He continued to internally berate himself, wondering if he’d already said too much when he felt Aaron’s fingertips on the back of his hand, the rough plaster of his cast meeting Robert’s wrist. He looked up, seeing that kind and caring smile on Aaron’s face that he adored.

“I think the old me was probably very happy that you cared. And the current me is really starting to agree with him,” he said, refusing to look away. Robert felt his lips upturn immediately, his smile completely genuine and uncontainable.

“Oh yeah?”

“Definitely,” Aaron said with a nod, finally looking away to take in more of his surroundings. Robert followed his line of vision, noting with a small smile that Aaron’s hand stayed glued to the top of his.

 


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there are some interuptions in this chapter shall we say... please dont hate me too much

* * *

**Five Year Earlier**

Snuggled into Robert’s side as they slowly walked along one of the less crowded streets of Hotten Aaron wondered if it was possible to be any happier. This was their fifth date if you counted the quick coffee they’d grabbed the day before when they ran into each other in town. He definitely counted it. There was flirting and touching and it ended with a soft kiss that left him smiling for the rest of the afternoon, so it definitely earned a tally mark in the date column.

Tonight, however, was a planned outing. He’d agreed to meet Robert at the bar around seven when his early shift was supposed to be over and then they’d planned to grab a bite to eat. Arriving bang on seven so as not to seem too eager, Aaron couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he saw Robert behind the bar, white shirt open at the collar, freckles prominent against pale skin, looking all around amazing as always. Their eyes had met from across the half-full room and he felt his face heat up when Robert smiled at him.

“Hey,” Robert said when Aaron reached the bar, leaning over it to meet Aaron’s lips with his.

“Hi,” he answered, sighing happily and taking a small amount of pleasure in the fact that Robert stayed halfway prone across the bar, keeping their faces close. “I thought you were done at seven?”

“I am. Just give me five minutes to finish up here and then I will take you for that pint and burger that you’ve been talking about for the last three days.” He kissed him once more before leaning back and heading off to finish his work, looking damn good doing it too if Aaron had anything to say about it.

They ended up spending a little over an hour at the local greasy spoon where Aaron impressively finished two pints, a ginormous cheeseburger, followed by dessert, much to Robert’s amusement.

Afterwards, with nothing more to do and both agreeing that there was nothing on at the cinema they wanted to see, they’d found themselves walking around the town, first hand in hand and then arms wrapped around waists as the night grew colder.

After wondering around for a while they made their way to Roberts car and decided to head back to the village. So engrossed in their conversation, Aaron didn’t even realise how close they were to home until Robert was pulling up the car and killing the engine. The evening just hadn’t been long enough and why sit outside in the cold when they could go inside and get… warm?

Maybe if he just steered them in that general direction. Maybe Robert would get the hint. Maybe he’d avoid putting his foot in his mouth for once. Maybe he should stop overthinking things and just do it.

Deciding to be bold, he turned in his seat, hoping Robert would mirror him. Apparently, Robert didn’t notice as he continued to talk about some idiot that had been in his business class that afternoon.

“I mean, I don’t know who he thinks he is,” Robert said as he opened the door of the car, proceeding to walk around to join Aaron. “One day he’s going to take it a step to far and-.”

“I think you are focused far too much on another guy considering this is a date,” Aaron teased, pretending to be offended.

“Oh really?” Robert chuckled, stopping and wrapping his arms around Aaron’s waist, pulling him closer. “I’m so terribly sorry to have offended you. How can I make it up to you?”

“Oh, I’m sure I can think of something,” Aaron said, leaning forward and capturing Robert’s lips with his own.

Robert’s lips, he’d discovered, were positively addicting. He couldn’t get enough of them in their soft, warm perfection. Even so, he’d expected this to be a fairly quick, mostly chaste kiss. After all, that’s all they’d really done so far. They’d go out, Robert would very kindly drive him home and kiss him goodnight, usually keeping it well within the realms of public modesty. So when he felt Robert pushing him back against the wall of the neighbouring house, his tongue running across Aaron’s bottom lip, requesting entrance, Aaron could do nothing but happily comply. Even the rough brick slightly digging into his back couldn’t ruin this moment. Robert tasted like coffee and mint and… so damn delicious.

This was what he’d been craving; this closeness, this heat. It was what he’d been hoping for each time Robert leaned in when they said their goodbyes. And then again, each time, Robert pulled away, looking almost like it was paining him to do so. And then the night would be over. But this time it felt different and it wasn’t just the fact that Robert’s hands had crept inside his unzipped jacket and were now grabbing at his hips, thumbs brushing just under the material of his t-shirt.

“Adam and Vic aren’t home. Do you want to come in?”

He’d blurted it out when they’d separated for half a second to catch their breath without thinking. And now it was out there and he really hoped he wasn’t going to get another rejection, but looking into Robert’s dark, half-lidded eyes, he saw a glimmer of something else there. And he was so focused on that and attempting to decipher what it meant that he almost missed the nearly imperceptible nod Robert gave him.

Oh god, he actually said yes. Aaron felt himself momentarily freeze before once again, Robert’s lips were briefly on his in a kiss just as passionate as before. Pulling away a moment later, Robert grabbed for Aaron’s hand, gently pulling him towards the house. Aaron smiled, using his other hand to grab onto the front of Robert’s jacket to keep the other man from tripping and falling as he continued to walk backward towards the house, his back landing with a thud against the front door, his intense gaze never leaving Aaron’s .

“Where are they tonight?” Robert asked. There was no one around Aaron noted and he was grateful since Robert’s hands were inside his jacket again, their faces only a few inches apart. Not that he was embarrassed to have him so close, but he wasn’t really in the mood for an audience either.

“They um… they were going into town… or something. And I think they were… getting dinner afterwards.” It was really hard to talk or answer any questions when Robert’s mouth had slowly descended on him, making its way along his jawline and down his neck.

“So they’ll be gone for a while?” Robert husked into his ear. Aaron just nodded, no longer able to vocalise anything beyond a quiet grunt. “Good.”

Robert spun them round, pinning Aaron to the door instead, colliding their lips once again. Oh wow, yeah this was it. This was what he’d been thinking about for weeks now. Hell, he’d been thinking about this since the first night they’d met.

It was too much and not enough all at once and Aaron struggled to keep his footing as Robert’s tongue softly mapped every inch of his mouth, his hands once again wandering underneath Aaron’s jacket, taking care as fingertips brushed the tiniest patches of available skin.

This man… this man was going to be the death of him, leaving him nearly undone with just a few kisses and some very strategic touching. Now, if they could just get inside...

“Ahem, you lads forget something?” Through the lusty haze, he heard the distinctly amused voice of Adam. He felt Robert pull away from him, his lips, his hands, and he heard the unmistakable groan of annoyance sound somewhere from within his throat. Opening his eyes he found himself staring at the back of Robert’s head and peered around to the side, catching sight of Adam and Victoria standing a few meters away, Victoria looking incredibly uncomfortable and Adam smiling away. “See that door behind you, next time you should probably open it.”

“Wow. Thanks for that Adam,” Robert deadpanned, now leaning beside Aaron, arms crossed over his chest and frowning.

“No problem mate.” Robert simply huffed in response and Aaron’s brain finally caught up with the situation, only to feel the utter embarrassment flood his veins. What the hell was he thinking, getting caught outside with his lips attached to Vic’s brother? He has a perfectly good bedroom upstairs. Couldn’t he have waited another thirty seconds to get up there? And now Adam wasn’t going to shut up about it for the next week and Vic… well Vic should never have seen that.

“Hey, you okay?” He looked up to see Robert staring back at him, a worried expression gracing his features. Flicking his eyes to the door, he noticed it was now open and Adam and Vic had apparently already gone inside.

“Yeah. Sorry I just -” he paused, following them inside. He noticed Robert following a few steps behind and stopped, turning to the still frowning man. “So I guess they’re home early.”

“So it would seem,” Robert said, shoving his hands into his back pockets and kicking the toe of his shoe into the floor. Aaron had to smile at the awkwardness, somehow finding Robert even more irresistible at that moment and realising, not for the first time, just how much he really did like him.

“I don’t suppose you’d still want to stay, we could watch a film or something?”

“Are you sure you want me to?” Robert honestly seemed surprised by the invitation. "I mean, after that, don't think you have to be polite and still invite me in."

“Course I want you to,” Aaron said, reaching out and taking one of Robert’s hands. “I know it might not be the night we’d planned and that Adam will probably be making lots of inappropriate innuendos for the rest of the night, but… I’m just not ready for you to go yet.” Robert just smiled back at him and let Aaron pull him into the house.

 

**Present**

“And that was the first time someone interrupted what was about to be an amazing evening,” Robert said dryly, focusing on the laptop in front of him.

“The first time? Why do I not like the sound of that?” Aaron asked, looking around the room to his friend's faces. Adam and Vic had stopped by unannounced a little earlier, bringing a takeaway with them.

It had been a relatively quiet day up until that point. Aaron and Robert had ended up getting back home the night before just around sunset, Aaron exhausted but happy. After Robert had told him the first date story, they’d spent the afternoon roaming around the village, Robert pointing out different things to Aaron here and there but keeping the conversation light.

When Aaron woke up that morning, his ribs aching slightly from all the activity the day before, he wasn’t surprised to see Robert already awake, on his third cup of coffee and working on something on his laptop. Knowing that Robert was still trying to catch up on everything, Aaron decided to let him off the hook, asking if they could spend the day at home relaxing. Robert had instantly agreed and they’d spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon sitting in the living room, Robert working and Aaron alternating between watching top gear and playing video games, the conversation minimal but pleasant. He had just turned the tv down and sunk further into the sofa, his eyes closing when he heard a loud bang on their front door, followed a moment later by laughter as Adam came into the flat followed by Vic.

“You know that key we gave you was supposed to be for emergencies only,” Robert grumbled as they made their way into the living room, food in hand. “You’d think after all these years, you would at least consider knocking.”

Thus leading to the latest round of ‘let's remind Aaron of his past’ stories. On this episode, The Interrupting brother in law.

* * *

 

“Seriously,” Robert said, piggybacking off Aaron’s comment and refocusing on his laptop as the others finished their food. “You’d think you were all born in a barn.”

“Oh come on! It’s not like we ever actually walked in on you guys mid-deed,” Adam chimed in, causing Aaron to choke on the last bite of his spring roll. “I mean, it’s been close but…”

“Wait a second. So you guys really have made a habit out of this? How many times have you interrupted us? And doing what?!”

“Too many to count,” Robert muttered.

“There have been a fair amount, though it's never been intentional,” Vic said. “And it isn’t always us, so stop playing the blame game, Robert.”

“Yeah, Ed, Vanessa, Paddy. Even your mum has been subjected to you two and your inability to keep your hands off each other. Trust me, everyone’s had their fair share of awkward moments when it comes to you two. Vic and I just happen to be biggest stockholders.”

“So once outside your house, when else?” Aaron asked, unsure of why he was continuing down this road, but curious, just the same.

“Oh, outside ours happened a few times,” Adam said with a chuckle. “You boys really suck at getting through the front door. But its never gone that far whilst you’ve been in full view for anyone to see. It’s once you’re behind closed doors that it gets a little more risqué.”

 

**Five Years Earlier**

Robert smiled at the slight intake of breath escaping Aaron’s mouth as he nipped gently just below his ear, a sensitive spot he was beginning to realise.

“You smell so good,” he groaned, relishing in the feeling of Aaron’s hands pulling at his hair.

The evening had started innocent enough. Robert had shown up unannounced after his shift ended at the bar, beers in hand, earning an extremely grateful kiss from Aaron. They found a film that neither was really paying any attention to as they caught up with each other about their days and Aaron was somehow on his third beer before Robert was even finished with his first.

“Thirsty?” Robert asked with a chuckle.

“Mm,very.” Aaron answered as he snuggled closer to Robert on the sofa.

“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” Robert smiled as he leant in, placing a soft kiss on the other mans cheek. And then another further towards his lips. And then another on the corner of Aaron’s mouth. He felt Aaron smile into his teasing and revelled in the feeling for a moment before connecting their lips.

He’d only meant for it to be a fairly quick kiss. While he definitely wasn’t opposed to taking their relationship further, Robert had surprisingly discovered that he was okay taking it slow when it came to Aaron. He was actually enjoying the time they spent together, whether that time was cuddled up watching something stupid, going out for dinner teasing each other or times like this, with their lips pressed together, kisses simple and patient. He really was perfectly content at the moment. And then he felt Aaron’s hands at the back of his neck, tugging his hair slightly. Goddammit, he thought as he simultaneously pulled Aaron closer and opened his lips, deepening the kiss, feeling Aaron immediately follow suit.

Fifteen minutes later they found themselves in their current position; Aaron pinned flat on his back on the bed, hands roaming up and down Robert’s back while the blonde continued to nip at the sensitive spots on Aaron’s neck he’d been discovering.

It was his idea that they make their way up to Aaron’s bedroom when things had started to turn a little heated on the sofa. And while he would have been okay if Aaron had declined the offer, he’d desperately hoped the younger man would agree to the suggestion. Much to his elation, it had actually been Aaron that pulled away and then pulled him up the stairs after the proposition.

It really was fine with him that they’d been taking it slow. But who was he kidding? He was ridiculously attracted to the man beneath him who happened to smell amazing and feel even better.

Deciding to test the waters a little further he adjusted himself, letting one of his thighs slide between Aaron’s as the hand not holding him up crept up Aaron’s torso beneath the loose t-shirt he wore. Skin. It was soft and warm and... so so fucking good.

Reconnecting their lips granted him another soft moan from Aaron and Robert knew he wasn’t the only one who wanted to take this further. Still he thought maybe he should ask him.

Pulling away from the lips that he’d come to crave, he looked down, noticing Aaron’s eyes had darkened considerably, his pupils blown, breath shallow.

“What? What’s wrong?” Aaron panted from below him.

“Nothing. I just… I just want to make sure you’re okay with this. Because if this isn't what you want or you want to stop...” His voice sounded strange to his own ears. When had he ever asked anyone if they were okay? Never, that’s when.

Aaron smiled up at him, moving his hands to grasp desperately at Robert’s shoulders and nodding once. That was enough and Robert crashed their lips together again, delighting in another small moan that escaped when his tongue brushed against Aaron’s .

Just take it slow Robert, he thought, realising that he actually wanted to enjoy this as long as he could. The kissing continued, waxing and waning before he moved back to Aaron’s neck, once again finding that sweet spot behind his ear and then lower down to his collarbone. Allowing his hand to roam further up Aaron’s torso, he felt his fingers slide across his toned abdomen and he let out his own moan as Aarons hand cupped him through his jeans. Moving back up to Aaron’s lips, he smiled into the kiss when he felt Aaron’s hips involuntarily start moving against his thigh.

“Hey, Aaron, no one was answering the door so I just- whoa, what the hell!”

“Ugh, are you kidding me, seriously!” Robert felt Aaron desperately trying to sit up from beneath him and took pity on the brunette when he turned and saw just how red faced he was.

“Ed? What are you doing here?” Aaron asked, finally able to escape his prone position.

“I text earlier, you said it was alright to come over for a bit. What is he doing here?” Ed asked, clearly beyond irritated that his evening alone with Aaron had been ruined. Shocker, Robert thought, rolling his eyes.

“Sorry, Robert came round and I just got distracted and forgot. Just... just give me a minute,” Aaron said, attempting to gain some composure.

What? Robert turned to Aaron, seeing the honest guilt mixed in with his embarrassment and felt his stomach drop. So that was it. Guess I know where I stand, he thought moving to the edge of the bed where his shoes had landed earlier when he’d kicked them off.

Robert felt Ed glowering his way and met the taller mans eyes in challenge, not looking away until he’d left the room. Fucking idiot. He shook his head, reaching for his shoes and pulling the first one on.

“You’re not leaving are you?” The panic in Aaron’s voice was clear as day at that moment but he didn’t care.

“Well, you apparently have other plans so yeah.” He didn’t mean the words to come out so harsh, but it was said now, nothing he could do about it.

“Robert, you don’t have to go. I’m sorry, I was so happy to see you tonight that I completely forgot that Ed had text to say he was coming over. But you can stay. We can all watch a film or something, the three of us.” Robert knew Aaron was just trying to keep everyone happy but that was bullshit. And it definitely didn’t ease the sting that he was choosing to let Ed stay when they’d clearly been enjoying the night together, just the two of them.

“I think I’ll pass on that,” he said, sliding on his other shoe and quickly lacing them up. He stood, tucked in his shirt and turned, hating that the hurt look on Aaron’s face made him feel guilty. But why should he feel guilty? He hadn’t done anything wrong. “I’ll see myself out.”

“No, Rob wait!” Aaron knelt on the end of the bed, grabbing onto Robert’s hand just as he was about to pass. “Please don’t go. I really didn’t mean for this to happen tonight.”

Robert wasn’t sure which part Aaron was apologising for. The part where he forgot about Ed coming over or the part where they accidentally almost slept together? Feeling the anger in his chest swelling along with some other emotions that he was less familiar with, he shook his head to clear it, desperate to just get out and away before he did or said something stupid.

“It’s fine, I’ll talk to you later,” he said, leaning in to leave a small kiss on Aaron’s cheek before leaving, but not before sending a glare at Ed on his way out, who he noted looked beyond smug with his departure.

This was the second time Ed had barged in on his time with Aaron. And why was it that Aaron felt compelled to play nice with him? Sure they were friends, he knew that. And yes, they’d known each other a lot longer than he’d been around. And so what, if they’d made plans before he showed up?

Fuming the whole nearly thirty minute drive back to his flat only made him feel worse. Why was he letting this bother him so much? After all, they were just having fun.

Only problem was that having fun is usually enjoyable and doesn’t leave you feeling like you’re second place he thought as he tossed his jacket off and flopped onto the sofa. But that was it because he felt like he was just picked second and it hurt. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this. Maybe he was in over his head. Or worse, maybe he had all these stupid feeling for Aaron. And maybe Aaron didn’t feel the same way back.

 

  
**Present**

Robert continued to pretend to look at the laptop in front of him but he could feel Aaron’s eyes on him and at the moment, he wished the younger man would look somewhere else. Why the hell had he brought all that up? Why was that the next story that Aaron had to hear? He remembered that night very well. It hurt like hell and the next morning when he’d woken up, it didn't feel any better because he’d realised he was too far gone over Aaron to simply bow out. But Aaron obviously didn't feel the same. So what the hell was he supposed to do? He’d thought and thought about it and kept coming to the same conclusion. He was going to end up getting hurt. And god did that just fucking suck.

“Robert?”

“Huh?” He snapped out of his reverie, looking up to a confused Aaron sat across from him. On the other sofa, Adam and Vic were laughing about something, lost in their own world of whatever hilarious memory had apparently come up.

“Are you okay?” He turned back to Aaron, that confused look still locked on his face.

“Yeah, fine.” He attempted a reassuring smile but apparently, Aaron wasn’t buying it.

“You were upset when you left that night, weren’t you?” He said it quietly, apparently trying to keep the other two from hearing them.

“It was no big deal,” Robert said with a shrug.

“It was if I hurt you.” Robert stared for a moment, completely caught off guard by the comment. It had happened five years ago and here Aaron was worried about how a much younger Robert felt. Which of course, Robert did not want to talk about.

“Aaron, it’s fine, really. It was a long time ago and you didn’t do anything wrong.” Robert turned more towards Aaron, taking another moment with his thoughts and taking note that Vic and Adam still weren’t paying attention. “It didn’t matter what I thought of Ed, he was a mate to you. And it was early days for us then. You didn’t owe me anything.”

He carefully watched Aaron’s face, the confusion still there but also the disappointment, though he wasn’t sure who it was aimed at past Robert, current Robert or the situation as a whole.

“Well I can’t remember any of this but I’m sorry for what happened that night,” Aaron said after a moment, apparently trying to break the tension.

“I know,” Robert said fondly.

“So… what happened after that? Did you ignore me again for a week like you did the first time he barged in on us?” Aaron asked with a small smile and Robert couldn’t help but return it.

“Not quite.”

 

**Five Years Earlier**

Aaron was filling his time smashing up a car at the scrap yard, sighing when he once again found himself sidetracked with thoughts of Robert and why he hadn’t shown up yesterday. The blonde was a no show at the pub yesterday evening and had only answered Aaron’s worried text a few hours ago, saying he’d took on a last minute shift but confirming that they were still on for tonight.

Aaron looked at his phone once again, double-checking that he hadn’t missed anything, and of course, since it hadn’t left his side all day, he was met with disappointment. Though he hadn’t seen Robert since the other night when he’d shown up unannounced, they had talked a few times. Aaron had attempted to bring up Ed once but was immediately shut down when Robert told him it wasn’t a big deal and had then changed the subject.

He was taken out of his thoughts by a knock on the portacabin door and quickly made his way to open it, taking in a nonchalant looking Robert on the other side.

“Hey,” he said, stepping into the cabin and leaving a soft kiss on Aaron’s cheek.

“Is everything okay?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about yesterday I got roped into a shift and I forgot to text,” he answered with a shrug before taking a seat at one of the desks where the books lay spread out. “You struggling without me?” Robert joked.

“Course not, I was just looking over a few things.” Something was off. Robert hadn’t been this detached in weeks and if he had to guess the cause, he figured he could nail it on his first try. Deciding to test the waters, Aaron stepped between him and the desk, taking both Robert’s hands in his and giving them a gentle squeeze.

“What happened?” Nothing. Robert glanced at him for a moment before looking away and shrugging again. “Come on Rob, talk to me. Is this about the other night?”

“Aaron, no. The other night… it happened, it’s over, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“But you seemed upset when you left and if you’re upset with me, I’d like to know.”

“I’m not upset with you. You had other plans. I shouldn’t have just shown up like that without at least calling or something first. I won’t do it again.”

“No, I like that you just showed up.” Aaron pulled Robert closer, holding tightly to his hands. “ I like having you around. I like spending time with you. You know that right?”

“Yeah, I do. I just…” Aaron waited patiently, watching Robert look away for a moment, his gaze focused across the room. “It’s nothing you did.”

“So its Ed?” Robert scoffed at that, still avoiding eye contact.

“I’m definitely not the biggest Ed fan out there.”

“I know. But, Robert, he’s just a mate, that’s all.” Later Aaron would swear he saw Robert flinch at his words but at the moment, he was too determined to notice. “I’m not asking the two of you to be mates, but it’d be nice if you could at least be civil.”

He watched as Robert turned his gaze back towards him, taking a moment to stare into his eyes before nodding once. Aaron smiled, wrapping his arms around Robert’s shoulders. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Robert’s lips, leaning their foreheads together afterwards.

“I am sorry. I was having a good night and I would’ve much rather been with you than him.” He took a moment to gather his thoughts, hoping that he wouldn’t say something that would end up hurting the other man. “I like you Robert, and I know you don’t exactly like my mates but I-.”

“I get it,” Robert said, finally looking up and meeting Aaron’s eyes. “And I guess I’ll have to get used to it eh?”

“Well… maybe not get too used to them. I kind of like it when it’s just the two of us.” He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Robert’s now slightly smiling lips, sighing happily when he felt two soft hands squeeze at his hips. “So, how about I skip this paperwork, and we go back to mine.”

“Like you even have to ask,” Robert said, kissing him once more, seeming almost relieved but Aaron wasn’t sure why. Deciding not to push any further, he pulled Robert up from the chair, they would have the conversation another time.

Half an hour later they were snuggled on the sofa, Aaron’s back against Robert’s chest, his long arms wrapped around him from behind, occasionally leaving soft kisses on his temple. This felt different, it felt comfortable. It felt amazing. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of Robert and sighed happily, laughing at the feeling of Robert’s fingertips tickling along his arm.

“This film is awful Aaron. I don’t know how much longer I can sit here pretending to watch it.”

“Well, you didn’t offer up any suggestions when I asked what you were in the mood for.”

“I did. You just decided to ignore my request for Star Wars or one of the horrors.”

“I’m not about to watch some terrifying film and then be too scared to sleep tonight after you leave.”

“Was that your attempt to get me to stay?” Robert teased, looking down at him with a smirk, catching Aaron’s eye. Aaron smiled, leaning back and catching Robert’s lips with his. It was an awful tempting idea, especially when he felt Robert threading his fingers through his hair, softly biting his bottom lip as he pulled back a moment later. “I mean, I’m more than happy to offer up my serv-”

“Oh, great, you’re both here.”

“Not again.” Robert huffed and sat up straighter, arms crossed and frowning. Aaron couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at the visual, looking back at Robert and giving his leg a squeeze.

“Why is it great that we’re both here?” Aaron asked, not bothering to turn towards Adam and Vic who were currently struggling into the kitchen, weighed down by shopping bags.

“We’re having a game night and we need more people. Vanessa and Tracey are on their way round,” Vic said, setting down the bags gently on the counter. “Aaron, can you put the drinks out on the table while Adam sorts out the games? Robert you can help too as you’re here.”

“Oh yeah, that’s what I want to do,” Robert grumbled.

“What was that?”

“He said he’ll be happy to help,” Aaron said with a smile, before leaning into Robert’s ear and lowering his voice. “I know this isn’t what you wanted to do tonight but I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”

Robert turned to him, heaving a deep sigh and kissing him once on the cheek.

“Next time, we’re going to my place,” he said before getting up and following Adam.

  
**Present**

Robert finally closed his laptop, exhausted from trying to play catch up with clients and rescheduling work. He looked to his right where Aaron was asleep, curled in on himself under the blanket from the back of the sofa.

Vic and Adam had left not long after the last reminiscence, both promising to visit later in the week. He’d noticed Aaron had been yawning more towards the end but stayed focused whilst they were speaking. He’d even grabbed one of his car mags once they’d left, surprising Robert by not asking more questions, but he didn’t press the issue. Maybe he’d heard enough for the day. Robert had to imagine it could be overwhelming trying to digest so many memories that you just couldn’t remember. Still, he wanted to make sure that Aaron was taken care of and sleeping on the sofa was definitely not what the doctor had recommended.

Robert set his things aside and got up, moving towards Aaron and kneeling in front of him. He gently reached up, half tempted to brush a hand gently across his cheek but refrained and settled on gently shaking his shoulder, carefully rousing him.

“W-what?” That sleepy voice. Robert had missed it.

“You fell asleep ages ago. Come on.” He stood and offered his hand to Aaron, unsure if he’d take it but grateful when he did. Squeezing once he took a step back and aimed Aaron towards the stairs. “Go get some sleep.”

“Are you sure? I feel awful making you sleep on the sofa again,” Aaron said, apparently waking up a tad. “I can sleep down here tonight. I know you aren’t sleeping well on it and I know you didn’t sleep while I was in the hospital. You need to get some rest too.”

“I’m fine Aaron, really. In fact, I’m so tired tonight, I’m not even sure I have the energy to get out of these clothes,” Robert joked, pulling slightly at his shirt. “Go on. Go sleep.”

Aaron looked at him one last time before nodding and turning away to make his way to their bedroom. He stopped just before reaching the stairs and turned back, smiling softly.

"Night, Rob."

Robert watched as the brunette disappeared up the stairs, smiling like an idiot and suddenly feeling a lightness that he hadn’t felt since before the accident.

Rob. He called me Rob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't my favourite chapter to write so apologises to anyone dissapointed by its contents. Just know that everything I write is relevant to some part of the story so bare with me and enjoy the ride.
> 
> Thankyou to everyone who is taking the time to read this, for all the kudos and for everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment. You are all amazing!


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone order the angst?

  
Chapter Eight

  
Aaron stood in front of their kitchen window, taking in the beautiful surroundings and letting the sun’s early rays surround him in their warmth. He was half tempted to actually go sit outside on the wicker furniture outside but decided against it, not wanting to worry Robert if he woke up and didn’t happen to see him as he passed by the kitchen. He took a sip from the steaming mug in his good hand and sighed happily, feeling something close to normal for the first time since before the accident.

He’d woken up about an hour earlier and after taking in the quiet within the walls surrounding him and hoping that meant Robert was still asleep, decided to shower and get ready before venturing downstairs for his morning coffee. He’d managed to cut a whole thirty seconds off his shower time, which was fairly impressive and had even managed to style his hair for the first time since being home.

Staring out at the peaceful view, he wondered if this was the norm and smiled at the thought. It would be nice. Beautiful home, some of the most supportive friends and family he could ask for, his own business, which he was looking forward to getting back to soon. This could work.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of a muffled grumble and the shuffle of feet behind him. Turning he saw Robert shuffle towards the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and looking very much not awake yet. The sight warmed him further as this was the first time he’d seen Robert without his usual shirt and jeans combo, which he was really starting to appreciate. No, the man before him stood, hair tousled, rumpled grey top and soft cotton bottoms, face free of any worry.

And he’s still so beautiful, he thought to himself.

“Morning,” Aaron greeted him softly, smirking as he realised his voice seemed to startle Robert despite the fact that he was only a few feet away. The grunt he got in return only increased his amusement. “I made coffee. You want some?” Robert simply nodded and stumbled further into the kitchen, still swiping at his eyes and running a hand through his hair. Aaron let out a small laugh, unable to help himself which caught Robert’s attention and he stopped completely, turning to face Aaron, frowning in confusion.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, sorry. Sit down and I’ll get your coffee,” Aaron said, moving back into the kitchen.

“Yeah, okay, thanks.” Aaron glanced over as he grabbed one of the many mugs available from the cupboard and saw Robert looking him up and down, smirk on his face, but immediately cringing as he realised he’d been caught out. Apparently he wasn’t fully awake yet and Aaron looked away awkwardly. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s alright. Er, how do you take this?” He asked as he poured the roasted liquid into the mug he’d grabbed.

“Black.”

Robert sat at the table and smiled his thanks as Aaron sat the mug in front of him, seemingly still a little embarrassed at being caught staring.

Robert glanced up at Aaron for a moment before becoming serious again, turning his gaze back to the mug cradled between his hands. “Sorry about.. I don’t wanna make you feel awkward… I’ve really been trying not to…. Just a habit.”

“It’s fine. You don’t have to apologise.” He reached out and placed a comforting hand on Robert’s forearm, watching the blonde turn to him curiously. “When I said what I did at the hospital… well, obviously I didn’t know who you were at the time. I was confused and scared… and maybe a little hasty,” he said, happy when Robert finally genuinely smiled at him. “But you didn’t do anything wrong. And maybe it would help, you know? If you just act and talk like you normally would, maybe it’ll spark something?”

“Worth a try,” Robert said with a shrug, finally taking a sip of his coffee and humming happily in response. “So, you’re all dressed and ready. You get your bandage back on?”

“No,” Aaron muttered in frustration, causing Robert to chuckle once again. “And I did it exactly like you’ve been doing it the last few days. The tape still won’t stick right.”

“I’ve just always had the magic touch when it comes to you.” Aaron felt his cheeks immediately heat up and looked away until Robert’s laugh brought his eyes back. “You said to talk to you like I normally would…”

“Oh... yeah... right.” Robert just smiled at him over the rim of his mug and stood.

“I’ll dial it back a bit. Stay there. I’ll get the tape and help you,” he said as he left the room.

Sitting on the sofa a little while later, he was looking through some old photos on the laptop, that Robert had thankfully given him the password to when he couldn’t remember, whilst waiting patiently for Robert to finish getting ready. The blonde had helped him once again with the bandages and this time, he may have been more red faced than usual due to the magic touch comment that morning, but Robert had been polite as always, keeping the actual skin on skin contact to a minimum and making sure everything was properly in place before coming out of nurse mode, smirking at Aaron and sauntering off to get ready for the day.

And it really was a saunter too. That man can walk…

His phone beeped at him, pulling him out of his thoughts on how good Robert’s bum looked under those cotton bottoms. Not now Aaron. He picked it up and glanced at the screen, seeing a text from Adam asking if he was up to having a late lunch with him and Vic at the pub. As he sent back a quick reply Robert emerged, fresh-faced and ready for the day.

“I’m going to ask Doug to take a look that shower. The pressure is terrible. And he was able to fix the one at Vic’s for us last time.”

“You know, you could just use our ensuite bathroom. I’m not banning you from it.”

“I know. Just thought you might like it for now,” Robert said with a shrug and Aaron smiled at him. Another kind gesture. “Alright, you ready?”

“Yeah, um, I just got a text from Adam though. He was asking for me to meet them for lunch later.” He watched Robert’s face carefully, noticing the other mans expression subtly changing from content to a blank slate and wondered why. “That alright with you?”

“Yeah. I’ll drop you off after the doctor,” he said, dropping his gaze and walking away to grab his things, his voice flat and bored, devoid of the teasing tone he’d used earlier.

“You sure? You can come too if ya want?”

“No, it’s fine,” he said, grabbing his jacket and keys, turning to Aaron expectantly and nodding towards the door. Aaron just nodded and followed him out, unsure of what else to do or say.

* * *

Aaron pulled uncomfortably at the hospital gown he’d been forced into and fidgeted on the bed for what had to be at least the eighth time since they’d entered the room, the waxy paper below him crinkling noisily in protest. Robert looked up at him anxiously from his spot in the corner, obviously picking up on Aaron’s discomfort.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to wait outside?” Robert had asked him that three times now, he was clearly finding Aaron’s discomfort slightly unnerving. “I mean, if you want me in here, I’ll stay. I just don’t want to make you more uncomfortable.”

“No, stay, please. Just in case something happens.” Aaron appreciated the concern and he knew Robert was just trying to be helpful, but the thought of him leaving now left a little bit of panic creeping into Aaron’s chest. Robert just nodded, continuing to fidget with the zip of his leather jacket.

Hopefully, things would go smoothly at the appointment. If everything was healing properly, his stitches would come out today and he was beyond grateful at the prospect of being able to take one thing off the list. Or at least one thing off the list of all the stuff he had to ask Robert to help with.

He looked over once more, noticing not for the first time that morning that Robert seemed to avoid his gaze. Whatever it was that had happened between them getting ready and leaving the house that had caused the complete one-eighty in Robert’s mood was a mystery and he was completely lost. Shifting noisily again, he opened his mouth twice in an attempt to ask but was saved from any further conversation as the doctor entered the room.

“Robert, Aaron, so good to see you both,” she said with a smile. “How are you feeling, Aaron?”

“Much better thanks. Still a bit tender with the ribs but they seem to be okay.”

“Well that’s to be expected but I have good news. The x-rays indicate they are healing. How about your arm? I took a look at your x-rays and it appeared to be a fairly clean break in your radius.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron said, lifting his weighty casted forearm for inspection. “It mostly just itches.” He caught sight of a smirking Robert out of the corner of his eye and sent the taller man a small smile in return, glad to see Robert grin for the first time since they’d left the house.

“Very good,” the doctor said. “How about the memory? Any difference there?”

Aaron felt his face fall and shook his head, once again catching Robert out of the corner of his eye, no longer looking so amused. He looked back to the doctor, taking in her nod as she made a note on the tablet in her hand.

“Do you… do you think this will be permanent?”

“Honestly, Aaron, it is a possibility, though it is far more likely that you will eventually recover some if not all of your memory. Don’t give up on that just yet. You have a great support system, rely on them, that’s what I recommend.”

“Is there anything else we can do?” Robert quietly asked.

“I’ve had patients in similar circumstances before. Stories from their loved ones, photos, visits to important places, all of these things seemed to help. I wish I had a magic answer for you but unfortunately, this is a case by case basis. As I said, just don’t give up hope quite yet. It’s still early.” She smiled at each of them in turn before moving back to the examination. “Any pain anywhere else or any trouble with concentration or anything like that?” Once again, Aaron shook his head, taking in the promising nod and smile from his doctor as she made another note on her tablet. “Alright, excellent. Let’s take a look at the surgical incision then and see if the stitches are ready to come out.”

Aaron quickly looked over to Robert, watching as he very kindly turned and looked at the wall behind him as Aaron’s gown came open. He couldn’t help smiling at the thoughtful gesture and allowed the doctor to make her inspection.

“Well, you’re healing exceptionally well Aaron. We’ll go ahead and take these out today and then the two of you can be on your way unless you have any other questions for me.” Aaron shook his head and then attempted to sit as still as possible as the stitches were removed from his torso over the next few minutes. “Alright, all done,” Dr. Petersen said as she finished the procedure, double checking the immediate area around the incision for anything out of the ordinary. “Now remember, still take it easy as you’re not one hundred percent yet. But other than that, I think you are doing incredibly well under the circumstances. Everything seems to be healing but please call if anything unusual comes up, alright?” Aaron just nodded, quietly thanking the doctor as she left.

Sliding off the bed, he quickly grabbed his t-shirt, swapping it for the scratchy gown. Finally turning towards Robert, he noticed he was still facing the wall, apparently very invested in the poster showing a diagram of a human nasal cavity. Smiling at his chivalry, he shrugged on his hoodie and pulled up the zip.

“Okay, I’m decent.” Robert finally turned and smiled quickly before making his way out of the room. Aaron could’ve sworn he saw a slight blush creeping up his neck and smiled. Finally got him.

The two of them left the hospital in silence, quietly walking towards Roberts car which Aaron was quickly beginning to realise he was extremely fond of. After they climbed in, Robert headed back to the village knowing Aaron had made plans to meet Adam. The younger man kept throwing glances around, trying not to look like he was staring at Robert and the frown deeply etched upon his face. What had he done wrong?

Things had been so good since he’d been home. Robert had been so caring and patient with him. They’d been getting along great up until this morning and he honestly had no idea what he might have said or done to cool Robert’s demeanour towards him. But he had a right to know. And almost as important, needed to break the uncomfortable atmosphere in the car.

He turned towards Robert, taking note that the other man kept his eyes locked on the road, his hands perfectly placed at ten and two on the steering wheel, seemingly driving as carefully as possible.

“So, nice weather we’re having.” Aaron could of kicked himself at his choice of words.

“Yeah.”

“Anything’s better than rain eh?”

“Yeah.”

Wow Robert was being difficult.

“So… can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Are you alright? Did something happen? Did I do something to upset you?”

Robert just shook his head, still focused on the road and Aaron felt his heart literally aching within his chest.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep.”

Frustrated and at a loss of what else to do, Aaron turned his gaze away and out his own window, letting the uncomfortable silence once again take over. How was he supposed to fix something that he wasn’t even sure he’d broken? This side of Robert... this was new. He’d obviously heard about how quickly the man could turn off the charm and shut down over the last few days from the different stories he’d been told, but seeing it first hand and aimed at him was completely different and left him feeling beyond desperate and helpless.

Robert slowed the vehicle and came to a stop outside the pub, which due to being so deep in thought, Aaron hadn’t even realised they were so close to. He could see Adam and Vic stood waiting for him, and his mum conveniently collecting glasses from the benches. He glanced back at Robert once, who he noted still wouldn’t look at him and sighed before opening his door and climbing out.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be. But I’ll see you back at home in a bit yeah?”

“Fine,” Robert grumbled, still avoiding his gaze. Sighing again, he closed the door and stood back, watching as Robert drove off. This was not at all how he’d hoped this day would go. It was supposed to be a good day. A day one step closer to normalcy. Apparently, that pipe dream had disappeared with Robert’s good mood early this morning.

“Mate! Look at you walking around looking human.” He turned and smiled, slowly walking towards them and grimacing as his mum pulled him in for a hug.

“How was your appointment Love?”

“Good. Stitches are out and the doctor thinks I’m doing fine.”

“Well, that’s great news!” She smiled, looping her arm around Aaron’s good one and leading him into the pub.

A few minutes later they were seated and had placed their orders with marlon. Everyone had been happy to see him, a few people giving him a pat on the back, saying how well he looked. Aaron attempted to smile back and join in conversation but he wasn’t really listening.

“Is everything alright?” Chas asked, reaching across the table to place a comforting hand on top of his.

“I don’t know,” Aaron answered with a shrug. “It’s just been kind of a weird day. Robert and I… well I’m not sure what happened.”

“Did you two have a fight?” Vic asked.

“No, not really. I mean, no we didn’t. Something is just up with him. He’s been in a bad mood most of the day and I’m not sure what to do or even really why he’s acting like that.”

“Robert’s in a bad mood? Shocker,” Adam said, rolling his eyes.

“Did something happen after we left last night?” Vic asked.

“No. I ended up falling asleep and he woke me up a little while later. We said goodnight and that was it. He seemed fine. And then this morning, after we woke up, he was still being nice. It was like a switch though and all of sudden something was just different. I honestly have no idea what though.”

“Are you sure he was fine last night? I mean… after everything you heard?” Adam asked.

“Yeah, he seemed fine up until walking out the door to see the doctor. Why?” He looked to Vic and Adam across the table from him for help and they shared a nervous glance before turning back to Aaron, sympathy clouding both of their faces.

“What am I missing here?” Chas asked.

“Last night, we were telling Aaron about a couple of times we kind of interrupted him and Robert when they first started seeing each other.”

“When they first started seeing each other? I caught them up to no good only a few weeks ago,” Chas said, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Mum!” Aaron said in disbelief. “Okay, first of all, Robert is right, you guys were all born in a barn. And secondly, why do you all use your emergency keys when it’s not an emergency?!”

“It was an emergency. It was mine and Vic’s anniversary and we were doing the whole romantic dinner at home thing with wine and music. And I needed the Bluetooth speakers you’d borrowed from me the week before, which by the way, do I want to know why they were in your bedroom? Or why one of your kitchen chairs was in there, in the middle of the room, surrounded by candles?”

“How am I supposed to know?!” Aaron said, uncomfortable having this conversation, especially with his mum. “Look, anyway, I really don’t know what’s up with him. I’m sure if my brain was working, I could figure it out but it’s not so I don’t know what the hell happened and what it is that’s really bothering him. Why are you both convinced it was something that happened last night?”

“We aren’t, it just seemed like there was some tension about halfway through the night.”

“There was a bit, but I thought maybe Robert was just upset by the memory. Maybe there was more to it than what he told you last night.” Vic shrugged.

“Like what? I mean I thought there was more but what exactly happened?”

“That’s not something we can really fill in for you, mate. You have to remember, back then Robert was still very closed off to everyone but you,” Adam added. “So if something more was bothering him, we wouldn’t know. You were the only one he really confided in.”

“Yeah, well apparently he’s not feeling very chatty.”

“What was the story last night about?” Chas asked.

“Robert said it happened a few weeks after we started seeing each other. We were in my room and apparently Ed just barged in while we were in the middle of… something.” Aaron could feel his cheeks heat up and he rolled his eyes at his own embarrassment. “And then he left and I guess a few days later when I saw him again, there was still something not quite right, I’m still not completely clear on that part though.”

“Well, Ed’s not here to ask is he, so I guess we aren’t going to get the full story.” Adam said with a nervous laugh, causing Aaron to roll his eyes once again. “It was a long time ago though mate and Robert was such a pain in the ass then. I mean he still is but it was different then.”

Aaron was confused, it seemed as though everyone got on with Robert now, they seemed more than civil towards him at the hospital. But hearing the stories it seemed it hadn’t always been that way and Aaron wasn’t sure where to start to find out how things had changed.

He looked up from the table, not knowing exactly what was missing but he also had a gut feeling that he didn’t have the whole story. “What else do you remember from that night?”

 

**Five years earlier**

“Thanks for tonight,” Ed said, smiling gently at him from his seat near the middle of the sofa. “It’s been nice.”

“Yeah, it has,” Aaron said, smiling back but not really meaning it, thinking that there were other things he would’ve rather done that night. He glanced at his phone once more, hoping to have a message from Robert but finding nothing. The blonde had simply kissed him on the cheek and told him to have fun, though, with Ed in the mix, Aaron doubted he meant it wholeheartedly.

Apparently, Ed coming over was becoming a regular thing as this was the third night in just over a week they’d spent together. And it wasn’t that he minded hanging out with him. After all, they were mates. But this was starting to feel less like mates hanging out and more like Ed attempting to insert himself further into Aaron’s life.

“We should do it again, soon.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You know, maybe we could even go out? Get dinner too?”

“Er…” Aaron turned towards Ed, once again wondering why he insisted on sitting so close and really hoping this conversation was not heading down the path it seemed to be. “I mean, yeah, I guess we could do that. We could see if Adam, Vic and Robert want to go out.”

“Well, I was actually thinking it could just be the two of us.” Dammit.

“Ed, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“But we have such a good time together. Plus we could go somewhere nice. Why would that be so bad?”

“Because that sounds very much like a date and that’s not something we should be doing.”

“Why not?” Ed asked incredulously.

“Ed, come on. You know why.”

“Because of that vulture?”

“What the hell?!”

“Whoa, what’s going on in here?” Adam asked as he walked further into the room, Vic only a step behind him, it seemed they’d heard every word.

“Ed’s being an idiot!” Aaron said, practically jumping off the sofa and storming towards the kitchen to put some space between him and his so-called mate.

“Care to elaborate on that?”Adam spoke, still looking confused.

“You have no right to say these things about Robert. We’re dating, we’re together, you can’t talk about him like that.”

“You’re together, really? What he your boyfriend now? That’s the biggest joke ever,” Ed said, getting up from his seat as well, his voice rising as he did. “Which number are you on his list of people to call when he’s bored, seventeen? Twenty-four? Ninety-three? He is just playing around with you and I can’t believe you were about to actually fall for his shit! I can’t believe you almost slept with him!”

“Wait, Aaron, you almost what?”

“You have no idea!” Aaron continued, completely ignoring the other two in the room. “You don’t know anything about Robert. And it’s none of your business if I do or don’t sleep with him. I’ll do what I want. If that’s Robert then that’s what I’ll do!”

“You are unbelievable, Aaron! Look at the bigger picture for five seconds! As soon as you sleep with him, he’s gone, we all know that. He’ll get what he wants and then he’ll have no interest in you. Ask Adam and Vic, they agree with me!”

“What?!?” Aaron turned to his two closest friends, still standing near the doorway, now doing their best impressions of a couple of goldfishes flung out of a bowl. “You are all unbelievable! You’re supposed to be on my side. And Vic he’s your brother!”

“We are, Vic and I never said we agreed with Ed.”

“Aaron, we know how much you like Robert but we do have some concerns. We just don’t want to see you get hurt. I know he’s my brother but Robert does has a reputation, we all know this.”

“Oh my god! I cannot believe you guys,” Aaron said. “I really like him and he’s been so good to me. We’ve been going out for a few weeks now and he hasn’t tried anything!”

“Sure looked like he was trying something last week when he had you pinned to your bed!”

“He had you pinned to your bed?” Vic actually looked horrified at this point.

“Yeah, he did! And until Ed walked in, it felt amazing to know someone who I really liked had the decency to ask me if I wanted them to stop pinning me to said bed!”

“He was checking you were alright? That’s actually quite sweet,” Adam chimed in, seeming genuinely happy for a second.

“Oh shut up, Adam! You’re all judging him and do y’know what Robert might have a reputation, but for the last couple of weeks, have any of you seen him with anyone else? Have you heard about him with anyone else? He’s done nothing wrong and you’re all being completely unreasonable!”

Aaron turned and headed for his room, slamming the door behind him just to make it clear how pissed he currently was. Hearing Adam and Ed starting to go at each other, he turned the TV on and put the volume up, throwing himself onto the bed.

The high volume did the job as he didn’t hear anything beyond the muffle of two more slamming doors for the next ten minutes. What kind of mates did he have that were all going behind his back. They had no right to say anything about Robert. Robert who had been so patient and thoughtful and… he didn’t even realise that tears had started trailing down his cheeks until he felt one fall off his chin. Wiping angrily at his face, he sat up in the bed, pulling his knees to his chest and hugging tightly. Unsure of what else to do, he reached for his phone, sending off a quick text, a lifeline.

Aaron (10:24PM): Hey, are you busy?

He stared at his phone for a few minutes before a message came back.

Robert (10:27PM): The bars so packed tonight. What’s up? You okay?

He sighed, knowing it wasn’t right to bring Robert into this, this was his problem.

Aaron (10:29PM): Yeah, fine. Just thinking about you. But I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

He tossed his phone to the end of the bed and flopped back dramatically. This was the worst night ever. As the sound of the TV faded between adverts, he distinctly heard the sound of a soft knock on the door and rolled his eyes.

“Go away.”

“Aaron.” Vic cracked the door open and carefully stuck her head in. “I just wanted to check you were okay.”

“Normally when people tell you to go away, you do that Vic, you don’t just let yourself in.”

He lay there on his back for a moment, arm thrown across his eyes, noticing the silence surrounding him and guessing that Vic had probably turned off the TV. Bringing his arm away from his eyes and leaning up onto his elbows, he glared at the overly distressed girl standing there.

“What do you want, Vic?”

“I owe you an apology. In fact, we all do but Ed stormed out and Adam’s in our room trying to pull himself together at the moment.” He watched as Vic took a few cautious steps before sitting carefully at the very edge of the bed. “Aaron, we were just looking out for you. I know he’s my brother but I also know what he’s like. We shouldn’t have gone about it the way we did and we shouldn’t have talked about it behind your back. I’m sorry.”

“Little late for that now, don’t you think?”

“Yes, it is. Look, I don’t know what happened between you and Ed tonight. But I do know what happened between him and Adam and I. Yes, we talked about you and Robert. Ed has his own opinion-” Aaron just scoffed at that, he knew what Ed thought. “But that’s his place to tell you, not mine. As far as Adam and I though, yes, we were worried about Robert’s intentions.”

“Vic…!”

“But, we’ve also seen first hand how he is with you. He does seem different when you’re around. You seem to bring out the best in him and we just want you to be happy. If Robert makes you happy, that’s great. And before you go off and yell at me again, just know that I’d be giving this same speech if you were dating anyone else, regardless of who they were. We just want what’s best for you, Aaron.”

“What’s best for me is if you didn’t talk behind my back, and if I had your support,” Aaron grumbled.

“Yeah, that’s true and you have our support, one hundred percent. Again, we just want to see you happy.”

Aaron looked at her, seeing the utter sincerity in Vic’s eyes and knowing she’d meant every word she’d just said, even if she had gone about this whole thing totally the wrong way.

“This doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed at you all,” he said with a slight smile.

“Understandable, we deserve that.” A soft vibration coming from the end of the bed caught both of their attention. Vic picked the phone up, glanced at it for a moment and smiled before handing it to Aaron. “I’ll make breakfast in the morning as an apology. You can yell at us some more then.”

Aaron watched as she quietly left the room before turning his attention back to his phone, glancing down at the text.

Robert (10:47PM): Thinking about you too xx

 

**Present**

“You know, on further review, we were complete idiots going along with Ed,” Adam said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. They had just left the pub, leaving his mum to get back and stop Charity moaning.

“You think?” Aaron said, attempting to reign in his shock.

“Come on, Aaron, we were just looking out for you at the time. Robert had been away for years at the time.”

“If it helps, you definitely made us pay. We deserved it, don’t get me wrong, but you barely spoke to either of us for days.”

“Seems like you both deserved it.”

“Trust us, it sucked, mate,” Adam said glancing at his watch and grimacing. “I’m gonna have to go. Ive got someone arriving at the yard in ten minutes with a truck load of stuff.”

“Go on I’ll see you later at home.” Vic replied. Adam smiled and leaned in, giving Vic’s hand a squeeze and a peck on the cheek.

Aaron smiled fondly at the pair, having watched them together all these years now, seeing how perfect they were for each other. Their relationship had begun not long after he’d met them, though they’d always seemed destined to be together. He remembered asking Adam about it once and remembered him saying he would wait as long as he had to for Vic to like him back. What they had together was something he’d always hoped for himself one day. It seemed that maybe he had found it though, in Robert. At least, it sort of seemed that way. Robert had been beyond amazing since he’d woken up in the hospital. And hearing all the stories about him from their previous years together, it seemed like Robert had always been that way.

Still, that was only what he’d gathered. It seemed other people had clearly seen something else entirely in the beginning and it had him wondering if maybe there was something he’d missed.

“Can I ask you something?” He ventured. It was a few minutes later and he and Vic were now walking back towards the house.

“Yeah course, what is it?”

“That whole thing… about people not liking Robert in the beginning and about you feeling like he was just using me or not treating me right, do you still feel that way?”

“No. Aaron, we don’t.”

“Yeah but, if people didn’t like Robert-”

“Aaron, maybe that wasn’t the best story to tell you today, but you have to know, at the time, we thought we had your best interest at heart. We thought that maybe because you liked him so much, you didn’t want to see anything else. But in all fairness, there wasn’t anything more to see. He only had eyes for you. He cared about you. And just to be clear, I never hated my brother, he could just be… difficult at times.”

“Well, Ed sure did… does… did? I’m still unclear on the tense of those feelings to be honest. I don’t even remember him leaving.”

“If you want to get technical, yes, he hated Robert. He had his reasons and to him, they seemed completely valid.” Vic said with an awkward smile. “As for your family they were just looking out for you, same with Adam. And again… it was Robert. He kind of had a reputation around here before he went off to uni.”

“And, what about you?”

Vic looked at him, making eye contact for a moment, smiling.

“Well, I worried about you just because of how things had gone badly before. And everyone knew Robert was anything but innocent,” she said with a small laugh, which Aaron unconsciously joined in on. “But to be honest, despite my reservations about my brother, he proved us all wrong, and I was so happy when you found him.”

“Really?”

“Aaron, you’d been trying with Ed for over year at that point. And while Ed was alright, I was hoping that you’d find someone else and move on. Someone who deserved all the love you had to give. And Ed… he was never going to be the right one for you.”

“So you didn’t hate Robert then?”

“Course I didn’t. Even though he’s an idiot sometimes and can be incredibly rude, he’s done a lot, not just for you, but for all of us. He’s the one who does the good deed and then quietly slips away so that you never even know he was there. I guess it just took a while for us all to see that.”

“Well I’m glad you did.” Aaron said with a smile.

“He’s a good person, Aaron. He doesn’t necessarily like that we all know that about him but it’s true. So to balance the scales we put up with the snarky sarcasm and the moodiness.”

“I’ve seen the sarcasm. The moodiness, well that was new until this morning. How do I deal with that?”

“Oh, what you do with Robert to keep that biting tongue at bay is between you, him and your four walls,” Vic said with a blush, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

* * *

Robert heard the key quietly jingling in the lock of the front door and turned the page of the book in his lap. He wasn’t even focusing on the words. He’d been so caught up in his own head all day that he couldn’t seem to focus on anything. He heard Aaron creeping in and out of the corner of his eye he saw the smaller man step into the living room, standing just inside the doorway, taking up as little space as possible.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry, I’ve been ages. We ended up just sitting there talking for a while,” Aaron said, looking around the room uncomfortably before staring at his feet.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to tell me everything you know? You’re free to do whatever you want, whenever you want.” Robert silently cursed himself for being so harsh.

“Right… okay, well I didn’t mean to disturb you, I just wanted to let you know I was back.” He turned to leave, his face a mask of sadness and Robert felt it pull at the last of his heartstrings. God, why did he have to love him so much?

“Aaron, wait.” He turned back towards Robert but made no move to come any closer. Robert set his book aside and ran a frustrated hand across his face, knowing he had to fix this somehow. “I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh. “I’ve been an ass all day and it’s not right. You don’t deserve that.”

“What’s going on? What happened this morning?” Aaron asked, taking a small step back into the room. Robert looked up, meeting Aaron’s gaze and hating the confusion and hurt he saw there, hating even more that it was there because of him. “Please Robert,” he pleaded as he slowly made his way into the room and gently sat down on the sofa, leaving only a foot or two between them.

This man. Robert would literally do anything for him.

“I don’t know. I guess everything just got to me today.”

“What do you mean everything?”

“I know this was a good day for you. I know you wanted the stitches out and you’re happy that you’re one step closer to everything getting back to normal.”

“Well, don’t you want things to get back to normal?” Aaron asked, appearing completely lost. “I mean, I thought you’d want that too.”

“Of course I do, Aaron. I hate that you got hurt and I want nothing more than for that to go away. But… things aren’t going to just go back to normal. Yeah, you got your stitches out today and you’re getting stronger. You’ve got a few weeks still but your arm and ribs are healing. You’ll be getting back to work soon and you can go out with Adam and stuff. But even with all of that, there’s still… I mean…”He floundered then, finding himself unable to say the rest.

“How isn’t that normal, Robert?”

“Because… I’m not a part of that normal.” The volume at which he said it was so quiet but the words… they screamed.

“Oh.”

And fuck, Aaron felt terrible, because it hadn’t even crossed his mind, had it?

Robert hated how needy and useless he felt in that moment. Needy and useless were not feelings very familiar to him, but dammit if they hadn’t been hanging around a lot lately. He looked away, wishing he had something to hide behind because Aaron’s gaze bore into him so deep that it was making it harder and harder to keep it together. Time to avert this crisis. Taking a deep breath he put on a brave face and sent a smile Aaron’s way, hoping it was convincing enough.

“Look, forget I said anything ok. I’m just sorry about today.” He stood up, avoiding Aaron’s eyes and slowly made to leave the room.

“Robert, stop. Please.”

His feet ceased just as he got to the door but he didn’t turn around. He was weak and pathetic, and weak and pathetic were two things that Robert Sugden didn’t do.

“I’m sorry Robert. I wasn’t thinking about that.”

He took a deep breath and turned halfway towards Aaron, refusing to fully meet him head on. He needed to put this to rest and get the hell out of the house.

“You don’t have to think about it, Aaron. It makes sense that you wouldn’t.”

“Why does that make sense?” Aaron’s voice went up in pitch and Robert heard him stand and move towards him.

“Because you don’t know me, Aaron.”

“But I want to! Robert, I want to remember so much. Every time you tell me another story, I keep waiting and hoping for something to come back.”

“Aaron, I can tell you about us until I’m blue in the face, but that’s no guarantee that you’ll ever remember.”

“But you don’t know it isn’t helping! The doctor even said today that it was a good idea. Plus, isn’t it kind of nice, reliving all this stuff?”

“Aaron, all this retelling of our past… sure there’s nice memories. There’s inside jokes and dates and time together, just the two of us, getting to know each other and learning what we actually meant to one another. But there’s also some not so nice memories. Stuff that I don’t particularly want to rehash. I’m having a hard time with that part. And that's not fair to you. It's not fair just to avoid that stuff just because I don't want to deal with it. You shouldn’t have to deal with this right now when you don’t even know me.”

“But just like it’s your job to deal with me, isn’t it kind of my job to put up with you?” He looked up into Aaron’s kind face and swallowed hard. “No, I don’t remember you. Or any of this,” he continued, motioning around the room. “But I want to. I know you care about me and I want to remember what it’s like to feel the same way you do. I wish I could, because I know this is hurting you and I hate that.”

“Maybe me being here isn’t helping though. Maybe it’s too much pressure on you and I just… I don’t know." He looked down, kicking the toe of his foot into the floor, hating that what he was about to say might be the best option. "Maybe it would be better if I just gave you some space. Maybe it would be better if I just left for a while. Then maybe you wouldn't feel all this pressure and you could just worry about you and getting better. That's what you should be focusing on anyway. Not on me.”

“I’m trying, Rob, I really am. I don’t… I don’t want to lose you.” Robert finally looked up, hearing Aarons voice crack and saw the tears slowly sliding down his face.

“Aaron, please don’t cry.” He started to reach out, intending to wrap the smaller man in his arms but stopped as soon as he remembered himself, leaving him leaning awkwardly halfway towards the other man. He was shocked when a second later Aaron reached out himself, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Robert’s waist, burying his face in his neck.

“You’ve been here since the minute I woke up in that hospital bed. You’ve been so patient and helpful. You’re amazing and… I don’t want to lose you.”

“It’s alright, it’s going to be okay,” Robert said, holding Aaron tightly to him, feeling the slight sobs rack his frame. He could feel the shoulder of his shirt mopping up the tears and realised just how extremely unfair this whole situation was to both of them. Aaron didn’t ask for this any more than he did and while it sucked that he was in this position, he couldn’t just expect Aaron to be his Aaron again when the brunette had absolutely no idea how to do that. “I’m so sorry Aaron.”

“No, I’m sorry. I’ve been trying, but I need to try harder. I will, I promise, just… please don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Robert pulled back, moving his hands up to cup Aaron’s cheeks, his thumbs gently wiping at the tears still falling. He wasn’t sure if this was too much or not but in this desperate moment, it seemed to be what Aaron needed as he tilted his head further into Robert’s strong hands. Unable to help it, Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron’s shoulders again and pulled him close, burying his face in Aaron’s neck. "I'm not going anywhere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou so much for continuing to leave comments and kudos. It brings a smile to my face everytime!


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings up with Aaron and Robert is confused. Aaron comes to a realisation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t thank everyone enough for the comments and Kudos, you are all truly amazing!  
> Some people may have noticed that I’ve now put above the number of chapters there will be all together for this fic. I’ve planned out where this story is going and my current notes put this fic at 35 chapters, possibly one or two more. This really is going to be a slow burn with many ups and downs, but I hope you continue to enjoy reading.

 

**Chapter Nine**

  
It had been a long, mostly sleepless night. Aaron had drifted in and out of consciousness, waking every hour or so, his mind wandering through the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ and ‘if onlys’ before slowly drifting off to sleep again. This whole debacle was beginning to weigh him down more than he could handle and he was starting to wonder how he would ever manage to get through it in one piece without losing his mind. After all, a person could only take so much before they snapped.

The last time he’d checked the time on his phone it was around five in the morning and he’d been in the middle of making a mental list of all the different things he could try to do in order to speed the process of remembering along, like it was actually in his control, when he’d drifted back off to sleep. Now as he looked at the time again, he saw it was just after eight. He kicked the covers off and sat up, letting a loud sigh escape. He was exhausted and his limbs felt heavy but he couldn’t stay in bed any longer. He needed to get up and do something, anything that might make him feel the tiniest bit useful. Maybe he’d offer to make Robert dinner that evening. Or maybe he could clean up around the house. It was starting to lose that illustrious Vic shine and it would keep his hands busy if nothing else. And if his hands were busy, maybe his mind would follow.

Getting out of the bed, he moved towards the bedroom door, which he’d left cracked open the night before, his fear of Robert leaving in the middle of the night apparently stronger than his need for privacy. Opening the door and stepping into the hall, he took notice of just how quiet it was.

Maybe Robert was still asleep. Hopefully.

He attempted to calm his heart, suddenly thudding loudly in his chest, feeling the desperation from the night before creeping in around it, squeezing relentlessly. Taking note that the spare room and bathroom door were both open, the rooms both clearly empty, he padded down the stairs. But upon reaching the bottom he found that mild panic kicking into full gear.

Robert wasn’t there and the sofa was neat and tidy, appearing as though it hadn’t been used at all, which was very different than the other mornings since he’d been home when he’d encountered rumpled pillows and blankets, unfolded and hanging halfway off the sofa and onto the floor. No, this was not normal.

Retracing his steps, he quickly doubled back the way he came, making sure to check to check every room, but nothing. Looking outside, he checked the patio area beyond the outdoor table, which was also empty and if the rain coming down in heavy sheets was any indication, had been all morning.

He felt his heart sink. Robert had left. He promised he wouldn’t and he had anyway.

He felt the burning behind his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears welling up from falling. There was no point in crying, it wouldn’t do any good. Sniffling and attempting to calm his rapid breathing, he sat on one of the chairs at the kitchen table, at a loss of what else to do. This was the same place he’d sat the night before as Robert had made him a cup of tea, hoping it would help to calm him after his breakdown. Robert had put the steaming mug in front of him and then quietly sat next to him as he nursed it, letting their knees brush every few minutes just to reassure each other that they were both still there. They hadn’t really talked about anything more the rest of the evening but when Robert cleaned up his mug and told him to go to bed, he’d promised he’d be there when Aaron woke up. He’d promised.

What was he going to do? He still had no memory of Robert, but after spending the last few days with him it was becoming more and more apparent why he’d developed feelings for the other man all those years ago. They’d built this amazing life together and they were clearly in love. Why the hell couldn’t he remember? Why couldn’t he just get his memory back so he could fix all this, so he could stop hurting Robert?

Not that it mattered anymore. He was gone.

Feeling the pressure building from all the emotions surging inside, he buried his face in his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes to keep some sort of grasp on himself. He couldn’t fall apart now. He had to keep it together and try to figure things out. So Robert had left. Now he’d have to figure things out on his own. He could do that. He could be strong. And he wouldn’t let it bother him that the amazing person he was actually starting to like had decided he just wasn’t worth all this hassle. No, it wouldn’t bother him at all. Only he knew that wasn’t true. He felt a few tears escape and laid his good arm across the table in front of him, letting his head fall on it with a quiet thud.

He was so focused on not completely losing it and keeping his breathing even so as not to hyperventilate that the sound of the front door opening startled him. Quickly sitting up, he turned just as Robert came in, looking slightly damp and windblown, hands full with two styrofoam cups and a paper bag.

“Hey,” Robert said with a gentle smile, closing the door behind him. “Sorry, I was hoping to be back before you woke up. You okay?”

Aaron realised his face was still a mix of utterly crushed and completely shocked and attempted to reign it in before he completely broke down under Robert’s gaze.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine. Just not fully awake yet.”

Robert stared at him for another moment, seeming to think something through before coming further into the house and setting everything down on the table near Aaron.

“I promised you last night that I wasn’t going to go anywhere.”

Of course, Robert knew why he was upset, Aaron thought to himself, hanging his head ashamed, his hands nervously fidgeting in front of him.

“I’m sorry. I just… when I woke up I couldn’t find you. And it didn’t look like you’d slept on the sofa so I just thought… I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“It’s okay,” Robert said, taking the seat next to him and gently reaching out, placing his hand under Aaron’s chin to force him to lift his head and look at him. He smiled and dropped his hand once Aaron’s eyes met his own and Aaron instantly felt the absence it’s warmth left. “I couldn’t really sleep last night so I ended up just working on a few things. I er… I looked in on you before I left and it seemed like you were still asleep, so I ran out to get us breakfast. I didn’t intend for you to wake up while I was gone. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Sorry. It’s just… after last night…”

“I know. But I meant it when I was I wasn’t going anywhere, Aaron. I’m staying.”

Aaron nodded, wanting nothing more at that moment than to feel Robert wrap his arms around him again. But that wouldn’t be appropriate, would it? After all, even if Robert had promised to stay, the situation hadn’t changed had it? They were still in the middle of the same shit show as before. He nodded and opened his mouth to apologise again but his stomach growling beat him to the punch, making Robert smirk.

“And it appears I got here just in time,” he said, reaching into the paper bag and handing Aaron a bacon sandwich. “Eat up.”

* * *

 

“Check.”

Aaron sighed and rolled his eyes, looking up at Robert, his eyes teasing, a smirk firmly planted on his lips.

“You suck.”

“Actually, no, since I’ve won the last two games and I’m going to take your king in about… three moves, I think suck is not the word you’re looking for. Brillant? Yes. Ingenious? Absolutely.”

“Alright, enough,” Aaron said with a laugh. He looked back at the board, biting his lip and contemplating his next move. “I’m no good at this.” He hovered his right hand over his rook but stopped when he saw Robert arch his eyebrow. Instead, he moved his hand to his knight but then stopped again when the blondes smirk grew. “Ugh, stop that,” he said, laughing again.

“You’re doing fine, Aaron. Don’t worry. You’ve only actually beaten me once the entire time we’ve been together,” he said, leaning forward onto the kitchen table.

The weather had kept them inside for the day, the rain only coming down harder as the hours went on, the wind bringing the temperature lower than normal on the early October day. So far they’d managed to change into sweats, made it through two fast and furious films, Aaron’s choice, and were on their second game of chess, which was Robert’s idea.

“You mean you’re actually able to convince me to play this with you on a regular basis?” Robert just shrugged, smirking further. “I don’t remember ever playing before.”

“Well that makes sense I suppose,” Robert said, still sussing the board out.

“It does?”

“Well, I was the one who taught you how to play.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, not long after we got together. You were at my place and we were trying to decide what to do for the night but the weather was awful.” Robert sat back in his chair, paused for a moment and then chuckled as though caught in the memory. “You were snooping around and you found my chessboard. I used to play all the time with Carly and Will, my friends from uni. Anyway, you found it and thought it would be a laugh for me to teach you how to play. So I did.”

“I don’t remember that. I mean, obviously, I don’t remember that but I still remember how to play,” Aaron said, finding himself astonished at that fact. How could he remember something Robert had taught him but not Robert himself? He looked up, finding Robert smiling and nodding at him. Maybe this was something? Maybe this was good? He smiled at the thought, turning back to the board in front of him, attempting to find a way out of the position he’d gotten himself into. “So why didn’t we just watch TV or something?”

“I didn’t have one.”

“What?! Were you living in the Stone Age?”

“No,” Robert said with a chuckle. “I was never really bothered watching TV. I’m more of a reader.”

Obviously. Aaron thought of the books lining the shelves of their spare bedroom and smiled.

“So what did we do when I came to your place then?”

 

**Five Years Earlier**

Robert heard the knock on the door and swallowed nervously. Taking a deep breath and catching a glance of himself in the mirror across the room, he gave himself a quick once-over before moving towards the door to answer it. As he opened it, he couldn't help smiling at the ball of nervous energy on the other side.

“Hey.” He reached out and grabbed onto Aaron, pulling him inside the apartment and closing the door behind him. Wrapping his arms around Aaron’s waist underneath his jacket, he leaned in, letting their lips find each other for the first time that day. He smiled at the brunette as they parted but kept him close, not wanting to let go just yet.

“Hi,” Aaron sighed, making Robert chuckle.

“You have any trouble finding the place?”

“Course not. I’m not completely incapable of following directions,” he said rolling his eyes but smiling just the same. Robert let him step away and watched as Aaron looked around the room, taking everything in.

The apartment was small, he knew that. It was just the one room with a small bathroom off the back. He’d cleaned it up earlier, knowing Aaron was coming round but now that he was reevaluating it through the eyes of the man next to him, he was a little underwhelmed with his attempt. The dirty clothes had made it into the basket but it was still overflowing. His bed was made but still looked slept-in. He’d washed the mountain of coffee cups in the sink but now they’d overtaken the drying rack.

“It’s um… it’s not much,” he said, unexpectedly feeling a little flustered but unsure why. He’d had countless people up here but had never given the apartment or its contents much thought. But this was Aaron, the man who he’d found himself liking more and more each day and who, he suddenly realised, he desperately wanted to impress.

He turned when Aaron moved further into the room, taking his coat off, and sitting on the edge of the bed that took up the nearest corner.

“It’s fine Robert. It’s actually kind of what I expected. It’s very you.”

“Very me?”

“Yeah. Books everywhere, very monochrome. Very you,” he said with a laugh. “I like it.” Robert just smiled at him and moved towards the smaller man, taking a seat next to him on the bed, watching as Aaron still looked around the room. “You don’t have a TV?”

“Wow, nothing gets past you does it.”

Aaron just shook his head, still smiling away. “So no TV, what do you want to do then?”

“Oh, I have all sorts of ideas on that,” Robert teased, lifting an eyebrow and pulling Aaron closer. Aaron just blushed and allowed it, smiling into the soft kiss that Robert left on his lips. “How was your day?” He asked after the kiss ended, reaching up and stroking a hand across Aarons cheek.

“Good. Just been at the scrap yard and then went to see my mum. She ended up filing me in on Christmas plans. It’s kind of been made into a big deal since I’ve been living back with her again.” Robert smiled at the smaller man. He kissed his cheek once and rose, moving towards the kitchen.

“I’m sure shes glad to have you back with her. What does she have planned?” He asked, grabbing a couple of cans from the nearly empty fridge. He should probably stock up better if he planned on having Aaron over more often.

“We always end up at Zac and Lisa’s, Dingle tradition apparently. This will be my third Christmas back home. Big family dinner and then everyone gets hammered. That pretty much sums it up.” Robert smiled as he handed Aaron one of the beers, taking notice of the smile on the younger mans face as he talked. He sat down towards the middle of the bed, pulling Aaron closer so they could sit comfortably together. “It’s not the most traditional Christmas but everyone’s together and it’s a good laugh.”

“It sounds like you’re looking forward to it and that’s all that matters, right?” Aaron just nodded, looking away for a moment and suddenly seeming uncomfortable.

“So… what about you? I mean, I know it’s still a couple of months away but what are your plans? Are you coming back to the village?”

Shit.

“Not exactly.” He paused, taking note of the eager look on Aaron’s face, knowing the other man was only trying to get to know him better. “Actually I usually spend Christmas here with friends, have done for the past three years,” he answered, opening the can in his hand and hoping that would be the end of the topic. Of course, this was Aaron and he should’ve known better.

Aaron had heard how Vic had always been upset that Robert didn’t come back for Christmas anymore. But he’d never really thought much into it, just assumed her brother didn’t care. But now he was getting to know the blonde that seemed far from the case. “How come you don’t spend it with your family.”

Robert just shrugged, looking away, finding Aaron’s intense gaze bothering him far more than his Dad’s rejection or the distinct lack of invitation he’d ever received.

“Sorry, I don’t want to pry. I just… I don’t understand.” Robert looked up, seeing Aaron’s face transform into a mix of confusion and hurt and it made him ache to think Aaron was hurting for him.

“It’s fine. I get that you have a good relationship with your mum now and that’s great. It just doesn’t work that way with my family though. Trust me it’s just better if I stay out the way,” he said with a shrug. “You don’t have to feel bad.”

“It’s not that. I just… I guess I can’t imagine that. I can’t imagine Vic or Dianne or anyone… rejecting you like that. You’re…. you’re amazing Rob.” Aaron said, reaching for his hand, interlacing their fingers. Robert looked down at their fingers, fitting together so perfectly, stunned by Aaron’s words. No one had ever treated him the way Aaron did. No one had ever been this kind to him without wanting something in return. And sure, there was a lot Aaron didn’t know about him yet, but for the first time ever, Robert wasn’t terrified to let someone in. Slowly, of course, but he figured it was at least a start.

He looked up, smiling fondly at the man that was slowly worming his way further and further into his life and chuckled when Aaron only looked more confused.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just… happy you’re here,” he said, squeezing Aaron’s hand. The younger man just smiled, and it was a sight Robert would never get bored of. “So, really what do you want to do tonight?”

“I thought you had all sorts of ideas on that,” Aaron teased.

If he was being completely honest, this was what he’d been hoping for when he’d invited Aaron over earlier in the day. Not that he was dead set against other plans if Aaron had suggested something else or had seemed uncomfortable with the idea. And he really didn’t want Aaron to think he was only after one thing.

However, it wasn’t his doing this time. They’d been sitting on the bed still, facing each other, knees touching, occasionally reaching out to one another for more contact, still talking, though the conversation had been considerably lighter and had steered away from any topic related to family. He’d been laughing at an incredibly cheesy joke Aaron had just told when the brunette had kissed him. And then kept kissing him, winding his hands into Robert’s hair and pulling him closer.

They’d obviously been down this road before but as the kiss grew longer and deeper, and Aaron had laid back, pulling Robert on top of him, Robert knew this time was different. First off, there would be no interruptions. No roommates or nosy friends had its perks. Secondly, Aaron had initiated it this time, and while it wasn’t the first time Aaron had kissed him, it was the first time that he’d done so on a bed… behind a locked door… seemingly intent on taking it beyond a few minutes of passionate lip-locking.

Robert allowed his weight to settle more fully on top of the prone man and smirked when his right hand apparently hit a ticklish spot on Aaron’s rib cage as it shifted to the hem of his t-shirt. Pulling his lips away, trailing them around Aaron’s jaw and down his neck, he heard the sharp intake of breath above him as his hips fell further between Aaron’s legs, pressing more firmly into him.

He forced himself to pause for a moment, taking a deep breath and inhaling the delicious scent there at the juncture between Aaron’s neck and shoulder. Pushing himself back up, he captured Aaron’s lips once again, sighing at the quiet moan Aaron let out. He adjusted himself so that Aaron wasn’t holding up all his weight and found the hem of the smaller mans t-shirt once again, toying with it for a moment, just in case, before sliding it up. He could feel the warm skin of Aaron’s torso beneath his palm, so soft and tempting, and it would have been so easy to go faster but that would’ve ruined the moment. And it seemed he wasn’t the only one seriously enjoying this. He felt the man below him, still tugging insistently at his hair, hands then moving lower to run softly along the back of his neck, fingertips tickling, then across his shoulders. And then down his chest where he felt Aaron pushing at him.

Wait pushing? That wasn’t right, was it?

“You okay?” He asked as he pulled his lips away from Aaron’s and met the smaller mans eyes with his own. Still caught up in the moment, he leant back down to take a hold of Aaron’s soft lips again but felt him stiffen beneath him. Immediately pulling back, he lifted himself up a few inches and met Aaron’s gaze again, noticing that look of desire he’d seen only ten minutes earlier had now been replaced by something else entirely. “Aaron? What is it? Are you okay?”

“Yeah… fine,” he said, pushing Robert back further and attempting to sit up. Robert sat back on his knees, allowing him some space. Aaron moved out from underneath the blonde man and moved to the edge of the bed, keeping his back to where Robert still knelt, his hands quickly working to pull down his t-shirt.

“Okay… are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just… realised how late it is. I should get going.” Robert watched, confounded, as Aaron stood up and moved away from the bed, stumbling as he grabbed for his shoes and jacket, struggling to put them on.

“Aaron, wait. Are you really leaving?” Aaron just nodded, avoiding Robert’s gaze completely. “But it’s only just gone nine o’clock, I mean… I thought-”

“I really need to go.”

“Well, let me at least drive you home.” Robert scrambled off the bed and took the few steps to land him immediately in front of the brunette.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just get the bus.” Aaron finally looked at him, sending him a smile that was not genuine in any shape or form, left a quick kiss on his cheek and bolted out the door before he could even process the fact that he was now alone in his apartment.

What the hell had just happened?

  
**The Next Day**

He stood at the entrance to the fairgrounds, looking at the crowd around him with distaste. This was not his scene at all. But since it was a chance to see Aaron, he was game.

He’d woken up that morning, still utterly confused about Aaron’s abrupt departure from the night before. Aaron had texted him almost an hour later to say he’d gotten home safely and then again a little while later confirming once again that nothing was wrong when Robert asked him again. But that was it. Honestly, he wasn’t sure when to expect to hear from Aaron again but the text he’d received around midday, asking him to go to the fair in town had been a surprise.

Maybe he just wasn’t feeling well last night, Robert thought as he stood there, continuing to search for Aaron in the sea of bodies around him. That would explain the sudden rushing out of his apartment. And obviously Aaron had wanted to see him again or he wouldn’t have asked him to this stupid fair.

Grumbling and sending a snarl towards a couple who’d just bumped into him, he looked back just in time to catch sight of a grinning Aaron… followed by Vic, Adam and some others trailing behind.

What the hell? Wasn’t this supposed to be a date? Just the two of them.

“Hey.” Aaron said once he was within earshot, still smiling wide at Robert, but keeping some distance. Robert just smiled, his gaze moving back to Aaron’s friends and his sister. Adam seemed genuinely happy and smiled politely at him, his sister surprising him by pulling him in for a hug. Ed, of course, was sending daggers his way, which, honestly did he really care what Ed thought about him? Nope, not even a little bit. And then there was another girl… one he remembered meeting before during some game night at Aaron’s.

“You remember Tracey, right?” Aaron asked as they stood there awkwardly. Robert just nodded as Tracey gave him the once over and then finally showing a smile.

“Come on then, we’ve not come here to stand around,” Adam said, already taking off towards the ticket counter. Vic gave the rest of the group a polite smile and took off after him. Robert looked back to the others, catching a hard glare from Ed. Rolling his eyes at the lame attempt of intimidation, he walked off, trailing slowly in the direction Adam and Vic had just vanished to, not caring if the others followed.

“Hey, wait.” He felt Aaron reach his side and looked over, catching the mans curious gaze. “You okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” He looked back as they reached the ticket counter, pulling his wallet out and realising this might get awkward. If this was supposed to be a date and he didn’t pay for Aaron’s ticket, he’d look like a jerk. But if this was supposed to be just friends hanging out and he did pay, it would be uncomfortable. He looked to his right, seeing Aaron still looking puzzled and decided he’d rather be uncomfortable than a jerk. He held up two fingers at the tired looking woman behind the counter and handed over the cash to pay, taking note that his wallet was looking a little lighter than usual.

He would have to see if he could pick up an extra shift at the bar this week.

“I could’ve paid for myself,” Aaron said as the woman handed them their tickets and they walked through the entrance.

And here comes the uncomfortable. He opened his mouth, unsure if he was about to apologise or say something snarky, hoping it wouldn’t be the latter when Aaron beat him to the punch.

“I mean, thank you. I appreciate it,” he said, gently sliding his hand into Robert’s and squeezing. Robert looked down at their joined hands and swore he felt his heart skip a beat.

What the hell was going on here?

“So how about since you bought the tickets, I buy you a burger?” Aaron said, smiling and leaning into Robert as they walked. Robert could only smile in return.

* * *

 

He hated to admit it but the fair had actually been fun. Adam had attempted to drag them onto every ‘thrill’ ride there, everyone but Robert eventually bowing out to avoid throwing up all the food they’d consumed.

“That time was so much better,” Adam said as they stumbled off their second trip on the Gravitron, still laughing a little at the sensation of having firm ground beneath their feet.

“That’s only because you didn’t have that woman next to you screaming and praying the entire time,” Robert said.

“True. You know, I don’t even think the last time she was screaming was in any real language.” Adam paused and looked around, searching for the others. Robert stopped too, looking in the other direction and finally seeing Aaron standing next to Vic near one of the many doughnut huts. Not too far away Ed and Tracey sat on one of the available benches, both of them not looking to good. He turned and gestured to Adam, pointing him in the general direction as he started walking.

“Another doughnut? Really? You’re going to be sick after all you’ve eaten tonight.”

“But this one’s got chocolate in the middle,” Aaron said, looking down at the doughnut in his hands and taking a bite. Robert just laughed and leaned in, intending to place a soft kiss on Aaron’s cheek. Aaron smiled and turned just in time to catch Robert’s lips with his own, tasting like chocolate.

“Alright, if you two keep that up, I really am going to be sick again,” Ed said, standing and stepping towards the group. “Besides, it’s late. Tracey and I are both working tomorrow, so we should get going.”

“Us too actually,” Vic said, her voice a pitch higher than normal.

They all said their goodbyes before walking off, everyone leaving with a friendly smile except for Ed, who continued to glare in Robert’s direction. It was almost starting to be funny, to be honest.

“What about you? Have you got an early start?”

“Nope. No work until ten,” Aaron said, grabbing at the sides of Robert’s leather jacket and pulling him closer, most likely leaving some sticky residue from his fingertips, but Robert didn’t care. He leaned in, letting his lips softly graze Aaron’s for half a second before pulling back with a smile.

“Well then, what would you like to do?” Aaron appeared to think for a moment, before shrugging and leaning in to kiss Robert once again. And who was he to argue with such a great plan? Pulling away a moment later, he took Aaron’s hand in his and pulled him towards the exit.

They walked in silence, leaving the quickly emptying grounds fairly fast. Once outside, Robert turned and steered them in the direction of his apartment, which was only a few streets away. It was then that he felt resistance on the hand holding Aaron’s before the comforting grasp was gone. He turned, seeing a very different man standing there; no longer excited and on a sugar high, the man that stood before him now looked almost terrified.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just… um, I just remembered… I have stuff to do… back at home. So I should… I should probably call it a night,” Aaron said, backing up slowly, now no longer within Robert’s reach.

“Aaron? Seriously, is everything okay? I thought since it was just the two of us, we could just go back to my place and-”

“I’m fine, Robert. But I have to go.” And with that, Aaron turned and practically ran off in the opposite direction. Robert left with no choice but to stand there and watch him disappear.

 

**Present**

“Wait, I just left? Just like that?” Robert nodded, smiling softly at Aaron’s disbelief. “Why? Why would I do that?”

“I really had no idea at the time,” Robert answered with a chuckle. “It was the first time I’d ever had anyone blow me off like that. And two nights in a row, not good for the ego. Plus since it was you, it honestly scared me. I thought maybe you weren’t interested anymore. I thought… maybe you really did just want to be friends.”

“God, I sound like I was a nightmare.” Robert laughed at that, unable to help it and Aaron smiled, loving the sound. He took in the way Robert’s face lit up, his eyes crinkling the tiniest bit and his smile completely genuine.

They’d moved from the kitchen into the living room not long after the story had started, both of them deciding it would be more comfortable. They’d ordered in, once again, Aaron insisting that Robert continue the story as they ate from their respective ends of the sofa.

Looking away from Robert’s handsome face, he turned and took note of the clock on the wall, cringing when he realised how late it had gotten. Robert had already told him he had to work tomorrow and now here he was, keeping the poor man up and making him tell stories of their past.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise it was this late.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be able to function after a few cups of coffee tomorrow.”

“I won’t keep you up any longer then. You need to sleep Robert, I know you haven’t been sleeping much lately.” Robert just shrugged and looked away, suddenly seeming upset. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking.” He paused for a moment before finally looking up at Aaron. “You sure you’re going to be okay alone tomorrow? I mean, I can try to figure something else out or reschedule my meetings.”

“Robert, you’ve put your life on hold for weeks now. It’s fine. I’ll just watch some TV and maybe take a look at a few of those scrap contracts me and Adam were working on before… before the accident.” Robert cringed at the words and Aaron unconsciously reached out, placing a hand on his blanket covered knee. “I’m okay. Really. If I need anything, I promise I’ll call you, okay?”

Robert just nodded, sighing deeply before standing up and stretching. Aaron followed suit, laying the blanket that they’d been sharing out for Robert to use that night. He looked up, catching a smirk from Robert and smiling back shyly. He stepped around the table in front of the sofa and walked towards the kitchen to grab some water and heard Robert follow him, clearly having the same idea. Grabbing two glasses he filled both and turned to hand one to Robert before nodding and issuing a quiet goodnight. He walked away, getting ready to climb the stairs before a thought crossed his mind out of the blue.

Feeling his cheeks start to redden, he stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turning and leant against the rail, keeping his gaze low.

“Can I ask you something? Something that I’m probably going to be embarrassed about.” He looked up, catching the curious look on Robert’s face and a nod. “So… when I had lunch with everyone yesterday, they were reminding me of some stuff but Adam said something about coming over here a few weeks ago. Something about a Bluetooth speaker I’d borrowed from him and finding it in our room… with a chair and some… candles…” Robert chuckled shyly and Aaron swore hed never thought the man looked more beautiful. Shaking his head to rid himself of the thought, he looked away for a second before turning back. “You don’t have to tell me, I was just curious.”

“Well, Adam broke your speakers a few months ago. Not on purpose but you know how Adam is and how he can’t ever just leave anything alone. Anyway, about a week before… before the accident, you were going to france for business. You were going to be gone a few days but by the time you were supposed to get back, I was going to be in London for meetings so we weren’t going to see each other for nearly a week. You had this idea...” Aaron smiled as he saw what he swore was a slight blush barely tint Robert’s cheeks. “You had given me something for my birthday and you decided to… recreate that really amazing gift before we both had to leave. I guess you wanted us both to have something to… think about while we were apart.”

Aaron looked away, knowing he must be red faced by this point. Oh wow. He could only imagine. He looked up, finding Robert shyly smiling at him for a moment before shrugging it off.

“Anyway, you borrowed the speaker from Adam because he has yet to buy you a new one. You should probably remind him of that the next time you see him.”

“Right. Well then… okay…”

“Hey, you asked,” Robert chimed in, seemingly worried he’d crossed a line. “I was just answering you. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m glad you told me. And it was probably a good idea to tell me the PG version.” Aaron paused for a moment, unsure if he should continue or keep the thoughts rolling around in his head to himself or not. “Maybe we can talk more, later, about… what actually happened?” He looked up to find Robert starting back at him, smirking, eyebrow raised and shook his head, unable to meet the intense gaze any longer. “Night, Robert.”

“Night, Aaron,” he heard Robert call after him as he made his way upstairs and into the bedroom.

He threw back the covers and sunk down onto the bed, not even bothering to turn on the bedside lamp. Snuggling into the mattress, he smiled to himself, thinking not for the first time today just how incredible Robert was. Rolling onto his side towards the empty side of the bed, he sighed, taking note of the halfway burned down candles on the dresser. Candles.

Oh god, those must be from from… what did he do? Shaking his head, he looked away from the dresser and snuggled in further, thinking about the rest of what Robert had told him that day, wondering why he was so hot and cold whenever they were together at the beginning. There was an obvious theme. Apparently, he’d just gotten incredibly nervous at being alone with Robert. Or maybe the prospect of it. But that didn’t make sense. He’d been told by enough people how much he liked Robert in the beginning. And he’d obviously been fine being alone with Robert before the fight with his friends. Had something else happened in between? Had Robert done something or had his friends said something more or had-

Oh, he was such an idiot!

Robert was not the first man Aaron had ever dated. His first boyfriend had been difficult. It was a first for both of them dating a man. But the bloke had been very adamant about keeping anything physical above the waist and they’d ended things when he had moved away. The second man he’d been seeing had been someone he met at bar west. He had really liked him but the man had kept him at a distance, wanting to keep things casual. They’d been about to take things further physically when the lads homophobic parents walked in on them, effectively ending that there and then.

A few months later, he’d developed a bit of a thing for Ed that never went anywhere and then… Then there was Robert. Robert who he’d fallen for and who actually liked him back without hiding. Robert who was stupidly attractive and fun and charming. Robert who…

Who was his first.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m blown away by the respone to this story and I absolutley love reading all the comments. So if you have the time let me know what you thought.X


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much once again for all the Kudos and comments, they are amzing to read so please keep them coming. 
> 
>  
> 
> Just a side note for anyone I’ve confused. Aaron is listening to the stories about him and Robert, but they are not making him remember, he does not have any of his memory back. In upcoming chapters you will see how not being able to remember him and Robert together effects Aaron. But for now, hope you enjoy this chapter. Xx

**Chapter Ten**

 

Aaron picked up the leather photo album from the table where Robert had left it and sat it down at the table next to the quickly cooling cup of coffee he’d poured himself. In all honesty, he’d been avoiding the album since he saw it that morning, sitting next to the note with Robert’s incredibly neat script.

_Aaron,_

_I thought you might like to have a look at this and maybe it’ll bring something back. I’ll be home around five. Remember we’re supposed to be having dinner with Adam and Vic but call if you need anything. Please._

_Robert_

The blonde had been long gone by the time he’d gotten up and for the first time since the accident, he was grateful to have some time to himself. He needed to process everything and after his realisation the night before, he really needed a few hours away from Robert in order to avoid becoming a stuttering mess when trying to have any normal human interactions with the man.

It was nearly four now but he’d run out of things to do to pass the time. He’d already spent most of the morning and a little of the afternoon cleaning up around the house, taking great care to avoid Robert’s things, just in case, before returning a few long overdue emails to some of his scrap contacts and finally cleaning himself up. He purposely took a long shower and then spent the next half hour drying off and looking through the clothes in the wardrobe, finding the idea of sweats completely unappealing after wearing nothing else for the last two weeks. He was glad to see from the inside of the wardrobe that nothing had changed much in that department, it was clear which side was his from the vast collection of black clothing.

Truthfully, Robert was right, he should have a look through the photos, at least try and remember something. But more than that was his fear; fear of looking through the photos and finding absolutely nothing to be familiar. It was the same reason he’d been avoiding his phone, only checking any new texts and emails. The pictures around the house were bad enough, leaving gaping holes in his memory. But to be face to faced with hundreds of those little holes was completely terrifying. And then what would happen? He’d feel about a million times worse, that was for sure. And he already felt useless enough in this whole situation, why add fuel to the fire?

He placed a hand over the cover of the album, taking a deep, steadying breath and opened it, feeling a small smile instantly take over his face. The page was full of pictures of him, Adam, Vic, and Ed, all from a weekend away with the rugby club. Turning the page, he felt a little calmer as more photos of his friends popped up. These pictures were of times he remembered. There they were at a Halloween party with Tracey, the five of them dressed as superheroes. And then nights out at the pub. And some of Christmas time and family. There were pictures of him and Ed after one of the many sporting events he’d gone to support. And pictures of him and Adam, covered in dirt and oil, Vic looking on proudly after their first day at the scrap yard.

Taking the final sip of his now cold coffee, he turned the page, completely immersed in the memories of him and his friends but then stopped cold, the smile falling from his face. There on the page in front of him were pictures from the night at the fair. The same fair Robert had just told him about the night before. The one where he’d ran away as soon as he was left alone with the other man.

The pictures in front of him showed no signs of running though. The Aaron in these photos looked so happy, excited even. And… there was one in the middle of the page, with just him and Robert. Clearly, neither of them were paying attention when it was taken. Robert appeared to be looking off to his right and laughing at whatever was there, his arm wrapped around Aaron’s shoulders, keeping him close. For his part, the Aaron in the photo had both of his arms wrapped around Robert’s waist, smiling and staring at the beautiful man next to him, looking like he was the sun and the moon and stars all rolled into one glorious ball of brilliance.

What the hell happened that night?

Shaking his head, he turned the page, thankful when it was filled with something he could remember: Adam’s birthday. Or rather the fancy dinner that Vic had insisted on organising for them a few days before his actual birthday. The day of his actual birthday was also fairly memorable as Adam had gotten hammered off cheap booze and jäger bombs at the bar they'd picked to celebrate at.

Aaron smiled, remembering walking out of his bedroom the morning after the night out, finding Adam draped across the kitchen table, still passed out into a bag of Doritos, using Vic’s best kitchen towels as a pillow and missing his trousers. He’d never seen Vic so frazzled as she was when she woke up a few minutes later and found the same sight, now with the addition of an indifferent Aaron, sitting on the sofa with a bowl of cereal, watching TV.

He turned back to the photos from the dinner party, seeing the usual suspects: Adam, Vic, Ed, and Tracey. It looked like Tracey had brought the guy she’d dated briefly. And then in the last photo, him and Robert.

But how did he remember the dinner but didn’t remember Robert being there? Maybe this was something good. Maybe if he kept looking something would come back to him.

He ran his fingers along the edge of the page, comparing the two of them in this picture to the one he’d just seen of them at the fair. It didn’t even look like they were the same couple. They stood there, not touching, Aaron hardly smiling at the camera and holding his hands nervously in front of him. Next to him, Robert stood, hands jammed into his pockets, a barely there and clearly forced smile tugging at the corners of his lips, his eyes seeming to look past the camera. It was so cold and sterile.

“Aaron!” He jumped in his seat, so wrapped up in the picture that he hadn’t even heard Robert come in.

“Jesus Robert! You scared me.”

“I’ve been talking to you for ages,” Robert said with a chuckle, stepping closer and taking a seat at the table. “What’s up? You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking… remembering I guess.”

“Remembering?” The hopefulness in Robert’s voice was overwhelming, as was the look on his face and he felt awful for unintentionally getting the mans hopes up.

“Just some stuff about Adam.” He watched Robert visibly deflate and felt even worse. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… there are just pictures of everyone in here and I was thinking about Adam’s birthday and all the trouble he got into the night we all went out. I didn’t mean to make you think… I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise. It’s fine.” He watched Robert look away, clearly disappointed and wanted nothing more than to make it right but he had no idea how, so he stayed quiet. “So… does nothing look familiar? In that whole album?”

“I’ve only gone through about a quarter of it. I’ve just got to the part where you started showing up.”

“Just now?”

“I er… I kind of got a late start.” He looked into Robert’s questioning green eyes and felt that guilt in the pit of his stomach. “Sorry. I just… I’m just nervous.”

“Of what? Are you worried you’re going to find something you don’t want to see?” Aaron just shrugged, focusing on the table beneath him. “Aaron, you don’t have to look through this. I just thought you might want to. I mean, it’s what your doctor recommended and I figured that even if this didn’t jog anything upstairs, at least you’d be happy to remember all the good times you had, that’s all. I didn’t think it would hurt anything to try.”

“It’s not that, Robert, it’s just… I feel so… guilty.”

“What? Why? Aaron, you didn’t choose for this to happen.” Robert paused, clearly looking for some sort of reaction but Aaron kept his head down, feeling worse by the second. “Hey, come on.” He heard Robert shift his chair closer and then felt him carefully wrap his hands around his own casted one. He took a deep breath, finally looking up into those understanding eyes that he knew would be his undoing. “It’s okay Aaron. You don’t have to feel guilty. About anything. I know you want to fix this. So do I and if I could, I’d do it for you in a heartbeat. But, its obviously not supposed to be right now. So don’t beat yourself up over something that you didn’t start to begin with. You haven’t done anything wrong, okay?”

Aaron took in the sincerity of not only Robert’s words but his tone, beyond grateful for this incredible man sitting with him. Reaching over with his good hand, he grabbed onto Robert, squeezing his wrist and giving him a watery smile.

“Okay,” he whispered. Robert just nodded, offering his own gentle squeeze before standing up and walking towards the fridge.

“Besides, if you were worried you were going to find something you might not want to see, you won’t find it in there.”

“What do you mean?”

“You keep all the dirty pictures on your phone. Clearly, you haven’t looked through those,” he said, obviously attempting to lighten the mood.

“What?!”

“Oh come on, Aaron, we’ve been together for five years. Let’s just say you’ve racked up quite the collection,” Robert said, turning back momentarily with a smile. “You’re quite fond of the pictures I send you from time to time.”

“I can’t tell if you’re messing with me or not?”

“Afraid not. Don’t worry, you give just as good as you get.”

Aaron looked away quickly in embarrassment, hearing Robert chuckle from his spot, perusing the contents of the fridge.

* * *

  
Aaron looked across the table at Adam and Vic, smiling warmly at each other and felt his own lips turn up at the sight, so sweet and loving. He turned to look at Robert sitting next to him, who sat staring around the restaurant, taking everything in, his expression blank. Apparently sensing he was being watched, he turned to Aaron, raising both eyebrows in question.

“You okay?”

He nodded, reaching up and scratching at his eyebrow. “Yeah, I’m good. It’s nice to be out for the night.”

“We’ve missed our double dates with the two of you.” Adam added, smiling at the pair.

“Oh yeah. Robert said we usually do this once a week?”

Vic smiled at Robert sadly, before turning to Aaron, “Usually at our place but we thought tonight you might like to get out.”

“So… you don’t remember having dinner with us almost every week mate?”

Aaron cleared his throat and shook his head sadly, looking down at the table. Robert was there. It was the four of them, so the memories were gone.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Robert said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He looked up into those kind eyes, finding so much encouragement it nearly broke him. “You’re doing great, Aaron.” And cue the watery smile.

“Robert’s right. You’ve made so much progress. Don’t give up yet.”

“Have you remembered anything at all?”Adam asked.

“No,” he answered dejectedly.

“That’s not true,” Robert interjected. Aaron turned to him questioningly, wondering what he was talking about. He didn’t remember anything. “You do remember things. You remembered how to play chess even though you don’t remember me teaching you. You remembered something about the restaurant we went to.”

“No, I don’t remember it, I just said it felt kind of like déja vu, like I was there in a dream.”

“It’s still something, Aaron. You felt something familiar. And then today, you remembered the dinner party Vic threw for Adam. I was there and yeah, you don’t remember that part, but you do remember the party.”

“That is progress, mate.”

“I just want it all back though, now.”

“Impatient as always.” He felt Robert squeeze his shoulder gently before removing his hand and once again, Aaron immediately felt the loss of its warmth.

“Was that the dinner party for your birthday?” Vic asked, turning to Adam. “That awful birthday where you were a complete and total idiot a few days later?”

“Are you seriously still mad about that night? Come on, Vic, it was a long time ago.”

“It was a disaster.” Across the table, Aaron and Robert started chuckling as the other two went back and forth over the severity of Adam’s inebriation that night.

“Look, I was a mess, I know. But I would argue that something good did come out of that night?”

“What good could have possibly come from that, Adam? Other than pictures of you doing the running man in the middle of the club?”

“Oh, I forgot about those pictures.” Robert said with a deep laugh.

“Even though you are all jealous of my dance moves, that’s not what I was referring to. I was actually talking about the next day when this soft lad here finally got it together and asked Robert out properly.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Aaron asked, looking at the smiling faces around him.

 

**Four Years and Eleven Months Earlier**

“Why is it so loud out here, mate?”

“It’s not,” Aaron said with a laugh, looking around at the basically deserted street in Hotten. Vic had kicked them out of the house so she could clean and, Aaron suspected, not be tempted to punch Adam in the face every time he moaned or groaned about his headache. “Come on, you just need some coffee and some decent food.”

He guided Adam into the café, trying to remain as sympathetic as possible to his friend's plight but finding it difficult when he thought about the fact that both he and Vic had attempted to cut Adam off multiple times during the night out before and five minutes after each alcohol banishment, they found Adam with a new drink in hand.

“You go and sit down, and I’ll order.”

Adam just grunted in response before shuffling off to the corner and slumping into one of the available seats there.

“How much did he drink last night?” Smiling in recognition of the voice from the table behind him, he turned, immediately meeting Robert’s gorgeous face.

He’d missed that face. It had been two weeks since they had been to the fair and they’d only seen each other twice in passing, which was incredibly awkward, and again for a film night at his place, where he’d kept at least six inches between him and Robert at all times and had sighed loudly in relief when Adam and Vic had come home early from their night out.

“Apparently all the alcohol in Leeds,” he answered. Robert just laughed and nodded.

“Just give him a fry up, extra greasy, and plenty of coffee. Best cure for a hangover I’d say.” Aaron turned as he realised Robert wasn’t alone and someone else had just walked up and apparently rejoined him at the table. “Hi, Aaron.”

Aaron stood in shock for a moment, unsure how the stranger knew his name.

Luckily Robert spoke before the situation became any more awkward. “Aaron this is Will, a friend from uni.”

“Nice to meet you.” The stranger, or Will it seemed his name was, put out his hand for Aaron to shake. It all seemed a bit formal, but Aaron took it never the less and smiled politely.

“Um, yeah nice to meet you mate.”

Robert just seemed to look on in amusement, obviously sensing how uncomfortable he was, before shrugging at his friend and turning back to Aaron.

“So you lot had fun last night then?”

Aaron had asked Robert to join them but he’d had the closing shift at the bar the night before and had declined.

“Well, Adam did,” Aaron said, looking over and smirking at the other man who was practically lying on the table. “It was okay. I wish you hadn’t had to work though.”

Robert just nodded and offered a small smile.

“Mate! Can you flirt with your boyfriend later! I’m dying over here.”

Aaron felt a hot moment of panic consume him followed by a sudden urge to bang the heaviest item he could find over Adam’s head.

Boyfriend! No. No. No. He turned to Robert, sure there would only be a puff of smoke where the other man was just sitting but surprised when he found him still there, looking a mix of confused and slightly amused at Adam’s outburst.

“Whoa, boyfriend? You didn’t tell me that. Nice one,” Will said, going in for a high five and getting left high and dry when Robert just stared at him incredulously.

“Will, don’t you have some big essay due in or something like that?”

“Oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me. It’s due Monday. Got tons to do.” He took the final swig from the mug in front of him and ran out the door before Aaron had the chance to tell him not to leave at his expense.

Aaron turned back to Robert, taking in the now apprehensive look on the blonde mans face and feeling horrible. They hadn’t talked about that yet. And maybe Robert wasn’t that interested in being exclusive. After all he had so many people who would want him and-

“Mate! Seriously!” He was pulled out of his thoughts, looking over to see an irritated Adam staring back at him and just nodded before turning towards the counter to order. But he could still feel Robert’s eyes on him and took the moment of distraction to try and figure out how to get out of this mess.

Of course, he wanted Robert. The other man had become important to him and he had never liked anyone else as much as he liked Robert. No one else even came close. But what if Robert didn’t feel the same way? On the other hand, though, he’d never know if he didn’t put himself out there. After all, if he kept running off, eventually Robert would come to his own conclusions and he was sure that those conclusions would definitely not end in his favour.

He grabbed the mugs the barista handed him with a hurried smile and turned back having made his decision. Only Robert had stood from his table, apparently already done and ready to leave, no longer looking worried. No, now he just looked defeated.

“Look, Aaron, I get it. I’ll just… I’ll see you around.” Robert sent a sad smile his way and turned, walking out of the café.

What? No!

“Aaron!” He didn’t stop as Adam called him, instead rushing out after Robert, hands still full.

“Robert! Wait, please!” The taller man stopped, turning back to Aaron, still looking hurt but now also irritated with Aaron’s abrupt interruption in his departure. “I’m sorry. I just… this is really hard and it doesn’t have to be, I know that. I just, I really like you and I….would you like to have dinner with me? Tonight?” Aaron was surprised at his own outburst, the words had practically just fell out of his mouth.

“What?” The confusion on the other mans face overtook all the other emotions Aaron had just seen swirling around.

“If you’d like to, we could have dinner. Maybe somewhere nice?”

“You want to take me out for dinner?” Aaron just nodded. “Somewhere nice?” Another tentative nod. “Aaron… I don’t get it. You actually want to keep doing this? I just gave you your out. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Robert, I don't want an out, I want you. I want… I want you to be my… boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“If you’d like to be… I mean I get it if you don’t. I’ve been a complete idiot these last couple of weeks. And even just now, how I acted in there. I really don’t want an out. I guess I was just scared. That you weren’t interested in more than just dating but… I really do like you Robert and I know you probably think this is totally out of the blue. And I get that because again… I’m an idiot but I just want-”

He cut himself off as Robert reached up, cupping a hand at the back of his neck, smiling softly at him.

“You’re right, you are an idiot.”

“So… is that a yes?.”

“That’s a yes, Aaron. If you’re sure.”

“Course I’m sure. I-”

“Aaron, seriously! What the hell!”

He turned, looking to see Adam had just come outside, looking absolutely miserable.

“Oh my god, Adam if you don’t go sit down and shut up, I swear to god-”

“Hey,” Robert said with a chuckle, drawing Aaron’s attention back to him. “You’re clearly on Adam duty right now so go have your coffee and text me. I’ll see you later.”

“But… are you sure? You’re not going to leave and change your mind are ya?”

“Definitely not.” He leant over, leaving a small kiss on Aaron’s cheek and smiled before turning and walking away.

* * *

  
Robert parked his car across the street and looked up at the building to his right. He really hoped he hadn’t overstepped the mark here. Aaron had texted him earlier that he’d meet Robert around seven at his place and then they’d go to the rather nice French restaurant that the brunette had made a reservation at. It had sounded like a great plan but then Robert had come up with something different. And even though this was supposed to be Aaron’s night to take him out, he figured he might be able to convince the smaller man to bend this one time after he revealed his own plan.

He pulled himself out from the car, walking towards the house and taking a deep breath before knocking gently on the door in front of him, waiting for someone to answer. A moment later the door opened to reveal Aaron, staring back at him in surprise.

“Robert? What are you doing here? I was going to come to yours wasn’t I?” Aaron said as they made eye contact, before giving him the once over. “And why are you dressed like that? Did you… did you change your mind about tonight?”

Robert swallowed hard at the sight in front of him. Aaron in a fitted black shirt and smart trousers that hugged him in all the right places, his hair perfectly styled. The half-eaten biscuit in his right hand was just the icing on the cake.

“No, not at all I just… wow, Aaron you seriously look incredible.” He smiled at the slight blush colouring the smaller mans cheeks and stepped closer, taking Aaron’s free hand in his own. “And I definitely didn’t change my mind. I just, well, I actually had another idea for tonight, if you don’t mind. I know you’d planned dinner and everything but maybe we can do that another time?”

“What did you have in mind?” Robert reached into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out the two tickets he’d just gotten ahold of less than an hour ago and handed them to Aaron. Glancing down at the tickets in hand, Aaron’s jaw literally dropped. “How the hell did you manage to get these?”

“Well, I knew you wanted to go but couldn’t get tickets so…”

“So how did you get them?”

“A friend owed me a favour…” He trailed off, hoping he hadn’t just wasted the IOU he’d been holding over Will’s head for months. “Do you want to go?”

“Yeah course I do!” The smaller man threw his arms around his neck, pressing their lips together in an excited kiss. “Let me just go get changed.”

And then he was off, turning on his heels and making his way back to his bedroom, closing the door behind him with a loud thud.

Robert stepped into the house, shutting the door behind him, and stood there awkwardly, taking note of the two pairs of eyes currently on him but pretending to be fascinated with the blank wall to his right.

“Not bad, Robert. I don’t think I’ve seen him this excited since this morning when you and him decided to make yourselves official,” Adam said with a grin.

“Yeah, well...” Robert turned, taking in the sight of Adam and his sister sitting on the couch and shrugged.

“Robert, why don’t you come over here and sit with us while you wait.” It sounded more like a command than a suggestion and threw him even more that it was coming from Vic. Slowly he made his way towards one of the available chairs in the living room, still staring at the them both, wondering why they were sitting up so straight and looking so serious.

“We need to talk to you.”

“Yes, it’s very important.”

“Oh I’m sure it is,” he said, rolling his eyes. “What about?”

“About Aaron. And since I’m sure he’s eager to get out with you tonight I doubt we have much time so here it is. Don’t hurt him Robert.”

“What?”

“You will not hurt him,” Vic carried on as if she’d never heard Robert speak. “You will not disrespect him. You will not do anything to make him uncomfortable.”

“You won’t pressure him in any way,” Adam chimed in.

“You will call him when you say you will and show up on time when you are supposed to.”

“You won’t blow him off if something or someone ‘better’ comes along.”

“You will not flirt with anyone else.”

“You will be honest with him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated.”

“Are we clear?”

“Did you two rehearse this?” Both just stared back at him, clearly waiting for an answer. Shaking his head with a huff, he sat forward in his chair and met their eyes in challenge. “Look, I get it. You’re both Aaron’s friends and you just want to know that he won’t get hurt. But I don’t want to hurt him. Vic I’ve changed since I left, I’m not just looking out for number one anymore. Aaron is amazing and I don’t want to lose him.” He paused for a moment, taking in that their eyes remained hard and hating that he felt the need to defend himself once again. But he didn’t want to lose Aaron. And the two people in front of him had a lot of pull with the brunette. They could end it if they really wanted to. “Look, I know no one is particularly happy that I’m around. I know you’d prefer him with someone else. Someone like Ed but just… just give me a chance.”

“We never said we didn't want you around, Robert.”

“You didn’t have to,” he said, his own eyes just as hard. He heard Aaron’s bedroom door open and then the man himself came downstairs, much more casual in trainers, jeans and a hoodie.

“Alright, you ready?”

Robert just stood and nodded, turning his back to Vic and Adam. He understood they were just looking out for Aaron because they cared but it still hurt that after several years of being away people around here still had the same low opinion of him. He had done absolutely nothing so far to make them distrust him, had he? He racked his brain, trying to come up with anything he might have done to hurt the brunette since they’d started dating but couldn’t think of a single thing. Maybe Aaron had mentioned something to them but didn’t tell Robert? Maybe something he’d done completely inadvertently? Maybe it had to do with why Aaron didn’t want to be alone with him?

And then he remembered Adam’s words. Oh fuck. ‘You won’t pressure him in any way.’ Shit, they feel like he’s pressuring Aaron to sleep with him.

“You okay?” Aaron asked as they left and made their way to Roberts parked car. “You’ve gone quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He sent a reassuring smile Aaron’s way and tucked his hands into his pockets. Maybe he’d seem less threatening if he kept his hands to himself. “Thanks for being okay with the change of plans tonight.”

“Are you kidding? This is amazing, Robert. Thank you for getting the tickets,” Aaron said, reaching out and grazing his hand down Robert’s arm, looking for his hand which he reluctantly offered.

Maybe if he just let Aaron initiate any contact between them, then he wouldn’t feel so pressured. He felt Aaron squeeze his hand softly and lean into him, the scent of his shampoo wafting around them. He was going to make this nearly impossible.

“You’re welcome.”

* * *

  
“This is seriously amazing Rob.” Aaron said as he leaned over, his lips brushing Robert’s ear as he spoke. Robert just smiled back and squeezed the hand in his own. Aaron had refused to let go from the moment they’d gotten to the venue and Robert found that he didn’t mind one little bit.

He just had to let Aaron lead.

He’d been enjoying the show but found his attention mostly focused on Aaron, watching the smaller man simply light up in pure joy, smiling and laughing the entire time they’d been standing there, which was a rare sight. Clearly the IOU he’d traded in was worth it. He turned back to the stage, watching and listening for three more songs before the concert ended in a thunderous applause. Aaron finally let go of his hand to join in for a minute but the lack of contact was short lived as he turned to Robert as the lights went up, wrapping his arms around the other mans waist and pulling him close.

“Think this is the best date I’ve ever been on.” Robert laughed, bringing his hands to Aaron’s elbows and softly rubbing his thumbs up and down.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” He felt Aaron grab onto his hand as they walked, keeping close. They made their way outside to his car, hurriedly trying to beat the rest of the concert goers out to avoid the traffic but finding themselves stuck right in the middle.

Robert hit the breaks once again, waiting for the line of cars to move, tapping his fingertips on the steering wheel and gearstick along to the catchy tune on the radio. He looked over, catching Aaron staring at him, smiling wide, his eyes soft.

“What?” He asked with a chuckle.

“Nothing, I just… thank you again. For tonight and for… well everything.”

“It really wasn’t a big deal, Aaron. I just want to make you happy,” he said with a shrug.

“Well you have.” He shifted in his seat and reached over taking Robert’s hand from the gearstick and sliding their fingers together. He used his other hand to cup Robert’s jaw, running his thumb along his cheek. “You are the best boyfriend ever, you know that?”

Robert just let out a breathy laugh, leaning into Aaron’s palm and hoping the rare blush he felt covering his cheeks wasn’t visible in the dark car. The look on Aaron’s face told him it was though as the brunette just smiled harder, leaning forward and capturing Robert’s lips with his own. The kiss didn’t stop until the blaring of car horns behind them pulled them apart.

 

**Present**

“So you both gave him the ‘hurt him and we’ll kill you’ speech did you?” Aaron raised his eyebrows in question at Vic and Adam.

“I think our version was better but yeah, we did. Part of the whole best mate duty thing.” Adam said.

“We just wanted to make sure that Robert wasn’t up to his old tricks, that’s all.”

“Well, I suppose I get it. But from what I’ve heard so far there was no need after all was there?”

“Maybe. But he still needed to hear it, at the time.” Aaron just smiled at the thought of his protective friends, nodding once.

“So, like I told you both, something did come of my awful hangover. Although, you were so nervous that whole day, it was driving me nuts, mate. I mean the hangover made it worse, but you were a mess.”

“It was actually quite sweet I thought.” Vic added. “You wanted that night to be special.” Aaron smiled at the thought of a younger him and Robert. He looked at the empty seat next to him, Robert having just excused himself a few minutes earlier to use the restroom and pay the bill, insisting it was his treat tonight for Adam and Vic being so helpful over the last few weeks.

“And then you were so miserable when Robert dropped you off that night and went home.”

“Wait, why would I be upset? The night sounded amazing.”

“Oh come on man, get with it. You finally worked up the guts and were planning on getting laid that night and then you didn’t.”

“How do you know that?!”

“It was kind of obvious.”

“What? How?”

“Adam’s right. Once you and Robert were together properly, it was like that fight between the four of us never happened. Or at least wasn’t that important anymore.”

“What did that fight have to do with me sleeping with him?”

“Well, after it happened you were worried about being alone with him. You were.. um..”

“Tell me Vic, please, I can’t fill in the gaps myself.”

“You were worried that you wouldn’t be able to measure up to all of his experience because you didn’t have any and how if you didn’t measure up, he’d lose interest.”

“Oh god.” Aaron turned, catching sight of Robert on his way back to the table. “Does he know that? Does he know that’s why I kept my distance?”

Adam and Vic just shrugged.

“Why does that even matter? I mean obviously, the two of you eventually got it on.” Adam snorted back a laugh.

“God, Adam, do you have any tact?”

* * *

  
It was late by the time they arrived back home, both yawning widely as they slowly moved into the house. Robert tossed his keys onto the table by the door and locked up after Aaron had entered. He simultaneously pulled off his jacket while toeing off his shoes, finding himself exhausted as the events of the day finally caught up with him.

“You okay?” Aaron asked from his spot in the kitchen where he was already getting ready to tuck into the piece of chocolate cake he’d brought home. Robert smiled at the familiarity of the moment, though typically Aaron usually tended to start on his dessert before they even got in the door.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Stretching, he made his way over, taking the seat next to Aaron’s. “Taste good?” He asked, nodding towards the spoon poised at Aaron’s lips.

“Mmm, so good. You want some?” Robert stared back for a moment, unable to stop the hint of a smirk forming on his lips. “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want. I just thought I’d offer. I can er… I can get another spoon if you don’t want to use mine.”

Robert shook his head with a smile.

“Aaron, you do realise we’ve shared… a lot over the years.” Aaron just smiled, blushing slightly at the thought of all that might entail. Deciding to save him some embarrassment, Robert chuckled again, plucking the spoon from Aaron’s hand and taking a bite of the delicious cake in front of him before passing the spoon back.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, just thinking. Just trying to remember all the new information I learnt tonight.”

“You know, if you ever don’t want to hear about something or… if something’s making you uncomfortable, you can always say.” Robert turned to him completely serious, wanting Aaron to understand that the last thing he wanted to do was to pressure him. “Before we left the restaurant tonight, it seemed like something might have gotten to you. Was it the date?”

“No, course not, the date sounds like it was amazing. And I’m glad I got to hear about how we finally became official.”

“Yeah, not too much fuss on that front.”

“I liked it. It seemed fitting. Simple” He paused for a moment, staring down at the swirling patterns of chocolate within the remainder of his dessert. “Adam and Vic just mentioned something while you were paying the bill.”

“Well, like I said, if you ever don’t want to hear something. That goes for Vic and Adam too.”

“I know. And I appreciate you saying that and I know you would stop. And I know they would too if I asked. So far, nothing I’ve heard has been too much to handle. It just gets harder sometimes… when it seems like the conversation is veering more towards the two of us being… y’know.” Robert kept quiet, letting Aaron process everything. “I mean, I know we were. We’ve been together for over five years, you don’t just go that long with someone without… doing stuff. It’s just weird.” He paused again for a moment, twirling the spoon around the container in front of him. “So, I need to ask… were there other times that I avoided you? Other times where I wouldn’t be alone with you?” Robert nodded, eyeing Aaron curiously. “I think I know why. I’m not sure if you do though."

“I might. What’s your theory?”

“You had all this experience and I didn’t. I was worried and apparently, you made me nervous. Which I can kinda understand. I mean, honestly, sitting here right now, I’m nervous around you.”

Shit, Robert thought, feeling the smile fall from his face. Maybe all the small touches here and there had been too much.

“I didn’t mean bad nervous. It’s just... you’re amazing Robert. I’m sure you’ve made a lot of people nervous over the years. But it’s… it’s a good nervous. But I um… I realised something last night.” He paused once again, looking down for a moment as if gathering some courage before turning back. “You were my first, weren’t you?”

Robert looked away for a moment, finding himself not all that surprised that Aaron had figured that out on his own. Turning back, he met Aaron’s gaze, staring into those beautiful blue eyes that he loved, and nodded.

“I was. But in all fairness, I didn’t know that until our almost first time together.”

“Wow, am I smooth or what?” Aaron said, attempting to bring some humour into the suddenly heavy conversation and Robert couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“You made me nervous too you know. For loads of reasons. But the first time we actually did though, you did tell me afterwards that that’s why you’d been avoiding being alone with me. That you didn’t think you’d be good enough.”

“Well, according to everyone else, I had a lot to measure up to.”

“Yeah, well everyone else should mind their own business.” Aaron laughed then, and Robert felt his heart skip at the sound.

They sat quietly for a moment, Aaron still swirling his fork around the container, Robert staring down at his hands in front of him. Finally, Robert subtly glanced to his left, taking in the features of the beautiful man next to him. He’d spent hours memorising every inch of that face and it still wasn't enough. It would never be enough. He smiled softly when Aaron looked up, meeting his eyes. Those goddamn ocean blue eyes.

“So in the future, I might need to call a timeout if those risqué stories come up. Or maybe just get the milder version of them.”

“Aaron, those stories don’t have to come up at all. I’m happy to tell you whatever you want but I’m not going to force you to listen to something you don’t want to hear.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to hear. I’m still sussing all of that out, to be honest.”

“Well, whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”

“I know.” Aaron paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and then stared deeply into Robert’s eyes. “Thank you. For everything. You have seriously been incredible these last few weeks and especially since I’ve been home. I can’t imagine being in your shoes. I don’t know what I would do.”

“You’d probably do a better job than I am,” Robert joked. Aaron smiled, picking up another piece of the cake in front of him and handing the spoon to Robert. Robert just smiled back and took the spoon, taking the offered bite. “Aaron Dingle sharing cake, never thought I’d see the day.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left Kudos or comments so far. You are all amazing. Please keep them coming :-)


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tells Aaron the story of their first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts in italics.

**Eleven**

Aaron pushed the laptop to the side and stretched, his body aching and tired from the hours at work that he hadn’t done for weeks. He had definitely fallen out of practice during all his downtime. He stood up from his seat on the sofa, where he’d been for the past few hours and made his way into the kitchen, intending on making a fresh coffee until he looked at the clock and realised it was already after seven. Probably best not to keep himself up any longer than necessary.

It was his third day back at the scarp yard and while he was happy to have that little bit of structure back in his life, he was definitely feeling the effects of the long hours after weeks of nothing. At least Adam had him on light duties and paper work, which he was secretly grateful for. Finally deciding against the coffee, he opened the fridge instead, thinking that he should probably eat something considering he hadn’t had anything since the bacon sandwich that Robert had picked up for him that morning before leaving himself for a meeting that had already been rescheduled three times.

He couldn’t help but notice the incredibly dark circles under Robert’s eyes when he’d handed him the waxy paper bag that morning. The poor man looked beyond exhausted. And now here it was looking like it was going to be another late night for him. Aaron couldn’t help feeling guilty for that. He may not have caused the accident but if none of this had happened, Robert wouldn’t have been running around for the last few weeks on minimal sleep, doing everything he could to help take care of Aaron. He really needed to find some way to thank him properly, but he was at a loss for what to do. Everything he thought of just seemed far too small for the sacrifices Robert had made.

He continued to ponder the possibilities as he made himself a quick sandwich and was just getting ready to sit down again when the turning of the door handle caught his attention. Looking up he watched as Robert literally hauled himself inside, dropping his messenger bag and falling back against the door tiredly once it was closed.

“Hey, you’re home.” Aaron smiled at the other man, feeling something in his stomach flutter unexpectedly just the tiniest bit.

“And apparently not a moment too soon if that’s what you were planning to eat for dinner.” Aaron looked down at the sandwich in front of him and shrugged. “Think again. Let me just get changed quickly and I’ll make you something proper.”

“Robert, this is fine. I’m not that hungry anyway.”

“Tough, you still need to get your strength back and I’m sure you ate nothing but rubbish all day.”

“I haven’t eaten rubbish. I actually didn’t have anything,” Aaron said, cringing and realising after the fact that that sounded much worse. Robert just stared at him for a minute before shaking his head and making his way into the kitchen.

An hour later, they sat in the living room together having just finished up the quick dinner Robert had put together for them, attempting to settle in for the night after their respective days. Aaron had insisted on cleaning up the dinner mess by himself as it was the least he could do after Robert had slaved away in the kitchen after an already long tiresome day.

Aaron stretched his legs out along the couch, taking care not to intrude on Robert’s space who sat across from him on the other end of the sofa, legs propped on the table in front of them. The television was on in the corner of the room but Aaron wasn’t paying much attention to it. Instead, he kept looking over, taking in the blonde man next to him, book in hand, reading. It wasn’t even a conscious decision. He just kept finding his eyes roaming away from the repeated episode and sticking to the man next to him, taking in every detail. He was trying to be inconspicuous at least but apparently not doing a very good job at it.

“Something wrong?” Robert asked, not even looking up from his book.

“No,” Aaron said, laughing to himself at having gotten caught. Robert just turned his head, meeting his gaze and raising a questioning eyebrow. “Really, nothing’s wrong. Sorry.”

“Alright, we’ve both been busy and it’s been a few days since you’ve heard any new stories,” he teased, marking the page and setting his book aside. “What do you want to hear about next?”

Robert was right. They’d both been so invested in getting back to work and taking care of overdue odds and ends that they’d spent very little time together over the last few days. Usually, by the time Robert got home, the only thing either of them had any energy for was to collapse.

“You’re right it has been a few days but you’re also exhausted.”

“Come on, you haven’t asked me anything since you found out how we became official. I know you’ve got more questions.” Robert sat back further on the couch, his eyes heavy, using the back to rest his head on. “What do you wanna know?”

“Are you sure?” Robert just nodded. “Well, I was wondering about something you said the other night. About… our almost first time.”

“Really? You want to hear about that?” The surprise in Robert’s voice was obvious.

“I guess I’m just intrigued. After you mentioned it, it just made me wonder. That’s all.” That was only part of the truth though. Yes, he’d felt a tiny spark of curiosity flare up as they sat together in the kitchen that night, sharing chocolate cake. But that tiny spark amplified big time when he’d walked in on Robert changing the previous day.

It had been an exceptionally sunny mid-October morning and he’d just finished drinking his coffee out on the patio and had wandered back inside, intent on showering and getting ready for the day, not thinking even for a second about the fact that Robert had also been getting into the shower when he’d gone outside. Walking upstairs, he looked up as he reached the doorway to their bedroom and stopped short, his jaw slack and eyes wide, taking in the beautiful, half-naked form of Robert getting dressed for the day.

He knew Robert was gorgeous. Anyone with eyes could see that and honestly, he was still trying to figure out how he had landed this man. Robert stood there in his kelvin klein underwear, making Aaron feel things he hadn’t felt in…who knows how long. And oh wow, he thought, taking in the view as Robert bent down, pulling on his fitted jeans he was so fond of.

Aaron took in the plains of perfect skin, feeling his heart beat a little faster and his breathing slow. This wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be standing there staring at the completely unaware man when for all intents and purposes, he had no right to. A month ago he might have but not now. Not when everything had changed so drastically.

He turned to leave, attempting to sneak away as quietly as possible when Robert turned and caught him.

“Aaron?”

 _Shit_ …

“Hey,” he said, turning back slowly, his face a mask of guilt and embarrassment. His eyes flicked to Robert’s face for a moment before turning away again, feeling his mortification kick up about ten notches when he saw the knowing smirk there.

“What’re you doing?” Robert deliberately asked, still smirking as he pulled on a pale blue shirt that had been laying on the bed.

“Nothing, I just… Ugh, Sorry. I came up to have a shower and stuff and I forgot you were still getting ready. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to… y’know. You just caught me by surprise.” He looked up when Robert chuckled, watching as he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on his shoes.

“Don’t worry about it, nothing you haven’t seen before. It’s not a big issue. Unless you’re repulsed by what you saw. Then we might have a problem,” he said with a grin.

“Definitely not repulsed,” he said quietly, smiling and blushing harder. Robert had simply smiled and walked out of the room, leaving him to get ready.

Aaron shook his head to rid himself of the image and turned back to a still surprised Robert.

“I mean if that’s okay. If you’d rather tell me about something else, that’s fine. I’ll take whatever I can get.”

Robert looked away for a moment, taking a deep breath before turning back. “It was about a week after the concert…”

 

**Four Years & Eleven Months Earlier**

Aaron looked around the room, making sure everything was in place and… Perfect.

Everything seemed to be. He’d spent hours cleaning the house, well rather he’d asked Vic to, which she had with a fine tooth-comb and he’d then sent Adam and Vic out for the night with strict instructions not to come back until much much later. He really hoped he wasn’t overdoing it with the dimmed lighting and the music but he wanted it to be special.

Things had been amazing with Robert and they’d somehow found a way to spend at least a little bit of time together every day for the last week. Even on the nights Robert worked the closing shift at the bar, he’d make sure to stop by and see Aaron beforehand. They didn’t really do much of anything outside the norm; talking about their days, watching something about cars that Aaron had picked out on TV, cuddling up close on the couch, kissing. And oh the kissing. It had only gotten more addicting and Aaron swore every single time that it couldn’t get any better but low and behold, the next time, it did.

Something had changed though, and certainly not for the better. While the kissing and cuddling was great, it was all constantly Aaron’s initiation that got them there. Robert seemed to be on a mission to keep his hands to himself and himself out of reach unless Aaron pulled him in first and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. This hadn’t been a problem before they’d became boyfriends and if he wasn’t so sure that Robert really did want to be in this relationship, he would’ve started to wonder if maybe Robert was losing interest. He was really hoping that tonight would be different.

 _Because there’s no way I’m going to get through this on my own_.

Tonight. Triple checking that everything was in its place, he lit a few candles in his bedroom and checked the clock once more. Robert would be there any minute and if he was honest, his nerves were starting to get the better of him. So much so that when he heard a quiet knock just a moment later, he literally jumped.

Taking a calming breath he moved towards the door to open it, finding a smiling Robert on the other side, looking amazing as always.

“Hey.”

“Hi, you’re just in time,” he said, opening the door for Robert to enter and making sure it was locked once he was inside.

“Just in time for what? Since when do you wear shirts? And why is it so dark in here?” Aaron turned to find Robert removing his jacket, revealing a fitted white shirt with elbow patches, typical Robert style.

“Oh, no reason..” Robert turned to look at him, quirking an eyebrow in question and Aaron felt himself cringe in embarrassment. “Do you want a beer?”

“I’m good,” Robert said, still looking at Aaron curiously. “Are you okay? You seem anxious or something.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, stepping towards Robert and placing his hands on the other mans hips, pulling their bodies together. “I’m just glad you’re here. I missed you today.”

“Oh really?” Robert smirked and reached up, running his thumb along the side of Aaron’s jaw, causing him to smile.

Steeling his nerves, he leaned in, letting his lips brush softly against Robert’s, sighing quietly when Robert responded. He didn’t have it in him to do the back and forth banter tonight. He wanted Robert and he wanted him now. Pulling away, he looked into those intense green eyes, grabbed on to one of Robert’s hands and pulled him slowly towards his bedroom. Pushing the door open and walking inside, he finally turned, taking in Robert’s surprised expression in the flickering candlelight.

“Aaron… what is this?” Robert turned to him, meeting his gaze, his eyes still inquisitive. This was the moment he was supposed to be brave for. This was when he had to tell Robert what he wanted. And of course, his damn mouth refused to form words as he stood there, looking back, wide-eyed, practically bright red in embarrassment. “Are you okay?” Again he couldn’t bring himself to speak. Robert pulled him further into the room, sitting him on the edge of the bed and knelt before him, his face a mask of concern.

Of course, this was how this was going to go. He’d worked himself up and now he couldn’t even form a sentence, so Robert would spend the night worrying about him and the whole thing would be a complete fail.

“Stay there, let me get you some water.”

“No. Don’t go.” He grabbed onto Robert’s arm as he moved to stand, effectively stopping him from leaving and pulled him closer to the edge of the bed, the blonde sitting gingerly next to him. “I’m okay. I’m fine. Just a bit nervous .”

“Nervous about what?”

“Come on, Robert. Lights are dimmed, candles are lit, music in the background. No Adam or Vic and I locked the door behind you…” Robert smiled at him, huffing out a laugh. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Yeah, it is but I just wanted to make sure before I jumped to the wrong conclusion.” Robert took his hand, interlacing their fingers and squeezing softly. “But, Aaron, if you’re this nervous about it, maybe we shouldn’t. I mean, I don’t want you doing something you don’t want to do.”

“Trust me,” Aaron huffed out a breath. “I want to.”

He looked up into Robert’s beautiful face, smiling gently for a moment before pulling him close by the front of his shirt. Their lips met softly at first as if testing the waters before diving in. He felt Robert’s hands tangle at the back of his hair, tugging slightly, attempting to pull him even closer and he smiled against his open lips. Apparently, it didn’t take much to convince him. But what now?

_Alright, you can do this, Aaron._

Moving his hands to Robert’s shoulders, he used them as leverage to hoist himself up and straddle the other man, feeling Robert now smiling against his lips at the new position.

“Mmm. You in charge are you?” He teased, moving his hands to Aaron’s hips, pulling him closer.

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he said with a smile, leaning down to meet their lips once more. Robert just chuckled into the kiss, doing as requested and opening his mouth against Aaron’s.

_Okay, so this is really happening._

He felt Robert’s hands move from his hips to his back, under his shirt, his short nails slowly tickling along Aaron’s spine for a moment before disappearing beneath the material of his black jeans.

Feeling Robert’s hands move back around to his front, he sighed in relief when he felt the bottom button of his shirt being pushed through its hole as Robert tugged gently with his teeth on Aaron’s bottom lip. God, this man was something else. Robert’s mouth drifted down his jaw and neck, all lips and soft teeth, hitting that one spot under his right ear that always drove him crazy. And dammit, Robert knew that. So distracted by the perfect use of his mouth there, Aaron didn’t even realise Robert had managed to un-do all of the buttons on his shirt and had slipped his hands inside, running them across every available inch of skin there before pushing the garment from his shoulders.

Robert leant back, looking down at the skin he’d just revealed and Aaron held his breath, feeling a little self-conscious at the moment. He watched as Robert’s eyes roamed for a minute before meeting his, a flirtatious smirk slowly forming on his lips.

“I think you’re wearing too much,” Aaron said, quickly undoing the top few buttons of Robert’s shirt and then just pulling it over his head. He was not prepared for what lay underneath as Robert’s gorgeous, freckled skin was revealed.

 _Jesus, he has to be the most amazingly beautiful man in the world_ , he thought as his eyes roamed every inch available. He pulled his eyes back up to Robert’s when the blonde man started laughing, watching as he leaned back on his elbows.

“You just going to sit there and stare all night?” Apparently, they were going to do the back and forth banter tonight after all. They’d just do it with a little less clothing than normal. Aaron just smiled and leaned down, meeting their lips again.

He let out an audible moan at the skin on skin contact, the warmth and softness of Robert’s torso finally meeting his sending him to another level. He felt Robert nip at his jawline from below and shift their positions, pushing him flat on his back onto the bed. Reaching up to run his fingers through Robert’s hair again, he felt more than heard the small groan escaping the man above him as their lower halves became entangled once again, thighs firmly pressing between legs.

Robert paused, leaning his forehead against Aaron’s ,his eyes intense.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron nodded with a soft smile. He watched as Robert searched his face for any sort of reservation and felt his heart swell at the thoughtfulness of the man above him. “Honestly I’m good. I was just a bit nervous before. But, I think most people feel that way their first time so…”

He watched Robert’s eyes widen and felt him shift immediately, pushing himself up, their bodies coming apart.

“Your first? Really?”

“Well… kind of… yeah.” Aaron leant up on his elbows as Robert pulled back further, sitting back on his heels looking completely spooked. “Robert? You okay?”

“Yeah, just…” Robert trailed off, rolling away, completely removing himself from Aaron. He sat at the edge of the bed, reaching for his shirt where it had fallen on the floor just a few minutes earlier.

Aaron felt the edge of panic in his chest, watching from the middle of the bed as Robert stood and pulled it back over his head, quickly doing up the buttons to cover his chest.

“Robert? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, frustratedly running a hand through his hair.

“It’s obviously something. I mean we were just…” He trailed off, sitting up further and attempting to cover himself with his arms. This was so humiliating and all he wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide his face for a week, maybe two. “I guess you don’t want to.”

“Aaron, I think it’s fairly obvious that I want to. If you reached into my jeans right now, you’d realise just how much I do want to.” The frustrated look on Robert’s face caught him off guard. “It’s just, I didn’t know that you’d never… why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because it matters, Aaron. Were you really not going to tell me?”

“No. I mean yeah. I mean… I would’ve told you but no, I wasn’t planning to just blurt it out like I just did.”

“Don’t you think you should’ve maybe said something before now?” Robert looked at him, his eyes pleading. Aaron stared back for a moment, arms still firmly fixed across his chest, and tried to think of a way out of this situation.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I should’ve. But, Robert, why does it even matter?”

“Because I want you to be sure.” Robert sat back on the bed, taking Aaron’s hands in his own, his face serious but his eyes soft. “You’ve waited this long and we’re still new to each other. I just don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I wont! I’ve thought about this... a lot.”

“A lot, really? Like every time you bolted when we were alone together?”

“Robert, I’m sure. I’m not going to regret this. Not with you.”

“Look, Aaron, this is a big deal. You’ve waited this long for the right person to come along. I’m not saying no. I’m just saying, maybe you should think about it a little more.”

Aaron stared back into Robert’s pleading eyes, hating how this felt so much like rejection but realising that Robert really was just trying to be good to him. Well, he was hoping that was the real reason and not because he’s thinking something else.

“It’s not because you’re worried I’ll suck?” Aaron felt every available inch of skin heat up in embarrassment at blurting out that question, but he had to know. After all, the thought had been rolling around in his brain ever since the blow-up with Ed.

“No, course not.” Robert moved closer, letting go of one of Aaron’s hands to cup his jaw, running his thumb along his cheek. “Aaron, I like you. A lot. And trust me, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this moment. I’ve wanted you since the moment I first laid eyes on you. But then, after we got to know each other a little, well… you’re important to me, okay? I just… I honestly thought you just weren’t ready. I mean, you practically ran out of my apartment a couple weeks ago when we started. And after that, it seemed like you were so uncomfortable being alone with me. Like you were terrified that I was going to jump on you at any moment.”

“I freaked myself out. I definitely wanted to but then… well, I got in my head and I thought about all the experience you have and that I have next to none and… yeah, it just kind of snowballed from there.”

“Let’s just take a step back okay? We’ll get there when we get there. And in the meantime, I’m not going anywhere. I hope you aren’t either.”

“Course not,” he said, squeezing Robert’s hand. He looked down at their intertwined fingers, running his thumb across the back of Robert’s knuckles.

“What’s going on in the head of yours?”

“You’re sure you do want to? At some point?”

“I’m positive. Just, think about it for a bit alright?” Aaron just nodded, smiling as Robert leant forward, leaving a soft kiss on his lips before leaning back and pulling him off the bed. He bent down, grabbing Aaron’s discarded shirt and handing it to the brunette. “Come on, get dressed and let’s get out of here. I’ll buy us a drink.”

  
**Present**

“Too much?” Robert asked, attempting to catch the brunettes eye. Aaron stopped fidgeting with his hands in his lap and immediately looked up, smiling softly at the man facing him on the sofa, their knees almost touching under the blanket they were sharing.

“No, not at all. You… it sounds like you were a really patient. You were so kind.”

“I was? Why are you using the past tense there?” Robert teased.

“Well, I'm pretty sure you always have been. I just don’t have the complete picture yet. There’s still a lot of time missing up here,” he said, tapping at his temple.

Robert’s teasing smirk fell a little and Aaron felt his own soft smile slipping away. Why’d he have to say that? Was he hell-bent on hurting Robert?

“Sorry.”

“For what?” Robert asked with a shrug. “You didn’t do this on purpose. And you’re right, there is still a lot missing. But…” Aaron looked up, taking in the apprehensive look on Robert’s face, waiting patiently for whatever Robert wanted to say. “But I’m not going to give up on you, Aaron.”

 _Wow_. He stared back into Robert’s amazing green eyes, unwilling to look away despite the intensity in his gaze. He didn’t deserve this man. This incredibly wonderful man that he’d fallen in love with all those years ago, who he had no memory of, but was still sitting here at his side, holding on and refusing to let go.

He reached out, taking both of Robert’s hands in his own, causing Robert to smile at the awkward grip from his cast.

“I want you to know I’m not giving up either. I know it’s going to be hard. For both of us. But I want to make this better. I’ll do whatever I have to.”

“How about, for now, you keep listening, I’ll keep telling you whatever you want to hear about, and we’ll go from there?”

Aaron just smiled softly and nodded. Whether he figured this out or not, whether he ever got his memory back or not, at least…

At least he had Robert.

* * *

 

Robert stood in the kitchen, looking out the window in front of him, watching the stars glistening in the night sky. Aaron had gone to bed half an hour earlier, leaving him alone in the dark with his thoughts.

The view was beautiful. During the warmer months, they had made a habit of sitting snuggled up on the patio together, sipping wine or beer and watching the stars for hours. There were even a couple of times they ended up falling asleep out there, still wrapped around one another.

 _God, I miss him_ , he thought, sighing in frustration. Sure, they had spent time together and there had been smiling and laughing. There’d even been some minor teasing on his part. And all of that was great. But he missed more. He missed the mutual flirtation. He missed waking up next to Aaron. He missed the small touches. He missed the hugs, the kissing, the holding. Fuck, he missed the sex.

He sighed deeply. That was the last thing he should be thinking about and, honestly, it hadn’t been at the forefront of his thoughts lately. But the last two days… between the heated look in Aaron’s eyes after walking in on him changing and the recap of their first almost time together tonight… well, some things had started stirring.

Looking back out at the stars, he swallowed hard and his mind drifted off on its own, heading down memory lane.

_This is going to be a long night._

 

**Four Years & Ten Months Earlier**

It had been three weeks since the concert and two since their almost first time, but things between them had been pretty great in his opinion. They’d’ been spending as much time together as they could, enjoying every moment of each other’s company.

Tonight, they’d decided to just have a quite night in after having been out and about their last few evenings together. Between the Rugby clubs summer party, several games nights at Adam and Vic’s, and the Pub crawl that Will had insisted they went on, it’d been a while since they’d just been able to sit together and just… be. And Robert was surprised to discover that he’d missed that.

The staying home decision found them sitting on Robert’s bed, propped against the headboard with Aaron tucked into Robert’s side, head resting on his shoulder, laptop open in front of them.

“Well, at least this is better than that last thing you made me watch. Whatever the hell that was.”

“It was mad max, and you’re only saying that because you’d rather be watching the avengers or something with hot men for you to stare at,” Aaron said with a chuckle.

“None of them are as hot as you,” he said, turning and leaving a soft kiss on Aaron’s forehead.

“Hmm… I think you might need glasses.” Robert just laughed, squeezing Aaron tighter to his side.

Robert smiled, burying his nose a little deeper into Aaron’s hair as his lips grazed Aaron’s forehead a few more times. This wasn’t exactly a position he was used to. Cuddling was not normally on his agenda. But feeling Aaron along his side, head snuggled into his shoulder, hand teasing across Robert’s stomach, he quite liked it.

And then it felt like something else.

He was trying to pay attention to the film, he really was. But unfortunately, Aaron’s fingertips had made their way under the hem of his shirt, scratching low on his stomach which he was finding incredibly distracting. Honestly, he didn’t even think Aaron realised what he was doing as he continued to laugh at the one-liners and jokes. It was after the fifth or sixth laugh-less punchline that Aaron finally turned his head, looking up at Robert.

“You falling asleep back there?”

“No, I’m up.” His voice was huskier than normal, he could hear it in his own ears. Dammit, he hadn’t even realised how affected he’d been by Aaron’s touch until that moment. He felt Aaron shift, turning as the smaller man eyed him curiously, the moment of silence stretching on. Their eyes finally met and Robert used every ounce of willpower he had to keep from pouncing on Aaron right there and then.

But apparently, Aaron wasn’t feeling as patient because a moment later he crashed their lips together. And why should he fight that? Moving both hands into Aaron’s hair, he ran his fingers through the short strands as he opened his mouth, sighing quietly when Aaron’s tongue met his.

Kissing. The kissing was good. And feeling Aaron pressed against him was even better. He settled back against the pillows as Aaron rolled on top of him, their lips still locked, laptop near the end of the bed forgotten. He moved his hands to Aaron’s hips, grabbing and pulling the smaller man into him, the sensation apparently too much for Aaron as he pulled his lips away with a gasp, his forehead resting against Robert’s and Robert swore those sky blue eyes had darkened at least ten shades at the moment.

“Aaron?” He felt the brunette grind down into him once more and he knew they wouldn’t be stopping this time. Still… “Are you sure?”

Aaron just nodded, leaning in to kiss him again but stopping just short, their lips barely grazing each other. Robert just smiled and closed the gap, capturing Aaron’s mouth and softly tugging at his bottom lip. Moving his hands from Aaron’s hips, he teased at the hem of Aaron’s t-shirt, taking a moment before giving a gentle tug. Aaron broke away for a split second as Robert pulled it over his head, immediately colliding their lips back together once he was free of the fabric with a moan. Moving his hands up Aaron’s sides, he stopped, his fingertips grazing at his back before reaching for his belt. He toyed with the buckle for a moment, smiling at the frustrated sigh Aaron let out when he didn’t immediately unbuckle it.

“Don’t you want to enjoy this?” He teased.

“I think I’ll enjoy it a lot more when we don’t have clothes on.”

Robert just chuckled, finally undoing the belt, and pulling it free from Aaron’s jeans before it was tossed to the corner of the room. Rolling them over, Robert leant back, shaking his head at the beauty of the man below him before meeting Aaron’s eyes and smirking again as he realised Aaron’s hands were impatiently tugging at his shirt. Taking pity on him, he leant back on his knees, quickly undoing his shirt and throwing it to one side, catching Aaron’s wide-eyed look of appreciation before leaning back down, their mouths meeting again.

And there it was, that amazing sensation of skin on skin. God, it felt incredible.

“Still… too many… clothes,” Aaron gasped as Robert’s mouth moved around his jaw, down his neck, and along his collarbone.

“So, you’re saying… you don’t want your clothes?” Robert teased as he reached up running a teasing thumb across his nipple. Aaron only nodded as he moaned loudly at the new sensation.

Reaching down, he moved his hand along Aaron’s ribcage, stopping just short of his hip, giving the smaller man a gentle squeeze. Below him he felt Aaron grinding into his thigh insistently, clearly wanting him to move faster. Dropping his hand down further he quickly undid the button on Aaron’s jeans, tugging at the zipper and reaching his hand in, teasingly running it over Aaron’s boxer shorts.

 _Oh fuck this_ , he thought, feeling his own patience waning. Reaching for the waistband of Aaron’s jeans, he tugged, Aaron helping as he kicked the denim down his legs. What Robert didn’t expect was for Aaron to immediately kick his boxers off too and then reach for the button on Robert’s jeans. His overeager fingers couldn’t seem to connect through, causing Robert to smile down at him. Wrapping his hands around Aaron’s wrists, he gave them each a gentle squeeze, capturing Aaron’s attention.

“Let me,” he said, leaning down to gently kiss him as he divested himself of his own trousers. He watched Aaron’s eyes on him, gaze more intense than he’d ever seen as he kicked his boxers towards the rest of their clothes and laid back down, holding himself just above Aaron. The brunette wrapped his arms around his neck, attempting to pull him closer but Robert resisted, moving his hand from Aaron’s chest, down his torso, across his hips, and down his thigh.

“Rob,” he sighed, breathlessly. “ Please.”

Leaning down to capture the amazing lips below his, he slowly ran his hand up the inside of Aaron’s thigh, running his index finger along the seam between it and his hip, causing the smaller man to buck. Unable to help himself, he smiled into the kiss for a moment before finally moving his hand to where Aaron wanted it, moving his hand at a slow teasing pace.

 _Oh fuck_. He wasn’t sure who moaned louder at the moment. Softly pulling back on Aaron’s bottom lip, they separated, Robert staring down at the beautiful man below him, watching as Aaron’s eyes fluttered open.

“You are so amazing Aaron,” he said, pressing their foreheads together, his hand still teasing his dick, making the smaller mans hips buck into his. He felt Aaron’s short nails digging into his shoulder blades, holding him close.

Kissing him softly once more before meeting his eyes again, he pulled away, smiling at the frustrated sigh Aaron released.

“Just relax. I’ve got you,” he said, letting his lips trail down Aaron’s neck, across his chest, and stopping briefly, taking a hard nipple into his mouth. Above him, Aaron’s hand moved into his hair, tugging insistently as Robert lathered it with his tongue for a moment before moving to the other and giving it the same attention.

Aaron’s body, he realised, was fucking amazing and he probably could have spent hours teasing him. He knew that wouldn’t fly with Aaron though, especially with the heavy breathing he heard coming from above. Taking mercy on the other man, he moved further down, his mouth slowly making a trail down Aaron’s stomach, biting gently at his hip before settling between Aaron’s thighs.

He looked up, seeing Aaron’s eager eyes staring back at him, biting his lip in anticipation. He had to admit that he was fairly impressed that Aaron had been this patient so far. But there was no reason to prolong this. He wanted it just as much as Aaron did. Reaching under and grabbing onto Aaron’s bucking hips he leant in and left a soft kiss just above where Aaron wanted him the most before moving lower and swiping his tongue all the way up the length of him, ending at the tip, giving it a quick flick.

“Oh god, Rob…”

Robert just smiled, leaning in, wrapping his lips around Aaron, his mouth going to work to slowly drive the brunette towards his orgasm. And if the speed Aaron’s hips were bucking at was any indication, it wouldn’t take long.

Keeping the pace Aaron seemed to be enjoying, he removed one of his hands from Aaron’s hip, moving it down to the smaller mans entrance, teasing with just the tip of a lubed finger before slowly sliding in. He looked up, watching Aaron’s face for any sort of discomfort but the brunette only threw his head back further into the pillows, eyes closed, his face still awash with pleasure.

Carefully adding another finger and moving them in time with his mouth, he continued watching Aaron above him, listening to his breathy sighs and moans growing louder and louder until finally, his entire body stiffened, back arching off the bed as his orgasm overtook him.

He felt Aaron’s thighs attempting to close at the onslaught of the sensation, his fingers tugging at Robert’s hair, hips still undulating. He slowed his mouth, continuing to suck gently to get Aaron though his orgasm. Finally feeling the man below him jerking away as it became too much, he stopped, moving away and leaving a few soft kisses along Aaron’s inner thighs before slowly crawling up the gorgeous, still heaving body below him.

“You still with me?”

Aaron just swallowed hard and nodded, the groan coming from his chest not really in the form of any words. Robert chuckled softly, placing a kiss at the corner of Aaron’s mouth, his thumb tickling the other corner. He smiled once more down at the man below him, still clearly in recovery mode, and moved to the side, keeping half of his body on top of Aaron’s, pillowing his head on the brunette’s shoulder.

This felt different. He was actually glad Aaron was still there. He wasn’t counting down the minutes until he could kick him out like he was with the others, he thought, softly tracing unrecognisable patterns across Aaron’s stomach. Aaron jerked as he hit a particularly ticklish spot along his ribcage, the two of them laughing as he purposely did it once more before pulling Aaron closer and leaving a kiss on the mans chest, just above his heart.

“Robert?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for making us wait. It was definitely worth it.”

 _You’re worth it_. The thought came from nowhere, unbridled and completely terrifying. But he didn’t voice it. He’d deal with it later.

“Good.”

“Although…”

_Oh shit. What now?_

“I wouldn’t say we’re completely done.” Robert felt Aaron roll them over and looked up into his smiling face which was now more beautiful than ever. “I think it’s your turn now.”

“Oh really?”

“Mm-hmm,” Aaron hummed with a nod, biting his lip taking a moment to look down at Robert’s body.

“Well, if you insist,” he said with a smirk, leaning up to once again capture Aaron’s lips.

 

**Present**

Robert ran a hand across his face, sighing as the memory left him. That had been such an amazing night. They’d ended up holding each other afterward… and then going another round and then holding each other again.

When he woke up the next morning, holding Aaron tight against him, he couldn’t help smiling down at the head resting on his chest, a few hairs free from gel curling on the younger mans forehead. It was a night of firsts: Aaron’s first time, their first time together, the first time Robert had let a man sleep over. He was the first one who Robert had actually wanted to wake up to.

He’d ended up drifting back off to sleep and when he woke up again, Aaron was lying beside him, hair still tousled, eyes open, smiling wide. He had looked so beautiful at that moment.

He’d remember every inch of Aaron’s face from that morning until the day he died. He rolled onto his side on the couch, catching sight of the picture of them from across the room. Arms wrapped around each other, smiling into a kiss. It was one of his favourites. Aaron looked so incredibly happy and it was so spontaneous. It was perfect.

He smiled and sighed deeply as he felt his eyes get heavier and heavier. Finally giving in, he closed them, drifting off to dreams of him and Aaron, happy and in love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I had a really hard time writing this chapter because I find it so challenging writing smut. So if you didn't enjoy it, I can only apologise but it is part of the story.
> 
> Again, thank you to all the people who continue to leave Kudos and comments. You are amazing! Please keep them coming. X


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for how long it's taken me to upload this chapter, but hey finally it’s here.  
> I write each chapter on my iPad and then I transfer it to AO3, but for some reason every time I copy and paste it to here all parts in bold or italics disappear, so I have to spend ages going through correcting it. If anyone knows a way I can sort this issue please let me know, it would save me a hell of a lot of time.
> 
> Also a bit of a heads up for this chapter. In this fic Robert has a motorbike because, well, why not? And Robert in leathers... need I say more.
> 
> Thoughts in italics.
> 
> Any mistakes I will go back and correct later because I’ve read through this so many times now I think im blind to any errors.

**Twelve**

  
Robert sighed deeply, propping his feet up in front of him and sinking back further into the comfortable confines of the grey sofa, attempting to focus solely on the book in his hands and not on the brunette standing at the bottom of the stairs, anxiously dancing back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I mean, this is the first day we’ve both been off in a week.” Robert resigned himself to the fact that this conversation wasn’t over and looked up from his book, taking in the hopeful expression on Aaron’s face.

Honestly, he was beyond disappointed. Aaron was right, this was the first free time they’d both had in days. But he’d seen how Aaron’s face had lit up when Adam called earlier that morning to see if Aaron wanted to have a day out, just the two of them. And he couldn’t blame him. Aaron had really only been getting out lately to work at the scrap yard and he’d gotten a little cabin fever after being sat at a desk doing paperwork by himself for days, he deserved some time out away from it all. Or at least that’s what Robert was trying to convince himself of. He just obviously wasn’t doing the best job.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he said, shrugging and turning back to the book in his hand, not taking in a single word on the page.

“That doesn’t even sound the slightest bit convincing,” Aaron said, walking over and sitting next to the blonde on the sofa. Robert chuckled at the teasing lilt in the brunette’s voice and looked up, seeing the sweet expression on his face and melting just the tiniest bit.

“Okay, yeah, I’m a little put out that we’re not going to spend the day together, but… I do want you to go. You need to get out for a bit. I get that.”

“But you’re still going to sit and pout about it?”

“Well, obviously,” he teased, sticking his nose back into the leather book in his hands. Beside him Aaron snorted out a laugh, the sound making him feel a little lighter even as the disappointment continued to push down on his chest.

“I’ll be home tonight then,” Aaron said, reaching over and gently squeezing at Robert’s wrist. He looked up, taking in the beautiful smile on Aaron’s face, relishing in the feeling of his soft skin and had to physically restrain himself from moving closer to the other man as he continued on in his unusually cheerful tone. “And maybe we can watch one of your awful horror movies later to make up for me leaving you this afternoon.”

“Careful. I’m going to hold you to that so don’t make promises you can’t keep. You hate horrors.”

“I do yeah, but since you’re being so understanding, I’m willing to watch one just this once to make it up to you,” Aaron said with a smile before adding, “Or at least I am as long as it’s not a really scary one.”

Robert simply smiled back at him, doing everything he could to keep himself from reaching out and kissing those lips that he’d missed so much. He was saved from himself though when Aaron turned towards his phone as it chimed with an incoming text.

“Alright, Adam’s ready to go.” He looked back at Robert once more before getting up and moving to grab his jacket that had been laid across the arm chair next to them. “So, what’re you up to today?”

“Probably just the usual. Rob, scheme, torture innocent souls,” Robert said, turning the page in his book. “You know, just cause general mayhem.”

“Alright, well try not to get into too much trouble,” Aaron said with a smile. “I’ll see you later.”

And with that, he was gone and Robert attempted to return to the book in his hands. After all, he really didn’t have anything else to do now.

Only the house was too quiet. Unnervingly quiet. He’d gotten so used to Aaron’s constant noise in the background over the years, but now… Even though things had gotten a little more comfortable between the two of them over the last few weeks, any sound Aaron made now was definitely fainter than before and much less frequent. Robert wasn’t sure if he was just trying to be more conscious of his noise level or if something was actually different. And that second thought was terrifying.

The distinct lack of clatters, clamours, and constant prattle was actually driving him insane, but what was worse than that was the quiet nights. Every time he laid down and closed his eyes, the silence was overwhelming, feeling like it was slowly suffocating him. Sure there was still the mild muffle of noise from outside and sometimes he would leave the television on quiet in the background. Usually, it was just some tat being sold on the shopping channel or some new wonderful kitchen contraption that would cook out all the fat of even the unhealthiest of foods. And then there was the soft hum of the refrigerator that could always be heard as it kicked on and off every few minutes from the kitchen. Yes, all of these things added up to noise, obviously. But the quiet grating his nerves in the dark came from the lack of something else, or more accurately the lack of someone else.

Not only had he grown used to the constant din that seemed to follow Aaron everywhere he went, but he’d also grown so accustomed to Aaron’s presence by his side at night that it was deafening now that it wasn’t there. Sure, they’d spent nights apart over the years when work demanded trips away and the other couldn’t come. Or on the very rare occasion when a stubborn fight would push one of them out of the bed for the night. But this was different. He desperately missed the soft sound of Aaron’s breathing, the contented hums he sometimes made mid-dream, the quiet sighs he would release when Robert wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

Pulling his thoughts away from the lonely nights he’d been experiencing, he looked around the room, feeling not just the silence pressing down on him anymore. No, there was something else grating in the pit of his stomach now.

When they’d first moved in, the place was a state and they’d had to work hard to get the place liveable. Granted they’d already had furniture, pictures and all the other possessions they’d accumulated over the years. But they both had to put the house together, deciding where to put each and every item so that it was just perfect. Honestly, more than deciding together on which colour curtains would best fit the bedroom, Robert took more pleasure in watching an excited Aaron make this their home, putting together everything just right. Now of course, everywhere he looked was the memory of Aaron… his Aaron, the one that knew him, remembered him… loved him.

 _Calm down_ , Robert chastised himself, feeling his entire body tensing more and more as the seconds ticked by. He took a deep breath, attempting to relax and closed his eyes, slowly counting down and trying to focus on himself and not on everything surrounding him. It didn’t work. _Shit_.

He’d spun out. This was no longer just missing Aaron , missing the little things about him and how they fit together so perfectly. And this was something more than just wondering if Aaron was different.

No, this was something else intermingled with the similarity of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Here he was, back to being unsure about what their future would bring and if Aaron would ever feel the same way about him as he did about the brunette. He’d been here before. Years and years ago but he never forgot this awful feeling. The problem was, he was now dealing with an Aaron that wasn’t crazy about him. This Aaron looked at him sometimes confused, sometimes scared, sometimes curious. And behind all of that, that utterly in love look was gone. It was breaking his heart and he didn’t know how to fix it.

What would he do if Aaron never regained his memory? What if days, weeks, months from now the man he loved gave up and he lost him forever? The longer this went on, the worse it would get. Eventually, Aaron would have no use for him and then what? Sure, they hadn’t talked about it in depth but he’d told Aaron that he wasn’t giving up. But what if Aaron didn’t fully understand that? What if Aaron just thought he was talking about their newly forming friendship? What if one day, Aaron decided he wanted to move on because he simply didn’t love Robert? It would crush him.

He hated how familiar this was, waiting for the pain to rip him to shreds. It may not have come all those years ago but how many times could he get lucky and dodge a bombing of emotional shrapnel? Eventually, he’d run out of chances. Maybe this time would be it.

He felt the burning sensation behind his eyes and squeezed them closed, digging his nails into his palms to stop the stupid emotions surrounding his heart. Crying would do him no good. Neither would sitting there, thinking about it in a room surrounded by memories of Aaron. He had to get out of there and he had to go now.

Standing quickly, he strode towards the door, not caring to pick up the book that had fallen from his lap, grabbed his jacket and his keys and stormed out of the house, not knowing where he was going but not really caring either as long as it meant it wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

Robert made it to the front door, attempting to balance the box of cream cakes and the box of eclairs from the bakery in town, as he’d be unable to decide on which to get, and shuffled the keys in his hand, trying to find the one to unlock the door.

It had been one hell of a day. After leaving the house earlier he’d ended up getting on his bike, speeding through and out of Emmerdale, hitting any road that lead somewhere that didn’t remind him of Aaron or the two of them together. He’d ended up near the water about an hour from the village, at a spot he hadn't been to in years. He’d actually been a frequent visitor to this little cove before Aaron came into his life. He’d come here and read or draw or sometimes just sit and breathe and just be. It was always so quiet, the peace calming him as he listened to the rippling water trickling and the larger waves splashing in the distance.

He spent most of the day there, staring out at nothing, attempting to clear his mind. He couldn’t keep thinking about what if this or what if that. Aaron was Aaron. He was still the moody, sweet, stubborn man that had stolen his heart all those years ago. It didn’t matter if he was a little quieter. Or if he put his left shoe on first instead of his right. Or if he’d suddenly decided that cheese and onion crisps were now superior to salt and vinegar. Deep down, he was still the same person. And even if that person didn’t feel the same way about Robert as he had a month ago, his worrying over all these little issues wasn’t going to make it better. He was just going to have to be more patient. He was going to have to try and take his time. Let Aaron come to him maybe.

Sitting there on the rocks, watching the water, his mind internally warring with itself was exhausting. But anytime all those stupid doubts came crashing down, he’d get up and move to another spot to quiet them, still staring out at nothing the whole time. He’d had to move every few minutes when he first got there but had been sitting in the same spot for a little over an hour, enjoying the last of the sunset by the time he left. He probably could’ve stayed there all night but that definitely wasn’t going to solve anything.

He’d ended up calling Will before starting up his bike again, talking to his old uni friend for a few minutes and receiving some long awaited good news before heading back home. He hadn’t really talked to Will or Carly since he’d told them about Aaron’s amnesia. Not that they were avoiding him. He still got those checking in texts every now and then but they knew him. They knew he needed to wrap his head around this and that if and when he needed something, he’d come to them. Today, he honestly just needed to hear Will’s voice. He just needed to hear something that hadn’t changed and thankfully, it had only calmed him further before he headed back towards Emmerdale, only making one stop before going home.

Finally getting the key into the lock, he turned it and managed to get through the door without dropping anything. Kicking the door closed behind him, he turned and quirked an eyebrow at the sight in front of him. Aaron stood in the kitchen, standing over the stove, the delicious scent of whatever was cooking lingering in the air.

“What are you up to?”

Aaron turned, taking in Robert standing near the door and smiled widely.

“Hey. You’re just in time. I was starting to worry I was going to have to eat all of this by myself.”

Robert smiled softly at the familiarity of the moment, finding it gave him some peace after the awful day he’d had. He walked further into the room, setting the boxes of pastries in hand on the table before stepping around and peering over Aaron’s shoulder. This was the moment he’d typically wrap his arms around Aaron’s middle, holding him close and leaving slow, teasing kisses along the column of his neck. But he refrained, settling for just standing to the side, leaning against the counter near the stove as he watched Aaron carefully stirring the wooden spoon around the pan, making sure it didn’t burn.

“Seriously, what is all this? I didn’t even expect you to be home until late. Figured you’d stay out as long as you could to avoid tonight’s screening of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”

“Ugh, really? That’s what you picked?” Aaron cringed, his face scrunching up in distaste.

“Hey, you put the offer on the table,” Robert said with a smirk, enjoying the sight of a squirming Aaron. “But seriously, how come you’re home so early?”

“Well, I just thought that maybe I could make us something tonight… just to do my bit, y’know?” Aaron said, smiling softly and shrugging.

“Well, thanks.” Robert watched as Aaron went back to work, his full attention focused on the pans in front of him. Moving to one of the chairs at the table so as to give Aaron some room, he sat and watched, taking note of each movement Aaron made, searching intently for anything out of the ordinary.

He still bobbed his head from side to side as he considered his next move in the meal. He still angled his foot back and tapped at the floor below him with his toe as he waited impatiently for the items to cook. He still chewed nervously at his thumbnail as he worried over making multiple things at once without burning them. He still did everything Aaron would do. Nothing seemed out of place at the moment.

Robert sighed in defeat. Maybe he’d overreacted earlier, breaking down like that. Maybe he was trying to find something different or wrong just to make it easier to deal with the fact that so much had changed.

“So where’d you go today? You get up to much?” He watched as Aaron halfway turned towards him, wooden spoon in hand, smiling slightly, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, no not really. I just took my bike out for a bit. It’ll be time to retire it for the season soon so…”

“Oh, I didn’t even know you had a bike.” Robert watched as Aaron turned back towards the stove, seeming to consider something for a moment before looking over his shoulder and continuing. “Do you think… do you think maybe you could take me out for a ride?”

Robert froze, his mind running a mile a minute in every different direction it could. What if Aaron got hurt again? What if he was the reason he got hurt? But what if it would really make Aaron happy? What if it was a way for them to get closer?

“I mean, maybe just a quick one? Before it gets too cold…” Aaron must’ve seen the apprehension on his face and he attempted to erase it, unsuccessfully of course if Aaron’s disappointed expression was anything to go by.

“Maybe,” he forced out, not wanting to agree but hating the hurt look the brunette was sporting. “If we get another really nice day and we’re both free…” It was enough apparently as it earned him a small smile before Aaron turned away and started plating the food from the stove. He smiled his thanks as Aaron sat a loaded plate in front of him, enthusiastically grabbing his fork.

“Thanks again for making dinner. I haven’t eaten all day and I’m starving,” Robert said with a smile as he took a forkful of the spaghetti bolognese in front of him and moaned in delight. “Oh… this is amazing.”

“Thanks,” Aaron said, looking pleased with himself and taking the seat next to him.

“So, something did happen today that I need to talk to you about.” Robert turned on his chair, noting he had Aaron’s rapt attention. “I er… I talked to Will. Him and Carly are actually coming over to visit in a couple of days. I know it’s short notice but…” Robert trailed off. How did he explain to Aaron that his friends wanted to come check on him and make sure everything was okay?

“Will and Carly?”

“Yeah, sorry, old friends from university. Carly lives in Paris now and shes over visiting Will. She has a few days to spare before she goes back home, so they want to come see us…” _Shit_. “I mean, they want to come visit and catch up. With me. Don’t feel like you have to… do anything or… even meet them.” _Meet them? Oh, god, he met them years ago!_

“Did you… did you not want me to?” He looked up, taking in the curious expression on Aaron’s face, unsure which answer would be the best at that moment.

“That wasn’t what I was saying, Aaron. I just… I don’t want you to feel like you have to or that you need to do anything special while they’re here. They’ve booked a couple of rooms at the B&B so they won’t be staying here or anything like that. And… if you’re not okay or comfortable with it, I won’t invite them here to the house. I’ll go out to meet them or just go to the B&B. I can even probably just stay with them while they’re here if that’s what’s best.”

“No!” Robert was startled by the loud, vehement refusal. Aaron shook his head and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. I just… don’t stay at the B&B. Please. I… er, Look.” He turned fully on his chair towards Robert, his face anxious. “This is your home too. I’m not going to kick you out of it because your friends are coming to visit. And… thank you for giving me the option. It’s really nice of you. I’d… I think I’d like to meet them….again. If that’s okay?”

“It’s definitely okay,” Robert said, feeling his heart skip a beat at the moment and hating the fact that he’d immediately gotten his hopes up. “I just didn’t want you to think I expected you to.”

“Well thanks but maybe it’ll be good for me, meeting some more people who I can’t remember. Maybe it’ll help… with remembering you since you’re all connected.”

“Yeah course, whatever you want,” he said, smiling encouragingly and changing the subject before he got too hopeful. “So how was your day?”

“It was good. Adam took me to this new snooker place. I’m sure he was letting me win. And then we just walked round town. You know they’re already putting up Christmas stuff?”

“I swear they do it earlier and earlier every year,” Robert said, shrugging and taking another mouthful. “You usually aren’t one to complain though.”

“Well, I do love Christmas.”

“Yeah, I figured that out a long time ago.”

“Speaking of Christmas, I er… I actually picked something up today.” Robert turned, mouth still full of food, taking in the suddenly nervous expression on Aaron’s face and the fact that he had yet to touch the food in front of him.

“Okay…?”

Aaron bowed his head as he stood from his chair and moved towards the sofa, carefully sorting through a few small bags sitting there. Finally finding what he was looking for, he turned and slowly walked back to his seat. Robert looked down at the small, nondescript box in Aaron’s hand, his own curiosity mounting.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I just… I saw this today and I thought… you might like it.” Aaron anxiously glanced up and carefully handed the small box over. “I’m not even sure this is a good idea now.”

_He got me a gift?_

Robert carefully fingered the small package for a moment before removing the lid and smiling immediately at what he saw.

“Aaron, this is lovely,” he said, pulling the small, glass ornament out of the box. It was flat and square in shape, depicting a beautiful snow-covered scene, the painting immediately recognisable as Monet. “Seriously this is great.”

“I just saw it and thought of you. Do you… do you like it?”

“I love it, Aaron. This is…Thank you.”

Aaron’s nervous expression immediately vanished into a beaming smile, shuffling on his chair.

“Good. I was worried you’d think it was weird or maybe… I don’t know. I’m just glad you like it.”

“I believe I said love,” Robert corrected, wondering what the maybe Aaron had mentioned really was but decided to let it go at the moment. He paused for a moment, setting the ornament back into its box and placing it on the table. “You know, you picked most of our Christmas ornaments out.”

“I don’t give you a say in the decorations or you don’t want one?” Aaron teased, finally picking his fork up and preparing to dig into his quickly cooling dinner.

“I just don’t really get that into it. I mean, the only reason I even like Christmas is because…” He trailed off, stopping himself just in time.

_Don’t go there you idiot._

“Is because?”

“Nothing. It’s… it’s not important,” Robert said, looking away and shaking his head. “You know, this reminds me of our first Christmas together. I gave you something similar. I don’t think it’s as good as this but…”

“I’m sure I loved it.” Aaron stared at him for a moment before reaching over and squeezing the other mans wrist. “Hey…” Robert turned back to him, their eyes meeting. “Tell me about our first Christmas?”

 

**Four Years and Nine Months Earlier**

It had been nine days. Nine extremely long days that he hadn’t seen Robert for. Apparently the older man wasn’t ready to spend Christmas with the family just yet and had stuck to his new tradition of going to Will’s for the holidays. So Aaron had spent Christmas with his family, wishing each day to pass by quicker than the last so he could see Robert again.

Finally Aaron bounded up the staircase, almost tripping at least three times before he got to Robert’s floor, smiling cheerfully over the load he was hauling in his arms.

“Jesus, it sounds like a herd of elephants out here,” Robert teased from the doorway where he stood, apparently waiting for him.

“It does not, I just… well, your stairs are slippy from other people dragging snow in and I almost fell.”

“Well, maybe if you weren't in such a hurry.” Robert teased as Aaron finally reached the door and walked past him, muttering an insult under his breath. All Robert could do was smile as he turned and closed the door behind them.

Aaron dropped his things onto Robert’s threadbare couch and turned, quickly wrapping his arms around the blonde mans neck and capturing his lips in a scorching kiss. He felt Robert’s lips smiling against his own and attempted to pull him closer. God, he’d missed this man. Nine days apart was far too long and not something he was eager to repeat any time soon.

Pulling away a moment later to catch his breath, he leant his forehead against Robert’s and opened his eyes, immediately meeting Robert’s darkened gaze.

“I missed you, you know.”

“I missed you too. I didn’t realise just how much though until right now.”

“Oh really?” Aaron teased, sliding his hands down Robert’s shoulders and arms, reaching for his hips and squeezing once before moving his hands up under the shirt he wore. “Because I’d be happy to remind you of why you should’ve been missing me this much the whole time.”

He felt Robert shudder against him as he slowly moved his hands down to Robert’s jeans, slipping his hands beneath the material, letting his hands tease right where Robert wanted him. He watched Robert blink once, slowly, his breathing becoming shallower by the minute.

“Did you er… did you have plans for us tonight?”

Aaron just shook his head, smiling at the sight of the man in front of him who had so quickly lost his signature composure. _Looks like I’ve got the upper hand tonight._

“Good.” Their lips met again at a feverish pace and he felt Robert’s hands move from his hips, grabbing onto the backs of his thighs and quickly hoisting him up. Wrapping himself tighter around the taller man, he felt them take just a few steps before he was unceremoniously tossed onto the bed, Robert quickly following him down. He looked at the man above him and smiled harder as he felt that squeeze in his chest that had been coming and going more frequently as of late.

* * *

“I still cant believe Mr Scrooge himself got a tree.” Aaron snorted, smirking from his seat on the counter.

“Well, I just didn’t want you to be all sad if we had Christmas here without a tree,” Robert said with a shrug, focusing on making the hot drinks in front of him.

But Aaron knew it was more than that.

He’d noticed the pathetic excuse of a Christmas tree, lit up with a few strands of lights and zero ornaments soon after they’d finally collapsed, breathless, sweaty and thoroughly sated about half an hour earlier. He’d been staring at Robert, who lay on his back, still panting, eyes closed, hair a mess from Aaron’s insistent tugging, when out of the corner of his eye, some multi coloured lights caught his attention. The small tree looked a little sorry for it’s self. But knowing that Robert got it for him, to make him happy… well, it made it the most perfect tree he’d ever seen.

Robert of course had shrugged off his thanks, claiming it wasn’t a big deal as he’d thrown on an old t-shirt and a pair of joggers before moving towards the kettle to make them each a hot drink. Aaron had slipped on the shirt that the taller man had not long taken off, relishing in the fact that it still smelt like Robert before following, hoisting himself up onto the counter and watching as Robert worked.

“I’m not just going to let you shrug this off y’know,” he teased a few moments later. “You did something thoughtful and you did it for me and I wanna thank you.” Robert just shook his head, a smile creeping onto his lips as he finished stirring the tea and handed a mug to Aaron before walking back towards the bed and plopping down heavily in the middle.

Aaron watched from his spot on the counter, still smiling for another minute before Robert finally looked up, shooting him a mocking glare.

“If you don’t knock it off, there won’t be presents,” he threatened.

“Oooh, that’s right, we still have to open presents,” Aaron laughed, hopping off the counter and making his way towards the things he’d brought in with him. Grabbing the bag of everything he’d gotten for Robert he turned and made his way back towards the bed, plopping down so that they sat knee to knee. Robert looked at the bag, his amused smile falling from his face almost immediately. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I um… I didn’t know that we were getting each other like… a lot of gifts,” he said quietly, still staring at the bag next to Aaron.

“Oh, well no, not a lot.” Aaron quickly took the four haphazardly wrapped packages out, setting three of them next to his knee and handing the last to Robert before tossing the bag off the bed. “See? Not a lot.”

Robert just swallowed and got up, slowly walking over to the tree and picking up the one small, expertly wrapped box that lay underneath it. He came back to the bed, sitting down gently and handing it to Aaron.

“It’s not much,” he said, finally looking up to meet Aaron’s gaze. Aaron just smiled and nodded towards the package in Robert’s hand, watching as he carefully tore the paper off.

“Aaron, these are perfect,” he said, a moment later, smiling down at the three new additions to his vinyl collection.

Aaron watched as Robert looked them over before moving on to the next package, the blondes smile growing further with each gift he opened: a new drawing pad, complete with fresh charcoal sticks, and a leather-bound book.

“Hopefully you haven’t read that one yet,” Aaron said with a smile.

“I love it. All of it.” Robert stared at the gifts in front of him for a moment before looking up and smiling softly at Aaron. “Thank you. But you know, you didn’t have to do all of this.”

“I wanted to,” Aaron said, smiling back and finally started to rip the wrapping paper from the box in his hands, much to Robert’s amusement.

He opened the box, smiling as he pulled out a dark grey beanie, instantly pulling it onto his head and smiling up at Robert.

“Knew it would suit you.”

“Thank you,” he said, going to toss the box to the side before Robert grabbed at it in a panic.

“Don’t!” Aaron stared at him confused for a moment. “Sorry, it’s just, there’s something in the bottom and I don’t want you to break it. The hat was mainly just for cushioning.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t…” He trailed off as he looked into the bottom of the box, his smile vanishing and his jaw dropping slightly. He reached inside, gently fingering the round ornament there, taking in every detail. “Robert… this is amazing. How did you…”

“Well, I know it’s a Christmas ornament but I thought you could maybe keep it up year round. If you wanted to, that is. You could put it up next to the picture in your room. If that’s what you wanted to do. You don’t have to.”

The picture in his room was of him and his mum, looking for treasure on the beach when he was seven. In the photo, Aaron held a small rock proudly in his hand, and was smiling uncontrollably as Chas knelt next to him, arm around her son holding him close. It was one of Aaron’s favourite pictures of the two of them, one that he always kept in sight wherever he was because it reminded him of happy times. Somehow Robert had made it an even better memory now as he looked at the ornament in hand, the picture painted upon it so beautifully and perfect.

“Are you okay?” Aaron looked up, feeling his eyes starting to water.

“Robert, this is amazing. How did you do this?”

“Well, I know you love that photo. So I took a picture of it on my phone one night when you were in the kitchen. I was going to draw it for you but then I thought, you love Christmas, maybe an ornament would be better. So I found a plain one and had it put on.”

Aaron didn’t even say anything. He carefully placed the glass ball back into the box and surged forwards, wrapping himself entirely around Robert and meeting their lips in a grateful kiss.

“I love it. So much, it’s incredible,” he said as they pulled apart a moment later, keeping his arms and legs wrapped around the blonde. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it. I was worried it was… maybe it was a stupid idea.”

“It wasn’t. It’s perfect.” He leant his forehead against Robert’s, moving further into his lap. “Merry Christmas, Rob.”

Robert just smiled, squeezing him closer.

 

**Present**

“That’s… I…”

Robert looked over, taking in the surprised expression on Aaron’s face, worrying something was seriously wrong when he just kept opening and closing his mouth.

“Aaron? Hey, what it is? What’s wrong?”

“That ornament…” He trailed off once more for a moment, sniffling as tears sprang to his eyes. “I remember that ornament. It hung on a little hook next to that picture at Vic and Adam’s place. I remember it… I mean…”

He trailed off again, apparently at a complete loss of what to say and for the first time in almost a month, Robert didn’t even think. He just reached over and put an arm around Aaron’s shoulders, pulling the smaller man into his side, happy when Aaron didn’t even attempt to fight the offer of comfort and instead, laid his head on Robert’s shoulder. A moment later he felt Aaron turn towards him on his chair and wrap his arms around his torso.

Nothing was said between the two of them, but Robert didn’t need to hear what Aaron was thinking or feeling. Holding him close, he already knew. Right then and there, this was his Aaron, wide open and raw, seeking the comfort that only Robert could provide. And as amazing as that felt, he absolutely hated the hurt Aaron felt in that moment. He hated the sting and wanted nothing more than to destroy it.

Taking a deep breath, he rose from the chair and pulled the smaller man closer, running a soothing hand along his spine and murmuring soft words of comfort into his ear for a few more minutes before letting the silence overtake them again.

Maybe they’d find their way back to one another. Maybe they wouldn’t. But Robert wasn’t willing to give up. He’d learned a long time ago that he would always fight for Aaron. And that Aaron would always fight for him. They may not have always had it easy and they might not have always gotten what they wanted. But one way or another, they always had each other. Now was not the time to question that. Now was not the time to bow out. No, now was the time to battle. Win or lose, he’d go down fighting for this amazing man. It wasn’t going to be easy, but then again, when had he ever taken the easy road?

“Robert?” He was pulled out of his own head by the small voice buried in his neck.

“Hmm?”

“What’s the only reason you like Christmas?”

Robert sighed, taking in their reflection from the mirror across the room, Aaron in his arms, holding onto him so tight, and felt himself melt.

“It’s because you love it. It makes you happy and it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”

_Please don’t freak out. Please don’t freak out. Please don’t freak out._

“What makes you happy?”

He pondered the question for a moment, even though he already knew the answer. If he was going to do this, he was going to have to go all in. There couldn’t be any holding back or second guessing. He was going to have to be one hundred percent honest, terrifying as that may be.

“You,” he finally said, softly. “It’s all you, Aaron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for how long it’s taken me to update. Hope you enjoyed it.


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carly and Will arrive and Aaron starts to question what he’s feeling.

  **Thirteen**

Aaron attempted to wrestle the keys out of his pocket with his good hand and not drop his phone or the bag from Davids, full of absolutely nothing healthy, that he’d picked up on his way home. He was a mess, that much he knew. He’d caught a glimpse of himself on the way out of the shop and had immediately deflated. Windswept hair, ragged worn jeans and an old jumper he’d grabbed in a hurry, that he was pretty sure was Robert’s. If only he’d gone home earlier like he’d planned to and hadn’t gotten caught up in conversation with his mum and Paddy at the pub.

Hopefully he could at least sneak into the bedroom and quickly change into something half decent. But what difference would that make? His hair was still a mess, he still had the tatty cast on his arm and he was pretty sure whatever he put on he would look a mess next to Robert. What a great way to make a first impression. Even if it technically wasn’t.

Shaking his head in frustration he finally latched onto his key and opened the door to quietly let himself in.

“Well well well. He finally decided to make an appearance.” The smooth, confident voice behind him caught him off guard and he immediately felt himself tense even further at the moment. He turned as the door closed, taking in the sight of Robert sitting at the kitchen table, smiling softly at him along with two other faces that he definitely did not recognise.

“Hey, I was starting to think you were going to leave me alone with these two for the night,” Robert said as he got up from his seat and quickly moved towards Aaron to take the bag from his hand.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I um, got sidetracked at the pub. I didn’t mean to hold you lot up.”

“You wasn’t, we were just giving Rob here a hard time about the fact that he hasn’t come to visit in far too long.”

“Well, it’s not like it’s a quick ride in the car,” Robert argued, sending a teasing smirk Aaron’s way. The brunette tried to smile back as he set the bag down and pulled off his jacket, realising a moment too late he should’ve kept it on. “Is that my jumper?”

“Oh yeah… I think so, sorry. I was running late this morning and I just grabbed something quickly. I didn’t even realise until I was already at work that it was probably yours.”

“It’s not a big deal, Aaron.” He felt Robert’s soft hand reaching for his calloused one and looked down, watching their fingers interlace and swallowed hard.

There had been a lot more touching over the last week, ever since the night he’d desperately grabbed onto Robert and clung to him, tears in his eyes as the memory of the Christmas ornament flooded his brain. Or at least, a lot more touching on Robert’s part. They’d be watching television and he would reach over and gently run his fingertips along Aaron’s arm or the back of his hand. They’d be eating dinner at the kitchen table and the blonde would gently squeeze his knee and smile. They’d even gone out and walked around the village the day before and Robert had grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers without any hesitance.

Aaron, on the other hand, had found himself avoiding the initiation of any obviously loving or intimate touches. There was nothing wrong with an accidental shoulder brush when they sat next to one another or a quick wrist squeeze every now and then. But beyond that, he found himself pausing.

He initially had felt a little lighter after the minor breakdown a week ago. He’d gone to bed that night feeling more secure in the knowledge that Robert wasn’t just going to up and bail on him and had fallen asleep with a small smile on his face. But when he’d woken up, the new day had him feeling confused and hesitant. How was he supposed to reciprocate unconditional feelings of love for someone who he still didn’t technically fully know? Someone who’d been in love with him for years? Someone who was willing to give up literally anything and everything for him? Robert had come right out and said it; he was all in.

And sure, he liked Robert. But he also liked Adam. He liked Vic. They had a great friendship. And he felt like maybe he had that with Robert too.

_Okay, maybe it’s not quite the same. There may be something more there with Robert. I mean, there’s definitely the attraction. And I do like spending more time with him than with anyone else. And he’s really sweet and good to me. But so what?_ That didn’t mean he was ready to jump headfirst back into a relationship that he still couldn’t remember and still had so many questions about. And as the days went on, it just seemed like that’s what everyone was expecting him to do. Vic had even used the phrase ‘double date’ earlier in the week, his mum had asked what they were planning for their upcoming anniversary when he’d stopped by the pub two days earlier, and even Adam had been teasing him that very morning, asking if he was late because Robert had him ‘tied to the bed.’

And as for Robert, well he seemed to be the one putting the least amount of pressure on Aaron. Outside of the touching here and there, the taller man had still been nothing but understanding and respectful. Even though he’d been very upfront about his feelings towards Aaron, he hadn’t pressed any further or pushed for more. It seemed his goal was simply to be there for Aaron and to be a good friend, which Aaron desperately needed at this point.

He felt Robert gently squeeze his hand and steer him towards the kitchen table, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“So… Aaron this is Carly and Will.”

He could hear what sounded like hesitance in Robert’s voice and felt his shoulders slump in disappointment. This had to be so awkward for him. But then again, it was uncomfortable for Aaron too. After all, he’d already done this, years ago.

Not even a hint of familiar, he thought, looking at the two people sitting at his kitchen table, Carly with her flawless tanned skin and full smile, looking like she’d just stepped off a runway in Milan and not a five-hour car journey in her high waisted dress and heels. And Will, looking like a typical model for GQ in his neatly pressed suit, hair the perfect look of purposely messy and the hint of three-day stubble on his chin. Dammit. Nothing.

“Nice to er… meet you both,” he stuttered, feeling the weight of their stares in the pit of his stomach.

“So formal,” Carly said with a teasing smirk. Aaron stumbled back a little as she gracefully rose from her chair and stepped towards him, pulling him in for a brief hug. Aaron halfheartedly hugged back with one arm and unconsciously squeezed Robert’s hand tighter with the other.

“It’s good to see you, scrapper,” Will said, grinning over the rim of his coffee mug from the other side of the table after Carly had sat back down.

“Um, yeah… thanks.” God, maybe he should’ve said he had plans tonight. He felt Robert gently squeeze his hand again and he turned towards the blonde, taking in the concern in his eyes.

“You okay?” He asked quietly. Aaron just nodded, sending him a quick smile, hoping that would be enough before removing his hand, wiping his sweaty palm on his thigh.

“Anyway, sorry I’m late. Let me just put this stuff away,” he said, motioning towards the bags on the counter, “Give you lot time to catch up.”

“I can do it,” Robert eagerly jumped in.

“No, it’s fine. You just stay here. I’ll take care of it.” He turned away, moving towards the cupboards to put everything in its place, hoping that would let him off the hook and the three of them could continue on with whatever they were doing before he got there. Then maybe he could sneak up to the bedroom and barricade himself in there until the night was over. He still had some crisps in his jacket pocket, that would be enough for dinner and he could save himself from any further embarrassment.

“So how’s the scrap empire coming along, Aaron?”

“Oh, er… it’s fine, I guess,” he stumbled. Apparently, he wasn’t going to get out of this that easily.

“More than fine I’d say. Robert here was just telling us you’ve took on a few big contracts,” Will chimed in.

Aaron looked over his shoulder, noticing Robert still standing near the table, his eyebrows still knit together in obvious concern. He smiled softly as he put away the jar of coffee in his hand and turned towards the trio.

“Yeah, things are going well. And now we’ve got a steady work flow, me and Adam are hoping to take on an extra pair of hands.”

“Well, congratulations. It’s quite impressive.” He watched as Carly took a graceful sip from the wine glass in front of her and realised Robert wasn’t the only one with that elegant appeal of mystery and charm surrounding him. Even though they weren’t related, the three of them all seemed to have that same confident, bordering on cocky quality. In addition to all being incredibly good looking.

“Yeah, Aaron, if you keep this up, you could take business wherever you want. You could travel the world. Leave Robert here all alone to pine for you,” Will teased.

“Stop it or I’ll make you regret it,” Robert said with a sickeningly sweet smile, making him chuckle and Carly roll her eyes. Aaron clearly had a lot of catching up to do when it came to Robert’s friends.

“Love you too, bro.” Will said with a smile. “Anyway, it’s great Aaron and you probably really could travel and you could get the scrap shipped in. The two of you could see a bit of the world.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Aaron said, looking away as the thought of being alone on the other side of the world with only Robert flooded his brain. Sure, it seemed like a romantic notion. But… also utterly terrifying. He was just so sick of these stupid indecisive feelings. What was wrong with him? “So what do you three have planned for tonight?”

“Nothing actually. These two were getting ready to head to the B&B for the night when you got here,” Robert explained. “Did you have plans with Adam or anything?” Aaron just shook his head.

“You and Adam still inseparable then?” Carly asked with a laugh.

“I swear, as mad as Rob was about you in the beginning, I kept waiting for those friends of yours to be the final straw and send him running for the hills,” Will added with his own laugh.

“Shut up, both of you.” Aaron watched Robert send them both a warning glance before leaning back against the counter, arms crossed, apparently ending the conversation there and then. Carly and Will both shot him the same arrogant smile before taking the final sips of wine and coffee from their respective glasses and standing.

“Alright, so, we’ll see you tomorrow then for brunch. Will you be joining us, Aaron?” Aaron turned to Carly in surprise, not expecting the invitation.

“Er…” _Oh God, that would be the most awkward brunch ever._

“We’ll see,” Robert answered for him, walking towards the door to show his friends out.

“Okay. Night then,” Carly said, leaving air kisses against Robert’s cheeks as she floated out. Will followed, sending Aaron a genuine smile and pulling Robert in for a tight hug and a pat on the back as he exited.

Aaron quickly turned away, busying himself with the rest of the shopping as Robert closed and locked the door. He’d made a complete fool out of himself.

“Hey.” He stopped what he was doing and halfway turned towards Robert who was slowly walking towards him. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Aaron sighed. “I’m sorry. I just… I guess I just didn’t realise how awkward it was going to be… re-meeting them.”

“Aaron, I told you that you didn’t have to.”

“I know.” He stared down at his feet, fidgeting nervously and noticed Robert stop a few feet away from him.

“Well, you don’t have to see them again if you don’t want. I’ll meet them wherever but I won’t invite them to come back here.”

“Robert, no, that’s not… look I’m sorry, I just, I guess part of me was hoping something would be familiar. And that I wouldn’t be a stuttering idiot,” he said.

“Aaron, you were fine. They know you don’t remember them. But that wasn’t going to stop them from being… well, them around you,” Robert said with a chuckle. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t worry.” Aaron just nodded, finally looking up into Robert’s green eyes and smiled softly. “So, since you don’t have plans and I don’t have plans, maybe we could order in? We can watch a film or something?”

Aaron took in the nervous tone in Robert’s voice and couldn’t help but smile. Five minutes ago this man was confident and sure of himself. And now…

“Yeah. That sounds good,” he said with a genuine smile.

  
**Four Years and Nine Months Earlier**

“Are you sure you can’t get someone to cover for you?” Aaron asked as he wrapped his arms tighter around Robert’s neck and left a string of soft kisses along his throat.

Robert just smiled and pulled the brunette closer, releasing a deep sigh as Aaron hit a particularly sensitive spot.

“I mean, you can’t just leave me here… alone… missing you.”

“You’re getting really good at this teasing thing aren’t you?” He felt Aaron smile against his neck and ducked his head down further, capturing Aaron’s lips with his own in a knee-trembling kiss. He pulled away a second later, smiling at the dazed look on Aaron’s face. “Trust me, I’d much rather be with you tomorrow night than at work. And maybe another weekend I can make that happen and swap my shifts at the bar. But if I don’t go in tomorrow, how do you expect me to buy you nice things and take you places, like the restaurant we were just at.”

He’d meant it to be a light comment. He had absolutely no intention of bringing down the teasing mood that they’d been flirting with all night, but apparently, his brain hadn’t caught up with his mouth.

“Robert…” He watched as Aaron’s face fell and felt him slide his hands down his arms, grabbing onto his own hands and fitting their fingers together. “You know I don’t care about any of that stuff, right? You know that’s not why I like you. I’d be just as happy sitting at home with a beer, doing nothing.”

“That’s just because you love beer.”

“No, it’s because I…”

Robert tipped his head curiously as Aaron cut himself off and looked away.

“Because what?”

“I just… I just don’t want you to think that I need or want anything but you,” he said, finally looking back up and Robert felt himself melt into those perfect blue eyes. He leant forward, leaving a soft kiss on Aaron’s lips, smiling as he pulled back and moved them away from the car and towards Aaron’s front door, stopping and waiting for Aaron to locate his keys once they reached it.

He wasn’t trying to avoid the topic but the night had been so light and fun. They didn’t need to get all heavy.

“How much can you possibly have in your pockets?” He asked as Aaron kept digging, unsuccessfully for his keys.

“Stop moaning, I’ve got them.” Aaron said with a light huff, finally locating his keys and unlocking the door.

“Oh, you guys are here,” Aaron said as they entered the house, taking in Adam and Vic seated together on the couch, engrossed in whatever they were watching on the television.

“Where should we be?”

“Anywhere but here so them pair can have the place to themselves,” Adam said, sending a booming laugh their way.

“You said it, not me,” Robert pointed out with a smirk as he wrapped his arms around Aaron’s waist from behind, pulling the smaller man close as he tried to wriggle free.

They’d been spending most of their time at his place where they could be alone so thankfully he hadn’t had to engage much with anyone from the village since before Christmas. Obviously apart from the insufferable monthly game night that Vic insisted upon continuing to have. He’d never admit it out loud but he still felt a little uncomfortable being around the village after all that had gone on with his dad. And then there was the ‘hurt Aaron and we’ll kill you speech’. They obviously wanted him gone and out of Aaron’s life. They’d made that perfectly clear, and while he had tried to play nice with them when he had to, that didn’t mean he had to roll over and play dead. He still had his pride.

“Now there’s no need to be rude, Rob,” Vic chastised, eyes wide, mouth turned down, handing Aaron a cookie from the plate the brunette was eyeing. “We didn’t know you were planning on coming back here tonight. We don’t see much of the two of you together anymore.”

“The restaurant was just closer to here than to Robert’s place,” Aaron explained. “And I never said I didn’t want you both to be here. I just thought you might be out. I mean, it’s Friday night.”

“Yeah well, we’re clearly like an old married couple already.” Robert smirked at Adam’s assessment, unable to help himself and leaned over Aaron’s shoulder to take a small bite of the cookie in his hand.

“Mmm. Not bad, Vic.”

“Thank you, Robert. That was almost a compliment.” Vic brushed the microscopic crumbs only she could see from her hands and sat back on the couch once more. “Now, are the two of you going to join us or do you have other plans for the evening? We’re watching some ridiculous film that Adam’s picked out, so if you want to save yourselves, I wouldn’t blame you.”

Robert was actually tempted to join them, not really so much for the company but more so just to try and earn some brownie points when Aaron shot that idea down with the shake of his head and a smile.

“Sorry, Vic, you’ll have to suffer through this one on your own,” he said as he gripped Robert’s arms still wrapped around his torso and shuffled them towards the stairs. “We’ll be in my room if you need us.”

Robert looked over his shoulder at a frowning Vic and an already enraptured Adam and chuckled as they climbed the stairs.

“So, leaving Vic to suffer that awful film. That’s harsh,” Robert said once the door was closed and he’d removed his leather jacket.

“She’ll be fine. Adam will end up picking whatever the hell they’re watching apart in the next twenty minutes and then they’ll get too angry at the holes in the plot-line and end up turning it off. Then Vic can watch some rom-com and all will be fine.”

“Sounds like you’ve been down this road before,” Robert said with a smirk as he sat back on Aaron’s bed.

“You have no idea.” Aaron shrugged off his own jacket and shoes before turning to Robert, smiling suggestively. “Besides, we can have a lot more fun up here. By ourselves,” he said, moving towards the bed and pulling Robert closer.

“Aaron, I’m not objecting but you refused to have sex the other night when you saw my neighbours in the hallway coming in at the same time we were. There’s no way you’re going to be okay with doing it now when Adam and Vic are just below us.”

“I didn’t say we were having sex.” Aaron teased a small blush creeping up on his cheeks and Robert gave him a questioning look. “But just because we aren’t having sex doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of fun.”

“Oh really. What did you have in mind then?” Aaron didn’t answer. Instead, he just kissed him.

* * *

Thirty minutes had passed. Thirty minutes of the hottest make-out session in the entire history of make-out sessions and Robert would’ve been lying if he said he didn’t want more. But this was kind of fun. The teasing, the soft sighs, the incredible feeling of Aaron’s amazing lips pressed against his.

“You still taste like the americano from earlier,” Aaron said, smiling into a waning kiss.

“Well, you taste like Aaron,” Robert said, latching back onto his bottom lip.

“What’s that taste like?”

“Mmm, delicious.” Aaron laughed into the kiss and Robert couldn’t help but smile and pull the smaller man closer.

A quick rap on the door and the sound of creaking hinges caught his attention but not fast enough.

“Aaron, could you- oh! Sorry, I didn’t know you were… busy,” Vic said, quickly turning her gaze towards the corner of Aaron’s room and away from where the brunette was currently straddling Robert in the middle of his bed.

“Seriously, does no one knock anymore?” Robert grumbled, staying prone as Aaron shifted off of him.

“Oh, I did knock.” Robbert propped himself up on his elbows and glared at his younger sister, dumbfounded. He opened his mouth to release the snark on the tip of his tongue when Aaron gently cut him off.

“What do you want Vic?”

“Well, sorry to interrupt. But… Ed’s here and asking for you.”

“Oh… okay.” Aaron turned towards Robert, looking anxious as he rose off the bed and shuffled towards the door. “Just give me a second, okay?”

Robert stared on as the door closed behind Aaron, releasing a heavy sigh as he fell back onto the bed. Seriously? Ed, Again?

He’d known Ed, or at least known of him since his first year at Uni. It was late and he’d been on his way home from the library when he’d come across the tall man and a gaggle of his overly-active friends coming from the other direction on some sort of campus patrol. Between the glaring headlamps pointed in his direction and the military like march, they were a hard group not to notice.

“Hey! What’re you doing out this late alone?” Ed had asked as they quickly approached him head on.

“What business of it is yours?”

“Excuse me!”

“I said-“

“Hey, come on, Ed. He’s got his bag and stuff with him,” one of the other lads chimed in. Robert stared at him for a moment, the bloke seeming very familiar but he couldn’t quite place him. “I doubt he’s out here causing any trouble.”

“That’s not the point, man. You know as well as I do anyone on campus at this hour is most likely up to no good.”

“Yeah but he-"

“Looks like a troublemaker. We started this patrol to protect the campus. How are we protecting the campus if we just let anyone wander around, doing whatever they want?”

“So studying at the library is a problem? I’m sure you’ve all got better stuff to be doing with your time than bothering me,” Robert snarked as he started walking back in the direction of his flat.

“Oi! Get back here you-“

“Ed, it’s fine, really. Just let him go.” Robert turned back once, catching the eye of the lad defending him, Danny, who gave him a small smile. _Shit_ , he thought, realising why he looked so familiar. _Fuck, that’s the guy from last weekend. Wow, I’ve got to start keeping better track._ He quickly turned back around and walked a little faster.

“Hey…” Aaron’s hesitant voice cut through his thoughts as the brunette finally came back, closing the door behind him and slowly stepping towards the bed. Robert smiled briefly before feeling his lips turn back down as he took in the regretful look on Aaron’s face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he fully sat up and hauled himself to the end of the bed.

“Nothing, just… do you um, maybe want to watch that film after all?”

_What the fuck?_

“With everyone else, downstairs?”

_He had to be kidding._

He attempted to keep his face from falling into total disappointment as he took in Aaron’s pleading eyes but he doubted he was successful.

“Sorry, Robert. Ed’s had a rough day. Some stuff happened at the rugby club and he just really needs a friend right now.”

_Of course, he does. And of course, he’s going to come running to you._ He’d never considered himself to be a jealous person but, damnmit, Aaron was his boyfriend, not Ed’s. And it seemed like whenever the other man called, Aaron came running

“Oh… right,” he said, standing and adjusting his clothes.

“So you’ll stay?” The hopeful smile on Aaron’s face literally made his heartache. This was the last thing he wanted to do that night but if this was the only way he’d get to spend more time with Aaron…

“Yeah I’ll stay for a bit.” He faked a smile as Aaron pulled him close.

“Thank you,” he said softly, pulling back and meeting his eyes. He kissed him once before unwrapping himself and walking out of the room, Robert slowly following.

Stepping into the living room, he took notice of the others in the room, Adam and Vic both seeming incredibly uncomfortable and Ed looking beyond irritated. _Like I fucking care if he’s upset_ , he thought as he sat down on the other sofa, pulling Aaron down next to him and wrapping an arm around the brunette’s shoulders.

“So, what’re we watching?”

“Wait, you’re staying?” Ed asked in disbelief.

Robert just shrugged and pulled Aaron closer, taking notice that the other man slightly tensed against him. He turned towards Aaron, who sent him an unconvincing smile before turning away, nervously pulling at a thread on his jumper with his free hand.

_Fuck_.

 

**The Next Day**

Aaron pulled apart the toast in front of him, staring out the window at the snow gently falling outside, carefully blanketing everything in sight. He was exhausted and the double expresso he’d ordered in place of his regular americano wasn’t really helping with that.

The previous evening had been awkward. That was putting it mildly. He didn’t want it to be. He was just trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy. He’d failed on that front, he thought with a sigh.

“There’s going to be nothing left of that if you keep tearing it apart,” Ed said from across the table, taking a sip of his own coffee. He looked up to meet his Ed’s eyes, shaking his head in frustration and sighing.

“What’s up with you today?”

“Nothing, sorry. I’m just… tired.”

At least that was part of the truth. He’d hardly slept last night.

After he and Robert had joined them all the night before, he’d sat there nervously on the couch next to the taller man, watching his friends uncomfortably look at one another before Vic finally attempted to distract everyone and had turned on a movie. Some typical rom-com that Aaron had expected and only Vic was interested in. Over the next hour and a half, Vic had let out forced, over the top giggles, Ed had never looked more frustrated and Robert had sat next to him, completely silent and still. The blonde had readjusted himself about five minutes into the film, removing his arm from around his shoulder and leaving a few inches of space between them. Aaron had glanced over at him when he’d moved away but Robert kept his eyes on the television.

Once the film was over, Aaron quickly excused himself to the bathroom and by the time he got back, Robert was standing near the door, leather jacket on, apparently just waiting to say goodbye.

“You’re leaving?” He asked quietly as he approached. The others had already put on something else to watch and were halfway engrossed in another film.

“Yeah, it’s late so…”

“You know, you don’t have to. I mean… you could stay the night.” Robert just shook his head and leaned in, leaving a brief kiss on his cheek.

“Night,” He said quietly as he opened to door.

“Night, Robert!” Vic and Adam called together from the sofa, each offering a smile as his boyfriend left. Robert just nodded towards them and turned away, closing the door behind him. Aaron stared at the door for a moment before sighing and returning to his seat on the sofa. He kept mostly quiet the rest of the night, checking his phone every few minutes to see if he had anything from Robert but every time, he came up empty.

“So, do I need to buy you something else for breakfast or are you actually going to eat that?” Ed teased.

“No, no it’s fine. You didn’t have to buy me this,” Aaron answered, popping one of the torn off pieces into his mouth.

“Well, I wanted to. You were a good mate last night, I owe you.”

“It’s not a big deal. So, are you going to go back to the club today? Try and patch things up with the other lads?” Maybe if he encouraged Ed, this impromptu breakfast outing would be over faster.

He hadn’t intended on spending the morning with Ed. In fact, when he’d finally hauled himself out of bed, he’d been hoping to have a bit of time to himself. Time to think over things and properly arrange his thoughts. But then Ed had still been there, having crashed on the sofa overnight and had insisted on taking Aaron for coffee and breakfast.

“I guess I have to. I mean, the winter season is getting ready to start. We can’t have the team divided right now,” he said with a sigh

“Good,” Aaron said, trying to smile enthusiastically, taking another bite of his toast and washing it down with the last of his expresso. _Alright, time to get out of here._

“How about another drink? I think I’m going to get another. I’m going to need the caffeine to power through.”

_Shit_.

“Er, I don’t think I need another. A double shot will give me enough of a buzz to last me the morning.”

“Alright, how about some more toast then? You’ve picked that to bits now.”

“Well…”

“Come on, Aaron, I’ll get you whatever you want.” He looked up into Ed’s smiling, hopeful face and felt himself giving in.

“Fine. But I’ll have a bacon sandwich.” Ed just nodded and quickly left the table. Aaron sighed and took the opportunity of being alone to pull his phone from his pocket, noticing he had a missed text message.

**Robert (10:13AM)** : Hey, you want to grab a coffee before I have to go to work?

_Shit_. He looked up, noticing Ed still standing in the modest line that had formed and typed out a quick reply.

**Aaron (10:36AM)** : Sorry, I just saw this. I’m already at the cafe. Come over if you have time?

He knew it was stupid to ask as soon as he pressed send. But he definitely wanted to see him. They’d ended the previous night so awkwardly and he’d felt so lonely as he’d laid down in bed, desperately wishing he had Robert’s arms around him. As stupid as it was, he’d missed him.

**Robert (10:40AM)** : You there on your own?

He had to be honest. He couldn’t invite Robert to come meet him and not tell him he was with Ed. That wasn’t fair.

**Aaron (10:41AM):** Ed’s here

“Alright, bacon sandwich,” Ed said with a smile as he sat the plate down in front of Aarom. “I got you extra sauce just how you like it.

“Thanks.” He wrapped his hands around one half of the sandwich, relishing in its warmth as he nervously waited for a reply on his phone, knowing it wouldn’t be a good one. He attempted to be good company and look interested as Ed started talking about the new game season, all the while sending quick glances to his phone on the table next to him, blank and lifeless. _Come on Robert. Please._

**Robert (10:53AM)** : Oh. I’ll just see you sometime next week then.

And that was it. Day ruined.

  
**Present**

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?!” Aaron asked from his side of the couch, legs stretched out next to Robert, arms crossed over his chest, face full of frustration.

They’d ended up ordering in Chinese and had put the television on in the background while they ate. But neither was really paying attention and Robert had ended up asking Aaron scrap related questions. He smiled as Aaron told him about a tough negotiation he’d pulled off on his own that day. Talking about his accomplishment led to talking about how Chas was pleased with how everything seemed to be settling back into place since the accident, and that led to talking about how Carly and Will were equally as impressed with how he was coping, given the circumstances. And that led to the inevitable; Aaron asking if Robert’s friends really believed his own friends were going to drive them apart in the beginning. He hadn’t meant for the story to upset Aaron but then again, it wasn’t the most fun memory of the two of them. And he had promised not to sugarcoat anything or avoid the tough topics.

“About what?”

“Robert, no wonder Will and Carly thought my friends were going to be what broke us up. I was such an idiot to you when it came to Ed. I kept picking him over you and… that wasn’t right. Why didn’t you ever call me out on that?”

“I guess I was just used to it.” Robert shrugged and looked up, catching the stunned look on Aaron’s face before looking away, hating the embarrassment he still felt after all these years... “Aaron, I was never anyone’s first choice okay? I mean, that was the norm for me. My own family didn’t even want anything to do with me. I was used to no one wanting me to stick around. By the time I met you and we got together, it was just second nature to me. Plus, I knew that Ed was into you. He wanted you and I knew that you’d liked him for a while before I came into the picture. I honestly didn’t know if those feelings were really gone back then and I guess, I just kept waiting for you to pick him instead of me.”

“How can you say that?” Robert turned back, taking in the horrified look on Aaron’s face.

“Aaron, I’m not telling you this to hurt you or to make you feel bad. That’s just the way it was.”

“Well, it sounds stupid.”

“Aaron, come on. You knew each other long before I came around and he was important to you. Plus, you’re just you. You always want to make everyone happy and not hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“But it sounds like I was hurting you the whole time.”

“But you didn’t know that.” Robert reached out, placing a hand on Aaron’s blanket covered knee and gently squeezed, giving him a small, reassuring smile. “I mean, you knew something was up but… Aaron, I hid a lot of my feelings from you. I’m honestly still not that great about talking about things but you’ve gotten used to that over the years so I don’t always have to. You just kind of learned to read my thoughts. But in the beginning, you didn’t know you were hurting me and it’s my own fault for not speaking up.”

“Who’s to say I would’ve chosen you though?” Aaron questioned, throwing his good hand into the air in exasperation. “I mean, I’d like to think that I would’ve but apparently I was a prick and didn’t care.”

“Aaron, come on. That’s not true. You did care. You just didn’t know all the facts, so you can’t take all the blame, okay? Yeah, you hurt me. I’m not going to lie about that. But I’ve hurt you too. We haven’t gone five years without any war wounds. The hurt isn’t what matters though. What matters is that we came through it and we learned how to be better. Like I said, I suck at telling you when I’m feeling a certain kind of way. But you’ve gone through enough with me that you learned how to just read me I suppose. So you just know and you try to make it better. And I’ve learned too. Just like right now. You’re pulling at your sleeves, and I know that even though you’re mad at yourself for how you acted back then you’re also annoyed with me. Because I didn’t step up and tell you that what you were doing was hurting me.”

He carefully watched Aaron’s face, noting the slight widening of those inquisitive eyes in surprise and smiled at the small change.

“You have to remember that all of this was a long time ago. And you did actually pick me you know? I mean, we’re sitting here… together,” Robert said with a smile.

Aaron looked down at his hands in his lap again, apparently even more uncomfortable with the discussion now than before.

“Hey, come on,” Robert said, leaning forward a little and squeezing his knee again. “Yeah, everything wasn’t always perfect. And Ed was a massive pain back then. But we figured it out. You… you took care of it.”

“What did I do?” Aaron asked, looking up, eyes full of curiosity.

“A story for another time,” Robert said with a small smile. “Besides, it’s late.”

“I’m not even tired yet.” Robert took in the pout on Aaron’s face and felt his lips turn up at how the other man looked in that moment.

“Alright, how about we stick a film on then. You owe me a horror if I remember correctly.”

“Oh god, I do,” Aaron said, shrinking further into the sofa, pulling the blanket up as he went.

“Deal’s a deal,” Robert said as he grabbed the remote and quickly found an acceptable choice on Netflix.

“On second thought, I’m exhausted,” Aaron said with an over exaggerated yawn.

Robert just chuckled and pressed play, sitting back into the couch and laying his hand back on Aaron’s knee for good measure.

* * *

Robert turned the television off and looked towards the other end of the sofa where Aaron lay, his body still sandwiched between the back of the couch and Robert’s legs. He’d snuggled in further and further as the film had worn on. Robert had purposely picked one of those stupid over the top 80’s horrors and apparently his plan had worked as he’d watched Aaron’s eyes growing heavier and heavier the further he sank into the sofa.

“Aaron,” Robert mumbled, snuggling further into the pillow under his head. “You should go up to bed.”

“Mmm hmm…” Aaron pulled their shared blanket up further around his shoulders, his eyes already closed.

“Seriously, I know you’re feeling better but your ribs are going to hate you if you sleep down here.”

“I don’t wanna move,” Aaron grumbled, rolling onto his side and propping his pillow onto one of Robert’s shins. “I’m comfy here.”

Robert just smiled down at Aaron’s sleeping face, feeling his own eyes growing heavy and finding himself unable to keep them open any longer.

“Are you sure? Nice, big comfy bed upstairs…”

Aaron just grumbled again, already slipping into unconsciousness. Robert smiled once more and reached back, finding the switch on the lamp and clicking it off.

“Night then.” Aaron didn’t respond but Robert felt him snuggle in even closer as he faded off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and to everyone who continues to leave comments and kudos, it’s really appreciated.
> 
> Fair warning... Shits kinda about to hit the fan here over the next few chapters.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they fell asleep together and everything was good. Right?

**Fourteen**

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was how much every muscle in his body ached in the worst way. Not that that was a new feeling. It had pretty much been the norm for the last few weeks.

The second thing he noticed was that it was early. The light drifting through the curtains was soft and cool, forcing him to pull the blanket lying low across his hips up over his shoulders and roll further into the couch, nesting into the cushions. That’s when he noticed the third thing: Aaron was no longer beside him.

They’d fallen asleep on opposite ends of the sofa late the night before and it was the first time in weeks that he didn’t toss and turn and struggle to close his eyes. He’d fallen asleep to the soft sound of Aaron’s breathing, the smell of his body wash and the amazing feeling of his soft, warm body.

He’d woken up sometime a few hours ago after initially drifting off and, despite his exhaustion, had fought to keep himself awake as long as possible in order to enjoy the moment he’d been presented with. As usual, Aaron had stolen most of their shared blanket, but he really didn’t mind. The brunette was lying on his side, turned towards him, arms firmly wrapped around his calf, holding tight. Robert felt the smile bloom across his face in that moment and Aaron snuggled in further, nudging his own knee up and over Robert’s hip and onto his stomach. _I want this forever,_ he’d thought, attempting to calm his rapidly beating heart at the sensation of having Aaron so close and the feeling of warm, soft skin touching in places it hadn’t for weeks. Unable to help himself, he’d carefully placed a gentle hand just above Aaron’s knee, letting his thumb carefully trace back and forth for a moment, listening as Aaron sighed in contentment, floating somewhere on a dream. He’d fought valiantly to stay awake as long as he could, because who knew when a moment like this would come again, but it was in vain and he felt his eyes forcing themselves closed just a few minutes later.

 _How’d he sneak out of here without me noticing_ , Robert thought as he turned away from the back of the couch and he sat up. Granted he was normally a heavy sleeper but he’d found between the uncomfortableness of the sofa and the constant feeling of being on edge the last few weeks, a pin drop could wake him up.

He put his feet on the floor and rubbed a tired hand across his face, attempting to focus on the clock along the far wall but finding the blurry face and numbers impossible to read. He really needed to make that eye appointment Aaron had been harassing him about a few months earlier. The brunette had noticed him squinting more and more and had initially taken to teasing him about getting old in order to get him to arrange a visit to the opticians. When that didn’t work he changed tactics and started making comments along the lines of how sexy he thought Robert would look in a pair of glasses. And when that didn’t work, he took to threatening, although Robert just found that more funny than anything.

He stood up, carefully stretching his limbs as he did so, hearing a pop here and a crack there, and slowly shuffled towards the kitchen, which was also unfortunately empty. He stopped his shuffle, standing completely still, and strained, listening for any sound in the house to indicate Aaron’s whereabouts. Focusing as much as he could for an early morning, pre-coffee day, he smiled when he faintly heard the sound of the shower from the master bathroom, happy to have located his fiancée.

Shuffling further into the kitchen he set about starting the coffee, making it a little stronger than normal. He was definitely going to need the boost today since he would be spending most of it with Carly and Will and who knew what kind of trouble they’d find to get him into. Finally locating the time on the digital clock above the oven, he realised it was even earlier than he thought and contemplated climbing back onto the sofa for some more shuteye, but quickly decided against it. After all, Aaron was already up and it would be a wasted opportunity to spend some time with him if he just went back to sleep.

He’d seen the hesitance on Aaron’s face and heard it in his voice the day before when Carly had asked him to accompany them to brunch. And part of him understood that reluctance. After all, Aaron remembered his friends about as well as he remembered Robert. There was absolutely nothing familiar there and he understood that it would probably be nerve-wracking and uncomfortable for the other man. But on the other hand, he loved spending time with Aaron and wanted to have as much of it together as possible, whether that was with or without other people around. Aaron’s presence, he’d found, eased the bit of tension that had taken up residence in his chest over the last few weeks. Sure, things were different between them and he’d struggled to keep his hands to himself and his sometimes flirtatious comments to a minimum. But he thought he’d done a decent job of not making Aaron uncomfortable. He found himself constantly gaging Aaron’s reactions anytime he got close to the brunette and, if it seemed to be too much, he backed off. So far it seemed to be working. He didn’t think he’d missed any cues and Aaron hadn’t complained or asked him to stop. It seemed like they were enjoying each other’s company. It felt familiar, reminiscent of those interactions they’d had when they’d started dating all those years ago.

He lifted the now full French press, pouring the dark liquid into two separate mugs and adding just the right amount of sugar and milk to the one for Aaron before taking a seat at the table to wait. He’d heard the shower turn off a few minutes earlier and figured Aaron would be out soon enough. Maybe they could talk and he could ask about brunch again. Aaron might feel different after having slept on the idea. _And having slept next to me_ , he thought with a small smile as he took his first sip of coffee. As lame as it was, he was pretty sure he’d be riding the high of feeling his sleeping fiancée next to him for a few days. At least.

Five minutes later, mug in one hand, the other supporting his head on the table as he replayed the previous night in his head, Aaron finally emerged, fully dressed and tiptoeing down the stairs.

“Morning.”

“Flipping’ell Robert! You trying to give me a heart attack,” Aaron yelped, practically jumping out of his skin and holding his hand to his chest.

“Sorry,” Robert laughed. “I didn’t mean to scare...” He trailed off as he noticed Aaron laden down with his backpack on one shoulder and one of the duffle bags they kept in the back of their wardrobe in his good hand, shoes already on. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Huh? Oh… yeah.” Aaron avoided his gaze and kept moving towards the front door, hastily setting his things down once he got there to grab his coat from the hook nearby.

“I didn’t realise you had plans today.”

“Well, I didn’t… but now I do.”

“Well, I’m still having brunch with Carly and Will… I was kind of hoping you’d come with me. Tracey and Vanessa are coming too so you’ll have a few familiar faces.” He heard how hopeful and needy he sounded and cringed. Pathetic.

“I can’t.”

_Shit, what is going on and why won’t he look at me?_

“Okay, well, do you want a coffee before you go? Or maybe something to eat?” He reached for the still steaming mug he’d sat next to his and offered it up to Aaron’s back, feeling even more pitiful and clingy as he did.

“No, I’m fine.” Aaron had zipped up the coat and grabbed his things once more, reaching for his keys on the hook near the door without so much as a glance back.

“Hey, just wait a minute.” Robert stood from his chair and quickly strode towards the other man, taking in the hunched posture. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Aaron, come on. Something’s up. Please, just tell me,” he pleaded.

“I said I’m fine.”

“But you’re clearly not. Come on, just… talk to me.”

“I… I don’t want to talk about it right now, Robert. I just want to get out of here. I can’t… I just need some time to think about things.”

_What the hell?_

“Think about things? What things? Aaron, what the hell is going on? You were fine last night, what happened between then and-” Robert cut himself off, watching as Aaron shrunk further in on himself. “Is this… is this because we both slept on the sofa?”

“Robert, I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me!” It sounded so much harsher coming out of his mouth than he intended and he immediately attempted to backpedal when he saw Aaron flinch. “Aaron, come on. We just slept next to each other, nothing happened. And if it made you this uncomfortable, then I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, okay? It’s just, you were tired and you didn’t want to move so I didn’t push you to. But I swear, nothing else happened. You know that right?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Aaron yelled, finally looking up and meeting Robert’s desperate gaze with an insufferable look of his own. “Just leave me alone!” And with that he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

 _Shit_.

* * *

 **Adam (7:33AM)** : Mate, what the hell??

 **Robert (7:34AM)** : I knew he’d run to you.

 **Adam (7:34AM)** : What’s going on??? What happened?

 **Robert (7:35AM)** : I have no idea. Last night he was fine and then when I woke up this morning he wouldn’t talk to me.

 **Adam (7:35AM)** : Vic’s trying to get him to simmer and I called in reinforcement. I’ll let you know if we figure out what’s going on.

 **Robert (7:36AM)** : Just please tell me if there’s anything I can do. Or fix.

And then there had been nothing. For hours. Robert had kept his phone within reach the whole morning but nothing else had come up. He’d given up on trying to text or call Aaron after Adam’s initial text, knowing that there was no way Aaron was going to talk to him until he’d calmed down. But now, hours later… Well, it had been way too long without answers and he couldn’t shake the nauseous feeling in his gut. He was half tempted to show up at their house himself and demand some answers, but he knew that would only make things worse and possibly drive Aaron further away. The wait was excruciating and, sitting there now, worrying over the entire situation, he had to at least know that Aaron was okay, if nothing else.

 **Robert (12:06PM)** : I’m not asking for details. But just tell me he’s alright.

His thumbs ran over the blank screen of his phone as he waited impatiently for a response. The restaurant around him bustled loudly with activity and laughter from other people enjoying their time with family and friends. He could think of about a million other places he’d rather be in that moment but knew he couldn’t get away with ducking out of the gathering. Around the table, the others chatted on amicably, laughing at different stories as they caught up with one another after not having seen each other in close to a year.

It was an odd group, anyone could see that and definitely not one you would expect to be sitting together on a Saturday brunching. But Will had taken an instant liking to Vanessa when they’d first met and bonded over their bad luck with romance over the years. It had taken Carly a little longer to come around but she’d eventually come to appreciate her, finally realising that she was completely harmless and extremely easy to tease. Tracey, on the other hand, was a harder shell to crack but that was no surprise. Her tough exterior clashed head on with them all at one time or another, not to mention the fact that Robert initially didn’t trust her simply due to her proximity to Ed. It hadn’t been until Aaron finally put the rugby player firmly in place and that whole issue had been resolved once and for all that he and Tracey had actually started getting over their dissimilarities and became friends.

 **Adam (12:15PM)** : He’s okay. Still a bit upset but he’s calmed down.

He stared down at his phone, desperate for more information but he knew there’d be nothing more forthcoming. Not knowing hurt. A lot. And what made it worse was that Aaron clearly felt safer with them than he did with Robert at this point.

“Oi!” He finally looked up, taking note of the four pairs of inquiring eyes looking back at him and realised he had been ignoring everyone at the table the whole time.

“Sorry, what did I miss?”

“What’s going on with you? You’ve been quiet all morning?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged it off, putting his phone back in his pocket and leaning forward onto the table, pretending to be engaged in the conversation.

“Oh come on. You’re beyond mopey this morning. And quite frankly, it’s bringing down the mood.”

“Well thanks for that.” He watched Will arrogantly smile back at him and slouch further into his chair, apparently waiting for an answer. “It’s not a big deal,” he finally said with a sigh. “Aaron is just pissed at me.”

“What did you do now, Robert?” Carly asked.

“Why does everyone always assume it’s my fault! I didn’t do anything. I have no clue what’s going on with him. I tried to talk to him about it this morning but he clearly wasn’t up for it.”

“We’re going to need some context here.”

“Seriously, it’s nothing.” He looked around the table, taking note that they just stared back at him, apparently unwilling to let this go. “Fine. We were sitting together last night, just talking. You all know I’ve been telling him stories about our past together.” He turned specifically to Vanessa and Tracey, knowing only they’d understand the next part. “It was one of those ones where Ed was still hanging around and it was before Aaron finally put him in his place.”

“I can’t wait until you tell him that story,” Tracey said with a grin as Vanessa just stared between the two of them, blank-faced.

“Anyway, after, we put on a film and by the time it was finished, we were both tired. He was already half asleep on the sofa and you all know that’s where I’ve been sleeping. I told him to go up to bed but he didn’t want to move so… we both slept there.”

“This story better get interesting soon,” Carly cut in, causing Robert to roll his eyes before continuing.

“Then this morning I woke up and he was already in the shower, so I made us coffee and waited for him. A few minutes later he came down, definitely trying to sneak out, with his bags packed, planning on leaving. So I just tried to talk to him and I could tell he was upset about something. The only thing that I could think of that might of upset him was that we both slept on the sofa together. And I told him nothing happened, just in case he couldn’t remember or was questioning it but he didn’t want to talk to me. He ended up just yelling at me to leave him alone and then stormed out.”

“So he just ran out? Just like that? He always got so mad at you for doing that. Not cool, bro,” Will said, shovelling an entire pancake into his already full mouth. “Are you sure you didn’t like accidentally feel him up in your sleep?”

“Oh come on. Don’t be a pig,” Tracey said with a disgusted face from her seat next to him. Will simply stared back, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“He’s got a valid point. I mean, it’s been a while since you’ve gotten any right?”

“This isn’t funny y’know,” Robert snapped, earning a few dirty looks from the uptight couple brunching at the next table.

“Hey,” Will said, holding his hands up in surrender. “I was only joking around.”

“Yeah, well the next time you lose the love of your life, I’ll make jokes about how you’re not even allowed to hold his hand, let alone anything more, and we’ll see how funny you think it is.”

“Robert, calm down,” Carly cut in, her face completely serious. “I know you’re upset but getting worked up isn’t going to help anything.”

Robert heaved a sigh and slumped back in his chair, hating absolutely everything about the day from the moment he saw Aaron come down the stairs. Everything had been so good. They’d had a really great evening together and even though he felt like he’d been hit by a freight train when he woke up, at least he’d woken up to the memory of a sleeping Aaron next to him.

But then this morning… It had been so long since Aaron had talked to him like that. They didn’t fight too often. Bicker, argue, clash sure, it happened from time to time. But the full-blown ‘go away’ combined with that livid look in Aaron’s eyes… he couldn’t get it out of his mind. The last time Aaron had looked at him like that had been years ago. And he’d been a total idiot and had rightfully deserved the wrath of his boyfriend. But today… well, he still had no idea what he’d even done wrong.

He reached for the pint in front of him and drained the rest of the glass in one go, rolling his eyes when Will gently nudged his untouched plate of food closer to him.

“Look, I’m not one to talk about… feelings and all that,” Tracey said, leaning forward onto the table, wincing at the possibility of an emotional topic.

“I don’t think anyone at this table is,” Will cut in.

“But maybe you didn’t exactly do anything in particular. Maybe this is just Aaron trying to figure things out. I mean, he’s still missing a big chunk of time.”

“And I get that and that’s fine. But something triggered it. And I just… I don’t know what happened and it’s simultaneously driving me crazy and pissing me off.”

“Well aside from this morning, how has everything else been?” Will asked.

“Good. I mean, things haven’t been amazing, but we’ve been fine.”

“You both seemed good the other night when we seen you,” Tracey said.

“We have been.”

“Good? Fine? Those are the words you use to describe the relationship with the love of your life? God, this is why I stay single.”

“Carly, give me a break. We’re taking it slow. He needs time. He’s still trying to figure himself out. I mean, he knows you two,” he said, his anger all but dissipating as he looked across the table at Tracey and Vanessa. “He looks at you two or Vic and Adam, and he has all these memories. He has years and years of time. And then… he looks at me and nothing. All that time together, all those years. They’re just gone. I can’t just… I can’t magically make that better.”

“Are the two of you spending much time together?” Carly asked, casually sipping on her cappuccino.

“Yeah, we’re pretty much together any time we’re both free.”

“And what do you do together?”

Robert stared back at Carly, confounded as to where she was going with this line of questioning and finding his irritation getting more and more overwhelming.

“Why does that even matter?” Carly just shrugged, raising an eyebrow and waiting for an answer. “We watch films and talk or we’ll go get coffee and walk around the village. Or we just sit together and he does whatever while I read. Or… I don’t know. We’re just together.”

“When was the last time you took him on a date?” Robert faltered. “Or the last time you kissed him? When was the last time you did anything with some semblance of a romantic connotation behind it?”

“He’s not ready!”

“Or you have to face the fact, Robert, that you’re no longer a couple,” Carly said, matter-of-factly. “You’re not together anymore. Of course, you could argue that you never broke up but you have to realise that Aaron simply isn’t in love with you anymore.”

_Oh god._

It was like a bullet ripping through his chest and he immediately felt his eyes burn as he sagged into his chair under the intense weight of the comment. Aaron wasn’t in love with him. Aaron wasn’t in love with him. Aaron wasn’t in love with him.

That was a sentence he never thought he’d hear. He and Aaron were supposed to be forever, as fucking sappy as that was. And Aaron was the only one he was ever willing to be a sap for. He was everything to Robert.

“Wow, Carly, way to kick a man when he’s down.”

“Honestly, you could’ve been a little more delicate.”

“I know it’s not fun to hear, but that’s the truth,” she continued, undaunted with the others concerns. “And the sooner you face it, the better off you’ll be.”

“So what am I supposed to do then? Just forget about all of it and move on? Give him up?” Robert heard the slight crack in his voice and swallowed hard. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How could she suggest such a thing?

“Did those words come out of my mouth?”

“Well, you’re as good as saying it! I mean come on, Carly. I’ve spent the last five years with him. We’re engaged! We were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I can’t believe you think I should just accept the fact that it’s over.”

“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m simply saying that maybe a bit more effort might be appropriate. Maybe he’s ‘not ready’ but how do you know? Right now, you’re basically starting with a clean slate. You starting from scratch. You don’t have to pressure him into anything and maybe you shouldn’t push for more if it’s not appropriate or it makes him uncomfortable. But what’s wrong with a little pull? Maybe that’s what he needs. Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for.”

“You’re talking in riddles.”

“Robert, he’s not going to simply fall back into your arms so that you can ride off together into the sunset like some disgusting romance novel. If you want him back, you’re going to have to earn him.”

“Earn him? What, is he part of some sort of prize package?”

“Despite her clear lack of tact, I think Carly’s on to something here.” Will warmly grinned at him. “This isn’t going to just start back up again. It’s not like you both just called time-out and now you’re back in the game.”

“What the hell are you saying?”

“Come on, Robert, even that child on the next table knows what they’re saying,” Tracey said as Vanessa nodded along.

Robert continued to stare back at them, his face full of confusion.

“You got him to fall in love with you once you idiot. Nothing is stopping you from doing it again.”

  
**Four Years and Nine Months Earlier**

Robert propped himself up on his elbows, the dark purple sheet falling down as he did just enough to expose his bare chest, smirking as he watched Aaron scrambling around his small apartment, fruitlessly searching for his things.

It had been an absolutely amazing weekend and at that moment, he was finding that the saying ‘all good things must come to an end’ to be complete and utter bullshit because the last thing he wanted to do right now was to let Aaron walk out the door. The brunette had shown up after work on Friday and they’d spent the last two days and three nights completely immersed in one another. Robert had even traded off two of his good shifts at the bar for four incredibly crappy ones in order to spend more time with the younger man.

“Robert have you seen my other shoe?” Aaron called from his spot on the floor, kneeling on his hands and knees in front of the sofa in order to peek underneath it.

“I’m thinking you should forget the shoe and come back over here. Your side of the bed is starting to get cold,” he teased.

“Rob… You know I have work.”

“I know you do. But I’m thinking, since it’s Monday morning and Adam will be there anyway, you should probably skip work and stay here with me.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Aaron said turning towards him and grinning ear to ear.

Robert arched an eyebrow, sitting up further and letting the sheet fall down around his hips, taking note that the grin on Aaron’s face had slowly slipped away. He climbed out of the bed and slowly made his way over to where Aaron was still kneeling near the sofa, stopping a foot away, smirking at the smaller man looking up at him. Aarons expression had quickly shifted from determined panic to wanton desire in the last thirty seconds and Robert found himself wanting nothing more than to pull him back to bed, work be damned.

“You’re not playing fair.”

Robert just shrugged, continuing to stand there wearing nothing but a smile, his eyes never leaving Aaron’s as the brunette finally stood and stepped into him, leaving no space between them.

“Seriously, I really do have to go. I don’t want to, but we’ve got a lot on today and I don’t want the business going under because I decided to stay here and spend the day in bed. Please just, help me find my shoe and then I can come back tonight and we can… pick up where we left off,” he said wrapping his arms around Robert’s waist and holding him close.

“Hmm that’s not going to work,” Robert answered as he wrapped his own arms around Aaron’s neck and leant their foreheads together. “I swapped my Saturday shift for tonight remember? And then I have to work tomorrow too.”

“So…When will I see you again?” Aaron pouted.

“I guess we’ll have to play it by ear and hope for the best.”

If it was possible, Aaron’s lip pushed out even further and Robert could do nothing but smile at the expression. Finally relenting, he leant in, leaving a soft kiss against Aaron’s lips before pulling away, taking a small amount of pleasure in the fact that Aaron’s lips automatically chased after him, and slowly made his way towards the bathroom.

“I’ll see you soon. Oh and your shoe’s on the counter in the kitchen.”

“How the hell did it end up there?” Aaron called from behind him. He listened as the brunette finished getting dressed, scrambled around for the rest of his things and finally left, calling out a quick ‘bye’ as he ran out the door.

Robert just smiled to himself and turned on the shower, stepping in a moment later and sighing at the feeling of the hot water pelting his sore muscles. Totally worth it, he thought as he remembered the last few days with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Even though it had been almost two months since Aaron had officially asked him, he still had trouble wrapping his head around the term and all that it entailed. Of course, it didn’t help that technically, Aaron was his first boyfriend. Sure, he’d dated and bedded far more people than he was currently comfortable admitting to. But a boyfriend was very different. Honestly, it had never really been a pressing issue and he’d never really wanted one. At least not since he was in high school. Not since Sam.

 _Haven’t thought about that name in a very long time_ , he thought as he rubbed the shampoo into his hair.

Sam, the boy that had crushed him all those years ago and left his feelings towards a relationship completely corrupted and tainted black.

They’d been friends for years, meeting when they were kids, growing up together, getting into trouble together, and then one day, they became something else.

He honestly wasn’t sure how or when it really happened but one day he was just his friend and partner in crime. And the next day, he was the boy that Robert wanted more than anyone else in the whole world. He’d tried to ignore his feelings. After all, one of the reasons he and Sam got along so great is that neither of them ever got attached to anyone. They both just liked having fun. But it wasn’t long before one night, drunk at a party they’d snuck out to, he used his liquid courage to his advantage and had finally kissed Sam. Much to his delight, Sam had kissed him back.

Robert had hoped that one night together would get the boy out of his system but unfortunately, it had only made him want Sam more. They’d started spending more time alone together, skipping school and ending up in secluded areas where no one would look for them. It was amazing and he was so happy.

Until one day, about a month in, he wasn’t. He’d been walking through the library with Will, on their way to the other side of the building when he’d seen him: Sam in one of the far dusty corners, pinned to one of the stacks by some blonde who’s face he couldn’t see due to the fact that it was buried in Sams neck.

He was so angry with himself. He’d let someone in and let himself have those stupid feelings and he’d been burned. He’d avoided Sam for the next few days, not answering his calls and skipping out on any classes they had together. It wasn’t until he came home late one evening to find Sam there, waiting outside his apartment, that he finally had to confront the other boy. Sam had demanded to know what was going on when he’d followed Robert inside and he finally caved, making some snarky comment about what he’d seen in the library, to which Sam immediately admitted to… along with three other trysts with two different people that Robert didn’t even know about. Sam argued that they’d never agreed that what had happened between them was anything serious and that he was only having fun. He assumed Robert was doing the same. After all, they were just friends.

What could he say to that? The boy was right, they’d never agreed to anything more. So why did it hurt so much?

Sam had left that night, thinking everything was fine between them and that things would continue on as usual; they’d spend time together when they wanted to, sleep together when they wanted to, and just have fun. No strings attached.

Robert had tried to go back. He really did. He’d put on a brave face and pretended to shrug the entire thing off like it was no big deal. But that pain lingered. The rejection of his feelings, which he so rarely shared stung more than he cared to admit and he decided then and there, relationships weren’t worth it. If it meant getting hurt and trampled on, why bother?

Looking back now, it didn’t hurt as much. The sting had eased considerably over time. Of course, it still didn’t feel great to be rejected but he realised that what he felt for Sam wasn’t the earth-shattering, all-consuming love that he’d thought it was. He had feelings for the boy, sure. Was it more than a crush? Maybe. But love? No. No, he had never loved Sam.

And relationships were bullshit. Why let yourself feel something for someone who was just going to get rid of you? No, it wasn’t for him.

But now… Now he had Aaron.

 _Aaron_.

Sweet, stubborn, incredible Aaron. Aaron who made him happy. Aaron who made him feel safe. He craved Aaron in a way he never had anyone else, and not just physically. His heart literally ached for the stubborn man. He made him smile and laugh like no one else ever had. He was funny and smart. He was…

 _Amazing_.

They’d only been together a few months. Things between them were still new and exciting. They were still learning things about each other and making new discoveries. Everything was still fresh and shiny with possibilities.

No, he’d never loved Sam. He knew that now. But what he felt for Aaron was so much more intense, so much more overwhelming than what he’d felt back then. So what did that mean? And just like a smack to the face, it hit him.

_Shit. Am I… am I in love with Aaron?_

 

**Present**

Robert leant against the wall of their house, staring up at the stars above. The night was cool but that was to be expected for late October. It didn’t matter though. The temperature couldn’t have been further from his mind.

No, the only thing he was focused on at that moment was the same thing he’d been focused on since brunch earlier: that his Aaron, the one he’d loved for years wasn’t there anymore and the man that stood in his place didn’t feel the same way. It shouldn’t have been a shock. After all, things between them were clearly different. But somehow, that didn’t ease the unbearable sting of hearing it said out loud.

And that left him here, wondering at Carly’s words. Could he really get Aaron to fall in love with him again? Sure, it had worked the first time. He’d been able to win the younger mans heart. But that was so long ago and what were the chances of being able to do it again?

He knew he’d never be able to live with himself if he just walked away without trying. But the circumstances were different this time. Five years ago, they were both eager for each other. They both wanted it. Now though… did Aaron even want to pursue something further? What if Aaron didn’t want him anymore? If Aaron never regained his memory, maybe he’d be fine with just moving on without Robert in his life. After all, it wasn’t like he’d know he was missing out on anything.

His Aaron. Even after the last month, he hadn’t fully prepared himself for a life without the brunette.

He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. In all his life, he’d never needed anyone. Not until Aaron. And now… what if this was it? Was this how they ended?

_Fuck. What am I going to do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Don’t hate me too much. I did try to warn you. 
> 
> Can I just say to the lovely people who are leaving kudos and comments: I am so grateful! Sometimes, when I’m not really in the mood to write after a long shift at work, all I have to do is look at your kind words and they bring a smile to my face. You really are special people and I just want to say I appreciate every comment that is left more than you know. 💕💕


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So you saw what happened to Robert that day but what happened to Aaron?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Thought I should probably explain why sometimes it takes me a little longer to update. I’m currently a student paramedic and I’ve got quite a few exams I’m revising for at the moment. So having to revise and do my normal shift work sometimes means that writing has to go to the bottom of my to do list. But I love writing this, it gives me a place to escape to and I hope you are all enjoying it. Thanks for the continued support with those leaving comments and kudos. You’re all amazing!
> 
>  
> 
> So, the angst continues. Thoughts in italics.

**Fifteen**

  
Aaron continued to pound on the door incessantly, not caring if anyone out on their early morning run or walking their dog stared at him like he was a crazy person. They didn’t matter and he wasn’t crazy. He was pissed.

He’d stormed out of his own house a few minutes ago in a haze of red, absolutely furious and fuming. He’d quickly made his way up main street, ignoring the constant dings and rings from his phone tucked into his back pocket, his rage only growing as he got closer to his intended destination. He knew it was Robert calling and texting but he couldn’t handle that right now. He couldn’t deal with any more questions or explanations that he simply wasn’t prepared to give.

He couldn’t do this anymore. It was just too much.

Finally reaching his destination, bags hanging off his shoulder, he began the first chorus of ‘wake the hell up’ on the door in front of him.

“Open the door!” He yelled when he heard a loud clamour from inside. He continued banging on the strong oak planks in front of him with his fist, only stopping when a confused and half asleep Adam finally unlocked it and pulled it open.

“What’s wrong? What’s-”

“I can’t do this!” Aaron said as he plowed past Adam and into the house. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“Come on in then. Make yourself at home,” Adam said as he closed the door and slowly followed him into the house.

Aaron stormed into the living room, dropping his bags at the side of the sofa and turned angrily to his friend, seething.

“I can’t do this!”

“So you’ve said. Want to elaborate a little further on that?”

“Aaron, what are you doing here? What’s wrong?” Vic asked as she rounded the corner, pulling her dressing gown tighter around her body over her pyjamas.

“You two! You’re supposed to be my mates! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I’m sure we are, mate, but how about you tell us what we’re on the side of?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend! I don’t have a fiancé! I’m not engaged to anyone! I’m not!” Aaron ranted as he quickly paced from one end of the room to the other, his hands angrily flailing in front of him in patternless arcs.

“Well, I mean technically-”

“No! I’m not! I’m not going on double dates or planning romantic anniversaries or… well, I’m definitely not having sex with him! I got rammed into by some idiot who wrote off my car, lost consciousness and when I woke up, I had this entire life that I never even knew about! That I had no idea even existed!

“Aaron, why don’t you sit down,” Vic said, walking further into the room and attempting to calm the steaming brunette.

“I don’t wanna sit down,” he yelled, dodging her and continuing to pace. “I wanna know why you’re both on his side and not mine?”

“Mate, seriously, what are you talking about? We’re on your side. But you have to tell us what the hell happened and why you nearly woke up the entire village at seven on a Saturday,” Adam said, slumping heavily onto the sofa and rubbing his eyes.

“Because you expect too much! And so does Vic. And Carly and Will. And my Mum. And… do you know what, so does Robert. You all just expect everything to go back to the way it was even though I don’t know what that is. You’re all expecting too much from me. And I just… I can’t!”

“Aaron, what happened this morning? Did Robert do something to upset you? Did he say something?”

“I woke up this morning and there he was. Just sleeping away. Just like it was any other day. Nothing out of the ordinary for him. Nothing different.” He heard the bite in his tone as he rounded back towards the other end of the room but didn’t care. This whole thing had gone on for too long.

“You two slept together? Like…” Adam attempted to make some sort of crude gesture with his hands but it just came off as bumbling and clumsy.

“What? Aren’t you listening? No! We both just fell asleep on the sofa last night. Together.”

“Okay, seriously, you’ve got to chill the hell out. You’re all over the place and I don’t know-”

“That’s because no one is listening!”

“Alright, enough.” Vic stepped in front of Aaron, gently placing her hands on his shoulders to keep him from moving away. “Aaron, why don’t you go into the kitchen. I’ll make you a coffee. Adam, why don’t you run upstairs and grab a quick shower to wake yourself up. Then we’ll all sit down and we can talk about whatever this is.”

“But-”

“No arguments, Aaron. Now go.”

Aaron sighed, reluctantly he made his way into the other room, not bothering to listen to the hushed whispers behind him between the other two. _Probably just coming up with some new scheme to convince me I should feel one way or another. Some way to get me to just smile and pretend like everything is normal._

He plopped down heavily at the kitchen table, his right hand clenched so tightly in a fist that his nails dug painfully into his palm, his left lying casted and useless beside it, still fuming. He heard his harsh breathing and felt the tension overtaking his shoulders to the point that they were starting to ache, but he didn’t care. This was so ridiculous. How had all this even happened? What had he done to deserve this?

He looked up, his jaw firmly set as Vic finally came into the room, immediately going about making coffee like it was any other day. She didn’t say a word, which if it was possible, made Aaron even more agitated.

“Seriously, Vic? You’re just going to pretend like this is a normal day?” Aaron again heard the anger in his voice and it only fuelled his rage further. This was all their fault anyway. Why hold back?

“No, because clearly, you’re upset. And we want to help you in whatever way we can. But it might be better if we’re all here for you so that we can all understand.”

“You don’t want to understand! You just want-”

“Aaron!” The brunette sat back in his chair and huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. It was rare for Vic to raise her voice but when she did, she usually meant business and Aaron realised if that was the case, he really wasn’t going to get anywhere with his objections. “We will listen to you, I promise,” she said, her tone much softer. “But for now, just calm down and we’ll talk once everyone gets here.”

“Everyone? Did you call Robert?! Seriously. This is why-”

“No, I did not call Robert. You’re clearly upset with him so that would have been incredibly stupid of me to do. Although, I don’t want him to worry about you.”

“You don’t want him to worry?!”

“We care about him too, Aaron. We care about both of you. Now please, just be patient. I promise we will hear you out.” And with that Vic turned her back, continuing on with her task of putting together the drinks, humming softly, nonchalantly as she did so.

Aaron sighed again, staring down with a scowl at the table in front of him. This whole situation was completely ridiculous. Why had he even bothered coming here? This was a stupid idea that would only further confuse the situation. Everyone had clearly already sided with Robert. They didn’t want to help him, they all just wanted everything to return to what it was before the accident. But he just couldn’t do that anymore. He couldn’t deal with it.

He was pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of the front door opening and closing and feet slowly shuffling down the hallway towards the kitchen.

“Alright, I’m here. This better be good.” He watched as his mum rounded the corner, rubbing at her eyes tiredly.

“Oh great. Like things weren’t bad enough already.” He practically growled, his eyes as menacing as he could muster.

“It’s important, trust me,” Vic answered, ignoring him as she poured the overly caffeinated coffee into four mugs.

“Oh good, your here,” Adam said, finally coming into the room, grabbing one of the mugs and taking the chair next to Aaron’s at the table. Chas and Vic followed with their own cups, albeit a bit slower.

“Alright…,” Chas said, taking a sip from her cup and nodding at Vic in approval before turning back to Aaron. “Come on, talk to us. What’s going on? What happened this morning?”

Aaron took a deep breath and tightly gripped the mug Vic had placed in front of him, his brow furrowing, his mouth opening to begin another rant when Adam stopped him.

“Just tell us what happened when you woke up today that’s got you sitting here ready to rip our heads off before eight in the morning.”

“Robert happened!”

“Alright, and what did Robert do? You said something about waking up and he was there?”

“Because we both slept on the sofa together.”

“Okay. And… Come on, Aaron, I know it’s been a few weeks of separate beds but you’ve been sleeping next to the man for years now.”

“And that’s exactly the point! See, I don’t know that! Don’t you lot get it?” He looked around the table, all of them staring back at him, faces full of concern and confusion. Sighing heavily, he took a deep breath and leaned forward in his seat, using every ounce of control he had to keep his voice level and calm. “I know everyone just thinks that me and Robert are together and we’re engaged and happy and that everything’s great. But it’s not! I don’t remember him. I don’t know him. I can’t be in a relationship with someone I don’t know… with someone that I don’t…” He trailed off, hating what he was feeling but knowing it was the truth. “With someone that I don’t love.”

“Whoa.”

He looked up, taking in the complete surprise on Adam and Vic’s faces and the utter sadness on his mums and felt the thousand pound weight of disappointment crushing him. If this was their reaction, how devastated would Robert be?

“I’m sorry but-”

“No, Aaron, love, don’t apologise. You’re right. You don’t know him and we… forgot that,” Chas said, taking his hand from across the table and squeezing gently.

“I hate this. I hate this so much,” he said, slumping forward onto the table, feeling that horrible pain in the centre of his chest again.

“Aaron, let me ask you something. Honestly, do you feel anything for Robert?” Aaron peered up at Vic from the crook in his arm, hating the pity he saw on her face.

“I…”

“Wait a minute, hang on.” Adam eagerly scrambled up from his seat and ran out of the room, tripping twice and returning after a loud clatter that made Vic cringe a moment later.

“Adam, did you just-”

“I’ll clean it up later. But right now, more important issues here, Vic,” he said as he sat back down, notebook and pen in hand. “Okay, now, think about this. It’s been just over four weeks since the accident. You remember us. You remember your family and your job and all that good stuff. But you don’t remember Robert. You don’t know him. So think about it this way. You live with him right?” He stopped and looked up at Aaron, waiting wide-eyed for a response.

“I know I’ve forgotten things Adam, but I haven’t gone completely off the deep end.”

“Okay, alright, good. So Robert’s like a flatmate then, right? I mean, you two live together so that makes sense,” Adam said as he opened the notebook and started drawing lines across the page. He wrote the word ‘Flatmate’ at the top of one of the boxes he’d drawn before briefly glancing back to Aaron. “As far as that goes, what do you know about your flatmate Robert? Just things that you’ve observed living with him.”

Aaron watched as three sets of anxious eyes turned from Adam’s chart to him, waiting.

“Seriously? Adam, what am I-”

“Come on. Just let me try something here. If it doesn’t work, you can yell at us some more. Now, what have you noticed about your flatmate Robert?”

“Ugh, I don’t know. I mean… he’s a bit of a neat freak. Everything has to be in it’s place.”

“Okay, what else?” Adam said as he wrote down Aaron’s answer.

“Um… he part owns a haulage company but he’s also really good at drawing and painting and stuff. He likes cheesy pop music and sometimes plays it really loud.”

“Good, good. Keep going.” Adam said as he wrote down each answer.

“He’s a good cook. The majority of his wardrobe is filled shirts and blazers. Er… I don’t know. What is the point of this?” Aaron sighed in frustration.

“Just trying something out. Now…” Adam turned to the other side of the page and wrote the word ‘Mate’ at the top. “Would you say Robert is a mate of yours?”

“Well… yeah?” Aaron said, testing out how the word sounded in his head. Mate? Well it’s a million times better than flatmate. “Yeah, I would call him a mate.”

“So what do you know about your mate Robert? Not what you’ve observed because you usually know more personal details about friends so… what do you know about him?”

Aaron paused for a moment, thinking about all of the things he’d discovered over the last month about Robert from the stories he’d been told, all the little bits of information he’d learned coming to the surface and sitting on the tip of his tongue. But that wasn’t right, was it? No, what had he actually learned about Robert since he’d woken up in the hospital? What habits and details had he ascertained about the blonde man?

“He… he’s really sarcastic and snarky. And he’s really smart. He kind of has a dark sense of humour but he can be silly sometimes too. At least when no one else is around. He… he acts like he’s really cocky but really he’s just a big softy. He’s really thoughtful. He’s … still a neat freak.”

He looked up when they all chuckled.

“He… he smells really good. He’s really confident. He’s a total flirt. He can literally flirt just with a look. He does things for me without me asking or sometimes, without me even knowing I need it. He’s been there for me and…” He glanced up at the three of them, noticing his mum and Vic smiling fondly at him and Adam giving him a big toothy grin. “What?”

“Aaron, I’m not trying to upset you again. We all understand we were wrong just acting like nothing had happened and that the two of you could just go back to normal. But do you think maybe you might have a little crush on Robert?” He looked at Vic, eyes wide, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

_No, that’s not the point._

“Or… maybe more than a crush?” Adam asked.

“I… I mean…”

“Aaron, love, it’s okay. We’re not talking about anything more than possibly being interested in him. If you are, that’s fine. It’s also fine if you aren’t. If you only see him as a friend, we understand and you can be honest with us.”

“I… I…” He floundered again, already knowing what the answer was but that wasn’t the problem. “I know there’s something there. I know there are feelings, alright? But it’s not… it’s just so confusing because I know it’s not what I’m supposed to feel for him. It’s not even close to what he deserves or what was apparently once there. Everything is so new and… how am I supposed to be in love with someone that I still don’t-”

“Wait. No one is saying you’re supposed to be in love with him okay? We were putting too much pressure on you.”

“But it’s not just that. There’s been pressure coming from every direction and it’s been so overwhelming. I’ve been trying to keep my head up and go with it but I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t. But more than that… I don’t wanna hurt him,” he said, feeling the burning sensation creeping up behind his eyes.

“Why do you think you’re going to hurt him?” Chas asked. “Non of this ideal but… Aaron trust me, you wanted him more than anything in this world. You don’t remember that feeling but it’s true.”

“Because even if that’s true, what if I never get back there? What if… what if I never remember?” He looked around at their faces, feeling worse at the nervous glances they exchanged. “What if I’ve lost absolutely everything? Everything having to do with him? With the two of us? Permanently?”

“It’s a possibility. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a future with him. Unless… unless you don’t want to.” Adam sat the pen down and turned further in his seat towards Aaron. “Do you think you might not want that?”

Aaron looked away, unable to take their intense stares anymore. What did he want? He knew he liked Robert. That part was easy. The hard part was having no idea if he’d ever feel what he felt before the accident. Not that he knew what those feelings felt like or were. But if he never regained his memory, he’d have to rely on developing those feelings all over again.

He thought of Robert. Thought of his smile, his laugh. He thought about the way he got that little tingle in his chest whenever the mans dark green eyes found his own. Thought of how happy he felt when he got to spend time with him, just the two of them. He thought of how his heart beat a little faster when he saw Robert first thing in the morning or when he walked through the door at the end of the day. He thought of that hopeful look in Robert’s eyes every time he reached for Aaron’s hand and Aaron didn’t pull away. He thought of all the things Robert had patiently done for him since he’d woken up in that stupid hospital bed, all with no strings attached.

_Why did I have to lose him? Why is he the only thing missing?_

“I… I don’t know where we’re going to end up. I… I don’t know what’s going to happen. But…” He trailed off, finally looking up at the three expectant faces in front of him. “But I don’t want to ignore what’s there. I don’t want to just throw it all away. I don’t want to not try and just give him up.”

He watched as Vic and Adam smiled in relief, both opening their mouths to say something most likely encouraging when Chas stopped them, holding up at hand at each to silence them but keeping her eyes on Aaron, her face completely serious.

“This is what you want, Aaron? Think about it, carefully. If we weren’t sitting here with you… if you were completely on your own and had to make this decision, would you still choose Robert? Would you still want to try with him?”

Aaron thought more about the blonde man. His sweetness and chivalry. His thoughtfulness and caring nature. His rare silliness and flirtatiousness. His intelligence and drive. _Yeah. Yeah, I want to try._

He looked back at his mum and nodded, still feeling that intense burning behind his eyes. He knew it wouldn’t be long before the tears couldn’t be contained any longer.

“Okay,” Chas said, once again reaching across the table and taking Aaron’s hand in her own, squeezing it encouragingly. “If that’s what you really want, we’re happy for you.”

“But…that’s not going to solve everything. I can’t be his fiancé. Or his boyfriend. I’ve never even been on a date with him.”

“Well maybe that’s where you start. You start from the beginning. If there are no expectations from anyone, then that makes sense.”

Aaron just turned his gaze back to the woodgrain in the table, tracing the patterns with his index finger, knowing it wasn’t that simple.

“But that’s not even the worst part. I’m sure I can try to start over. We can go on a date and we can try to start with a clean slate. But…” He took a deep breath, hating himself at that moment, not only for running to them like a coward but for everything that had happened in the last month. And for everything he’d done to hurt the man he was supposed to love, despite the fact that he couldn’t remember causing the hurt all those years ago. “He keeps telling me about the two of us. About how we got together and other stuff. I hurt him so many times. Not on purpose, but still… and now I’m going to do it all over again. I’m going break his heart.” _Here they come, he thought, swiping at his wet cheeks._

“Aaron, love, it’s okay,” Chas said, quickly moving from her chair and around the table, wrapping Aaron in a comforting hug as more and more tears fell. “Sweetheart, you can’t feel bad about being honest with him. I understand you don’t want to hurt him but Robert’s a big boy. He’ll understand.”

“This isn’t something that you just ‘understand’, Mum.”

“The circumstances aren’t ideal but, Aaron, give him chance to try.” Vic pleaded.

“But what if I’m not worth it? He’s already been through enough with me that-”

“No, mate, come on. Robert would take a bullet for you. That man loves you more than anyone else in this world. It might not be easy, for either of you, but he knows you’re worth it.”

Aaron just hung his head, unable to argue any further, wiping at his now puffy eyes, completely unconvinced. This was never going to work. _I’m going to lose the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m not even going to know all of what I lost._

“Okay, so… and don’t bite my head off here. I know that maybe a lot of this might be new to you but have you talked to Robert about any of this? At all?”

“How can I? I mean, if I were in his shoes and the person I was in love with said any of this to me, it would crush me.”

“But just like it isn’t fair of us to put these expectations on you, is it fair for you to hide this from him?” Adam asked.

“But this is still going to hurt him so much.”

“What’s going to hurt him more though? You telling him what you just told us or running away?”

He looked back down at the table, feeling his shoulders sag even further, the shame from his behaviour increasing tenfold. No, he didn’t want to hurt Robert, he knew that. But he’d done it anyway. Robert’s face from that morning flashed in his mind, so confused and wounded. He’d done that. That was all his fault.

“You’re right. I know, I’m sorry,” he said, picking at the edge of his cast, feeling more and more quiet tears cascade down his face.

“You don’t have to apologise. We understand and we’re sorry too. We should’ve been more supportive and we will be, from now on,” Chas said, holding him tighter. He let himself rest his head on her shoulder, feeling the smallest amount of tension leave his body. At least he had his mum, Adam and Vic. That was something, right?

_Just keep telling yourself that. Maybe you’ll start to believe it._

“Aaron, I get that this isn’t the best situation. But it’s been over a month now since the accident. Why didn’t you say something sooner? What happened this morning that tipped you over the edge?”

“I just… I woke up and there he was. We were sleeping on opposite ends of the sofa but I was… I was completely wrapped around him. Arms, legs, everything. And he… he was holding me too. I felt his hand on my hip and I honestly thought he was awake at first because I could feel his thumb moving back and forth. And it felt good. But all I could think about was how this isn’t fair. Because I can’t…” He paused attempting to pull himself together, rubbing a hand across his face to try and mop up the tears. “I can’t remember what it’s like… to wake up to him and feel him next to me. And then it just hit me, I’m supposed to. I’m supposed to be engaged to this man but… I can’t be. And now… now I have to figure out how I’m supposed to tell him that… How do I tell him that?”

“Why don’t you stay here and rest for a bit? Give yourself time to calm down. I’ll make us some breakfast and after maybe you can get some sleep. You look tired.”

“But Robert doesn’t know where-”

“I text him already. He knows you’re here and that you’re safe, mate. I’m sorry. We didn’t know the situation this morning but we didn’t want him to worry.” Aaron just nodded, still feeling awful about the way he’d run out of the house. But he just needed a little longer to sort himself out. He wasn’t ready to break Robert’s heart again just yet.

“How about a bacon sandwich?” Vic asked, squeezing his shoulder and smiling gently. Aaron only nodded and watched as Vic stood and made her way towards the stove. “Chas, are you staying for breakfast?”

“I need to sort the pub out before opening. Aaron love, we’re all here for you.”

“We’ve got him. We’ll talk to you later,” Adam said, scooting his chair closer to Aaron’s and squeezing his shoulder once.

“Alright, well there’s a drink waiting for you all in the pub when you’re ready,” Chas said as she dropped her coffee mug in the sink and sent a small nod and a smile towards Aaron.

“And then there were three…” Adam said with a small smile. “So then… tell us more about this man you like. What’s his name? Robert was it?”

Aaron couldn’t help the small, teary laugh that escaped. “Thanks, both of you. Really, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Don’t worry. We’re used to being your voice of reason. We’ve been here with you before.”

  
**Four Years and Nine Months Earlier**

Aaron sighed happily into one more soft kiss, his eyes opening slowly as Robert pulled away.

“See you later,” Robert said with a smirk before he turned and walked towards his car. It was the first time he’d seen him in three days. Between uni, Roberts job and his own work at the scrapyard, they were hard-pressed to find much time together. He watched until Robert’s car was out of sight, finally closing the door and leaning against it, smiling like an idiot.

“You’re ridiculous,” Adam said with a chuckle, watching him from his seat on the sofa.

“Don’t start Adam, he’s happy,” Vic called from the kitchen, softly smiling to herself.

“Yeah well you should see the smile on this soft lads face.”

“You know what? Make fun all you want. Vic’s right, I am actually happy,” Aaron said as he pushed himself off the door and made his way into the kitchen, settling on to one of the chairs and pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands.

“Yeah, we can see that.” Still chuckling, Adam stood up and walked towards the kitchen as well, taking the other available chair. “And we’re happy for you.” Vic just nodded in agreement, still smiling thoughtfully. “You know, I think this looks good on you. Love suits you mate.”

“What?” Aaron stopped picking at the thread on his hoodie, his smile gone, eyes wide, staring in panic at Adam.

“Uh… well…” Adam stared back, sporting his own look of panic and turning desperately to Vic for help.

“Why would you say that? Why would you think that I’m…”

“Aaron, it’s alright,” Vic said, setting down the tea towel and walking around the table.

“No. No. I can’t. I can’t be…”

“You don’t have to be. We just thought-”

“We? What, you both… have you been talking about me behind my back?”

“No, we just assumed… you and Robert just seem to be getting on very well together. He seems to make you happy and we just thought that-”

“That what? That I’m in love with Robert? Because he makes me happy? I mean, yeah he does. He makes me really happy. I love being around him. I love spending time with him. But that doesn’t mean… oh.”

“What?”

“Maybe.. maybe I do… love Robert.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Vic said, rubbing a soothing hand over his back.

“But, how do you fall in love without even knowing?”

“Sometimes it just happens,” Adam said, turning and smiling softly at Vic, who’s cheeks tinted slightly.

“We’ve only known each other for a few months.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that either. Robert’s changed. He’s good for you.”

“I have to admit it, when you first met him, I definitely didn’t see this coming but Vic’s got a point. He treats you right. And there’s nothing wrong with having feelings for him. I mean, it’s a good thing. Love’s great. And it’s not so scary. Especially after you admit it. Once you tell him-”

“No Ad. I can’t tell him. I’ll send him running for this hills if I do.”

“Why do you think that? Who’s to say if you told him, he wouldn’t say it back?”

“You know we’re talking about Robert right?”

“Aaron, nothing has sent him running so far. Why would this be any different?”

“Because he can have anyone he wants!”

“And he apparently wants you. I mean come on, you’ve been together for a while now. Maybe he feels the same way about you.”

“Yeah well, I think this conversation is over and I’m going to pretend it never happened,” he said, standing from his chair and almost tripping over his own two feet in a rush to get away from the two of them.

“Aaron, you can’t do that. You can’t just stop feeling a certain way because it’s scary.”

“Mate, anyone can see he’s crazy about you. I mean, literally, the man has nothing but heart eyes for you.”

Aaron thought about that. He’d seen the longing looks. And he wasn’t going to argue the fact that Robert cared about him. He knew that too. He knew he was important to the blonde man, but that didn’t mean Robert loved him.

“I can see the wheels turning. Don’t overthink this. You don’t have to tell him or say anything.” Adam tried.

“That’s right, if you’re not ready, you can wait. But you and Robert are good together. And even if he didn’t say it back, he would never make you feel bad about it or run for the hills as you say.”

Aaron wanted to believe that. He really did.

But he still didn’t know how he’d managed to land Robert in the first place. If he told the older man that he loved him, he would be gone before he could blink. So there was no way he could tell him. Things were good and there was no way he was about to ruin it all.  
  
He looked up into the eager faces of his friends and felt an ache in his chest that he’d never felt before. He shook his head and turned, making his way to his room and closing the door without another word.

  
**Present**

It was after midnight when Aaron quietly unlocked the door and stepped into the house, peering into the darkness and listening for any sound to indicate Robert was home. It seemed quieter than normal, which left him feeling even more disarmed.

He was tired and his entire body ached, partially, he guessed from being so emotionally stressed and tense all day and partly from sleeping on the stupid sofa.

He hung his keys on the hook by the door and made sure to lock the deadbolt behind him. Toeing off his boots, he stepped further into the room and clicked on the light by the fireplace, his eyes adjusting from the soft glow it cast over half of the room. He turned, about to make his way to the kitchen when he caught sight of the form lying prone on the sofa. Robert.

He leant against the wall, watching the other mans chest slowly rise and fall. He took in the soft planes of his face in the dim light, feeling something flutter in his stomach.

He’d been so angry at Robert. After finding out he had held back so much from him all those years ago. All those feelings of hurt and that painful vulnerability. And here Aaron was, running out on him when his own feelings became too much to handle. He had so much to apologise for.

He liked Robert. A lot. He was lucky to have him in his life, regardless of how or what form that relationship was. But he had to bite the bullet and be honest with him. He owed him that much.

Sighing softly he glanced at the sleeping man one last time. He wanted to try. He really did. He just hoped he hadn’t messed it up too badly.

 _I hope I’m not too late_.


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath... kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts in italics.

**Sixteen**

Sighing once again, he looked back down at the note on the counter, reading it once more and feeling his stomach anxiously clench. He shouldn’t have been surprised to find it there that morning.

_After all, it’s not like he owes you anything after the stunt you pulled yesterday. You should be ashamed of yourself._

And he was. He was utterly mortified and filled with relentless guilt but of course, there was nothing he could do about that now. He couldn’t turn back the clock and stop himself from running away. He couldn’t erase the pained look on Robert’s face when he’d snapped. He couldn’t take back the sadness and distress he’d caused the other man.

He’d finally fallen asleep the night before after tossing and turning for hours, his heart physically aching as he remembered what he’d done that day and at the thought of the anguish he was sure to cause the next. The clock on the bedside table had read 3:30 AM before he finally drifted off to a restless sleep. When he’d woken up hours later, he was horrified to discover it was already well after eleven. He quickly threw himself from the bed and tore onto the landing, rushing down the stairs, only slowing down once he finally reached the bottom. His heart dropped when he saw it was empty. Robert wasn’t there.

He helplessly walked into the deserted kitchen, at a loss of what to do. Looking around he noticed his mug sitting alone in the middle of the table. He approached it, seeing the piece of paper underneath it and immediately released a long harsh breath, his shoulders sagging in defeat.

 

_Aaron,_

_Spending the day with Carly and Will, if it matters._

_Robert._

 

It had been like a bucket of ice water to his face. _If it matters? Oh god, I’ve messed up so bad_. And he’d signed the note Robert. Not Rob.

Aaron slumped down at the table, the air completely taken out of him. How could he start to fix this if Robert wasn’t even there? How could he make it right?

He’d picked up his phone at least a dozen times, tempted to explain everything but he couldn’t do that. He owed it to Robert to at least face him. He owed it to him to look him in the eye when he apologised and explained himself. However, he couldn’t leave Robert thinking all day that he didn’t care. That he didn’t matter. He had to say something and after more time debating than was necessary, he settled on something simple.

 **Aaron (11:48AM)** : I saw your note. I’ll just see you when you get home.

He immediately regretted the text as soon as he sent it. It was so cold and impersonal, and not at all where he wanted this conversation to start. But it was too late. And really, what more could he do? He needed to have the other man there, in front of him, face to face if he really wanted to try and repair what had been broken.

He stared at his phone for the longest time, willing Robert to respond with something, anything to give him an opening to at least let him know he wanted to talk. The minutes ticked by slowly, each one seeming to take longer than the last. Finally remembering the old adage about the watched pot never boiling, he made his way to the shower and spent more time than necessary getting ready for the day. After all, he had no plans to leave the house. He wasn’t going to miss the chance to catch Robert if and when he came home. After he was finally dressed, he walked back out to the kitchen and glanced at his phone, his heart sinking even further.

 **Robert (12:52PM)** : I’ll be late. Don’t wait up.

“Okay, alright. I deserve that,” he said to himself, anxiously fingering the corners of his phone.

What could he say back to that? _Nothing. You’ve screwed this up so bad._

“Shit.”

Aside from Robert’s text, there were a number of messages from his mum, Adam and Vic as well, all asking how he was, how things had gone, and if he needed anything. He sent a quick reply to each of them and set his phone down. He sighed, looking around the brightly lit room, feeling the unusual warmth of the late October sun streaming through the window. It felt wrong for it to be such a beautiful day when the mood hanging over him was so dark and dreary.

He knew it was going to be a long day, waiting for Robert to come home but he’d wait. What else did he have to do?

* * *

Three loads of washing, a complete once over cleaning of the house with a fine tooth comb, and four hours later, Aaron finally sat down in the middle of the living room sofa. He leant back in the seat, picking at the frayed edges of his cast as he stared down at his phone, sitting silently on the coffee table in front of him. He’d kept it nearby all day in hopes of hearing from Robert, but knowing deep down that he wouldn’t. And low and behold, he was right.

He’d, of course, heard the stories of Robert shutting down and shutting him out. And he’d even dealt with it to a minor extent when the situation had become too much for the blonde to handle. But right now, this feeling of being completely cut off from the man he’d grown to depend on over the last few weeks was crushing him.

On the table next to his phone sat another photo album he’d found earlier that day. The stupid thing had literally fallen down on top of him as he was struggling to put some of their clothes onto one of the higher shelves in the wardrobe.

Aaron had found himself avoiding photos since the day Robert had left the first photo book out for him to look at on his own. The fear of the unknown and the terrifying idea that nothing would be familiar kept his curiosity in check. But that curiosity had slowly been eating away at him over the last week and he needed to try and move forward. He couldn’t stay here in limbo forever, just hoping for a miracle. Whether his memories came back or not, he had to face the fact that life was still going on around him and he was missing out. Maybe looking at the pictures wouldn’t spark anything but that didn’t mean he couldn’t benefit from them.

He opened the book, smiling immediately at the photo on the very first page. It was definitely taken a few years after he and Robert had met. He could tell just by the way they both looked a little older than they did in the photos from the previous book as well as some of the other obvious additions in the picture. He also recognised the surroundings in the background as he’d been to the spot many times over the years. It was the lake near the cabin Dianne owned. The group of them had spent many long weekends there during the warmer months but the trips had tapered off over the years as everyone got older and it started to become more and more difficult to get everyone together at the same time. Regardless, he still had many good memories of long weekends there with everyone.

He ran his fingertips over the edges of the photo, taking in every little detail he could. It was a bright sunny day and the group had clearly been enjoying the beach and the water if the swimming shorts and slight sunburns were any indication. Adam and Vic stood on the right side, arms around each other, both caught mid-laugh. On the left, Ed stood, arms wrapped around the lad he was dating at the time, the two smiling sweetly at each other. Tracey and Vanessa made faces at the camera, Tracey’s outstretched arm clearly indicating she’d taken the photo. And right in the middle, standing ankle deep in the lake was Robert, laughing at the camera, arms wrapped around Aaron’s waist from behind. Despite the fact that his lips were attached to Robert’s cheek, he could still see the bright smile on his face in the photo.

He turned the next few pages, taking in details from more pictures, apparently from the same trip, everyone laughing and happy. The final one he noticed was taken at sunset, though he had no idea who actually took the picture. But that didn’t really matter. He recognised the large deck off the back of the cabin, overlooking the water. It was one of the best places to be at that time of day as the sun glinted off the lake perfectly, reflecting back the subtle oranges and soft purples. The picture was just him and Robert, both of their backs to the camera, standing at the railing and watching the beautiful sight. They stood there, Robert behind him, holding him close, both of them tucked into the jacket the blonde was wearing. Aaron could see his own head tucked back into Robert’s neck as they watch the sun descend.

 _This… this is what I’ve lost_ , he thought as he felt his eyes begin to water. He angrily wiped at his cheeks, catching the first few tears before they made tracks down his face and leaned back into the sofa, the photo album still firmly nestled in his lap.

 _I can’t lose this. I won’t lose this_ , he thought resolutely, turning the page and continuing down non-memory lane.

* * *

Robert stared down into the glass, swirling the remainder of his drink and mostly melted ice around it in soft, waveless patterns. He’d been nursing the same drink for the past hour, continually brushing off the offer from the smiling, overly flirtatious bartender to get him a fresh one.

The bar was loud but not overwhelmingly so. Of course, Carly would find a place like this, having always had an affectionate flair for the past. Exposed brick, low lit chandeliers, grainy woodwork on the bar and tables, sultry jazz softly playing from the darkened corners. _It’s like we stepped back in time_ , he thought, finally tossing back the remaining watered down liquor and setting the glass back down onto the ring of condensation it had left.

He glanced up to his right, watching Carly smiling seductively and working on her victim for the night. Across the bar, a little further, Will already had the girl he was hoping to snag on the line and had escorted her to one of the back booths.

There was a time when he would’ve been right there with them, singling out an unsuspecting target and using his undeniable charm and charisma to lure them in for the night, getting what he wanted before cutting them loose. That had been a long time ago though and looking back now, he really didn’t miss it in the slightest. No, the only thing he missed was Aaron.

 _My Aaron_ , he internally corrected himself with a frustrated shake of the head.

It felt weird to think of Aaron in multiple contexts because it wasn’t like Aaron had purposely gone out and changed himself into someone else or made a choice that would tear them apart. No, they hadn’t been given a choice. Either one of them.

_But here we are, stuck in this hell where he doesn’t want me anymore and I can’t do anything about it._

And quite frankly, he was pissed. Pissed that he’d lost the man he loved. Pissed that he had no control over whatever might come in the future. Pissed that Aaron apparently couldn’t make up his mind. And he was wasn’t just pissed at the situation anymore. He was pissed at Aaron.

He’d woken up that morning, exhausted after another mostly fitful night of sleep, grumpy and aching from his less than ideal accommodations. He’d contemplated taking the bed the night before but that had lasted about ten minutes before it became too much. The smell of Aaron had enveloped him completely and, while normally he would’ve basked in it, it was not a normal night and he found himself quickly bolting from the room, his breathing fast and harsh in terrifying panic, and finding his way back to the uncomfortable confines of the sofa.

He rubbed his still sleep filled eyes and stumbled up from the makeshift bed, groggy and a little disoriented, and made his way upstairs, heading straight for the cabinet in the ensuite bathroom.

 _I really should’ve stocked up on paracetamol,_ he thought as he cracked and popped his way up the stairs. The door to the bedroom was slightly ajar but he paid it no attention as he pushed it open and stepped into the room.

“Fuck!” He quickly slapped his hand over his mouth, realising his outburst had been loud enough to wake the sleeping man lying there in the bed.

 _Fuck, when did he get home?_ He quickly and quietly stepped out of the room, suddenly wide awake and on alert. _Why is he here?_

This was not the plan for the day. He’d been convinced that he wouldn’t see Aaron again for at least another day. Maybe two. After all, Aaron had packed a bag and taken it with him the previous morning. Robert was counting on the time apart because he needed that time to wrap his head around the entirety of the situation and figure out just what he was going to do. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to handle the situation. But now…

“Fuck.” He whispered to himself, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

Aaron was there but now what? And why? He hadn’t heard anything more from Adam the previous day on Aaron’s state of mind so he honestly had no idea what to expect when the brunette woke up. Would he want to talk about what happened? Did he want to just pretend like it was a normal day and that the day before had never happened? If he did want to talk about it, what would he have to say?

‘ _Sorry Robert, I just realised I’m not in love with you anymore and since I can’t remember anything, maybe we can be friends.’ Big smile. Soft pat on the shoulder._

This was all just so unfair.

And it wasn’t just unfair to him. He knew that. He knew it was just as unfair to Aaron. But that didn’t give Aaron the right to just decide for both of them or to come and go as he pleased. He’d run off just twenty-four hours earlier, no explanation, and now he thought he could just come back and sneak in like it was no big deal?

_He should’ve woken me up. He could’ve at least told me he was home. He could’ve at least just told me he was okay._

Now he was angry. It was his turn. Maybe Aaron couldn’t remember the last five years but Robert had spent the past few weeks telling the other man about their start and what they’d been through. He’d helped him in any way he could, whether Aaron had asked him to or not. He’d stood by the man he loved because that’s what you did when someone you cared about was hurt. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way. He deserved more. He deserved some kindness, some courtesy, some respect.

Practically growling he turned and quickly made his way to the other bathroom to get ready for the day. The Paracetamol would have to wait.

“You sure I can’t get you another one?” He looked up, startled out of his thoughts to see the same bartender staring back at him, the woman’s seductive eyes and suggestive smile focused solely on Robert. “On me. I’d be happy to offer you whatever you’d like.”

Robert smirked. He knew this game very well. He’d used the same tactics years ago, sometimes for a bigger tip but mostly for some company later on that night. Shaking his head in amusement and smiling back at the woman, he reached into his pocket.

“Yeah, I’ll get another. But don’t bother wasting the charm on me,” he said as he threw a note down on the bar and looked away, hoping to end any further flirtations pleasantries.

“You know, that’s no way to treat the help.”

“Leave it, Carly,” he said, not even bothering to thank the bartender for the fresh drink she’d just placed in front of him.

“This whole moody attitude you’ve got going on is definitely not going to get you anywhere, Rob.”

“Yeah well, unlike you, I’m not here to pick up someone to take home for the night.”

“Then why are you here?” Carly looked away for a moment, smiling charmingly at the man in the suit she’d left only moments before. Picking up the two drinks she’d just been served, she turned and stepped away. “Either go home and face Aaron or get over it. All this sulking is going to leave you with early frown lines.” And with that, she walked away, back to her company for the evening.

Robert just shook his head, rolling his eyes at Carly’s predictable and brutally honest perspective. Of course she thought it was that easy. But it just wasn’t, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and finding himself not at all surprised that he hadn’t heard anything more from Aaron during the rest of the day. Part of him got even angrier about that. How dare Aaron avoid him even further? He’d come home the previous night so everything was going to come to a head sooner rather than later. Why bother keeping Robert on edge? Why not just tell him the truth? Tell him that it was over. That they were over. The other part of him, however, was grateful he hadn’t heard from the brunette. He needed some time and some space to calm himself down and figure out what he was going to do. Did he want Aaron in his life? Of course. There was no question about that fact. But now he knew that Aaron was no longer in love with him, could he really handle a simple friendship between the two of them?

Carly’s words from the previous day echoed through his mind: ‘You got him to fall in love with you once you idiot. Nothing is stopping you from doing it again.’

Except that wasn’t true. He hadn’t made Aaron fall in love with him before. They’d fallen for each other. No one had been trying, it had just happened. And honestly, even after they’d admitted it to one another, it had taken Robert a while for him to understand that Aaron really did love him. That he wasn’t just looking to get something out of Robert for his own gain. That Robert really was worth it.

He took a large gulp from the glass in front of him and sighed. Regardless of whether Aaron wanted him in his life or not, Robert knew he was going to have his heart broken. And he honestly wasn’t in a hurry to deal with that.

 

**Four Years and Nine Months Earlier**

Beautiful. So incredibly beautiful. Robert turned onto his side and settled more comfortably, his hand supporting his head as he stared down at the brunette next to him, sleeping soundly. He smiled as Aaron murmured quietly in his sleep and snuggled further down into the pillow beneath him, pulling the duvet tighter to his chest. Robert’s eyes flicked down, tracing the contours of the exposed skin.

Aaron had stopped by earlier in the evening, loaded down with beer, Chinese food, and an overnight bag, both of them glad to be able to spend some uninterrupted time together. Not that he’d really need anything beyond clothes for the next day. Robert had placed an extra toothbrush in the holder the week before and he never needed anything to sleep in, due to of the hours of extracurricular that never failed to completely overwhelm them into the early morning hours.

And tonight had been no exception. They’d managed to make it through the food and they were halfway into an episode of prison break on Aaron’s laptop before Robert had gotten bored and decided kissing Aaron was a much better use of his time.

Now, hours later, Robert had woken up, untangled their limbs and trudged to the kitchen for a glass of water. When he’d returned, he’d been unable to look away from the sight of his gorgeous boyfriend lying there, sleeping so peacefully.

 _How did I get so lucky?_ He thought as he reached out and gently brushed a hand through his hair, lowering his hand down to the side of Aaron’s neck, his fingertips gently grazing, his thumb gently stroking across his lips. He smiled when Aaron turned into his touch, the younger man once again letting out a soft murmur.

His eyes traced over the contours of Aaron’s face, taking in every individual feature. Every freckle, every bump, every minute detail his eyes could find in the dark.

It had been a struggle, keeping himself in check over the last week, since realising his true feelings for the other man. Even though they hadn’t had much time together, every time he was with Aaron, he found himself practically biting his tongue to keep the words from leaving his mouth. He could not tell Aaron that he was in love with him. It would ruin everything if he did.

This amazing man… Robert stared down at him, terrified and frozen. Aaron was the first man he’d ever loved. Not only that, he was the first person Robert had broken down some of his walls for in years. The first person he thought he might be willing to break down all his walls for if given the chance. If he lost him, it would be devastating. If Aaron rejected him, he’d be crushed. Completely shattered.

“Robert?” He looked up, seeing Aaron sleepily blinking back at him. “What’re you doing?”

He felt the unpleasant thoughts melt away and smiled, leaning in a little closer and leaving only a few inches between their faces as he got lost in those ocean blue eyes he loved so much.

“Sorry didn’t mean to wake you. Just… admiring the view.”

“Mmm…” Aaron breathed, reaching up and cupping the blondes cheek, running his thumb gently back and forth. “Charmer.”

“Go back to sleep,” he said, turning and leaving a soft kiss on Aaron’s palm.

“But you’re awake,” Aaron said, moving his arm to wrap around Robert’s torso, gripping his hip with the other and pulling the blonde so he lay on top of him.

“It’s late.”

“Well I’ve missed you. May as well make the most of our time,” Aaron said, gently running his fingertips along Robert’s sides, smiling up at the taller mam when he jumped from a particularly ticklish spot.

Robert stared down at him, eyebrow raised, noting the mischievous smile continuing to grow as Aaron’s hands inched slowly back towards the spot.

“Don’t even think about it.” Aaron just snorted a laugh and wrapped his arms around Robert’s back instead, his lips changing to a softer smile.

“Seriously… I’ve missed you. I feel like we hardly have any time together… just the two of us.”

“I know.” He adjusted himself further, letting their legs tangle below the blankets, holding himself up on his elbows. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Maybe I can come round tomorrow night? After you get home from work?”

“It’ll be after three by the time I get home. I don’t want to keep you up and waiting that long.”

“Well, I can come to the bar and wait for you?”

“You’re going to sit there for hours, in a loud bar with a bunch of drunks, and just watch me work? You don’t have anything better to do?” Robert asked with a smirk, leaning in to let his lips brush a soft kiss against Aaron’s chin.

“At least I’d get to see you. You’re worth it.”

Robert felt the smirk fall from his lips as he looked down at the face below him, Aaron’s eyes soft and earnest.

 _I’m worth it?_ It was such a small thing but when had he ever been worth it to anyone else? When had he ever been enough?

“Aaron, I…” He looked into the brunettes eyes, feeling that overwhelming ache inside him taking over. But he couldn’t say the words. He’d only scare Aaron away if he did and then what? He’d be all alone again.

“What?” Aaron asked, looking up at him, soft eyes, gentle smile, blushing cheeks.

_God. I love him so much._

He just smiled at the smaller man and leaned down, letting their lips meet in a soft kiss that quickly escalated into something more.

 

**Present**

Robert quietly entered the house, confused when he saw all the lights still on. It was well after midnight and he honestly didn’t expect Aaron to be waiting up for him. Or at least, he’d hoped the stubborn brunette wouldn’t be awake and ready to talk when he walked inside. He closed the door behind him, leaning against it and listened, easily catching the sound of the television from the living room.

He sighed and kicked off his shoes, realising he couldn’t avoid this any longer. He was going to have to face Aaron and deal with the very real fact that they were most likely over. That he had lost the love of his life. He took a deep breath before pushing away from the front door and slowly stepping further into the room, stopping at the sight.

It was a familiar one and one that usually made him smile. Aaron lay on the sofa, empty mug in front of him, car magazine lying across his chest, remote in hand, asleep. Robert stepped closer, carefully taking the magazine off his chest and setting it on the table next to the smaller mans phone.

He stared down at the brunette, feeling his stomach flutter uncontrollably. Aaron was even more beautiful now than he was that night all those years ago. Robert’s eyes traced all the features he knew by heart before moving on to the light pink scars above his eyebrow and across his chin, additions that he’d already committed to memory. Those scars would always be a reminder of what had been lost. Of what they had lost.

He knelt down beside the sofa, continuing to watch as Aaron’s chest gently rose and fell, none the wiser of Robert’s presence in the room. He felt his heart melt at the sight. His Aaron.

He closed his eyes tight and breathed in deeply through his nose, the anger he’d been holding on to all day warring with the undeniable love he had for the younger man. The emotions battled back and forth, making him sick to his stomach.

Opening his eyes he watched for another moment before standing. Nothing was going to get solved tonight. It was late and he was tired. Aaron could break his heart tomorrow.

Thinking over his options, he finally made a decision, and reached for the remote tightly gripped in Aaron’s hand to turn off the television. He switched off the lamp on the end table near Aaron’s feet and grabbed the blanket he’d been using for the last few weeks, opening it and letting it softly flutter over Aaron’s body. Making sure the smaller man was completely tucked in, he glanced at him one more time before turning and making his way upstairs.

* * *

Aaron woke up slowly, confused and hazy. As his eyes adjusted and he took in his surroundings, he sighed and snuggled back further into the sofa, remembering why he was there in the first place. He reached for his phone on the coffee table, noting it was almost dead, he had no new messages and it was just after four in the morning. Sighing in defeat, he partially sat up, running a tired hand across his face.

_I guess Robert didn’t come home._

“Guess I deserve that,” he whispered sadly.

He put his phone back down and sat up fully, swinging his feet onto the floor and pulling the blanket off.

 _Wait, where did this come from_ , he thought, still gripping it and looking at it curiously. He definitely wasn’t using it earlier. He’d thought about curling up with it, of course. But after Robert’s cold reaction that morning, he felt it would be an invasion of the other mans space and decided against it. _And the TV and the lights… who turned them off?_ Suddenly curious, he stood and slowly made his way around downstairs, looking for signs of anyone else in the house.

Robert’s shoes. And his keys. With the soft moonlight dancing across the room from the window, it was easy to make out the objects in their places by the front door. But if he came home, where is he? He quietly made his way towards their bedroom, anxiously peeking his head inside but noticing the bed lay empty.

“Where is he?” He stopped and turned, listening for anything that would help guide him but the house was completely silent. Shuffling across the landing, he glanced into the spare room and was just able to make out a figure curled up on the desk chair in the back corner.

Robert.

He listened, hearing the soft, even breathing of the blonde who lay cramped and curled onto his side, using his leather jacket for a blanket. Turning and quickly moving back to their bedroom, he grabbed the spare throw off the end of the bed and tiptoed back. Robert didn’t move as Aaron carefully pulled his jacket out of the sleeping mans grasp and softly lay the blanket over him in it’s place. He watched as Robert curled further into the blanket, unconsciously pulling it up to his chin, his face so peaceful and soft.

He was going to fix this. How? He didn’t know. He had no idea how to make this work. And maybe he couldn’t. But he had to try. He couldn’t just throw Robert away. He couldn’t lose this incredible man.

He took one last look at him before he turned and quietly walked out of the room. He pulled the door closed behind him and slowly shuffled downstairs towards the kitchen knowing there was no way he was going to get any more sleep for the night, so there was no point in trying.

Starting some coffee, he slipped back upstairs for the quickest shower he’d ever taken, coming back into the kitchen just as it was time to press the plunger down on his caffeine. He poured himself a full cup and sat down at the table to wait. It was just after five but he wasn’t sure what else he could do while he waited. Turning to look out the window, he watched the moon, seeming to take up half the sky in all it’s radiance. It still amazed him how life kept going when he felt like he was just standing still.

It was quiet but he’d been listening hard for the past hour. There was no way he was going to let Robert slip out again and he knew it couldn’t be too much longer before the taller man woke. He took another sip from the steaming mug in front of him, already feeling the jittery backlash, which wasn’t surprising after three cups of coffee.

He fingered the handle of the mug, turning and glancing out the window behind him again. The sun was barely visible behind the clouds already forming in the distance and he could see the storm brewing on the horizon.

He could do this, he just had to be honest with Robert. He knew the blonde loved him and he wasn’t looking to use that as leverage, but it might work to his advantage if he could at least get Robert to see that he really did want to try. No, they couldn’t be engaged anymore. They’d be starting at the beginning. But there was still hope. Hope for a future. If he could just get Robert to believe him because the thought of losing the man upstairs made him sick to his stomach.

He turned, pulled from his own head when he heard a quiet shuffle coming from upstairs. Sitting forward in the chair, he felt his nerves shoot up tenfold and he anxiously gripped the coffee mug in front of him, swallowing hard as he watched Robert finally come down the stairs.

Their eyes met and he felt his stomach drop as he took in the cold and indifferent look on Robert’s face. This was it. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. It was now or never. Swallowing once more, he attempted a soft smile, anxiously noting Robert’s face didn’t change.

“Morning.”

“Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. yeah... sorry. 
> 
> As always, I can’t thank people enough for taking the time to read this and to those who leave kudos and comments, you are too kind!


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where do they go from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I have absolutely no idea how I managed to write this in two days, but somehow it’s happened. I’ll be honest, I’m feeling a lot of pressure to get this chapter right, so I hope it’s okay.
> 
>  
> 
> Thoughts in italics.

  
**Seventeen**

He knew Aaron had found him as soon as he’d woken up. His leather jacket gone and replaced by the soft throw covering his body was clue enough, never mind the fact that the door was now closed. He’d purposely left it open the night before just in case. In case of what, he really wasn’t sure. But at the time it felt like the right thing to do.

He lay there on the chair for a good twenty minutes, thinking over what was undoubtedly waiting for him outside the room. Surprisingly, he just wanted to get it over with. He was sick of the push and pull, of the constant unspoken questions and lack of answers. It had been weeks of walking around on eggshells, worrying over if he was doing right or wrong by Aaron, and honestly, it didn’t even matter. His Aaron was gone and when he went, their relationship went with him.

Robert felt the same anger from the day before sitting in the pit of his stomach, grinding away mercilessly as the seconds ticked by. He didn’t want to approach this with that venom in his chest but it wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. What else could he do besides lock it deep down inside? There was no other way to ease the frustration. It had been a long time since he’d blocked Aaron off but given the circumstances, maybe it was best to just put on his blank face. He would just rip off the plaster as quickly and quietly as possible, and let it go. Let them go.

 _Yeah, like it’s really that easy_. But it had to be that way. Aaron wasn’t going to just fall back into his arms and, despite his enormous frustration, Aaron didn’t necessarily deserve his wrath either. If he just cut him loose, maybe they could salvage something.

He threw the blanket off and slowly sat up, gripping the arms of the chair tightly as he stared at the closed door. Even though there was nothing but silence beyond it, he doubted Aaron wasn’t up and waiting.

Years ago, he’d been the master of avoidance, but with Aaron, things had been different. Of course, it had taken time to get to the point where he was confident enough to not push Aaron away when things got hard or uncomfortable. They’d worked through it and Aaron had become his rock but all of that was gone now. He had to stand on his own and face that. He had to face the fact that Aaron didn’t love him, didn’t want him, and that their lives were about to change into something very different.

 _Fuck_ , he thought, rubbing a hand across his face. _This is going to leave a mark_.

Taking a deep breath, he left the room and shambled down the stairs, rounding the corner to find Aaron’s eager eyes already on him. He tried to ignore how amazing the brunette looked, sitting there in the dark blue jumper Robert had bought him for his birthday, hair free of any product, holding his mug tightly within his grasp.

“Morning.” He heard the hopefulness in Aaron’s voice and steeled himself against it. Hope would do him no good here. It hadn’t been doing him any favours when it came to them over the past month. Today wasn’t going to be any different.

“Hey.”

Robert saw Aaron flinch at his icy and distant tone, but as much as he didn’t want to hurt the other man, he’d reached his end. Turning away, he walked towards the fridge, pulling out a fresh carton of orange juice, pouring it into a glass and taking a healthy gulp as he stared out the kitchen window, watching the clouds move in. He could feel Aaron’s eyes on him, burning into his skin, but it didn’t matter. He just couldn’t do this anymore. He never imagined it would be so incredibly painful to be completely in love with someone who didn’t love you back. Probably because he’d never been in this predicament. For some reason, the fact that it was Aaron on the other side, made it seem even worse.

The silence grew as he took another swig, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand and waiting for the inevitable. Old Aaron, new Aaron, it didn’t matter. The man hated uncomfortable silences.

“So, er… did you sleep alright?” Robert merely shrugged, continuing to stare out the window, the gloom of the day matching this moment so perfectly. “I er… I didn’t mean to take your bed. You could’ve slept in the bedroom. In fact, if you want, we can swap for a few nights so you can get some proper sleep. It’s not fair for you to have to keep sleeping on the sofa and… I know it’s not ideal. I know musical beds isn’t the best solution in the long run. I mean, it’s not the best-”

“Aaron, stop.”

The quiet calm in his voice was like a match, staring down a fuse, just ready to explode. He glanced over at the brunette, seeing the worry on his face, his eyes anxious, his mouth slightly open, almost like he was waiting to say more but unable to. Sighing in frustration, Robert turned his back for a moment, putting the juice away before leaning against the counter, gripping the edges tightly. Taking a steadying breath, he finally looked up, meeting Aaron’s gaze and shook his head.

“Just… just keep the bed. It’s fine.”

“But-”

“I said it’s fine, Aaron,” a little more bite to his tone. Gritting his teeth, he turned and looked out the window once more, watching the newly formed raindrops slowly starting to pelt against the glass and slide down in erratic paths. “I’m going to see if I can stay at Vic’s for a while. Or at least until I get my own place.”

“What?!” He heard the panic and when he glanced back, he saw the truly stunned look on Aaron’s face. “You’re… you’re leaving?”

“I think that’s what’s best,” he said quietly. He felt the nausea turning his stomach inside out, the pain squeezing his chest. He wished with all his might that the disaffected tone in his voice wasn’t just a cover. That his emotions could catch up with the distant and uncaring sound of his voice. But with each word that left his mouth, it seemed his traitorous heart cracked a little more. Never in a million years did he think he’d be standing here, telling Aaron that he was moving out and away from him.

“Robert…” Aaron slowly stood from the table, stepping closer to Robert, his voice verging on desperate. “Please… please don’t. You can’t leave. You… you promised. You promised you wouldn’t!”

“Well, the circumstances have clearly changed.” _Stay calm._

“What circumstances? What’s changed?” He heard Aaron’s pitch going higher with each word, the panic clearly sinking in.

“Everything’s changed…since the accident-”

“Rob, come on. I can’t help that!” Clearly, Aaron was not going to take the cool and collected approach. “I can’t change the accident. Do you really think I wanted to wake up and not know who you were?” Robert glanced up quickly and then away, hating the fear he saw on Aaron’s face.

“I’m not saying you asked for any of this. I’m not saying you wanted any of this to happen. But here we are and we just need to accept that and deal with it. I can’t keep doing this.” He sighed deeply, looking down at his hands, knuckles white, tightly gripping the edge of the countertop. “I can’t keep pretending that this is normal and that everything’s fine.”

“Well, I get that. I know everything’s not fine and this is nowhere near normal for anyone. That’s… that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aaron hesitantly take a step forwards, almost as if he were testing their boundaries. “Normal was a month ago and that’s gone. And I don’t know if it’ll ever come back but… that doesn’t… that doesn’t mean-”

“Aaron, I get it,” he interrupted, loudly. He didn’t need to hear Aaron say it. He just needed to end this now because the longer they talked, the less likely he’d be able to hold it together. “I know. Aaron, I love you. I think…” He moved his gaze out the window, feeling more hopeless than he’d ever felt. “I think I always will. You’ll always be important to me and, maybe after this, we can still be friends. One day. But I know it’s over. I know… I know you don’t love me anymore.”

He felt the air literally rush out of him in complete defeat. He had yet to say it out loud until that very moment. And even though hearing it before from Carly had hurt, saying it himself, in his own voice, then and there absolutely crushed him. He stared down at the weathered patterns in the floor boards below, feeling as though he could collapse at any second under the weight that had led them to this moment.

It was silent for a long beat and Robert thought maybe that was it. Maybe he could just walk away now. If only he could get his feet to work.

“You’re… you’re right. I don’t,” Aaron whispered.

He flinched hard but continued staring down, unable to meet Aaron’s eyes as the silence around them grew and stretched. He felt that stupid, weak burning sensation behind his eyes and bit the inside of his lip to keep the tears at bay. He could cry later. But not here, not now.

“Robert, I’m sorry.” He was surprised to hear Aaron’s own voice was wet, his own tears apparently unwilling to hold off. “I wish I still did. I wish that everything was fine and when I woke up at the hospital that we could have just picked up wherever it was that we left off but… I can’t force myself to feel something that… just isn’t there.”

Robert just nodded. Even though it stung, deep down, he knew Aaron didn’t want to purposely hurt him. That if there was any other way, he really believed Aaron would take a chance. But this was just the hopeless hand they’d been dealt and they’d apparently held on to it for far too long.

He shifted foot to foot, finally letting go of the countertop and wringing his hands together in front of him, unsure of what else to do.

He heard the sniffles coming from Aaron, the tears apparently coming faster and faster for the smaller man and it made him want to rewind this whole conversation. Maybe if he had just let Aaron say his piece, tell him it was over himself, it wouldn’t have hurt the brunette so much. Robert would still be utterly heartbroken, there was no doubt there. But if he had to shoulder that burden to protect Aaron, it would have been worth it.

 _Too late now_. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, hating that his voice apparently had decided to stop working and took a deep breath, realising the tears were getting closer and closer. He had to walk away and he had to do it now. Clearing his throat once he stepped away and steeled himself one final time.

“Look, like I said, I’ll go to Vic’s. You can have the house. I’ll um… I’ll try to get my clothes and stuff out as soon as I can. You can have everything else.” Robert risked one final glance up and bit so hard on his bottom lip he could taste blood. It didn’t matter, a tear still slipped out.

Aaron stood there on the other side of the kitchen, tears streaming down his cheeks, wide eyes red and puffy, bottom lip trembling. And for a moment, it was his Aaron. It was his Aaron that cared about Robert’s feelings. His Aaron that never wanted to lose Robert. His Aaron that wanted nothing more than to make Robert happy. His Aaron.

This man. He’d been the sun in Robert’s world for so long now. He knew he’d never love anyone else in this world even half as much as he loved Aaron. But he couldn’t force the other man to feel the same. He could fix a lot of things but this one…

Stepping back, he nodded once resolutely and turned, intent on leaving the room to start gathering his things. There was nothing more to be said.

“Don’t you dare.”

He glanced over his shoulder, caught off guard by the venom in that voice and the anger he saw in the blue eyes staring back at him. He stopped and turned, looking through his own watery eyes, his brow furrowed in confusion as Aaron continued to stare back, hard and furious.

“You don’t get to make that choice, Robert! You don’t get to just decide that this is all over. I know things are different but I thought we were better to each other than this! I thought I mattered more to you!”

_Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I try to do the right thing and this is what I get?! Now he wants to argue?_

“So what do you want from me, Aaron?” He turned fully and stepped back towards the table, standing opposite the smaller man. “To just stick around so we can be mates? Just pretend like you don’t mean everything to me and I mean nothing to you?!” The anger was back and winning by a landslide, his voice rising with each word.

“I didn’t say that! I know I’ve asked a lot of you over these last few weeks. But you told me you’d do anything for me. You sat right here at this table and said it! You said I was everything to you!”

“That’s right, I did. And you are. But Aaron, I can’t just keep sitting here, waiting for you to decide when the right moment to break my heart is. So now it’s done. I let you off the hook. Now it’s over and you can move on with your life. With your family and your job and whatever else you actually want in your life. You don’t need me anymore!”

If they kept this up, he was pretty sure someone passing by would be knocking on the door soon, asking if everything was alright. The other villagers always had been too nosy for their own good.

“I didn’t think we were together because we needed each other. I thought we were together because we loved each other. I mean, that’s what I keep hearing from everyone.”

He watched Aaron step closer, his body taut, the fury in his face unmistakable. Why was Aaron trying to push this? Robert had given him what he wanted, so why was he still arguing?

“You’re right. We were together because we loved each other. But you just said it yourself, you don't love me anymore.” _God, it still stings_. “So why are we still doing this? Why should I stay here, so in love with you that I can’t stand it, waiting for you to break my heart? Waiting for you to run away?”

“I’m standing right here!”

“Aaron, you ran! No explanation, no reason, no anything! You just left. And you ran to Adam and Vic, because of course, you trust them. You care about them.”

“I care about you!”

“No. You want me to leave you alone. That’s what you said since we’re parroting back each other’s words.”

“Robert, no! I’m sorry, alright. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He heard the tone in Aaron’s voice change back to desperate but he didn’t care anymore. He was pissed off now and Aaron was going to hear it.

“Yelled? Aaron, you didn’t just yell, you ran away! You packed a bag and you left. You tried to sneak out but I caught you. How is that alright? What did you think was going to happen? That I’d just wake up, you’d be gone and I’d think nothing of it? That I wouldn’t worry? That I wouldn’t be hurt? That I wouldn’t care?”

“I know, I-”

“And then you just sneak back in after saying nothing the entire day! I had to rely on Adam to let me know that you’re okay! You think you can just leave like that and then come back like it’s no big deal? Like that’s alright?”

“It’s not alright, I know that. It was wrong and I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I ran out like that. I’m sorry I tried sneaking out without you knowing. I’m sorry I yelled at you and just took off. I just freaked out. I panicked. When I woke up, we were laying there together, like it was normal and… I just… I needed to talk to someone.”

“So instead of talking to me, about something that concerns the two of us, and only the two of us, you ran off to them? How does that make sense Aaron?”

“It doesn’t! I know that! But does it make any more sense than you disappearing yesterday and doing the same thing? Running off with Carly and Will and avoiding me?”

And now he’s angry again. Wow, a broken heart and whiplash.

“I wasn’t avoiding you!”

“Oh really? What were you doing then? Because I waited here, all day, for you to come home. I sat here, hoping you’d walk through that door and I could make this better. That I could make this right!”

“Aaron-”

“And then you sneak in. You come home and then what? Nothing! I get I messed up but, Robert, you did the same thing!”

“Aaron-”

“And yeah, maybe I deserved the cold shoulder after what I did, fine. You want to punish me? Great. Mission accomplished because I sat here all day yesterday, alone, hoping to hear from you or hoping you’d come home and we could talk. And you never did.”

“Talk about what?! What, you want to figure out how this new living arrangement is going to work? You want to split the bills now? Should we discuss signals for when one of us has brought someone else home for the night?” He knew it was a low blow but he didn’t care anymore.

“What?! No! Robert, stop it! I get that you’re hurt and frustrated. I really do. But I never said I wanted it to end. I never said I wanted us to end!”

“Aren’t we ended already? Aaron, I went from having a fiancé who couldn’t wait to plan our wedding and was booking a honeymoon to a man who panics anytime I try to even touch him! I’m pretty sure there is no us!”

“Just because I’m not ready to go pick out a cake doesn’t mean I don’t want an us!”

“What does that mean? You can’t have it both ways! What do you want, Aaron?” Robert growled. “What, you want to go on a date? You want to go have drinks and get to know each other? You want to have dinner with me like it’s the first time?”

“I would love to have dinner with you, Robert!” Aaron cried, his desperate voice ringing throughout the house.

“What?” Robert stepped back stunned, the frown on his face deepening around the edges. He wasn’t expecting that. “Aaron, what are you talking about?”

He watched as Aaron’s shoulders sagged and the fury in his eyes melted away, begging Robert to understand.

“I would love to go on a date with you,” he answered, his voice quiet but desperate, the anger completely gone. “I know that’s not what you want. I know, you want us planning our wedding and our honeymoon. But, I can’t give you that. I want to make you happy but I can’t just pretend to feel something I don’t… I need you to understand that.” He paused, wiping at his eyes as the tears flowed faster, and even in his anger, Robert had to physically restrain himself from reaching out and tenderly wiping them away for him.

He took a deep breath, feeling his fists balled at his sides relax just the slightest as he waited for Aaron to continue, battling with his heart not to get his hopes up.

“Aaron…”

“No, I get it. But, Robert, I would. I would love to just have dinner with you. I would love to go on a date with you. A real date. Just like, if we were starting again. Starting fresh. Like, if we just met. I know that’s a lot to ask but…”

He stared at the man in front of him as Aaron anxiously picked at his cast, the dingy material worn and frayed from weeks of use and worry, waiting as patiently as he could.

“I know it’s not where we were a month ago. But I do like you. A lot. And I know that probably sounds really stupid and empty but… you matter to me Robert. You matter so much. And I know you might not want to start over. You might think this whole thing is a waste of time. You might think it won’t work. And again, I know it’s a lot to ask of you. And I’ve already asked so much of you these last few weeks. But I… I want to try. I might never remember, I know that. And I hate it but it’s something I just have to accept. But just because I might not remember, that doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life. That I don’t… that I don’t want you. Because I do. You’ve been amazing and I think…”

He watched as Aaron looked away for a moment, wiping at his tears once more before meeting his gaze again, eyes soft. He noticed just the slightest quirk of Aaron’s lips, pulling up ever so slightly at the corner, and Robert felt his heart skip a beat.

“Robert, I just... I don’t want to give up on us.”

Robert stood there, completely taken aback, speechless. That he had not expected.

“And… I know you might not be okay with this. That you might not want to start over. You might not even want to try. Maybe…” He watched as a fresh batch of tears quietly rolled down Aaron’s face and the brunette looked down at his feet, shifting nervously. “Maybe you don’t think I’m worth it but-”

“You’re are worth more than anything in this world, Aaron,” Robert said, stepping forward once more, leaving just a step between them to keep them from touching.

He felt the last vestiges of anger completely melt away and wondered why he had let himself get so frustrated before? Sure, Aaron running out wasn’t right. But he’d done the same thing. And he still had the advantage here. He had the last five years still accessible to him. All the memories, all the feelings. All the smiles and laughs, the fights and makeups. The years of love and support. But Aaron was lost.

Carly’s words floated around in his head as they stood there, just a few inches apart. He couldn’t make Aaron fall for him. It wasn’t that simple and it never would be. But if he tried…

He’d have to earn the other mans heart the old-fashioned way. He’d have to put in the time, the effort. He’d have to be cautious and patient. He was more than willing, he just didn’t think Aaron would’ve been receptive at this point. He was so convinced that Aaron was done with them, with him, that he hadn’t even begun to formulate a plan on how he would begin to win the man back.

But he had to start somewhere…

“Have dinner with me?” He asked hurriedly.

“I… what?” Aaron looked up at him, confused and shocked.

“Will you? Have dinner… with me?” It sounded so shy and nervous coming out of his mouth. Aaron stared back for a moment, still completely caught off guard and leaving just enough room for him to doubt himself.

Oh. He felt himself deflate again, attempting to backpedal.

“I mean… I just… I thought you… forget it, neverm-”

“Yeah,” Aaron finally said with a nod. “I would love to have dinner with you.”

“Really?” He watched a teary smile form on Aaron’s face. “So this is… a date?”

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” he said with a watery laugh. “Are you… are you sure you want us to try though? I want to, more than anything. Because I don’t want to lose you. But I don’t want to force you into this. If you really don’t want this anymore-”

“That’s not even a question, Aaron. I will always want you.” He felt the itch in his fingertips. He so badly wanted to reach out and wipe Aaron’s tears away. To gently cup his face. To wrap him in his arms and hold him close. But the time where that was okay had passed. It had been so long since he’d been freely allowed to touch the smaller man and he physically ached to do so.

Aaron stared back at him, still smiling softly, his own hands twisting together in front of him. But Robert saw something in his eyes. Nervousness? Worry? Insecurity?

Why?

And then another doubt hit him. One so poignant and pitiful he immediately felt his stomach flip in shame.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” His voice was so quiet in his ears and it was so insecure and vulnerable, it didn’t even sound like his own. “I don’t want you doing this just because… just because you feel sorry for me. Or because you feel like you owe me something. Because, Aaron, if that’s why you’re doing this, please don’t. I can’t… if that’s why you’re doing this, just let me go now. Please.”

The smile immediately fell from Aaron’s face and he saw the hurt take up residence in his eyes.

“Robert, no. Please just listen to me.” He stood still as Aaron took half a step closer, his hands flailing in front of him hesitantly for a moment before finally landing on to the sides of Robert’s shirt, gripping the material tightly in his fists and pulling the blonde in. His eyes were wide and desperate, his mouth firmly set. “I’m not doing this because I feel bad. Or because I feel like I owe you something. I’m doing this because I want you. I want to be happy and I want you to be happy. I know it’s going to be hard and it’s not ideal. But we can figure this out, okay?”

Robert stared back at him, seeing the truth in Aaron’s eyes and knowing the smaller man wasn’t lying. He nodded softly once, refusing to look away, feeling his heartbeat speed up with each second that passed. Without looking away, he cautiously reached for the brunette, his hands gently wrapping around Aaron’s fists, testing it out for a moment before softly squeezing. To his relief, Aaron softly smiled back, attempting to pull him closer.

They stared for another moment before Aaron gently pulled once more. This time Robert let him, feeling the warmth envelope him as Aaron pressed their bodies together and wrapped his arms around him as tight as he could.

Sighing deeply, he finally closed his eyes and wrapped his own arms around Aaron’s waist, burying his face in Aaron’s neck and breathing in deeply. His senses were overwhelmed by the smell that was always uniquely Aaron and it always felt like home. It always felt safe.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he muttered, feeling the tears slowly streaming down his face, unsure of when they’d even started up again, but hating their vulnerability just the same. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

“It’s okay. We were both idiots but we’ll make this right. One way or another, and I’m not giving up on you,” Aaron said as he rubbed soothing circles on his back.

They stood there for a few minutes, holding tighter to each other than they had in over a month, the only sounds being the pelting of rain against the windows and the thunder in the distance outside, and the sniffle of slowly flowing tears on the inside. Robert felt Aaron begin to gently rock them back and forth, continuing to hold him tight as all the emotions over the last few weeks came pouring out of his eyes, seemingly unstoppable and unfortunately, completely embarrassing. Robert had never been a crier but apparently, he’d been holding on to all of this for too long.

“I thought you were going to tell me it was over. I thought you didn’t want this anymore. That you didn’t want me anymore,” Robert finally said, his voice muffled into Aaron’s neck.

“No, that was never my plan,” Aaron said, his voice full of reassurance. “I panicked and ran out because I realised I do have feelings for you. But they’re not what you want or deserve. And I can’t give you those things right now. But… I do care about you. So much and not just as a mate. It’s so confusing because I know it’s not what I’m supposed to feel but-”

“No, I get it. I understand.” He attempted to get closer to the smaller man, gripping tightly to his jumper, burying his face harder in his neck, but it wasn’t possible as there was no room left between them. Aaron must’ve realised what he was trying to do though and laughed softly, turning and nuzzling into Robert.

Again, the silence enveloped them, but this time, it was more comforting. It was soft and sweet and Robert didn’t want it to end. Finally feeling his tears start to dry, he moved to pull away, thinking Aaron might want some space or that he might be overstepping his boundaries. He smiled when he felt Aaron refuse to let go and relished in the moment of having the man he loved so close.

“So, we’re really going to do this?” He heard just a touch of nervousness in Aaron’s voice and instantly felt the need to reassure him.

“I’m all in if you are.”

“Good.”

He felt Aaron sigh in relief and smiled again. He pulled back just enough for them to catch each other’s eyes, taking in the soft smile on Aaron’s face, and unable to help himself, reached up with one hand and softly brushed it along Aaron’s face.

“After all, how could I refuse an offer from someone who clearly fancies me?” He teased with a smirk.

“Oh, Robert, fancy you doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron have their second ‘first date.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To say I’m gutted that Ryan is leaving Emmerdale would be the biggest understatemt ever. I guess it's something I knew would happen eventually, but I was not prepared in the slightest for it to be this soon! 
> 
> I’d written most of this chapter before I heard the news so I was always going to upload it. However, I’m not sure what everyone’s thoughts are on me continuing at the moment? Of course, as long as there are people interested, I’ll continue to write, but considering the nature of the story I’m not sure everyone wants to read an angsty fic at a time like this. If people want me to continue, I can't promise that every chapter is going to be happy, because that’s just not what this story is. 
> 
> Anyway, having said all that, here is the next chapter. And it’s a long one, sitting at just over 8k. So grab a drink and a snack and I hope you enjoy. X

**Eighteen**

He came out of the bedroom, freshly showered, dressed, and still a little out of sorts but feeling a million times better than he’d felt only an hour ago. It had been a hard morning, for both of them. But if this could actually work, if they both were actually willing to try and put in the time and effort, then he had a chance of getting Aaron back. And at this point, he’d probably do anything in the world to get Aaron back.

He nervously ran a hand across his face and took a deep breath before slowly making his way downstairs, finding Aaron standing in the kitchen, plating the breakfast he’d insisted upon making them after their hug was interrupted by the sound of growling, impatient stomachs. The brunette looked over at him, smiling softly, his eyes still a little red but no longer puffy, his tear tracks dried. And he looked so incredibly beautiful.

“Hey…” Robert said, cautiously, stopping in his tracks.

“Hey.” Aaron nervously glanced away for a second before reconnecting their eyes, clearly unsure of what else to say or do.

The problem was, Robert was at just a big of a loss. He didn’t want it to be awkward but there really was no way around it. After all, they’d spent the better part of the morning alternating between crying and yelling at each other. And now… now they were what? Dating again? Thinking about dating again? The terminology didn’t quite fit in Robert’s mind but he wasn’t willing to waste time on semantics. If Aaron was willing to try, he’d take it. He just wished they had some sort of roadmap to navigate just how this was going to work.

He looked down at his feet for a second before slowly taking a few steps forward and carefully sitting down at the table. Nervously he scratched at the back of his neck, his eyes locked on his lap, the quiet room louder than anything he’d ever heard. _Come on, say something_. The soft sound of Aaron’s breathy laugh brought his gaze back to the other man, his eyebrows raised in question.

“What?”

“Sorry, I just… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so uncomfortable. And not that it’s fun to watch, but… well, it’s so different from normal,” Aaron explained, nervously playing with his fingers. Robert simply chuckled at Aaron’s assessment and sagged onto the chair beneath him, the moment of levity freeing up a little of the pressure. “I guess this might be a bit… awkward now?”

“It would seem so.”

“Well… awkward or not, I’m still hungry. And, while you were in the shower, I changed my mind about breakfast. I fancied a full fry up. I can’t remember the last time I had one so…I hope that’s alright with you?” Aaron anxiously asked, bouncing from one foot to the other, chewing his bottom lip, his soft blue eyes eager.

Robert cringed as he noticed the cutting board on the counter behind the other man, fresh mushroom stems still sitting there, waiting to be disposed of.

_Ugh, I’ll have to get something from the café later._

Taking another deep breath, he just nodded and gave Aaron a small smile, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. No sense in making Aaron feel bad over something that the brunette couldn’t help and didn’t remember in the first place.

He reached for the fresh pot of coffee Aaron had already set out, pouring them each a full cup, and took a long sip from his own mug, savouring the strong, bold flavours that danced across his tongue. At least Aaron still made coffee the same as before the accident.

Aaron came around the table, setting both plates down and then ungracefully sat down onto the chair next to Robert’s, smiling softly at him before digging in. _Guess he really was hungry._

Robert smiled back, slightly amused, before looking down at his plate and pausing, the smile slowly slipping from his face.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked, looking at him curiously as he spooned an excessive amount of sugar in what was sure to be the umpteenth cup of coffee so dar that day.

“Uh, nothing.” Robert continued to stare down at the plate in front of him, nonchalantly comparing it to Aaron’s sitting next to him.

_One of these things is not like the other._

  
**Four Years and Nine Months Earlier**

He looked across the table, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend, pulling thoughtfully on his bottom lip as he carefully looked over the menu in front of him, clearly at a loss. It was early, and they hadn’t gotten much sleep after he’d woken up to find the blonde staring down at him, smiling softly. But they both knew they probably wouldn’t have that much time to see each other over the next few days so Aaron had been able to easily convince Robert to give up an extra hour in bed in favour of breakfast.

“Alright, you two decided yet?” The waitress had come back three times now and each time, Aaron had asked for just a little longer since apparently, Robert was at a loss. But this was starting to border on ridiculous.

“I’ll just have a full english, please.” The waitress wrote it down and then stood tapping her pen, clearly bored, whilst waiting for Robert.

“Um…”

“Oh come on, Robert. I’ve never met anyone who takes so long to order,” he said with a laugh.

“Yeah, well, I’m not normally a breakfast person,” he snarked back. But Aaron just smiled, raising an eyebrow in challenge. “Fine. I’ll have the same but no mushrooms. And some toast, please.”

“There, was that so hard?” Aaron asked as their server quickly took their menus and walked away. Robert just rolled his eyes and sat back in the corner of their booth with tired eyes, but a soft smile on his lips. Aaron stared, his boyfriend clearly the epitome of good looks, and once again shook his head in wonder, still a little amazed that Robert was his and only his.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he leant forward onto the table, hoping to distract Robert enough so that the man wouldn’t fall asleep and they could enjoy what little time they had left together that morning. “So… you don’t like mushrooms?”

“Ugh, god no. They are vile,” he answered, his face a mask of repulsion, taking another sip of the coffee in front of him.

“Right…”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Aaron shrugged. “I just like learning new things about you. I feel like I still have a lot to learn.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Robert said with a smirk.

“So, tell me something else.” He reached across the table, loosely linking their hands and smiled when Robert let his thumb graze back and forth across his own, a move he was rather fond of and one Robert seemed to unconsciously do anytime their hands met. Robert gave him another smirk and side eye, before leaning forward just a tad as though he was about to share a scandalous secret.

“Hmm… I enjoy reading.”

“Shocking but I know that already, you’ll have enough books to open a library soon.”

“Well…” Aaron watched and stifled a laugh as Robert pretended to ponder for a moment, eyes roaming over the ceiling. Finally meeting Aaron’s eyes again, he felt himself melt under the now sweet look in Robert’s eyes. “I think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, with the best smile I’ve ever seen, even though you don’t show it often enough.”

Aaron felt the heat immediately hit his cheeks and looked away, unable to stop the shy smile that came to his lips. He hated how easily Robert could fluster him but at the same time, it always left him feeling special, like he was the only one Robert could see in the whole world.

Finally looking back at the blonde, he saw the teasing smirk was gone and in its place was the genuine, soft smile that he so rarely got to see but already knew he loved.

They stared at each other for another moment, lost in each other’s eyes, only snapping out of their daze when the waitress unceremoniously dropped their plates of food in front of them with a loud clink and walked away without a word.

“Ugh, seriously, I said no mushrooms.” Robert cringed as he looked down at his food but Aaron just laughed and swapped their plates, giving Robert the breakfast lacking mushrooms.

“You big baby,” he teased. Robert simply tutted.

  
_**Present** _

“Seriously, what is it? Did you want something else?” Aaron looked at him worriedly, still fidgeting restlessly in his seat.

Robert looked up and smiled gently at him, debating if he should say something or not. There had been very few things that Aaron had remembered or that had seemed familiar to him over the last few weeks. And maybe that was a sign that Aaron would never get back all that he had lost.

But every time one of those little moments popped up, Robert couldn’t help but get that hopeful feeling in the centre of his chest and today was no exception. It may not have been a grand epiphany but it was something. And at this point, Robert would take any small victory they could get.

“No, everything’s perfect,” he said, picking up his fork and tucking in to his mushroom-less breakfast.

* * *

 “So, I don’t get it.”

“What part of this aren’t you getting, Will?”

“The part where you two are just dating. And the part where he’s not your fiancé anymore. So pretty much the whole thing.” Will took a swig from the beer in his hand and sat back further on the sofa, looking as confused as ever.

Earlier, after their breakfast had been devoured and the plates had been cleaned, a bit of awkwardness had still lingered in the air, and while Robert understood it, he was beyond grateful that he had some work outside of the house to take care of. Aaron had seemed both anxious and hesitant for him to leave, most likely, Robert guessed, feeling just as uncomfortable as he was. And he didn’t want to run away again but he did need a little time on his own to clear his thoughts and wrap his head around the situation that had been presented to them.

Aaron had been shifting from foot to foot nearby, watching carefully while he put on his shoes and grabbed his things and Robert could feel the panic radiating off the brunette in waves.

“So er… I guess I’ll just… see you later then?” He heard the real question behind that and smiled softly at the nervous man standing only a few feet away.

“Are you free tonight?” Aaron looked at him, completely puzzled and, much to Robert’s relief stopped moving around for a moment. At this point, Robert was pretty sure that at least half of the brunettes bloodstream had been taken over by caffeine. “Dinner?”

“Oh!” Aaron’s eyes widened in realisation and the fidgeting resumed. “Oh, yeah, dinner. You… you asked me to dinner.”

“Seven o’clock okay?” Aaron just nodded, doing a terrible job of trying to curb the excited smile taking over his face and Robert couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. “I’ll see you then.”

And then he’d left, his emotions a jumble of nerves and happiness with just a touch of worry thrown in, tumbling around in his stomach as he made his way into town for his meeting. He recognised just how long of a road they had in front of them, there was no doubt about that. And it was definitely not going to be a smooth ride. But for the first time since the accident, Robert contemplated a life with Aaron where he never got his memories back. A life where the two of them would have to work incredibly hard to rebuild what they’d once had. The idea that Aaron would permanently have a hole in his memory of all those amazing times they’d spent together over the last five years made him ache. But the thought of no Aaron at all… god, that was so much worse. And he would do whatever he had to in order to not lose the smaller man.

“I’ve explained this so many times, Will,” Robert said as he stepped out of the small, cramped bathroom, straightening out his clothes and making sure everything was in place. He’d stooped off at the B&B after his meeting to get ready for the evening, hoping to make this as realistic as possible, for both of them. “Yes, we’re dating. Or at least we want to try to start dating. Aaron still can’t remember anything but he wants to work on it so, we’re kind of starting over, in a way. And I guess... he’s not my fiancé. I mean, he didn’t call off the wedding or anything but he’s … just not ready for that and I’m trying to respect that.”

He’d given Will the bare minimum of details when he’d come by an hour earlier, messenger bag full with a new business contract and the clothes he’d grabbed that morning, slung over his shoulder. Just because he’d agreed to this reset of sorts didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt. The pain still sat in his chest, it's throbbing a constant reminder that things were different now. But he wasn’t about to share that with anyone else. This was about him and Aaron and only they needed to know and understand the intimate details for this to work.

“So, you’re just dating for now. But you’re still living together?”

“That parts a little muddier.” He honestly was still contemplating if that was the best idea. _Probably not, but how do I tell him that without hurting him?_ “I don’t know if we should be or not, to be honest. When I brought it up this morning, he panicked. And I don’t know if that’s because he really doesn’t want me to not be there or because he’s still recovering and trying to figure things out and is just scared to be alone.”

“Well, if you do change your mind, I’m sure Dianne would let you have a room here. At least for a few days.”

“A few days? What, has she got better plans for the room after that?”

“No mate. You know she would have you for as long as needed. It’s just… well, you two are good together.” Robert just smiled, he was glad people still thought so.

“Thanks, Will.”

“So, where are you taking him tonight?”

“Dinner. This little restaurant in town he loves. He doesn’t remember that he loves it. Or, at least I don’t think he remembers. He hasn’t mentioned it but I don’t think he’d ever been there before he met me. Its kind of our place, y’know.”

“Well I’m sure he’ll love it. You two are meant to be.” He said, taking another swig and turning his attention back to the television.

* * *

Aaron gave himself one more glance in the mirror, running a small amount of gel through his hair, and nodded. He was nervous. That much was obvious. He’d been nervous all day and was even more so after Robert had left that morning, softly smiling at him as he’d walked out the door.

He wanted this. He wanted this so badly, but that didn’t stop the fear from sinking into his bones and making him pace around the house all day, worried that this wouldn’t work. Worried that he’d screw it up.

He’d attempted to get some things done around the house but found himself constantly distracted, his attention pulled away by every beep from his phone each time a new notification came up. He’d glanced at the offending device around noon, noticing a few pointless emails, but nothing new from Robert. It wasn’t long before he heard his phone bleep yet again and he smiled as he picked it up.

**Adam (12:03PM)** : You alright? Did you talk to Robert? How’d it go?

He huffed as he thought out his reply. This was something between him and Robert and he really wanted to respect that. Especially after Robert had made it so blatantly obvious just how much it had hurt him that Aaron had run off to Adam instead of sticking around and working it out. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

**Aaron (12:06PM)** : Everything’s fine. I talked to him and I have a date tonight. So stop worrying.

**Adam (12:07PM)** :Good for you mate!

**Adam (12:07PM)** : You’re date’s with Robert, right?

Aaron just laughed and put his phone down, attempting to focus on the TV screen. He lasted for about five minutes before he was sidetracked once again, this time by his own thoughts.

He had a date. A real date. With Robert. With Robert, the man who was in love with him and had already been down this road once before.

What if the date was horrible? What if he screwed something up or said the wrong thing? What if Robert thought back to their real ‘first date,’ five years ago, and compared the two of them? If he did, what would happen if he thought their real ‘first date’ was better? Would he change his mind? Would he think this plan was stupid and bound to fail? Would he give up on Aaron?

The worries had continued to plague him for the rest of the day, leaving him even more nervous about the entire situation than he was that morning when Robert had walked out the door. But he couldn’t mess this up. He couldn’t lose this. He needed to try.

He reapplied some aftershave, even though he’d already done so twice over the last twenty minutes and quickly made his way downstairs to wait. Glancing at the clock over the oven, he frowned, feeling his stomach knot a little tighter.

_It’s already seven o’clock. Where is he? Did he already change his mind? Did he-_

A loud knock on the front door echoed throughout the house, startling him a little. Curious as to who would be knocking now considering everyone he knew just walked in like they owned the place, he made his way over to the door, taking a quick glance through the glass and instantly smiling.

“What are you doing?” He asked, opening the door and taking in a stunning Robert on the other side, leaning casually against the doorway, dressed smart; fitted blue jeans, white shirt, and the blazer Aaron loved, holding a bottle of wine at his side.

“Well, I believe we have a date.”

“But you knocked,” Aaron snorted a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s what you do when you come to pick up a date. You find their door, knock to announce your presence, and then compliment your date on how amazing he looks. Now I haven’t got to that last part yet but…” Aaron watched as Robert’s hypnotising green eyes slowly roamed over his figure from head to toe, taking in every detail. Aaron gulped, slightly embarrassed under the attention but was glad he’d taken the extra time to get himself ready for the evening. He was pretty sure the fitted black jeans and shirt he’d chosen was the reason Robert was eyeing him a little longer than necessary. “You look amazing, Aaron.”

“Well, I could say the same about you,” Aaron said smirking, knowing damn well that he always thought Robert looked good. He smiled as Robert handed him the bottle of wine, feeling his stomach flutter as their fingers gently brushed. “Thanks. You didn’t have to bring this.”

“You should know by now, I don’t do anything I don’t want to,” he said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him as Aaron made his way towards the kitchen, looking for and hoping he’d find a corkscrew there. “Drawer next to the sink.” Aaron smiled and nodded, reaching into the drawer and then fetching two glasses, all the while watching out of the corner of his eye as Robert slowly approached the counter, coolly leaning against it as he pretended to peruse the house. “So… nice place you’ve got here.”

“Well, thanks,” Aaron said, rolling his eyes and deciding to play along.

“You live here on your own?”

“No actually. I have a roommate,” he said, handing a glass of wine to Robert.

“Oh really? Where are they?”

“Oh, probably in a meeting or something. He part owns a haulage firm. He’s very good at what he does,” Aaron said with a playful grin.

“Wow, really?”

“Oh yeah. He’s amazing.”

“Hmm… sounds like it. Do I have competition already?”

Aaron just smiled and shook his head. Maybe this would be a bit awkward. But at least it seemed like Robert was bound and determined to make it fun.

Placing his glass on the counter, he turned to face the blonde man, smiling bashfully as Robert slowly approached, that teasing smirk firmly planted on his lips. But he stopped just a few inches from him, an invisible line keeping them from touching, and Aaron felt his breath catch at their proximity.

“You really do look incredible, Aaron.”

The flirtatious confidence was gone and Aaron watched as Robert’s lips morphed into a timid smile and he placed his hands into his pockets, shifting slightly foot to foot, clearly just as nervous about tonight as Aaron was.

“So… are you ready? We don’t want to miss our reservation.”

Aaron just nodded, following Robert as he quickly strode to the door, grabbing his coat on the way out.

“Where are you taking us?” He asked once they were sat in the car, his eyes never leaving the nervous man sat next to him. It amazed him how Robert could go from so cool and collected one moment to quiet and shy the next. But it seemed like it was only around him. He’d never witnessed it with anyone else or with Carly and Will when they’d dropped by.

“It’s a surprise.” Robert turned and smiled at him once before stating the engine and pulling away from their house.

The surprise turned out to be a twenty-minute drive into Hotten and a charmingly quaint French restaurant with only a few other patrons dining within its walls. Taking a seat and looking around, nothing looked familiar but once again, he was feeling that odd sense of déjà vu that had affected him only a few weeks ago.

Was it the place or was it…? He looked up, seeing Robert gazing at him softly. _Maybe it’s just him._

He smiled briefly at the thought before burying his face in the menu, unsure of what he was really looking at or what the words even were. Crap. He knew he’d had French food at least once before, but it had been years ago and he’d remembered relying on the kind staff at the restaurant to just bring him ‘something with chicken.’

He blushed slightly as he heard Robert chuckling softly when his face registered slight panic as their waiter approached.

“Would it be okay if I ordered for both of us?” Robert quietly asked, prompting him to quickly and eagerly nod. Five seconds later he sat in awe as the blonde conversed with the waiter in what sounded like absolutely perfect French before placing their order.

“How the hell do you know French?”

“Learnt when I was younger. Dad was keen on me learning different languages. French, Italian, Spanish. I still even remember a little German.”

“Well, it’s… kind of…” He swallowed hard. _Really hot_. “Guess I’ll have to thank him,” Aaron teased, sending him a small flirtatious smile. To his puzzlement, Robert simply nodded, the smile dropping from his face, though for the life of him, Aaron didn’t understand why. “Sorry. I didn’t mean… I know you said you aren’t close with your Dad but… did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all. Can we just not talk about him?”

“Yeah course.” Aaron nodded, wanting to avoid anything that would make Robert uncomfortable. Robert smiled gently before leaning back in his chair, raising one of his eyebrows, apparently shifting back into date mode.

“So, Aaron, tell me about yourself.”

“Seriously?” Aaron laughed at the taller mans playfulness and leaned forward. “I know I said I wanted to try and start again. But I don’t think we have to go all the way back to the beginning.”

“I’m just trying to make this as natural for you as I can,” Robert said with a wink that left Aaron sailing. “So, really, how was the rest of your day? Did you get up to much?”

It was his turn to look uncomfortable as he remembered how he’d spent the majority of the day worrying about the new situation they found themselves in and attempting to pep talk himself into not being a total idiot.

“No, I just… can I ask you something?” Robert simply nodded. Aaron sat back as their waiter returned with the drinks Robert had ordered for them, smiling in appreciation and patiently waiting for them to be alone again. Robert looked back at him after their waiter left, his attention completely on Aaron. “The fight we had this morning. Was that a normal fight for us?”

“No, Aaron, course not. I mean, we definitely have our spats and stuff. We argue sometimes. But this morning… no, that was a bad one.”

“I’m not in any hurry to repeat it.”

“Me neither.”

“But, even though it was bad, it kind of led us here… to tonight… on a date.” Robert just smiled at him. “And… I’m glad we were honest with each other. I know… I know it was hard to hear-”

“Aaron, you don’t have to explain or justify anything, okay?” Robert sat up, his face suddenly serious but his eyes remaining soft. “I understand that we can’t just go back right now. I know that this is scary and it’s going to be hard. And I know that it’s different from when we fell for each other all those years ago because the situation has completely changed. But that doesn’t mean it can’t work. It doesn’t mean that we don’t care about each other. Because, Aaron, you mean so much to me. And I know you care me about too.”

“I really do. You have been nothing but amazing since I woke up in hospital. I’m so lucky to have you. And…I know it’s not going to be easy. But I really do want to try. I meant it this morning when I said…” He felt his mouth becoming dry, but pressed on, his eyes never leaving the dark orbs of the man in front of him. “When I said I didn’t want to give up on us.”

Robert smiled and leant on the table, his left hand reaching out and resting near Aaron’s right but not touching. Aaron watched, noting Robert was clearly leaving the ball in his court and felt his heart squeeze at the thought.

“You know back then…” Aaron trailed off, a soft smile on his face as he boldly let his fingertips graze against Robert’s , watching the other mans eyes light up just a touch at the contact. “Adam and Vic told me about when I realised I was in love with you. Apparently, I was a mess.”

They both laughed softly, their fingers interlacing a little more. He smiled when he felt Robert’s thumb softly rub back and forth across his, the sensation comforting.

“I wasn’t much better.”

“Who said it first?” He blurted out, realising a moment too late that he apparently had no control over his mouth. “Sorry. I mean… never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”

He looked up, seeing Robert still smiling gently at him, the soft candlelight between them flickering across his features and making his eyes shimmer mischievously.

_Oh god_.

**Four Years and Nine Months Earlier**

Robert stared wide-eyed, mouth open in shock, glove-covered hands in tight fists at his sides and Aaron thought it was possibly the funniest thing he’d ever seen. He threw his head back, the laughter bubbling from him uncontrollably at the sight, his laughter filling the wintery surroundings.

“I cannot believe you just did that! You threw a snowball at me! What are you, five?”

They’d taken a shortcut and crossed through the park on their way home from the cinema, hoping to get back to Robert’s and inside where it was warm faster. A major storm had hit earlier that morning, keeping most people inside for the day and while the heavier snow had stopped falling a few hours ago, there were still soft flakes floating down upon them as they stood there under the street lamps.

They’d been walking side by side, elbows occasionally brushing, their hands shoved deep into their coat pockets to keep warm when Aaron had looked to his right and took in the sight of his boyfriend, grinning softly, the fluffy snowflakes blanketing his coat. Robert always came across to everyone else as so serious and sullen. But with Aaron… well, he’d seen the playful side of Robert. And it was easily one of his most favourite things. The blonde man could be a total idiot when he wanted and Aaron absolutely loved it. Suddenly wanting to see that playful side, he’d come up with an idea and simply acted.

“Oh, come on, Rob,” he started, still laughing. “Where’s your sense of advent-” He was cut off as a snowball smacked him right in the middle of his chest. Looking over he took in the challenging look on Robert’s face, both hands raised in the air in a bring it on motion, and smiled. “Oh, you’re dead!”

They spent the next twenty minutes chasing each other in the knee-deep snow, carrying on like idiots before Robert finally got close enough and wrapped his arms around Aaron’s waist, pulling them both down into a nearby snowbank.

Aaron looked down, unable to stop his growing smile to see Robert laying below him, holding him tight, smiling up at him, and felt his heart swell.

Things between them had been great and Robert made him so unbelievably happy that sometimes he thought he might explode. He had never been so happy in his whole life. Robert was perfect, even with his flaws and Aaron was so in-

“I love you.”

He immediately stopped laughing, his eyes and mouth both snapping shut in utter mortification as he felt the world beneath him tip. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. And now he’d gone and messed everything up.

How was he supposed to get out of this one?

He slowly opened his eyes, seeing Robert staring up at him, his face now a mix of shock and confusion, his mouth already partially open as if waiting to refute Aaron’s claim.

_Oh, God, I’ve messed this up so bad. He’s going to run now. He’s going to take off at any minute_. He looked away, moving to sit up and pushed himself away from Robert, feeling the blonde haired mans arms immediately let him go. He shuffled a little to the left, sitting in the snow, pulling his legs up towards his chest and covering his face with his gloved hands, utterly humiliated.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to say that. I mean… I did. I do. But I didn’t mean to just spring it on you like that. I shouldn’t have and I just-”

He was cut short when he felt Robert pulling his hands away from his face with one hand and cupping his cheek with the other, their lips quietly meeting for just a moment in the softest kiss he’d ever had, before Robert slowly pulled away. Aaron opened his eyes, blinking quickly and taking in the beaming smile on the blondes face, his eyes shining, cheeks pink from the cold.

“I love you too.”

Aaron stared back, completely mystified and in shock. There was no way Robert, who could have anyone in the world that he wanted… loved him.

Robert chuckled, clearly amused by Aaron’s bewildered face and moved a little closer, his thumb gently passing over Aaron’s cheek as the brunette processed this information.

“You do? I mean, I know you just said it but… Robert. I’ve been trying to hold back because I didn’t want to say it and scare you off or… not have you say it back but…I do..Love you.”

“I love you too,” Robert smiled, leaning forward and slowly kissing Aaron once again. Aaron wrapped his arms around the other man and smiled into the kiss, unable to help himself. “Come on. Let’s go back to mine and get warm.” Robert stood up, brushing himself off, and reached down for Aaron, pulling the brunette to his feet and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Aaron smiled and let Robert pull him along, both laughing and tripping over each other as they practically ran towards Robert’s apartment.

* * *

“Oh fuck… Aaron… don’t stop…” Robert’s head fell back and his eyes fluttered closed, unable to really take anything in since all of his focus was on the amazing and wonderful man he was currently straddling. Mustering up all the effort he could, he looked down, catching the sight of a smirking Aaron staring back up at him and felt himself caught somewhere between laughter and losing his absolute freaking mind as the brunette moved in and out of him at just the right pace.

After they’d raced back to Robert’s apartment, it only took around ten seconds for their laughter to subside, their lips meeting frantically, both quickly discarding their coats and pulling insistently at each other’s clothes. They’d stumbled and tumbled into the bed only moments later, naked and wrapped around each other in every way possible.

Now, a little while later after he’d thoroughly had his way with Aaron, twice, and had given the brunette a few minutes to recuperate, Aaron was paying him back in full.

“Good?”

For as nervous as Aaron was about his lack of experience, the smaller man had been an A+ student and had quickly learned all the little things that drove Robert wild.

“Didn’t I just say don’t stop?” Robert said, breathless as he smirked down at the smaller man. Aaron was quick to wipe the smirk off his face though as he changed his angle, hitting just the right spot. “Oh, God, Aaron…”

Aaron just wrapped his arms tighter around Robert’s back, moving them closer together and pulling the blonde further into his lap, leaving open mouth kisses across Robert’s chest and up his neck.

“You look amazing like this,” he whispered into Robert’s ear, biting softly at the lobe as Robert shuddered once more. Robert turned just slightly, finding Aaron’s lips in a desperate, frantic kiss as his hips started to jerk faster, matching Aaron’s perfect pace.

Less than thirty seconds later, with their lips still urgently pressed together, Robert’s grip tightened in Aaron’s hair, pulling a little harder than he intended, as a deep moan echoed from within his throat. He pulled back just the slightest, Aaron instantly meeting his unfocused gaze with his own intense stare and felt himself fall over the edge into a storm of utterly intense bliss.

“Shit,” he exclaimed as he felt his muscles give out, his body going completely limp in Aaron’s strong arms. Head nestled in the crook of Aaron’s neck, inhaling the addicting scent of the smaller man, he felt more than heard the small laugh the younger man released. Unable to do anything else but smile he snuggled further in as Aaron laid them back, resting against the pillows, limbs still tangled in every way possible.

He lay his head on Aaron’s chest and listened, the room silent except for the soft panting inhales and exhales he heard coming from his own mouth as he attempted to come back to himself. Well that and the sound of Aaron’s heart, beating just a little faster than normal below his ear. Aaron’s heart… which now, for some unknown reason, belonged to him. The thought alone made him smile softly as he realised, for the first time, he wasn’t alone anymore. He was in love and the someone he loved actually loved him back.

He looked up to see Aaron, still smiling and looking a little too confident and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Pretty proud of yourself, aren’t you?” He asked. Aaron simply shrugged, a slight blush tinting his cheeks.

_The man gives me mind-blowing orgasms and then turns shy_ , Robert thought with a chuckle. He shuffled upwards, hovering over his boyfriend and leaving a lingering kiss on the smaller mans lips. He lay down more fully, resting their foreheads together, and looking into the incredible eyes he was so in love with, smiling softly.

“I love you, Aaron.”

Aaron smiled back, absolutely giddy at the moment. He reached up and pushed a hand through Robert’s hair before moving to gently cup his cheek.

“I love you too.”

_I’ll never get sick of hearing that._

  
**Present**

“Rob?... Robert?”

Robert brought his gaze back to meet Aaron’s, refocusing his eyes and snapping out of the apparent reverie he’d been lost in.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Robert said with a shake of his head, averting his eyes and looking down at his hands knotted together in his lap.

“Are you sure? You drifted off at the end of the story there. And… are you blushing?” Aaron said snorting a laugh.

_Oh, how the mighty have fallen_ , he thought, unable to stop his smile. Robert just grinned, still avoiding Aaron’s gaze, but to his credit, had stopped the reddening on his cheeks from spreading.

Aaron leaned forward on the table, taking in the sight of a speechless Robert, which was easily one of the most incredible things he’d ever seen and grinned again.

“So after I told you, then what happened?” Aaron asked.

“Er, we left the park and just walked back to my place.” He watched Robert reach for his wine glass, tossing back the remaining liquid in one large gulp, his eyes still avoiding Aaron’s.

“That’s it is it?” Seeing the opportunity to tease the taller man, he immediately jumped on it. After all, it seemed that Robert always had the upper hand when it came to teasing him. It was only fair for the universe to reward him with a turn. “Did we go back and play board games? Or sit in silence?” He smiled further as Robert chuckled at him from across the table. “Did we just go back and have an early night?”

“You know what we did, Aaron,” he answered, finally looking up and meeting Aaron’s gaze, his eyes holding an intensity that hadn’t been there a few minutes ago.

Aaron just nodded, feeling his own blush slowly brush across his cheeks. Of course. He reached over and grazed his index finger along Robert’s hand, smiling when he noticed the other mans eyes instantly snap over to take in their connection before meeting his once again. He only pulled back when their waiter brought back Robert’s credit card and thanked them, breaking the connection between the two.

A few minutes later, he turned and smiled softly, taking in Robert’s profile as they made their way back to Robert’s car. The night was clear, a stark contrast to the storm that had raged on throughout most of the day, sky full of stars and a half crescent moon hung high above. A small chill crept through the air and he watched as Robert breathed it in, seeming to relish in the cold. He took in the pink on his defined cheekbones, the way the flickering from the street lamps caught on his long eyelashes and illuminated his dark eyes, how the corner of his lips turned up into a knowing smirk… and Aaron knew he’d been caught.

_Oh well. There are way more embarrassing things than being caught staring at my…er… the man I’m hoping to date? Is that right?_

“What’s going on in that head of yours? You’re wearing your scrunched up face.”

“Nothing, just, trying to figure out what exactly I should call you…we’re not fiancés anymore I suppose, so…”

“I know what you mean.” He kicked himself as he watched the blonde shove his hands into his pockets, the smile slipping from his face.

“Robert, I’m sorry, really. I’m so sorry. We were having fun and I had to go and ruin it and-”

“Hey, no. It’s okay, you didn’t ruin anything. It’s… I just have to get used to it. It just might take some time. But… I’m happy that we’re at least trying.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve really enjoyed tonight and… I’d love to take you out next time,” Aaron said as they reached the car, smiling when Robert held the door open for him.

“Next time? What did you have in mind?” He was relieved to see a small smile resurface on Robert’s lips once he took the seat next to the smaller man.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Aaron teased. “Maybe…” Suddenly an idea popped into his head and he smiled at just how perfect it might be. _If I can pull it off_. “When’s the next day you’re free? For the whole day?”

“I can probably make something work at the weekend. Why? What scheme are you cooking up?”

“Oh, it’s a secret,” Aaron said. He smiled as he reached out, lacing his fingers with Robert’s. “And really? A scheme? What kind of man do you think I am?”

“Oh, I know exactly what kind of man you are,” he answered with a teasing smirk. Aaron smiled and shook his head, keeping hold of Robert’s hand until they arrived home, breaking the contact to unlock the front door.

“You know… it’s really not fair that you get to remember… everything,” he teased. Robert chuckled and gave his hand a squeeze.

“Do you want me to draw you a picture?”

“As realistic as that would probably turn out, no, I’m just saying…” Aaron trailed off as he watched Robert close the door behind them while still holding tight to Aaron’s hand. He stared as Robert turned towards him once he was done, smiling at his slip up. Deciding to ignore it and any further teasing, he looked into those dark eyes in front of him, feeling his nerves dancing in the pit of his stomach again. “So… now what?”

“Well, it’s the end of the date and I promised to bring you home. So…” He trailed off as he tugged on Aaron’s hand, pulling him further into their home and stopping at the bottom on the stairs.

Aaron felt his nerves completely take over. Was Robert really expecting something more? _No. No, he’d been so kind and respectful. He can’t actually expect-_

He heard Robert attempting to hold back a laugh as they reached the stairs and looked up, taking in the amused expression on his face.

“Relax, Aaron. I’m not going to pounce on you.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that,” he said, feeling his worry slowly ebb away. He looked down at their still joined hands, savouring the feeling of Robert’s soft skin against his. They seemed to fit together so perfectly. Almost like they were… Meant to be.

“Aaron… are you sure you don’t want me to stay somewhere else? At least for a little bit?...” His eyes shot up, noting now just how nervous Robert looked, the blonde slightly fidgeting and staring down at his shoes.

“What?”

Robert looked up, a hint of sadness in his eyes as he attempted to hold Aaron’s gaze and Aaron felt his heartbeat halt at that moment.

“Course I don’t want you to stay somewhere else.” Aaron said his voice seeming to go up an octave, feeling that hint of panic squeezing in his chest. “Why are you even asking me that?”

“Because… I just want to make sure you’re okay. That you’re comfortable with all of this.” Robert nervously tapped the toe of his shoe into the floor, his eyes unsure. “Aaron, this is all new and different for you. And I don’t want to screw it up. I just thought, maybe giving you a little space and a little time might be the right thing to do. It’ll be less pressure on you.”

“Robert…”

Aaron felt his heart ache so deeply at that moment, for Robert, for them. Honestly, the last thing he wanted right now was for Robert to not be there. This was their home and Robert belonged here, regardless of what their relationship was. He’d already spent the last few weeks being put out by Aaron and the accident. And now…

“No. I don’t want you to go anywhere...I..”

Robert stepped closer, using his free hand to tip Aaron’s chin upwards as he trailed off. Aaron swallowed at the contact and gently squeezed their still linked hands, realising they were now standing so close he could feel the warmth radiating off the other man and it felt so good. So comforting.

“I know it won’t be easy. And that it might be a little weird… us living together while we try to start again. But we’ll make it work.” He stared back, his eyes meeting Robert’s and he still saw that hint of sadness but now it seemed to be mixed with a dash of something else, though he wasn’t sure what. He hated that he couldn’t read the other man as easily as Robert could read him but he wouldn’t be deterred. He pressed on, hoping he could completely erase the pain lodged there at that moment and convince the other man that this could work. “Stay, please.” Aaron reached up, holding his casted hand under Robert’s, keeping his hand on his face. “I hate it when you aren’t here. And the idea of you not being here when I wake up or when I fall asleep… just please stay. I want us both spending our nights together.” He watched a small smirk form on Robert’s face and replayed the words in his head, rolling his eyes. “I’m not saying… that I’m ready for that yet. But, I really do want you here.”

“If you’re sure-”

“You’re not staying anywhere else alright!”

Robert stared back, his eyes soft and loving, watching Aaron intently for a moment before nodding once. Aaron just smiled back, feeling the weight on his chest ease a little. The thought of Robert leaving… of him not being there, just wasn’t worth thinking about.

“We didn’t argue on our real first date, did we?” Aaron said, suddenly feeling like he’d messed everything up.

“Hey, no, don’t do that.” Robert cupped Aaron’s cheek, squeezing his other hand tighter. “I’m not comparing the two. We said we were starting fresh right?” Aaron just nodded. “So, it isn’t about what happened the last time we had a ‘first date.’ It’s about tonight. And tonight was great.”

“It really was.”

“Anyway, I like it when you get all stubborn.”

“You do?”

“You’ve always been that way. It’s one of my favourite things about you.”

Aaron felt his lips turn up and let his casted hand fall to the crook of Robert’s elbow for a moment, relishing the feeling of Robert standing so close, and looking at him like he was the most amazing thing Robert had ever seen.

“You know, this has kind of been a touchy first date,” Robert teased. Aaron laughed as he felt Robert’s thumb brush across his cheek.

“Well, I think we’re kind of a step or two ahead. But I’m okay with that.”

“Good, because… honestly, Aaron, it really is hard to keep my hands to myself when I’m around you.”

_I’m starting to know the feeling._

“But… it’s late. And I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow morning.”

Aaron just nodded, knowing they’d eventually have to end the date but hating it just the same.

“Please, you take the bed.” Robert just shook his head and stepped back, letting his hand fall from Aaron’s cheek. “Fine, why can’t we just share it then?”

“I thought you didn’t want to sleep together yet,” he teased with a chuckle.

“You know what I mean. It’s a big bed. There’s plenty of space for both of us. We can sleep next to each other without..y’know.”

“I know we can, Aaron, I just…” Robert sighed once and shook his head again. “I can’t do that. I can’t sleep next to you when we aren’t…” He trailed off, looking away and Aaron wanted to kick himself again.

_You idiot. Of course, he can’t sleep next to you. It’d be too painful for him_.

“Okay, alright, I understand. Well thank you for an amazing night. I had fun.”

“Me too.” He squeezed Aaron’s hand once more before letting go and shoving his hands into his back pockets. “Get some sleep, okay?”

Aaron watched as Robert moved to step away and, without thinking, quickly reached out, grabbing onto the lapels of his jacket to stop him. He caught the confused look on Robert’s face and smiled before leaning in and leaving a soft kiss on the taller mans cheek, centimetres from his mouth.

“Night, Robert.” He watched a soft smile touch the blondes lips, his cheeks just a hint rosier before he turned and made his way upstairs. For the first time in a month, Aaron was happy with where they were. It wasn’t perfect by any means but for the first time since the accident, he could see a possibility for a future.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone taking the time to read, leave kudos and comment. I appreciate it so so much.


	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second date. And some questions are answered about the past and Aaron’s memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments on the last chapter. They are so lovely to read and I really appreciate every single one of you. It seems everyone is happy for me to continue, regardless of angst, so full steam ahead I guess.
> 
> Thoughts in italics.

Aaron sat on his stool at the pizzeria, glancing around the small restaurant and nervously fidgeting as he waited for Robert. The blonde had been long gone by the time he’d woken up that morning and he’d spent the day somewhere between over the moon as he thought over their new ‘first date’ the night before and nervous over what was to come in their future together.

The date had gone pretty well if he said so himself. He smiled a little, thinking about how sweet Robert had been, going out of his way to make it feel like a real first date for Aaron. He was so lucky that with the situation he was in, it was Robert that was by his side. That Robert was so patient and respectful. And that he clearly was just as determined as Aaron to try and make this work.

_If not more so._

He’d laid in bed the night before, thinking over how he wanted to repay the other man, not only for all he’d done but just for being Robert. He’d been putting up with so much for over a month now and Aaron had to wonder if he would be able to do the same if their roles were switched. He’d like to think he could handle it and that he’d stick by Robert’s side, but at the same time, it was such a massive obstacle to scale. Sure, he was stubborn and liked a challenge. But what Robert was doing for him, for them… well, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to give back for all that the other man had sacrificed. He wanted to try though and what better way than to start by doing something that Robert would love. The idea of the art museum had come to him as they had driven home the night before. The art museum wasn’t exactly his idea of a fun day out, but he’d seen Robert’s drawings and his enthusiasm for learning about art. He remembered Robert mentioning something about an art gallery when he’d pointed out a poster in the café and thought perhaps it might provide another way for him and Robert to get closer if they spent the day there.

However, there was another dilemma plaguing him. He didn’t want to wait another three days for a second date, especially when they’d still be seeing each other every day considering their living arrangements. But that was something he figured he could easily remedy and between jobs at the scrap yard, he’d texted Robert, around midday, asking if he wanted to grab dinner with him after he was done for the day. It took him about a dozen rough drafts, his thumbs furiously typing and then deleting over and over, but he was pretty pleased with the final result.

**Aaron (12:02PM)** : Hey, so, I just wondered if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight? Not a big deal or anything. I just figured I have to eat. And you have to eat. And why not eat together? It was fun last night so just let me know.

He had waited for hours, desperately trying not to read into the silence, before he’d finally got a response, and it had instantly brought a smile to his face and butterflies to his stomach.

**Robert (3:42PM)** : Sorry, this has literally been the day from hell. I should be done around six and I’d love to have dinner with you. What did you have in mind?

**Aaron (3:43PM)** : No worries. Just glad you aren’t ignoring me on purpose. How about the pizza place in town? I can meet you there at 6:30?

**Robert (3:45PM)** : I’d never ignore you. I’ll see you then.

  
Aaron had unconsciously found himself smiling for the rest of the day as he went back to work, thinking over just how much Robert’s flirting affected him in the best ways. Well, not just his flirting. He’d found that pretty much everything about Robert made him tingle with anticipation.

Now, a few hours later, shifting in his seat at the restaurant, he glanced down at his phone, noting it was 6:45 and that he hadn’t heard from Robert any further for the rest of the day. He picked the device up, contemplating calling when the table beneath him shook and someone sat down across from him.

“Sorry I’m late. Seriously, worst client ever.” Aaron smiled and watched as Robert sat his messenger bag down in one of the other spare chairs and shrugged off his leather jacket, revealing a white shirt, tight in the right places that had Aaron sucking in a deep breath.

“It’s fine,” he said, his voice a little strained. He coughed once and blinked hard, trying to act like a normal human being instead of a drooling idiot. “Although I was beginning to think I’d been stood up.”

“Now why would I stand up a fit bloke like you?” Robert leaned forward onto the table, smirking softly.

Aaron simply shook his head and smiled back, tentatively reaching for Robert’s hand, realising that while he may not be able to tease Robert as easily as the other man could tease him, he could still show him that he was interested.

“So, how was your day? What kind of trouble did you get into?”

“Why do you seem to think that I’m always looking for trouble?”

“I wouldn’t say you specifically go looking for it but it always seems to have a way of finding you,” Robert said with a smirk. Aaron felt the blondes thumb moving back and forth across his knuckles and he smiled at the soft, comforting sensation.

_He did that last night too. I wonder..._

“Well it didn’t today,” Aaron said with a smile. “I was at the yard. Then I went home and took advantage of a photo album I came across actually.”

“Oh?”

“I found one in your wardrobe and… I’m not snooping around in your stuff am I?”

“Course not,” Robert said, chuckling softly. “It’s your house too. You aren’t snooping.”

“But… if there’s somewhere I shouldn’t be looking, just tell me. I don’t want to invade your space or anything.”

“You aren’t.” Robert reached out for Aaron’s other hand, carefully holding it and frowning for a moment. “I’ll be so glad when this cast is gone.”

“You and me both,” Aaron said with a huff, making Robert laugh again.

“You look anywhere you want, okay? It’s your home just as much as mine and I’ve got nothing to hide from you.”

“Okay. Well, I think one of the pictures I saw today was probably not long after… after we said I love you. When you told me about it last night, I didn’t remember being with you that night but I do remember that really heavy snow we had. And today, I found a picture from around that time, I think. It was Adam in a head to toe puffy snowsuit,” he said with a laugh.

“Yeah, that snow was pretty crazy. Everyone went sledding the next day and Adam ended up plowing into a tree. Vic was a mess worrying, but Adam ended up being fine.”

“I remember that...I mean, I remember… Vic rushing down the hill after him to make sure he was okay. And Tracey was there. And Ed.”

“Yeah, Tracey was the one that got us the sleds to use,” Robert added. “She kept trying to go down the hill standing on one of them like it was a snowboard and failing miserably.”

“I don’t remember that part but I do remember her being there. But…” He looked down at the hand Robert was still holding and frowned.

_God, why can I remember all of that but not him_ , he thought glancing up at an amused Robert.

“Aaron, stop. I know you don’t remember me being there but, we’ve kind of already discovered that you remember places and times that I was around for. Like Vic’s dinner for Adam’s birthday that year. You just…can’t remember me being there.”

“I know and it’s stupid.”

“Come on, this can still be a good thing. Maybe you don’t remember me being there but since we both remember the sledding, at least we have some of the same memories, right?” He felt Robert squeeze his hand reassuringly before letting go and taking a huge bite from the slice of pizza in front of him, his appetite clearly getting the better of him.

“I guess,” he said with a shrug before smiling as he thought more about that day. “I remember Vic fussing over Adam after the tree. And I do remember Tracey kept trying to race down the hill. And I remember Ed being in a right mood the whole day for some reason.”

“Yeah, er… I might have been gloating a bit,” Robert said, his mouth half full as Aaron looked at him curiously. “We were in such a good place. I might have said a few things that pissed him off. And I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed it.”

Aaron tried to fight the smile he felt tugging at the corners of his mouth and shook his head as Robert smugly shrugged and took another bite.

“Well anyway, I guess you have a point. Even if they are slightly different, we still have some of the same memories.. so that’s good I suppose.”

“Definitely.”

“I wonder what other stuff we both remember?”

“Well, I’m sure as more time goes by, we’ll figure that out. It’s probably more likely that you’ll remember things where other people were there. So far, most of what I’ve told you has just mainly been you and me. But it seems like maybe the more people that are there, the more likely you are to remember it?”

“Maybe that’s because if it’s not just you, then… well maybe…” Aaron trailed off, deep in thought for the moment, going over the things Robert and the others had told him over the past month, and cataloging what he already knew on his own. “Maybe that’s part of it but maybe it’s more like what I was focused on.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, if something happened that was just me and you, obviously I have no recollection of it. But I also don’t remember things where you were centre stage. Like that fight, I had with my Adam and Vic when we first started seeing each other. Or the night of the fair, when everyone was there, but I don’t remember it because I was so nervous to be around you.”

“Interesting. So if I’m your main focus at the time, you don’t remember but if there were other things for you to pay attention to, then you might remember?”

“It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?” He smiled softly. This wasn’t necessarily ‘good news’ but if this was really the pattern as to what he could and couldn’t remember, it might help them. “What do you think?”

“I think you might be onto something.” Robert simply smiled back at him but his eyes danced just a touch as their gazes met.

* * *

He pulled off his coat, kicking off his shoes at the same time and watched Robert close and lock the door behind them. The taller man turned to him, reaching out to take Aaron’s coat and hooking it up next to his own before turning back, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“So, now what?” Aaron asked, smiling softly.

“I guess we’ve come to see one of the fallbacks of living with the man you’re dating.” Robert chuckled, taking a step closer to him.

“Film?”

“Yeah, you can pick.”

He nodded and made his way into the living room, taking a seat on the sofa and smiling when he felt Robert sit close enough that he could feel his warmth through his clothes. He opened his mouth but stopped short when he heard his phone bleep from his back pocket. Pulling it out, he sighed when he saw the screen filled with texts, many with numerous questions marks.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just… Adam.” Silencing the device, he tossed it onto the table in front of him and sat back, in no hurry to answer his incessant questions.

“He wants to know what’s going on?”

“Yeah.” Aaron smiled when Robert rolled his eyes. “I suppose it’s my fault. I was the one that brought him into this, but I told him that we needed to do this, just you and me.” Aaron shrugged.

“Well, he’s just trying to be a good mate.”

“Yeah, well according to him, he cares about you too. Even mum said the same the other day, so you must have been doing something right these past few years.”

He looked over, seeing the small smile on Robert’s face and laughed.

“Guess that’s what you signed up for when you joined the mad bunch ey.” He laughed again at the eye roll Robert shot him and shrugged. “No, but in all seriousness, I know they all care about both of us. And I know they just want to make sure everything’s okay. That we’re okay. They’ve seen us together for the last five years, so I guess it makes sense for them to worry.” He looked down at his hands for a moment and frowned slightly, a question that had been nagging at him bobbing to the surface. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“What happened with Ed?” He looked up and watched Robert’s face take on a darker appearance. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” Robert trailed off for a moment, his eyes intense as he stared back at Aaron. “Do you really still want to hear about our past together? I mean, I know you said you didn’t want to lose the good stuff we had, but… do the actual stories really matter?”

“Course I still want to hear them. I know I might never get those memories back. But I still like hearing about us. I still like hearing about what we went through and how we got where we are. And I still have a lot of questions. I’ll take whatever I can get Robert and those stories… they’re important.”

“I suppose but, Aaron, the whole Ed situation isn’t a happy memory. I mean…” Robert looked away, running a hand across his face, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. Hesitantly, Aaron reached over, taking the taller mans hand and squeezing gently.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. If it’s too much for you, I understand.” He interlocked their fingers as the blonde finally looked back at him. “I was only asking because… I’m curious, but I’ve been thinking about what you’ve told me. About us at the beginning and… I’m ashamed of myself. For how I acted back then. I was kinda hoping I redeemed myself at some point. And you said I was the one that put Ed in his place.”

“Aaron, you didn’t need to redeem yourself. I know the stuff you’ve heard hasn’t painted the best picture. And, yeah, there were some rough times. But I don’t want you to feel bad about something that happened years ago. Something that you’d be none the wiser of if I hadn’t told you about it.”

“I needed to hear it, Robert.”

“Fine, I just…” Robert sighed, staring down at their intertwined fingers. “This is definitely going to put a damper on our second date.”

“Well, then I officially declare the date over,” Aaron said, attempting to lighten the mood a tad, smiling gently and placing his casted hand over their folded fingers, sandwiching Robert’s hand between his.

Robert just chuckled and Aaron smiled at the sound. He felt the blonde sigh deeply and rub his thumb across his knuckles twice before reconnecting their eyes, his gaze serious.

**Four Years and Eight Months Earlier**

God, what a mess, Robert thought as he took a sip of the cheap beer from the plastic cup in his hand and surveyed the room. It was packed with bodies, loud music thumping through the speakers attached to the walls and even louder drunk college students yelling to one another throughout the crowd. The smell of stale beer mixed with sticky, sweet drinks and cheap vodka was inescapable and honestly, even with his bartending background, was starting to make him a little sick to his stomach.

He searched the faces crowding the room once more, looking for the one that had disappeared only five minutes earlier in search of another drink, but once again came up empty.

“Still no luck?”

He turned to his right, finding a curious looking Adam and a swaying Vic standing there, both holding their own cups filled with something neon orange and fizzy. He cringed, really hoping they’d made it themselves and not taken it from one of the incompetent ‘bartenders’ that had been hired for the party.

Sighing he just shook his head and went back to searching through the sea of faces. They’d only been at the party for about an hour but he’d been ready to go as soon as they’d walked in. The idea of spending the night with a bunch of drunk idiots when he wasn’t getting paid wasn’t his first choice but Aaron had begged him, reasoning that they’d tag along with Adam and Vic, make a quick appearance and then leave and spend the rest of the night together, just the two of them. Robert had attempted to argue against the plan but then Aaron had given him his best pleading eyes and he’d been a lost cause.

_And now, he seems to have just vanished into thin air._

“Do you want me to go look for him?” Adam shouted as a particularly loud bass beat erupted from the speakers behind them. “I’m sure he’s fine but if you want, I can try find him. Or Vic and I can wait here while you go, in case he comes back.”

He turned and gave Adam a quick, thankful smile, noticing Vic eagerly nodding behind them, the straw from her drink stuck to her bottom lip. Adam, while still somewhat annoying and terrible about remembering to knock on closed doors, had actually become increasingly kinder and more inclusive of him over the last month. He figured it had something to do with him finally admitting his feelings to Aaron and it seemed he’d passed his test and had been deemed worthy enough to be a part of Aaron’s life. Regardless, it was definitely easier to be around and for that, he was grateful.

He was just about to agree to the offer and go in search of Aaron when Vic piped up excitedly, almost tripping over as she danced around.

“Oh, there he is! In the middle with Ed.” The minor slur of her words had Robert guessing that the orange concoction had, unsurprisingly, already gotten the better of her but he couldn’t focus on that now. Turning, he caught sight of Ed, eagerly talking to his boyfriend in the middle of the crowd. Aaron for his part, looked slightly uncomfortable and seemed to be trying to brush away whatever it was Ed was so adamantly carrying on about, but unable to move due to the sea of bodies surrounding him.

His face set in a menacing frown, he took a step forward only to feel Adam reach out and stop him by the elbow, his grip firm.

“Stay here, mate. I’ll go grab him. Can you make sure Vic doesn’t fall over?” Robert looked back over to see his younger sister swaying ever so slightly as she pursed her lips around her straw and attempted to drink up as much as she could from the now almost empty cup. Feeling the hand leave his elbow, he turned and watched Adam muscle through the crowd as if they weren’t there to where Aaron stood, the smaller man appearing relieved when Adam finally reached him. Intent on keeping his part of the bargain, Robert stepped closer to Vic, letting the her lean on him, watching intently as Adam quickly diffused whatever situation had been occurring and hauled Aaron back towards the safety of the corner they’d commandeered.

“You okay?” Robert asked once they were in range.

Aaron simply nodded, a relieved smile crossing his face as he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Robert’s waist beneath his leather jacket, burying his head in the blonde mans neck.

Robert stepped away as Adam took on Vic’s weight and wrapped his own arms around Aaron’s back, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead, knowing something had transpired that he probably wouldn’t be too thrilled about.

“You sure? What happened?” He yelled over the music.

“Nothing,” Aaron mumbled, his lips brushing against Robert’s ear. “Ed’s just… he’s drunk. But everything’s fine, really. He was just trying to convince me to go out back with him. I told him no and he just… he just didn’t want to listen.” Robert felt the soft kiss Aaron left at the juncture between his neck and shoulder and held the smaller man closer, glaring in the direction of Ed, who was at that moment walking out of the door across the room, none the wiser.

_He comes near Aaron again, I’ll show him what happens_ , he thought, his blood boiling, jaw set.

He swore he wasn’t going to let Aaron out of his sight for the rest of the night, only problem was that plan failed spectacularly within an hour. Aaron had left in search of the toilet, adamant that Robert didn’t need to come with him and that they’d leave as soon as he got back.

But he’d been gone for far too long. Robert had checked both bathroom lines twice and had yet to find Aaron. Wandering around the party probably wasn’t the best plan but he was starting to worry. He’d just finished making another round, noticing Adam and Vic in the middle of the dance floor, pulling some of the most awkward dance moves he’d ever seen, but still no Aaron. Turning towards the outside door, he stepped out onto the back patio, finding only a dozen or so people dotting the back garden, none of them the brunette he was searching for.

“Where the hell is he.”

“Who you looking for?”

He turned, taking in the barely visible form of Tracey sitting by herself only a few feet away, apparently enjoying the refreshing chill of the early March night. He sighed in frustration and shrugged.

“I can’t find Aaron,” he said, taking a step towards the her. “Don’t suppose you’ve seen him out here?”

“Can’t say I have,” Tracey said, taking a sip of her own drink and sitting forward in the plastic chair she was occupying. “How long has he been missing?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said with a shrug and a frustrated sigh. “About twenty minutes. He said he was just going to the bathroom but I’ve checked both lines down here and nothing.”

“Check upstairs. I know it’s blocked off but Aaron’s been here before, he knows the house.”

“Yeah, okay. Er… thanks.” Robert attempted a grateful smile before turning, ready to go find his boyfriend.

“Hey.” Tracey’s voice stopped him and he turned back, watching the girl rise from her seat and step forward, her stance one of intimidation.

He faced her head-on, not in the mood for banter but also not willing to back down. After all, he’d perfected the whole ‘I don’t give a shit’ mood.

“I just wanted to say, for what it’s worth… you’re not so bad Robert.”

_What?_ Robert frowned, completely caught off guard by the comment.

“Er.. as opposed to what?” He snarled.

“I meant, when it comes to Aaron, you’re good for him… to him.” He watched as Tracey looked away for a moment, apparently trying to pick her words carefully. Finally looking back, Robert noted her face had softened ever so slightly in the faint light from the nearby hanging lanterns that littered the garden. “I know I’m not that close to him but, he’s still a friend. I wasn’t sure about you at first because of what I’d heard. But I was wrong and… look I’m glad you got together and I’m glad you’re treating him right.”

“I wouldn’t treat him any other way,” Robert said, his face completely serious.

“I know. And I also know that… well, look, me and Ed are friends. But what he’s doing… it’s not right and I don’t agree with it. If he really cared about Aaron, he’d let him be happy with you and not be pulling this underhanded shit of trying to steal your man.”

_What?!?_ Robert knew Ed had feelings for Aaron. He’d known for months now. But he didn’t think Ed would actually attempt to do anything more than bad mouth him in order to get Aaron to leave. _What is he planning?_

Balling his hands into fists at his sides and scowling, he nodded once, taking half a step before turning back.

“If you do see Aaron, can you tell him I’m looking for him?”

“Yeah course. Hopefully, you’ll find him first though. This party is insane.”

Robert chuckled, shaking his head, and walked back into the house, making a beeline for the staircase and taking the steps two at a time. Unsurprised to find a few stragglers upstairs, he pushed past them into the darkened hallway, looking and listening for any clue that would indicate Aaron was nearby. Noticing a small sliver of light coming from a cracked door at the end of the hallway, he slowly inched towards it, catching a familiar voice as he got close enough.

“Aaron…”

“Ed, we can’t. Let’s just lie down on the bed and-”

“Aaron, come on.” Robert stepped to the door, peering inside to see his boyfriend standing toe to toe with Ed, Aaron’s hands on the taller mans hips. He practically growled when he saw Ed reach out to cup his cheek, and felt the bile rising in his throat at the sight of Aaron staring up at the taller man, slowly pushing him back towards what Robert assumed was the bed in question. He watched as Ed smiled in a way he guessed was supposed to be seductively and let himself be pushed back out of Robert’s line of sight, all the while, continuing to hold the smaller mans face in his hands.

_That asshole._

Unable to see anything else, he listened, grinding his teeth as he heard the bedsprings distinctly squeak as it took on the unexpected weight of someone collapsing on top of it.

“Come here,” he heard Ed slur and cringed when a half a second later he heard the same squeak as Aaron joined him on the bed. The muted sounds of sheets rustling were audible for a moment before the unmistakable sound of lips meeting met his ears, followed by a soft sigh.

_You fucking idiot. You fell for it! You actually thought he cared about you? You actually thought he loved you?_

Ears ringing, Robert swallowed hard and stepped back, almost tripping over his own feet as he attempted to find his footing.

Of course, this would happen. He’d fallen in love and now it was time for the mask to come off. Of course, Aaron didn’t want Robert. Not when he could have Ed, who he’d liked way before Robert had come into the picture. The fear of his boyfriend choosing that idiot had been lodged so deeply in his head from the beginning, but he’d foolishly shut the door on it a month ago when Aaron had told him how he really felt. He’d thought he’d won. He’d believed that Aaron was his and he was Aaron’s and that was that.

_What a load of-_

**Present**

“Wait, hold on! No, that’s not what happened! I remember that party and…” Aaron stopped himself, moving closer to Robert on the sofa and desperately grabbing for his hands. “I would never do that to you, Robert. I wouldn’t do that to anyone. I wouldn’t cheat!”

“I know… I know. I shouldn’t have eavesdropped-”

“Robert, that’s not the point! I can’t… I can’t imagine hearing that and thinking…” He trailed off, feeling his own stomach turn at the thought.

“Yeah, it wasn’t nice to hear. But I was still kind of questioning how much you actually cared about me. I mean, when you told me you loved me, I thought that was it. I believed you and I was so happy. But after I had time to digest it… I guess deep down, I didn’t think I was really worth it. I still didn’t think I deserved it. I thought… I thought you deserved better. And those doubts were sitting there that night when I overheard you both.”

Aaron stared at the amazing man next to him, hating how vulnerable he looked in that moment. Almost as if he was the same person from all those years ago, still questioning whether or not he actually deserved Aaron’s love.

“Rob.” He reached out with his good hand, placing it on Robert’s knee, squeezing gently. “You’re incredible. You deserve so much… and I’m so sorry. I remember that party. I remember going with Adam and Vic and I remember Ed was beyond drunk. And I remember…” He trailed off, looking a little uncomfortable as he let himself drift back down memory lane.

It wasn’t the most pleasant evening, that was for sure. In fact, he hadn’t thought about it in years.

“Aaron-”

“No, Robert, you know I didn’t sleep with him right? I mean-”

“Aaron, of course, I know that.”

He looked deep into Robert’s eyes, searching for the truth. But deep within his dark orbs, he saw that young, hurt man still there and felt his heart ache at the possibility that Robert ever considered himself not worthy of Aaron’s, or anyone else's, love. Without another thought he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Robert’s neck and pulled him in, holding tight, trying to convey his comfort in some way other than words since they just didn’t seem to be enough. He felt Robert’s own arms circling his middle, pulling him close, and thanked whoever was listening that Robert hadn’t rejected the hug.

“I’m so sorry, Robert.”

“It’s okay.”

Robert pulled back a little, moving his hands to cup Aaron’s cheeks and looking at him a little mystified. He felt the blonde brush his thumb along his right cheek and he realised there were tears there. He bit his lip, attempting to stop the flow, unsure of when his eyes had even started watering and hating that he couldn’t hold it together for this moment when he should be the one comforting Robert and not the other way around.

_Pull yourself together! You need to do this, for him._

“Aaron, you know you didn’t actually do anything wrong right?”

“I just… I hate thinking that you thought I… even if it was just that night. That I… and with Ed! Even if it wasn’t true, I hate that I hurt you again.”

“This time was different. It was just bad circumstances. You didn’t choose Ed over me that night. You were just trying to avoid him and get back to me so we could leave but… well, he found you first,” Robert said, still wiping at Aaron’s tears.

“I’m sorry.”

“Aaron, really, you didn’t do anything with Ed, okay? I know that. You didn’t do anything wrong that night. I just heard something that didn’t sound great but it was completely out of context. And my own insecurities kicked in and… well, it just kind of snowballed from there.”

“But you heard that and thought I-”

“Aaron, stop. I pushed the door open two seconds later and I saw exactly what was happening.”

“Wha… why didn’t you say that?!”

“Because you interrupted me,” he said with a chuckle.

“So… so you know what actually happened.”

“Yeah, I know. Or at least I know most of it. I obviously wasn’t there when you ran into him.”

“I haven’t thought about that night in a long time. I just wanted to forget about it. And there are pieces missing. I just… I thought I’d blocked them out because I didn’t want to think about it but maybe… maybe those pieces were you?”

“It’s possible. What exactly do you remember?”

**Four Years and Eight Months Earlier**

He leaned across the sink, quickly drying his hands and checking his reflection in the mirror. Smoothing a hand across his hair, he nodded and opened the bathroom door, intent upon hurrying back downstairs where Robert was waiting. After all, he wasn’t even supposed to be up here. But he was in a hurry. He was supposed to-

“Woah!” Rounding the dark corner, he felt himself fall backward as he slammed into something large and solid. Reeling to keep his balance, he looked up, taking in the sight of a confused and incredibly inebriated Ed swaying back and forth, semi-covered with the contents of whatever had been in the plastic cup in his right hand.

“Woah, Aaron, you didn’t have to ruin my shirt. No need to get me all sticky.” The taller man stared at him for a moment and then as if a light switch flicked on, laughed heartily at his own accidental double entendre.

Ugh, he didn’t have time for this.

“Sorry mate, didn’t mean to run into you. I’m just heading back downstairs. I think we’re leaving soon.”

“No, you can’t go. We’ve barely even talked all night and… I want to talk to you.”

“It’s not really a good time, Ed.”

“But I need to tell you something. It’s important.” He felt Ed’s free hand fall clumsily onto his shoulder, the sudden force pushing him back half a step.

He looked up into Ed’s glazed over eyes, shaking his head in frustration. What the hell was going on? Ed didn’t act like this. He was usually the responsible one. The good one. But lately…

Aaron knew the other man had a bit of a thing for him. And maybe it was more than that. Over the last month or so, it seemed everywhere he went, Ed was there waiting for him. Any time he had free, Ed was asking him to hang out or to go for coffee. Honestly, it was starting to get a little uncomfortable. But not wanting to hurt him, he’d brushed it off, hoping that eventually Ed would just get the hint and give up. Then they could just be friends again, which was something he honestly missed. After all, Ed had been a good friend to him at one point. But all this pushiness was starting to grate his nerves.

He felt Ed step closer, stumbling a little as he did so, and wrap his arm around Aaron’s shoulders, leaning heavily on his frame.

“I’m so glad you came tonight.” He slurred, taking a final swig from the cup in his hand and tossing it aside without thought onto the hardwood floor.

“Yeah… I’m glad I came too.” How was he supposed to get rid of him?

“You’re so fit, Aaron. You’re like the fittest bloke I know.” He looked up, watching as Ed attempted, unsuccessfully, to focus on him and rolled his eyes.

“Ed, come on. I think you’ve had enough to drink. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Yeah! Let’s go to bed. That’s such a great idea.” He watched Ed’s eyes grow wide, smiling excitedly at him, and leaning even further onto Aaron’s shoulders.

“Uh… yeah, whatever.” Aaron realised he’d probably pretend to agree to anything if it meant he could get Ed somewhere safe before he passed out.

He wrapped a steadying arm around his waist and shuffled them towards the room he knew the taller man shared with one of the younger players on the team, the whole time Ed slurring something unintelligible above him.

Finally reaching the door at the end of the hallway, he pushed it open and turned on the lights, attempting to wrestle the taller man inside. They got about three steps in when Ed turned slightly, falling off balance as he attempted, unsuccessfully, to kick the door closed behind them.

“Ed, what the hell are you doing?!” Aaron felt most of the taller mans weight fall onto him, his knees buckling under the pressure, and he struggled to keep himself standing. He heard Ed mumble something else as he finally righted them, finding himself now facing the other man and a little too close for comfort. “Er…maybe you should sit down.”

“Wait a second. I have to find the TV remote so we can watch it.”

“How about we do that another time? For now, how about you get some sleep?”

“But…” He looked up, watching the taller mans face fall. And Aaron hated that a part of him actually felt guilty, despite not doing anything wrong. “Aaron?”

“What?”

“I really like you y’know. Why aren’t we together? We’d be perfect together and I know you like me too. Let’s just do it. Let’s be together.”

“You’ve had way too much to drink,” he said, shaking his head and attempting to push the taller man towards the bed by his hips, realising at this juncture in the evening, there was no point in trying to reason with a drunk person. Especially about a relationship that was never going to happen.

“Aaron…” He pushed harder but Ed held his ground.

Okay, so maybe if he just placated the man, he could get out of here and back downstairs to the party.

“Ed, we can’t. Let’s just lie down on the bed and-”

“Aaron, come on.” He felt Ed reach out and cup his cheek.

Six months ago, he probably would’ve been swooning and knocked off his feet with a move like that from Ed. But now… it just felt so wrong. He looked up, seeing Ed smiling down at him, clearly thinking he’d won and felt the irritation in his chest flair. He pushed forward, finally getting Ed to back up and move towards the side of the room, the tall man landing ungracefully in the middle of the bed as they reached it, grabbing onto one of Aaron’s hands as he did so.

“Come here,” Ed said, pulling Aaron down and he cringed when he realised, even in Ed’s drunken haze, the other man was still stronger than he was. He braced himself as he came down face first next to Ed and quickly turned himself over, attempted to push himself up into a seated position. The whole time, Ed sat, swaying next to him, apparently so drunk he couldn’t even sit up straight. He finally sat firmly, feet on the floor, and felt Ed’s head land heavily on his shoulder, awkward as it was since the other man was so much taller. Half a second later he felt the other man just barely lift up and lean in, leaving a clumsy, loud kiss on his cheek.

And that was it. He’d had enough. Sighing angrily he pushed himself off the bed and turned, his face full of rage, staring at a clearly confused Ed looking back at him, almost like he didn’t even realise Aaron was there.

“What is your problem?! This isn’t okay anymore and I’m so pissed at you right now I could…” He trailed off as he watched Ed fall sideways onto the bed, his head landing heavily on the pillow, eyes already closed.

“Fuck sake,” he hissed, kicking at the drawers to his right and immediately regretting it when the pain shot through his foot and up his leg. “Ah! Fuck… This isn’t over! We’re having this out tomorrow!” He glared angrily at the sleeping man, his hands balled into fists of rage at his sides.

_Your hangover will be the least of your worries tomorrow._

**Present**

“I walked in just before you kicked the drawers. Ed was already passed out cold and you looked like you were ready to hit him.”

“But I don’t remember that part.” Aaron huffed, his frustration boiling over. He stood up, angrily pacing around the room. “The rest of that night is gone, Robert! I remember being pissed at him, but then…just nothing.”

“Aaron-”

“And, honestly, after that, I don’t really remember anything else about Ed.”

“Aaron-”

“And I know that the missing stuff is you! I know that but how did I lose all of that just because you were there? That’s not fair, that’s not-“

“Aaron, stop!” He saw Robert stand and round the coffee table, gently placing his hands on his shoulders, stopping him in his tracks. He looked up at the older man, meeting his soft stare, and released a deep breath. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay, I promise.”

He felt Robert squeeze his shoulders once before slowly trailing his fingertips down, resting them on Aaron’s elbows, his thumbs moving back and forth across the bunched up material of Aaron’s top.

Robert opened his mouth to say more but stopped, glancing down at where his hands rested on Aaron’s arms and slowly pulled away as if he’d crossed a line.

_No, don’t pull back._

He reached out, fisting the material of Robert’s shirt, pulling their bodies together, unwilling to let the other man pull away. He felt Robert slowly wrapping him in his strong arms, holding him close and Aaron felt himself melt into the embrace, inhaling the heavenly scent that he was becoming so familiar with. It reminded him…

_It reminds me of home. But it’s different. It’s not-_

“You can’t keep spiralling like that, Aaron,” Robert interrupted his thoughts. "I know this is frustrating and it’s scary but… you can’t keep beating yourself up over something you can’t control.”

“It’s just so hard.” His voice was small as he held tighter to the blonde man.

“I know it’s hard but… Aaron, if anyone can do this… if anyone can get through it and make it to the other side, it’s you.” He pulled his face from where it was buried in Robert’s neck and looked up at the other man. Robert just smiled, his eyes soft and affectionate. “You’re amazing, Aaron. You’re the strongest person I know,” he smiled. “I know it’s hard and I know you’re scared, but… you can do this. You can make it through. And when it gets too hard and you feel like you can’t do it anymore… I’m here, alright? I’ll be right here, by your side.”

“But what about when it gets to too much for you?”

“Well, that’s what I have you for. That’s what we have each other for, okay?”

Aaron just nodded, unable to verbalise everything tumbling through his mind, but savouring the comfort of Robert’s arms still wrapped around him, his own good hand fisting at the back of the other mans shirt, almost as if he was holding on for dear life. And in a way he was.

“So then what happened?”

He watched Robert glance at the clock and cringe once before stepping back towards the sofa, apparently intent on getting comfortable to start the next part of the story.

Aaron followed his line of sight and realised, despite his curiosity to know what happened, it was too late to continue this line of questioning.

“Hold on, I’m sorry,” he said, pulling Robert to a stop. “I didn’t realise it was already after midnight. You’ve probably got something better to do anyway.”

“Better than spending time with you? Not even close. But I do have an early meeting in the morning.” He ran his thumb along Aaron’s cheek, ending at his chin, gently tracing the faint scar there. “If you really want to hear the rest, I can tell you.”

“Tell me another time. I do want to hear the rest but, you need to get some sleep,” he said, studying the dark circles under the other mans eyes. “Maybe, if you’re free tomorrow.”

“I’m supposed to be meeting Carly and Will at some point. They’re leaving soon and I haven’t actually spent much time with them.”

“Shit, Robert, I-”

“No, it’s not your fault. It was my choice, okay?”

“Go see them tomorrow. We have time. We’ll talk later.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Aaron nodded, though he found he was scared to leave Robert’s side, to leave his arms.

This was not what he’d planned for the evening. Why’d he have to ask about Ed? Why’d he have to bring up something upsetting? He looked up to see Robert staring at him curiously and forced a small smile, hoping not to worry him too much.

“I’ll er… I’ll leave you to get some sleep.”

“Okay. I’ll probably be gone before you wake up but call me if you need anything and I’ll be here, alright?”

Apparently, he wasn’t that convincing or the other man knew him far too well, but he just nodded, staring up into Robert’s caring dark eyes. Unable to help himself, he leaned over slowly, cupping Robert’s cheek with one hand and leaving a soft, lingering kiss on the other, the scent of the blondes shampoo assaulting his senses as he did so. He felt Robert relax against his lips and couldn’t help but smile.

“Night, Rob,” he whispered as he pulled away, their faces only a few inches apart.

“Night.” He watched as Robert swallowed hard and smiled once more before he turned and forced himself to leave the room before he changed his mind.

Making his way to the bedroom, he left the door half open, unable to fully close it, and quickly changed into a t-shirt and boxers before turning off the lights. Climbing into the bed, he pulled the blankets up to his chin and listened. He saw the lights beyond the doorway click off and then the house was silent. He’d tried to forget that night over the years because it really had left an unpleasant taste in his mouth but…

While he knew exactly what had happened in the bedroom that night, he couldn’t shake the feeling of hearing his and Ed’s conversation from the other side of the door. Poor Robert. How had they come back from that? Aaron could only imagine being in Robert’s shoes that night and felt sick at the thought. If he had heard what the other man had described, he would’ve been completely devastated. And while he knew he didn’t actually do anything wrong that night, the thought that he’d let Ed get away with all he had prior made the situation so much worse. He should’ve fixed it back then. He should’ve put Robert first and then maybe, that night wouldn’t have even happened. Maybe he wouldn’t be lying here on the verge of tears once again, holding back only because he was so goddamn sick of crying.

Rolling onto his side, back to the doorway, he stared at the empty side of the bed. Robert’s side. Reaching out, he placed his hand on the cool pillow resting there, feeling so incredibly sad and lonely at that moment that it physically hurt.

 


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, the aftermath and Robert finally gets honest. In the present, Aaron and Robert get closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I always love to read long chapters, makes it worth the wait, right? Well, they are certainly not fun to edit. I feel like I’ve read this chapter a hundred times. And with it sitting at just over 8k, that’s 99 times too many. I will just have to apologise for any mistakes now because if I read it through one more time I’ll probably just scrap the whole thing. Haha. Having said that, I hope you enjoy and it doesn't suck too much.
> 
> Thoughts in italics.

 

Exhausted. Drained. Worn down. Again.

It felt like he just couldn’t catch up. He couldn’t catch a break no matter what he did. As soon as one fire was put out, it seemed as though another one sprouted up somewhere else and he was off to fight it.

He leant his forehead against the door in front of him, the wood cool against his skin, his limbs laden and heavy under the weight of the past month, wanting nothing more than to go inside and collapse in bed. He knew if he kept going like this he would eventually crash and burn. And that wouldn’t do anyone any good. But it’s not like he could just say, ‘no thanks, I’ve had enough.’ He had to keep going.

He’d been running all day, from his meeting with a client that ran over to another that had been rescheduled three times, the contract still to be finalised, and then to the restaurant Carly and Will had picked for them to have a late dinner at. He’d tried to smile and laugh with them and pretend like he didn’t have somewhere else he’d rather be. After all, it wasn’t like he got to spend that much time with them anymore, and he knew he’d miss them when they left. But he really just wanted to go home and see Aaron. They’d been texting that morning, mostly just so he could make sure that everything was okay with the other man but he’d been worried after last night. Aaron had been so upset when he’d gone to bed. The smaller man may have tried hiding it, but Robert knew better.

Throughout the dinner, he thought he’d been doing a decent job of keeping up the act, laughing at all the right jokes and contributing a solid ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when called for. At least he thought he was doing a good job until Will had told him to just go, both of his friends smiling knowingly as he rushed out of the restaurant.

And now, he was home. Or at least standing outside of his home, feeling as though he was going to fall over at any moment. And inside was Aaron, waiting for him because he’d promised the younger man that they would talk. He’d promised that he would tell him the rest of the story.

He shifted slightly, feeling the strap of his bag dig uncomfortably into his shoulder and slowly stood up straight. There was no point in delaying this any longer. Not only did he want to get through the rest of the uncomfortable story that had come up the night before as quickly as possible, but he wanted to actually spend some time with Aaron. Despite the texting, he’d missed the brunette that day and the fact that he was now allowed to miss him, or kind of allowed to, made him smile. Just a little.

Unlocking and opening the door, he stepped inside, noting that other than the low volume of the TV, it was silent. Most of the lights were out and it almost felt like no one else was home. He dropped his bag and removed his coat, quietly stepping further into the room… and there he was, curled up on the sofa, blanket tucked around his frame, fast asleep. Robert smiled softly, feeling the slight fluttering of his heart beating just a little faster at the sight. It was comfortable. It was easy. It reminded him that he was, in fact, home. He stepped closer, smiling as he noticed Aaron’s left foot kick ever so slightly, his eyebrows pulled together, apparently lost somewhere in a dream.

_I’ve missed this so much._

Things were different, sure. Aaron still didn’t feel for him the way he once had. And they were still ‘new’ to each other in this realm. But it was nice when once in a while, something was familiar. It was nice to get a lifeline thrown out to remind him that he wasn’t completely lost.

He watched for another moment, continuing to smile softly before quietly making his way out of the room. Despite wanting to spend time with Aaron, he just didn’t have the heart to wake the smaller man. After all, Aaron had been having just as much of a rough of a time as he’d been having. The brunette needed some rest and reprieve too.

He made his way into the kitchen, pouring himself a generous glass of merlot, because dammit, he deserved it, before moving out onto the back patio and taking a seat on one of the padded lounge chairs there. It was cool and his shirt and jumper combo wasn’t completely cutting out the chill from the breezy night air, but at least the cold would keep him awake for a while longer. Despite the chillier than normal temperatures, it was a gorgeous night, all clear skies and beautiful stars. He took a small sip of the wine in hand, savouring the flavour and leant back, looking up at the night sky and feeling a peacefulness overtake him.

His muscles sunk further into the chair beneath him, his head cushioned at the back of the seat, and he stared up at the glorious sight. Stars had always fascinated him with their beauty and mystery. He’d spent hours as a child, watching them whenever he could sneak away, taking in their utter brilliance and wonder. He’d often snuck up onto the roof, his fearless eight-year-old self not caring about slipping or falling or even getting caught. The allure was too great to worry about such trivial things.

There was just something about crawling out onto a slanted rooftop, alone, watching the night skies, that never lost its appeal as he’d grown older. Carly and Will had quickly learnt about his fascination and soon enough, began following him out on the warmer nights, Will always trying to sit a little closer to the edge in the hope of impressing them both, and Carly simply sitting back, claiming she was only out there in order to make sure neither of them broke their necks but lost in wonderment at the twinkling lights above. Robert knew they both secretly enjoyed it more than they let on but kept that tidbit to himself. After all, they didn’t need to know that, while he loved the beauty and mystery above him, a bigger part of him stayed out there just to try and feel a little closer to normal. There was nothing wrong with him when he looked up at the stars. He was like anyone else in the world, not bruised or broken, but just a boy, looking up at the night sky.

He’d shoved that bruised and broken boy deep inside a long time ago in order to survive. That defective person that no one had wanted had been hidden away long before he met Aaron, so naturally, when the brunette started to peak over the walls he’d so carefully constructed around his fears and insecurities, it had terrified him. What if Aaron saw and discovered his secrets? When he did discover those secrets, what if he thought Robert wasn’t worth it? What if Aaron was looking for something that he couldn’t give him? What if he just simply wasn’t good enough for the other man?

He’d battled with those fears for so long that it had become second nature. Most of the time, he didn’t even realise he had shut down and it wasn’t until Aaron bulldozed through his life and into his heart that he finally had to face them head-on. And it was terrifying.

To be fair, even after Aaron arrived, he’d held off dealing with them for as long as he could… until one night… that night, when he just didn’t have a choice anymore. He had to face the truth and all the possibilities that came along with it, including losing the first and only man he’d ever really loved.

**Four Years and Eight Months Earlier**

He stared across the room into the dark shadows, listening to the barely audible music drifting down from his usually boisterous upstairs neighbours and sighed. He was tired and it was well after three in the morning, so he really shouldn’t be sitting up, picking at a loose thread on the back of the sofa, barely able to move. But tonight was different. It had been such a rollercoaster of an evening and honestly, he was still feeling a little fragile from everything that had happened over the last few hours.

Actually, fragile was only a part of it. If he was completely honest, his emotions were kind of overwhelming him at this point and he really had no idea how to deal with them or how to move forward. It wasn’t like he had a lot of practice after all. He’d pretty much gone with his standby of just shutting down and shutting everything out, hiding away, when it got to be too much in the past. But now… well, things were a little different.

He looked up at the ceiling as a loud thud sounded above him, rehashing everything that had happened that night and sighing in frustration.

“Feel better?” Aaron had clearly not expected to find him standing just a few feet away in Ed’s doorway a few hours earlier at the party, and as the brunette turned towards him, his initially startled face had quickly morphed into something entirely different as their eyes met.

“Robert. I… I was just coming back to get you.”

Guilt and fear. That’s what he saw when he looked into Aaron’s eyes at that moment and it made him feel so completely and utterly sick to his stomach that he found himself unconsciously swallowing hard, the taste in his mouth acidic and bitter. After all, if nothing was going on here, what did Aaron have to feel guilty about?

Robert stared for a moment, unsure of what to really say in the situation. He’d been outside the room, about half of a second from turning away when he’d heard the squeak from the bedsprings followed by an angry ‘what the hell is your problem Ed?!’ coming from his clearly angry boyfriend. He’d braced himself as he stepped closer to the door, pushing it open and peering inside just as Aaron slammed his foot against the bedside drawers, the brunette immediately flinching and drawing back in pain.

He hadn’t been expecting this. He was sure he’d find something much more intimate occurring within the four walls of that bedroom, but seeing Ed completely passed out and Aaron, red and furious, led him to think maybe he’d been wrong. Or at least wrong about what was currently transpiring.

“Can you walk?” He finally asked, pointing to the foot Aaron was currently nursing.

The brunette frowned and glanced down at his own foot before nodding quickly and stepping forward, wincing a little as he did, and stopping just short of where Robert stood in the doorway, his fingers nervously fidgeting in front of him.

“I… er… how long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough.”

“Robert, I… I know this looks bad but nothing happened, I swear. I bumped into him when I left the bathroom and I was just trying to get him back here before he passed out.”

“Right.”

It was never good when the man you liked started off a sentence with ‘this looks bad but…’ or ‘this isn’t what it looks like.’ He would know after having been on the other side and watched couples react to the presence of a threat.

“I’m serious, Rob. Nothing-”

“I know.” He didn’t want to listen to any excuses or apologies. He just wanted to pretend like none of this had ever happened and get away. Get away from the situation, the house… get away from Aaron. “Well… if you’re okay, then… I’m going to get going,” he said, looking down at his own feet, unable to meet Aaron’s gaze any longer, feeling his legs itching to run and take him away from this whole situation.

Nothing happened.

That much was obvious. But even if nothing had happened, something had led to this moment. Something had led Ed to finally admitting to Aaron how he really felt and claiming he knew Aaron felt the same. And if Aaron really did feel the same, well then what was the point of sticking around?

“Wait! I… Just stay for a few more minutes. I’ll just tell Adam and Vic that we’re leaving and then we can go.”

_Shit_.

“I don’t think-”

“There you both are!” He turned, seeing Adam standing in the hallway, an arm around Vic’s waist, holding up most of her weight as it was apparent his sister was done standing on her own for the night. “I think we should probably go. It’s getting too rowdy downstairs and this ones had enough. We need to get her home.” Adam looked between the two of them, his face curious as though he was picking up something, but then shrugged it off, Vic’s wellbeing obviously more important. “Can you get her other side, Robert?”

_You have got to be kidding me._ He waited a beat, his face hard, waiting for Adam to ask Aaron instead, but apparently the idiot really was completely missing the uncomfortable mood hovering over the room.

“Right. Fine,” Robert said, rolling his eyes and moving to the other side of Vic to help Adam support her.

He chanced a glance in Aaron’s direction and saw the worried look on the other mans face, but he couldn’t deal with that now. He needed to focus on something else.

_That’s the only reason you’re doing this. So you don’t have to talk to Aaron._

The thoughts had shot through his mind, making him more irritated by the second as he and Adam quickly navigated their way down the stairs and out of the party, each with an arm under one of Vic’s arms.

Walking the few streets to the taxi rank proved a little more difficult than anticipated as Vic’s weight got heavier with each step but Robert reasoned, the quicker he got his sister back home, the quicker he could get away. With him supporting one side, Adam supporting the other and Aaron loaded down with everyone’s things, including the shoes Vic had kicked off just outside of the house when she’d decided the grass felt ‘so incredible,’ they thankfully made it back virtually unscathed.

After helping Vic into the bed she shared with Adam and making sure she was on her front, just in case, he made his way downstairs and quickly headed for the door without looking back.

“Wait, Robert! Please don’t go!” His hand was on the door handle, knuckles tight when Aaron’s voice reached him, the panic in his tone poking a hole in the armour he’d put up in the hope of holding everything together until he could be alone.

“Aaron, I need to go. I can’t… I can’t stay here tonight. I can’t stay with you.” He heard the smaller man step closer but kept one hand on the door, his legs begging to move but his heart keeping him still.

“But… I’m sorry.” The ache in Aaron’s voice echoed throughout the house making him flinch.

_Don’t cave. Don’t do it._

He knew Aaron wanted to talk. The man had been practically bursting at the seams since the moment he’d found him in Ed’s room but now was not the time. Honestly, he wasn’t sure there would be a time. Why worry about that when he wasn’t sure they had a future?

“I know.” His voice cracked and he swallowed hard.

“No, really, I’m so sorry. I should’ve just left him to take care of himself but I felt bad and-”

“You felt bad? Really, Aaron?” He turned, his brow furrowed, eyes icy. He heard the biting snark in his tone but, dammit, Aaron deserved it. “You felt bad so he assumed that it was okay to kiss you and try to convince you that you two should be together because you both like each other so much?”

“He kissed me on the cheek and I swear, I didn’t know he was going to. I didn’t kiss him back and if I’d known he was going to do that in the first place, I would’ve stopped him. And, Robert, come on, you know I don’t have feelings for Ed!” He looked away, flinching slightly at Aaron’s words because he didn’t know that. Not really. “Robert.. I know he likes me. I’ve known that for a while. And yeah, he’s kind of been pushing for more I suppose.”

_Well, there it is. Fuck._

“And I know I should have said something sooner to him. If I’d have put him in his place and told him that he needed to stop or if I’d have told him that it wasn’t going to work or if I’d-”

“Aaron, stop.”

He took a deep breath, steeling himself to look into those soft blue eyes and stepped back, feeling the door firmly behind him just waiting to be opened. Finally looking up, he felt his heart ache at the fear locked there but he couldn’t keep getting run over because Aaron was scared.

“Aaron, I know you’re sorry, alright?”

“No, I shouldn’t get off that easy. I messed up. I messed up big time and… I’m sorry. I know, words don’t matter right now but I can fix this. I can make this better. I will, I promise. Just please give me a chance.”

“Aaron-”

“I don’t want to lose you!”

He looked into Aaron’s tear-filled eyes, knowing the smaller man was hanging onto them by a thread at this point but, he had to pick his own side this time. He couldn’t keep getting trampled on just because he loved Aaron.

“I love you. And you’re the only one. You’re it. I don’t want Ed or anyone else, I promise. I need you to believe that. I need you to believe me.”

“I…” He swallowed down his own tears, unwilling to let them escape. “I know you like me, Aaron. I know-”

“Robert, I don’t just like you. I just said-”

“Please, let me finish.” He waited until he was sure the smaller man would stay quiet, watching him shrink in on himself, and took a deep breath. “I know you like me. I know we have fun together and… maybe you think you love me but… I know how much you care about Ed. I know you’ve wanted him for so long-”

“Stop. Just stop. I liked Ed at one point but those feelings left the second I met you. You are the only one I want. You’re it, Robert, it’s only you.”

_No one wants you. At least not like this. You’re not worth the hassle._

“Aaron I… I can’t do this. I have to go.” And he’d bolted. Straight out the door and running as he finally fled the building.

Getting back to his place as quickly as he could, he’d thrown his jacket into one of the corners and paced around the small space, unable to sit still and unsure of what else to do, his thoughts running a mile a minute but his mind somehow completely blank.

It had been another hour before he finally gave up and collapsed onto the sofa. And now here he sat, still looking up at the ceiling, staring at that stubborn water spot above him that seemed to leak through the layers and layers of paint that had been brushed over it throughout the years in an attempt to mask it.

So Ed had been pushing for more. And Aaron had been letting him get away with it because… well because he was Aaron and that’s what Aaron did. He tried not to hurt anyone’s feelings.  
Once again, he’d been putting everyone else first, leaving Robert on the back burner to just deal with it. _Not surprising. He told you from the start that you were going to have to deal with this, with them._ Of course, he’d be picked second. Or third. Or last. No one picked the wrecked person over someone who wasn’t crumbling in their own ruins. It was too much work and… not worth it.

_But Ed isn’t damaged. He’s normal._

There was no arguing that fact. The rugby player seemed to be friends with everyone, leading the team and being admired by all those around him. Robert would never admit it out loud, but outside of this situation with Aaron, Ed seemed like he erred on the side of good. He took care of those he cared about. He did what was right. He was smart and accomplished and…

_Why would Aaron want me when he could have that? When he finds out just how messed up I really am…_

Which was part of this whole problem. He couldn’t completely blame Aaron for this. Yes, the other man definitely needed to reevaluate his priorities and, while Robert couldn’t always come first, Aaron had to pick him at least once in a while. He was already insecure without the addition of Aaron constantly putting others before him. But Aaron didn’t really know just how cracked he was on the inside. He’d hidden that ever since meeting the smaller man, projecting his cool and confident persona instead. He’d been hiding his own feelings and insecurities from his boyfriend for months now and he’d been so convinced that Aaron really might reciprocate Ed’s feelings, that he hadn’t considered the fact that maybe Aaron really didn’t know just how insecure he was about the situation. If he had known, would he have done things differently? Would he have stopped everything before it even started? Or, on the other hand, would he still even want Robert?

He’d never been anyone’s first choice but Aaron didn’t know that. And again, no, it hadn’t been fair of him to always put everyone in front of Robert. But was it any fairer that Robert had been hiding all of this from him?

His thoughts trailed off as he thought more on the past. He’d never had someone want him the way Aaron did. He’d never had someone love him the way Aaron did. Or at least the way he thought Aaron might. But did Aaron really know him? Or did Aaron want something in return for his feelings? Was there some sort of requirement Robert had to meet in order for that love to be unconditional? Because if that was the case, well he already knew he was going to fail on that front. No one had ever wanted him for him. His Dad, Jack… even his love came at a price, and that price was perfection, which Robert was far from.

_And any semblance of love he did have for me went away as soon as…_

No, he wasn’t going to go there. Just because his Dad had no longer cared about him because he’d been unable to live up to expectations and because he wasn’t ‘perfect’, that didn’t matter. That wasn’t the point here. The point was Aaron. The point was whether or not the younger man was getting what he wanted from Robert. Would he be able to give Aaron whatever it was he needed in order for him to keep loving him? In order for him not to kick him to the side in favour of Ed?

_You’re a wreck Robert. You’ll never get to keep him._

**Present**

“Please don’t tell me you’re sleeping out here now.” The voice from the doorway made him smile and he turned back, seeing a sleepy Aaron in a black jumper and loose grey joggers leaning against the doorframe, staring at him.

“Just enjoying the view,” he said, slowly sitting up, his eyes never leaving Aaron’s face.

“Robert, you’re exhausted, why don’t you just go to bed?” Aaron closed the door as he stepped out onto the patio, hugging his arms around himself to ward off the chill.

“Well, where’s the fun in that?” He smiled softly as Aaron shuffled over and sat next to him on the lounger, the smaller man making sure their bodies nestled snugly together.

“Robert…”

“I’m okay, really. Just had a long day. I didn’t wake you when I came in did I?”

“No.” Aaron bumped his shoulder into Robert’s, smiling softly, his eyes still a little tired, a few strands of hair curling over his forehead. “But you should’ve woken me up. I was waiting for you.”

“You wanted to hear the rest of the story.” He tried to mask the defeat in his tone but knew he did a horrible job as soon as the words left his mouth.

“No. I mean, yeah, I do. But… I just… I wanted to see you,” Aaron answered shyly and Robert felt his heart skip a few beats.

Robert smirked, noticing the tips of Aaron’s ears reddening just the slightest bit but decided to take a sip from his nearly empty wine glass instead of teasing him any further.

“So… did you have a nice time with Carly and Will?”

“More or less. How about you? What did you get up to?”

“Actually did some work and I went for a drink at the pub. I ran my memory theory by mum.”

“Oh, what did she say?”

“That, of course, I would forget everything where you weren’t the be all, end all, centre of my world,” Aaron laughed and Robert couldn’t help but smile along with him. “Paddy agreed, it seemed like they were both in on some inside joke. But they think it’s possible that there’s a reason behind all this amnesia crap.” He paused for a moment, his smile fading and his eyebrows pulling together. “I asked how much they knew about Ed. It was… I don’t know, it kind of felt weird after last night.”

“It shouldn’t feel weird, Aaron. We’re past all of that now.”

He watched Aaron shrug, his gaze fixed off in the distance, though on what, Robert wasn’t sure.

“I shouldn’t have told you about it.”

“No, I’m glad you told me. Everyone had hinted that something had happened. And I asked. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t really want to know.” He watched Aaron meet his gaze, his eyes intense and felt the smaller man carefully reach for his hand, his fingertips cold from the chill.

Robert squeezed his hand once, carefully running his thumb along the fingers he could reach, attempting to warm them a little. “Even if you hadn’t told me, I needed to hear it from someone. And… I’m glad it was you. I think it’s better when I get to see it through your eyes. It’s reassuring somehow.”

“Reassuring?”

“Yeah. I think… maybe because I know how much you care about me, I know you wouldn’t tell me something and purposely try to sway my opinion one way or another. I know you only want to help and… I trust you.”

Robert swallowed the lump suddenly in his throat and looked down at their joined hands, an unexpected warmth overtaking his chest. Aaron trusted him.

He hadn’t even realised that trust was something he was going to have to earn back in all of this but apparently, he’d already done it. And he wouldn’t lose it, that was for sure.

“Come on. Let’s go inside. I need a refill and I’ll tell you the rest.”

“Are you sure? It’s already late.”

“Yeah. I just want to get this one over with,” he sighed, finally looking up and meeting Aaron’s anxious eyes.

_You have to trust him too._

**Four Years and Eight Months Earlier**

He stared at the solid door in front of him, taking a deep breath and hoping he wasn’t going to back down. He had to face this, he couldn’t keep running away. Maybe Aaron wouldn’t want him, maybe he would. But either way, they needed to settle this now, once and for all.

He could hear muffled voices inside but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Honestly, he was a little surprised at the volume level. He was pretty sure Vic would’ve had the house on noise lockdown from the hangover she was undoubtedly nursing, but apparently, he’d been wrong. He looked down at the tray of four cardboard cups in hand, one being the strong coffee he’d specifically picked up for his sister, figuring it would help a little with the morning after carnage and attempted to prepare for the worst.

He’d spent the rest of the night sitting on the back of his sofa, staring out the window of his flat, watching the night sky slowly shift as the minutes ticked by into hours, finally taking in the beautiful blues and purples shifting to reds and oranges as the sun slowly rose, signalling the start of the day.

_I shouldn’t have run away. I should’ve stayed and at least talked to him. I should’ve at least been honest_. Aaron was, by no means, in the right here, but that didn’t mean he could just hoist all the blame onto the smaller man. Aaron wasn’t a mind reader. He had no idea how Robert was feeling or what he was thinking, and as hard as it was going to be, it was time to tell him.

He knocked softly and waited, his heart rate picking up as the seconds ticked by. He heard the sound of the lock turning, the clinks sounding louder than normal, and a moment later, Adam opened the door, obviously surprised to see him.

“Robert.” His lips quirked up the tiniest bit at the toothy grin Adam sent his way and he stepped across the threshold as he held the door open.

“I er… I brought coffee and… well, this ones for Vic,” he said, passing over the cup in question.

“For me?” He looked over, surprised to see a bright-eyed Vic in the kitchen, apron in place and apparently making enough cakes for a community bake sale if the counters littered with delicious smelling things were any indication. She wiped her hands on the apron as she came closer, smiling brightly. “That’s surprisingly nice of you, Robert.”

“How are you not dead right now?”

“Freak of nature,” Adam answered, taking the cup Robert was handing him as Vic just rolled her eyes and walked back towards the kitchen where her oven timer had just gone off.

Robert looked between the two, clearly confused before the voices he’d heard outside the front door caught his attention once again. He looked towards the living room, the door closed but he knew who was in there with Aaron and he felt his blood instantly boil in fury.

Ed.

“They’ve been at it for a while now. Ed showed up this morning trying to apologise,” Adam said as he guided Robert by his shoulder into the kitchen and onto one of the stools there, almost like he was stopping him from running out again.

“Oh. I didn’t… I shouldn’t have just shown up like this,” he said, shaking his head to rid it of the murderous thoughts rapidly firing through.

“Don’t be stupid, you’re always welcome here. Croissant? I just made them this morning.”

He waved away Vic’s offer, his stomach still a little queasy from the last twenty-four hours.

“He’ll be glad you’re here,” Adam said quietly from his seat next to him. “He had a pretty rough night. He was worried about you and… well, I’m hoping the fact that you brought him a coffee too is a good sign?”

“I just wanted to talk to him.” Robert shrugged, his ears pricking at the sound of raised voices again.

“Aaron, please just stop and listen to me! I am sorry. I know whatever I did, it was wrong. But I swear, I don’t remember anything. It’s completely gone.”

“It doesn’t matter if you remember it or not! Being drunk is not an excuse. You know that I’m with Robert!”

“Come on, Aaron, just let me explain, please!” Robert looked at the closed door, feeling slightly bad that he was eavesdropping but unable to fight his curiosity.

“There’s nothing to explain! This isn’t okay Ed. You’re supposed to be a mate. You weren’t supposed to try and ruin things between me and Robert!”

“He’s not good enough for you!”

_Fuck_. He knew Ed had him there and the thought made him shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“Oh, and I supposed you are?!”

“Well-”

“No! If anyone isn’t good enough, it’s me. He deserves so much better than me. So much better than the way I’ve treated him.”

_He doesn’t really believe that, does he?_

“Aaron, come on, that’s ridiculous. I get that you like him-”

“Ed, I love him. He’s it, he’s who I want. And now… now I might have lost him. I might have lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me and there’s nothing I can do about it! All because I was just trying not to hurt you. Because I put everyone else before him!”

“But if he’s just going to run off because you care about me, he’s clearly not worth it. He doesn’t love you.”

“Care about you! Ed, if he’d treated me the way I’ve been treating him, all of you would be telling me to leave him, and you’d be right!”

“He’s got a point there,” Adam mumbled as Vic shushed them.

“And he does love me! I know that because he shows me every day. But of course, he’s going to run off! When you treat someone the way I have, you can’t really expect them to stay!”

_I show him every day? God if I’ve messed this up…_

“Aaron, just calm down. I get that you’re upset but you still have people that care about you. I’m here and Adam and Vic-”

“Yeah, well I don’t want you here anymore.”

_Whoa. What?_ His interest peaked even more as the silence in the other room stretched on for a moment too long and he wasn’t quite sure if that made him happy or worried.

“What are you talking about, Aaron?”

“I was happy and you’ve ruined it. You didn’t respect me. You didn’t respect Robert.”

“Aaron, come on, we’ve been friends way longer than you’ve been with him. Way longer than you’ve even known him. You’re really going to choose him over me?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I choose Robert. And honestly, I don’t even know if I still have him. For all I know, he’s completely done with me. But either way, whether I have him or not, I still choose him.”

“Come on… seriously?”

“You had your chance, Ed. It’s too late.”

“Aaron-”

“Go! Just get out! Before I end up doing something I’ll regret.”

Robert stared at the door, caught between wanting to run in there and chuck Ed out himself and stuck to his seat, waiting to see if Aaron really meant it.

Seconds later he watched as Ed storm out, heading for the front door, his long legs carrying him there in just a few steps. He stopped as he reached for the handle and Robert once again felt Adam grab at his arm to hold him back. He hadn’t even realised he’d stood up and started for the other man, his hands already in tight fists. He glared, jaw set as Ed turned, making eye contact and seemingly surprised that anyone else was in the house, let alone at seeing them all standing there. He watched as Ed rolled his eyes and turned back, walking out and slamming the door closed behind him.

“You good?”

He felt the tight grip Adam still had on him and took a deep breath, hoping to calm himself. It would do no good to go after Ed right now. And that wasn’t why he’d come here in the first place.

He just nodded, stepping back, but keeping his fists clenched. He needed to settle down. He couldn’t start a conversation with Aaron when he was ready to rip someone’s head off.

“Guess we’re officially off the invite list for any upcoming parties.”

“Adam! Really?”

“Just attempting to break the tension, Vic.”

“Well you two are more than welcome to do whatever you want, but I’m done with him and-”

Robert watched Aaron emerge from the living room, his face immediately changing from irate to shocked as their eyes met.

“Wha… you’re here,” he said, his eyes wide, mouth open. “I… I was going to try and call you later but I wasn’t sure if you would answer or not…”

He took a step towards Aaron, unable to stop himself, and saw the tears suddenly shining in his eyes.

“I just thought that we should probably talk,” he finally answered.

“We’ll just go upstairs… give you both some privacy,” Adam said from behind him and he watched out of the corner of his eye as Vic followed him upstairs, hearing the bedroom door close behind them.

He stared at Aaron, looking so completely terrified at that moment and his heart broke for the smaller man. Aaron owned his heart and was, therefore, his weak spot. But he had to focus on why he was here. They needed to get everything out in the open. This whole dodging and hiding routine had to stop.

“I honestly wasn’t even sure if I’d see you again. But I…” Aaron trailed off, running his hands through his hair, gripping the ends tightly for a moment, and Robert saw a wayward tear slip out. “I just didn’t expect you here now that we’re… now that we’re broken up.”

“Aaron…” _This. This was why he had to stop hiding and avoiding everything having to do with his feelings._ “I didn’t break up with you.”

“But last night, you said you couldn’t do this. I thought-”

“I needed some time by myself. And maybe I should’ve been more clear about that but…” He moved back to the kitchen stool behind him, sagging onto the seat and sighing. “We need to figure this out.”

“I’m so so sorry. I understand why you got so upset. I let things with Ed go on for far too long. And I’ve been picking him over you and that’s just… so wrong, Robert. It was unfair of me and it had to stop. I couldn’t… I can’t keep doing that to you.” Aaron made his way closer, stopping just a few feet away, an invisible boundary keeping them apart.

“I didn’t ask you to choose, Aaron.”

“No, you didn’t. But he pushed it too far.” Robert just nodded, still worried that Aaron would regret his decision later on. In fact, he was sure he would, but they needed to focus on them right now.

“How long has it been going on?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. At first I just thought he was being nice like he always was. But then… Robert it doesn’t matter. I should’ve stopped it and I should’ve told you. I just… I didn’t want to upset you. I didn’t want you thinking that I wanted him. I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Aaron, I…” _Just say it_. “I was already worried.”

“What?! Why?”

Robert looked down at his hands for a moment, his brow furrowing in fear. Here goes nothing.

“Aaron, do you really love me?”

He looked up seeing the utter shock on Aaron’s face as he took a step closer, his hands knotted in front of him.

“Course I love you. Robert sometimes the way I feel about you scares me. How can you even ask me that?”

“Because I need to know. And I need to know… do you love Ed?” The thought made his stomach churn but he had to get through this.

“No! Look, Robert, I used to have feelings for him, but I haven’t had those feelings in a really long time. I meant it when I told you that those feelings were gone from the moment I met you. And… those feelings… I liked him a bit, that’s all. I never was in love with him!”

Robert just nodded and looked down at his hands, feeling that deep ache still but unable to voice anything more.

“Robert, I messed up. I know I did. I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted you to doubt my feelings for you.” He moved closer, cautiously taking the stool next to Robert’s, his eyes still filled with unshed tears. “I love you so much and I just-”

“Why?”

“I… what? What do you mean why?”

“Why do you love me, Aaron?” He looked up, seeing the truly confused expression on Aaron’s face and shrugged. “I mean, there’s a lot about me that isn’t lovable. There’s a lot about me that you don’t know. Things that I haven’t let you see. And…Ed’s right, I’m not good enough for you. So why-”

“Stop. You are the most incredible person I have ever met, Robert Sudgen. I know we still have a long way to go but I love so many things about you.” He trailed off for a moment, fidgeting in his seat as his eyes searched Robert’s for something, though Robert wasn’t sure what. Taking a deep breath, he finally continued. “I know you don’t want me to see certain things about you. I know you’re scared if I see them, that maybe I won’t like it.”

Robert stared back in wonder. How did Aaron know that?

“I don’t know all of your fears or how deep they go but I do know there’s something you’re afraid of.”

“How… how did you know…” Robert couldn’t even begin to voice his thoughts.

“Because I love you, you idiot, Of course I know,” Aaron tried to smile, still teary-eyed.

“Aaron, there’s just so much… and eventually the past… it’s never fully gone, you know? What if you decide I’m not worth it?”

“You can’t seriously think you’re not worth it.” Robert just shrugged. “No, I… I don’t know everything about you or your past yet. And yeah, something might come up that isn’t the best. But… that goes for both of us. I don’t expect you to be perfect, Robert. You’ve been through things but you will always be worth it because, Robert, I love you so much and, that’s all that matters.”

“You say that but-”

“And I mean it! If you’re worried that I’m going to find out something about your past and think you’re unlovable, you’re wrong. Robert, you’re such a good person. You take care of everyone. And as pissed as you were last night, you stuck around to help and… I’m just so lucky to have you. I don’t care about the past. I just care about the here and now. And right now, I know just how much you love me and how amazing you are.”

He looked away for a moment, the unexpected affection flowing out of Aaron’s gaze too much to handle. Aaron loved him despite his faults. Aaron loved him even though he wasn’t perfect. Aaron was choosing him.

“Robert…”

He finally looked up, hearing the sadness overtaking Aaron’s voice and the sight that greeted him took his breath away. Aaron’s tears had finally overtaken him and the smaller man looked like he’d just lost everything.

“I… I understand if you don’t want to keep doing this. And I’ll respect that. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, I can’t blame you. But, if you give me one more chance, I promise-”

Robert cut him off, pressing their lips together in an urgent, tear-filled kiss, holding the smaller mans face between his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears. He couldn’t imagine a world where he would no longer want Aaron. Where Aaron wasn’t worth the fight. The plucky brunette had come into his life like a hurricane, tossing away and turning over everything he knew, but somehow, making his world a brighter and better place. No, he would keep fighting for Aaron so long as Aaron fought for him.

“Rob?” Aaron asked as he finally pulled away, resting their foreheads together.

“I’m not going anywhere, Aaron. I promise.”

“So…we’re okay then?” He couldn’t help but chuckle at the earnestness in Aaron’s voice.

“We’ll get there.”

_**Present** _

“That’s… wow. That sounds intense.”

“Understatement. But we figured it out.” He felt Robert’s eyes on him, gaging his reaction. “Are you… is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just…” He shrugged, turning towards Robert, those green eyes so intense as he waited for Aaron to finish. “It’s just a lot. Sometimes it’s kind of overwhelming to hear and know that it was me there with you, you know?”

He watched Robert just nod and look away, his brow furrowed, eyes downcast in a look that Aaron was starting to recognise as self-doubt.

Aaron turned, pulling his legs up next to him onto the sofa and giving their joined hands a gentle squeeze.

How did someone like Robert have such a load of insecurity sitting on his chest? He’d seen some of the vulnerability over the last month as they’d attempted to adjust to the situation and to each other. And Robert had even come out and said that he had those fears and uncertainties when they first started dating. But it almost seemed to Aaron that they were starting to resurface. Like with the accident and the memory loss, Robert really was so completely unsure in his ability to win Aaron back, that he had lapsed back into those old, fearful behaviours. It truly made Aaron’s heart break for the blonde and he was now even more bound and determined to make Robert see just how remarkable he was.

“Hey, I trust you remember?” He waited for Robert to look up at him, those eyes widening just the slightest bit. “And I’m glad we made up… I’m glad I finally did something right.”

“Aaron, that was not the moral to that story.”

“Yeah, it was, in a way. I’ve gotten to hear all these great things you did for me. It was nice to finally hear that I chose you. That I made the right decision.” Robert shook his head and opened his mouth, clearly about to disagree when Aaron stopped him with a small smile and firm finger to his lips. “Don’t argue.”

He felt the blondes breath tickling over the pad of his finger and smiled harder at the sudden change in Robert’s eyes from discouraged to something else entirely. Aaron wasn’t sure if it was surprise or something a little more risqué, but either way, he’d take it.

“Thank you for telling me,” he finally said as he moved his hand down, letting his fingertips ghost across Robert’s chin before pulling back entirely.

Robert just nodded and Aaron gently smiled, cuddling in closer and feeling the older man do the same.

“So I guess that explains why I don’t really remember Ed being around after that.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, clearing his throat once before continuing. “Adam and Vic cut him out too. Tracey still talked to him occasionally, but even they were strained.”

“How long did that last?.”

“Everything kicked off at the beginning of March and I think the next time we saw him was at a Halloween party. He’d already graduated in May so I hadn’t seen him for a while but he was there with Ben. They’d been dating for a while at that point.”

“I do vaguely remember meeting Ben. It’s not clear but it’s there.” He looked away for a moment, swallowing hard before looking back at Robert, the blondes head slumped against the back of the sofa. “So I have to ask. What happened after all of that. I’m assuming we never went back to being mates.”

“You spent a long time after that making sure I knew just how much I meant to you. And eventually Ed moved away to France. An opportunity he couldn’t miss out on apparently. Non of us stayed in touch but I’m sure if he had known about you’re accident he would of come back. There’s one thing I had no doubt about, and that’s that he did care about you.”

It was quiet for another moment whilst Aaron took it all in. “Robert, I know you’re probably sick of hearing it, but I am sorry.”

“We’ve both made mistakes. You don’t go five years with someone without tripping up. But I don’t want you to feel bad.” He felt Robert sag a little further into the sofa beside him. “We got past all of that. I know you still want to hear stories but… good, bad or in between, just listen. You don’t have to hold onto the guilt. I know what you’re like.”

“It’s just hard. I hate hurting people I care about. And… I care about you.”

“I care about you too.” He felt Robert’s thumb tickling across his index finger and smiled.

He looked down at their intertwined fingers, the sight making him lighter as he gently toyed with Robert’s fingertips with his other hand.

Even now, after hearing all the stories he had, he still wondered how he’d ever gotten so lucky as to find Robert and fall in love with him all those years ago. And even more than that, how he was now getting a second chance to do it all over again. Yes, it was still early between them and they had a long way to go. But Robert was right. The other man had been fighting for Aaron this whole time and now it was Aaron’s turn to fight just as hard. He wasn’t sure who in the universe had granted this second chance but he would always be incredibly grateful for the chance he’d been given.

“Rob?”

He looked down and to his right where the older man had slouched in on himself and smiled softly when he saw Robert had finally fallen asleep. He watched for a moment, taking in his relaxed features, so calm and peaceful.

So incredibly beautiful.

He watched for another moment, smiling softly when he realised that just like the younger version of himself, he really did love watching Robert, before carefully moving away and laying the taller man onto his side. Robert stretched out further along the sofa as his head hit the pillow and Aaron smiled even further at the sight. No traces of walls or insecurities. _Just Robert._

Aaron reached for the blanket across the back of the sofa, opening it and letting it flutter over Robert. He stared for another moment before leaning down, unable to help himself and leaving a soft, lingering kiss on the blondes forehead.

“Goodnight, Robert.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and comments. It’s always lovely to hear what you think.


	21. Twenty one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Vic and Adam try to give advice. In the present, Aaron tries harder.

“Aaron, you didn’t make anyone choose,” Vic said, trying to reassure him for the fifth time during the phone call. “Really, we didn’t know the extent of what was happening but after that party and the fight, you told us and, well everyone felt that it would be best to just let Ed go on his way.”

“But, Vic, I just don’t get it. How did Robert move past all that?” Aaron rested his phone between his ear and shoulder as he attempted to pull his wallet from his back pocket, nodding his thanks to the taxi driver as he paid.

“Well, he forgave him. He never forgot but, there was no sense in holding a grudge. It’s bad for the skin you know. Robert moved on, Aaron, I think you probably should too.”

“How can I Vic?” Aaron asked, half tempted to go over to Vic’s right now for even suggesting that. “I just found out that Robert thought I was cheating on him. With Ed. I can’t just forget about that. I just didn’t realise…”

He thought about it. He’d spent hours alone with Ed, just the two of them, and it never meant anything. It was just harmless hanging out, or so he’d thought.

_But that was all before Robert._

“I don’t know, Vic, the whole thing just feels awkward. Like now that I know about it, I feel like I shouldn’t bring up his name anymore.”

“Did Robert ask you not to mention him anymore?”

“Well, no. But I just… I feel like I’m doing something wrong by bringing him up. Like… I’m hurting Robert still.” He stopped walking, not wanting to go home while he was still having this conversation.

“Aaron, if you need to talk about it I’m sure Robert won’t mind.”

“I just…” He sighed heavily, staring down the street towards the mill, seeing Robert’s car on the drive. “I just want to make sure that I’m doing the right thing here and now. What happened in the past, I can’t go by that anymore. There’s too much still missing and I think I need to talk to Robert about it more.”

“I’m sure the two of you will work something out.” Aaron rolled his eyes at the upbeat tone, unable to help himself, and started walking towards the house as he said goodbye.

He did need to talk to Robert about this. Something about it was just grating at his nerves. Something wasn’t quite right. How had all things just been forgiven? Was there something Robert was holding back on? He shook his head in frustration as he unlocked and opened the door, glancing at his phone when it dinged in his hand to see a new text from Vic with a thumbs up emoji.

_Always miss positivity_ , he thought, shaking his head.

“Well, well, well. Nice to finally see you.” He looked up from his phone, surprised by the smooth voice greeting him and felt himself immediately shifting nervously as he met Carly and Will’s intense gazes from across the room, the two of them sitting at the table with Robert, both once again looking like they’d just stepped off of a runway in Milan.

“Oh, sorry. I er… I didn’t know you were coming over today.”

“Well, we weren’t just going to leave without saying goodbye. That would be incredibly rude of us,” Carly said with her perfect smile.

“That we are, but still…” Will joked as he took a sip from the coffee mug in front of him, smiling over the rim.

Aaron just nodded, setting his things down and losing his jacket before coming further into the house.

The last time he’d seen Robert’s friends was when he had been awkwardly reintroduced to them a few days earlier, and honestly, this moment was just as uncomfortable. He had no idea how he was supposed to interact with them and the last thing he wanted to do was say something stupid or to give them a reason to think that Robert sticking by his side was a bad idea and that Robert should forget about him and move on with his life.

_Just relax. Calm down. Just… just be nice._

“Well, er… I’m glad you came to see Robert before you left.” His eyes locked onto Robert’s, his nervousness amplifying just a bit but changing somehow. Less anxious nervous, more excited nervous, a distinction he didn’t have to walk himself through. That excited nervousness seemed to always be lingering just below the surface when Robert was around and he’d begun to wonder if it had ever faded for his old self. He couldn’t imagine how incredible it would be to have five years of that feeling sitting in his chest but if anyone could provoke it, he was pretty sure it was Robert.

“How was work?” He smiled as he stepped towards Robert’s chair, slowly reaching out and resting his palm on top of it, the fingertips of his right hand gently dancing across the other mans shoulder. He felt his stomach flutter when the blonde unconsciously leaned ever so slightly towards the touch, their eyes never leaving one another’s.

“I can’t wait to be able to do something other than paperwork and answering the phone.” He stared down at Robert, who was softly smiling up at him, his eyes crinkled at the edges just the slightest.

“I’m surprised you’ve managed this long.”

“What’re you all up to?” He asked, choosing to ignore the comment as he looked back up at the other two.

_Just ask questions Aaron. Not awkward at all._

“They were actually just getting ready to leave. Their flight’s in a few hours.”

“You’re both going home then?”

“I have a client I need to meet with tomorrow and then… bonjour to beautiful Paris,” Carly smiled at him.

“I bet Paris is nice,” Aaron said with a smile, watching as three sets of eyes immediately locked on him.

_What did I say? It was all going well._

“Aaron,” Robert reached back, gently taking hold of his hand. He noticed the amused looks on Carly and Will’s faces before seeing the slightly disappointed look on Robert’s. “We went there last year.”

“What?” He immediately frowned, he was so over this whole amnesia crap.

Robert stood, still holding onto his hand and loosely wrapping his other arm around Aaron’s waist.

“We went on a two week cruise last summer, spent a few days in paris.”

“Right, yeah course. We go on a cruise and it’s been wiped away.” He felt his frown deepen.

“We’ve got pictures.” He felt Robert tug at his waist momentarily, attempting to offer some sort of comfort before pulling both hands away and he immediately missed the contact.

“And you can always go back,” Will suggested, pulling his attention back to the group. “We could always meet you there make it a group holiday next year, ask Adam and Vic too.”

“Oh, er…”

A holiday with Robert’s friends? He still hardly knew them but it was still months away and left plenty of time for the two of them to keep working towards rebuilding. But it was still a huge commitment in the scheme of things. He turned just in time to see Robert shrug at Will, his eyes a little downcast. _No. We’re not doing this._

“Yeah, do y’know what, that sounds great.” He smiled when Robert turned to him, his eyebrows raised ever so slightly in surprise.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I think it’s only fair,” he teased. “I’ve forgotten that whole holiday and I think you need to make it up to me.”

“Oh, so that’s how it is? Well in that case, maybe we can think about-” Robert was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing on the counter behind them. He quickly reached for it, grimacing slightly as he moved away. “I need to take this. This client’s been a nightmare but I think I might finally have a deal.”

He turned and made his way towards the door as he said hello and Aaron just smiled after him. Work Robert he’d found, was a sight to behold. So put together and focused. So in charge.

He turned back seeing Carly and Will both still staring at him, their faces a little more somber than a moment earlier and he swallowed hard, his smile immediately fading.

“So I’m sorry for taking up Robert’s time while you’ve been here,” he said. “I didn’t mean to but-”

“Don’t be silly,” Carly interrupted, her features never changing. “He was exactly where he was supposed to be.”

“Yeah, and we had more of him than we could stand,” Will added in with a small, lazy grin.

“Still. I just… I know he probably wanted to spend a lot more time with the two of you while you were here.”

“He hasn’t really said much but, I’m assuming things are a little better between the two of you?” Carly’s look was now one hundred percent hard and Aaron was a little nervous to answer, to be honest.

“Er… well…” He tried to hold his hands still in front of him but his fidgeting fingers apparently had a mind of their own. “We talked and even though we aren’t where we were before… we’re both trying. I… I want to make this work.”

“I’ll only say this once then,” Carly said, rising from her seat and stepping forward, her eyes icy. “You be good to him, Aaron.”

“Carly…” Will warned, though Aaron noticed he’d also stood and the way he slowly buttoned his coat reminded him of a scene out of an old gangster movie.

That scene right before someone gets shot, he swallowed.

“No, it’s fine. I get it,” Aaron stuttered with an eager nod. “You’re just looking out for him.”

“We are,” Will agreed.

“And as much as we like you, Aaron, and please know that we do, if you’re not serious about this, about him, you need to do the right thing and end it now. He does not deserve to be dragged through this only to come out on the other side completely destroyed.”

“I know, I get that,” he said, his eyes darting back and forth between the two. “But… I am serious. I know it’s all still new, at least in my mind, but I really do care about him. I don’t want to hurt him. And I’m going to try my hardest not to.”

“You’d better not.” Carly stared at him for another long moment, her eyes challenging before she smiled wide and relaxed her stance, turning to Will. “You know, we never got to give him the whole ‘hurt him and we’ll kill you’ speech. I kind of like that we finally got the chance.”

“Come on, we’re not in the business of killing, Carly,” Will added with a mischievous smile. “Torture maybe, but never killing.”

Aaron couldn’t help but swallow hard. If anyone was capable of any of those things, he was pretty sure it was the two people stood in front of him. “So, er…”

“Sorry about that,” Robert said as he emerged from the hallway and stopped near where Aaron stood, their shoulders barely brushing as he did. “What did I miss?”

“Just talk of torture,” Will answered with a grin and Robert just sighed.

“I’ll be so glad when you idiots are gone.”

“Well, you’re getting your wish. We should probably get going.” Aaron watched as the two rounded the table, both giving Robert a hug goodbye and whispering something in his ear that just had him nodding.

“You take care of yourself, too,” Carly said quietly as she passed Aaron, Will smiling only a step behind her.

He watched Robert walk them to the door, saying their final goodbyes as they walked into the hallway and then they were gone.

“Has anyone ever told you that your friends are scary as hell?” Aaron asked after Robert had closed and locked the door behind them. He pulled at the sleeves of his jumper, a nervous habit he realised he seemed to do a lot.

“Yes actually, all the time,” he chuckled. “Why, what did they say?”

“I’m sure nothing out of the ordinary,” Aaron answered, shaking his head and leaning back against the kitchen counter, letting it hold most of his weight. He watched Robert’s smile slowly slip from his face as he wandered over to sit at the table. The taller mans disposition had changed and there was an easily explainable sadness now lingering on the surface. “You’ll miss them won’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Robert said with a shrug. “It would be nice if we got to see each other more often but, it’s not easy when we all live so far apart.”

Aaron just nodded, understanding the feeling completely.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend that much time with them.”

“I spent enough,” Robert said honestly. “Believe it or not, I think I’m the most tolerable of the group.”

“I do believe that,” Aaron smiled, moving to take a seat at the table, resting his hand near Robert’s and letting his fingers dance across the older mans knuckles. “…You probably wanted us all to do something together, didn’t you?”

“It would’ve been nice,” Robert shrugged, his eyes focused on where Aaron’s fingers skimmed over his. “Just, not in the cards this time. But… next time, maybe… if you think you’d like to that is.”

“Yeah, I think I would. Just, try not to leave me alone with them.” Robert just chuckled in understanding. “It was nice to meet them though. Or to meet them again.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. They’re important to me and… well, so are you…”

Aaron watched Robert smile gently at him and suddenly, the idea of talking more about Ed was the last thing he wanted to do. Why bring up bad memories when they could possibly revel in ones that were bound to be more enjoyable to relive?

“When… when did my mum find out about us?”

“Oh, so it’s story time now?” Robert teased with a smirk.

Aaron just shrugged.

“How about we order in and I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Deal.” Aaron smiled. Robert stretched out his arms linking their hands, purposely holding on a little longer than necessary.

 

**Four Years and Four Months Earlier**

“I don’t know, Aaron. I just…”

“Do you think we should wait a bit longer?” Robert watched the other mans face fall and immediately felt awful.

“No, that’s not it at all.” He pulled Aaron closer to him, an arm wrapped around his shoulders as they sat side by side. “It’s just…your mum has never been my biggest fan. And… well, come on, Aaron. I’m not the person that you bring home to introduce as your boyfriend. I’m the man you bring home to your mum to piss her off.”

Aaron’s idea of telling Chas had been completely out of the blue. One minute they’d been cuddled up on the sofa, watching an old film that Aaron had shockingly agreed to watch when Robert had teasingly suggested it, and the next, out of nowhere, Aaron was attempting to casually mention that he hadn’t seen much of his mum and it would be nice to introduce Robert to her properly.

“Robert, don’t be stupid,” Aaron said, shoving him teasingly. “It’s been years, I’m sure she’ll love you as much as I do.”

“Aaron, no parent loves the man who spends hours naked with their son.”

“Robert!”

The taller man just chuckled, wondering if this was a new record. He was sure he’d never seen Aaron as red-faced as he was in that moment.

“And besides that, I highly doubt your mum, who is really not my biggest fan, is going to just forgive and forget.”

“Look, if you’re really that uncomfortable with seeing her… I understand and… you don’t have to.” He watched Aaron’s face fall even as he attempted to put on a smile. “I just wanted her to see that you’ve changed and we’re happy. That’s all. But, it’s not a big deal.”

_God_. He was so completely and utterly wrapped around the brunettes finger that it was ridiculous.

“Alright, fine,” he said with a sigh. Aaron smiled and wrapped his arms around Robert, pulling him into a hug.  
  
“Really, it’s going to be fine. And even if it isn’t, that’s not going to change my mind,” Aaron said, pressing their foreheads together.

“You promise?” Robert asked as he leaned forward, letting their lips gently brush together.

“Always,” Aaron affirmed with a soft kiss, ghosting his fingers over Robert’s jawline.

That had been three days ago and Robert had been nervous ever since, his anxiety growing with each passing day. At this rate, he’d be a complete nut job by the time he was seeing Chas the following week. But he had to figure out how to deal with it. After all, he’d promised Aaron he’d would and he wasn’t about to back out when he knew just how much it meant to the brunette. So far he’d been channeling the extra nervous energy into work, picking up extra shifts so that he could save for his next and final year at Leeds, but even that hadn’t been enough to take his mind off of things.

He’d been wracking his brain on what else he could do though and so far had come up empty. Unsure of where to really look for a ‘making a good impression tutorial’, he’d even gone so far as to ask Vic and Adam if they had any advice. He’d stopped by the previous day after he was sure Aaron had gone to work, thinking they might be his best bet. After all, they knew Chas and might have some perspective. And while he believed Aaron when the brunette had promised that he wouldn’t let his mums opinion sway his feelings, weirdly he found that he still wanted to make a good impression.

“Just don’t be your usual cocky self and you should be fine.”

“Adam, that’s not helping!”

“Well, what do you want me to say, Vic? Once she realises that Aaron’s actually been spending most of his time with your brother, shes hardly going to take it well.”

“Well it’s Aaron’s choice, not hers. He can make up his own mind.”

“Yeah he can, but it’s going to be kind of hard to keep seeing Robert once Chas is involved.”

“Adam, stop this now!”

Robert had just shaken his head and left the house, listening to the sounds of the two of them bickering as he made his way down the garden path. It had not been a productive visit and only served to make him more anxious about the impending reintroduction.

Now, he still had a few days left to figure everything out but he was honestly too exhausted to even think about it at the moment. He climbed the stairs to his flat slowly, tired from his early shift at the bar but looking forward to seeing Aaron for a late dinner. They’d agreed to meet up and spend the night stuffing themselves and watching bad films that they could mock. It was just the thing he needed to take his mind off of all of this.

Reaching his floor, he shuffled to his door, shoes now feeling heavy on his feet, and attempted to unlock it, finding it suspicious that he didn’t hear the normal clinks from the rusty locks moving inside.

_Shit, did I forget to lock it this morning?_

He pushed the door open with a sigh, stepping inside and finally looking up, his eyes going wide as he did.

“Robert…you’re home.”

He attempted to reel himself in as he took in the sight of his obviously very nervous boyfriend standing next to a very stern faced Chas.

_Fuck…_

“Mum, this is Robert.”

He watched her cross her arms over her chest, frowning further as she looked him over.

“Yeah, I know who he is Aaron. Not changed much have you, although Aaron seems to think differently,” she said, stepping further in front of the brunette, almost like she was trying to shield him.

_Little late on that front. No, don’t say that! You need her to like you._

“Uh, yeah.” _Really smooth, Robert. Great job._ “Nice to see you again, Chas.”

“She thought it would be better to get this over with,” Aaron said from behind his mum, his eyes wide and pleading. “I tried calling you but you didn’t answer so…”

“Yeah, I didn’t have my phone out. I was working.”

He looked around the flat, cringing further when he saw the clothes scattered on the dresser, dishes in the sink, books all over the floor. Even Aaron’s things were scattered messily across the scuffed up, second-hand coffee table in the corner.

“Er… sorry about the mess. I didn’t have time to tidy up before work this morning,” he said, nervously rubbing at the back of his neck.

“It’s fine, Robert,” Aaron reassured him while Chas merely grunted. “I know you’ve been picking up extra shifts. And I’m sure you’re tired but do you want to get dinner with us?”

“Oh, well…” He watched Aaron mouth a ‘please’ to him, his hands steepled in front of him, and nodded once. “Yeah, okay. Let me just get changed.”

“Great, mum, how about you go downstairs and wait in the car? We’ll be down in a minute,” Aaron suggested, attempting to usher her towards the door.

“You’ll be down?” She looked at him like he was crazy for wanting a moment alone with Robert but Aaron just shook his head and practically pushed her out of the flat, leaning against the closed door with a sigh once she was finally out.

“I’m so sorry, Robert.”

“How did you both end up here?!”

“Well, I was going to surprise you with… something,” Aaron blushed as he pushed off the door and walked further into the room. “That’s why I came over here and let myself in with that shiny new key you just gave me.” That brought a smile to both of their faces.

Robert had invited Aaron over just two weeks earlier for dinner and had gifted the smaller man with his spare key, much to Aaron’s delight.

“You really like that key don’t you?”

“I love that key,” Aaron corrected with a small smile. “But anyway, apparently she just showed up at Adam and Vic’s, who are now dead to me, told her I was here and gave her your address. I got a text from them literally thirty seconds before she knocked on the door!”

“I’m going to help you kill them.”

“I really am sorry,” Aaron tried as he grabbed onto Robert’s hips and pulled the blonde closer. “But at least I had enough time to make the bed and hide the boxers that were on the floor.”

“Well, that was kinda your fault,” Robert said, leaning in and leaving a soft kiss on the other mans lips. “You were the one who ripped them off me last night.”

“True.”

Robert just sighed and moved away towards the wardrobe, looking for a suitable outfit to try and impress Chas.

“I have no idea what to wear, Aaron.”

“It doesn’t matter. I already told you, she’s going to like you,” Aaron said as he reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a shirt, handing it over with a smile. “Eventually.”

“Great. Can’t wait.” He shrugged off his leather jacket, throwing it onto the bed and then pulled his polo shirt over his head. _How had this whole thing gone so bad, so quickly?_

“She’ll be in protective mum mode for a bit… but once she sees just how amazing you are, she’ll come around. I promise. You just… have to make it through a few dozen grillings first.”

“A few dozen?!” Robert’s eyes widened comically as he turned to the smaller man.

“Well…” Aaron shrugged but the smile on his face somehow made Robert feel lighter. He felt Aaron reach for him, pulling him in and wrapping his arms loosely around his waist. “It might be a bit rough… but I’ll be right here for every single second.”

“You better,” he said, pressing their foreheads together and heaving a heavy sigh.

Aaron’s fingers drawing small circles against his lower back melted him even further and he leaned in, gently bringing their lips together, searching for that little bit of reassurance, and just like Aaron had promised, it was there. He took in the sweet smile on Aaron’s face as they parted and couldn’t help but smirk.

“So, the surprise you had planned… did it involve taking your clothes off?”

“You’re terrible,” Aaron said, although his face said it all. “But yeah. Yeah, it did.”

* * *

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, attempting to take up as little space as possible, watching Aaron and Chas go back and forth with different inside jokes and old anecdotes. It was clear the pair of them got on, despite Aaron’s lack of enthusiasm for his mum butting in in their love life. Of course, that didn’t make him feel any better about the current situation.

“So, Robert.” He turned, snapped out of his Aaron induced trance to Chas’ hard gaze and immediately tensed back up. “Aaron tells me you’re studying at Leeds.”

“Uh, yeah. Business degree…” He watched her eyes harden a little more and felt himself try to shrink further into the chair.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aaron attempt to cover a laugh before mouthing ‘relax’ to him from behind his hand.

“So, you’re living the uni life then? Bringing someone new back each night I bet.”

“Mum-”

“Although seems you’ve got more choice now, with you liking blokes now as well,” Chas added, looking rather pleased with herself.

“Mum that’s enough-”

“It’s alright, Aaron. I’ve changed, Chas. I’m not like that anymore.” Robert said as he took a forkful of his pasta. He definitely wasn’t hungry but if his mouth was full, maybe he could avoid saying the wrong thing. Or speaking at all.

“So, how come you decided to study at Leeds?” He heard how condescending her tone was but it didn’t surprise him.

“Leeds is a good uni, mum,” Aaron added.

“Just asking a question.”

“Leeds just happened to have a good program for what I wanted to study,” Robert shrugged. There was no point in trying to explain his decision, at the time he just wanted to get out the village. Anywhere would have suited him just fine.

“And you’re studying business?”

“He’s already said that, mum. He’s good at what he does.”

“Ah, yes, of course. Sitting at a desk and pen pushing. So how much do graduates make? Or are you planning to be a barman for the rest of your life?”

_Ouch_.

“Mum!”

Aaron’s hopeful, helping face was gone, taken over by shock.

“It’s okay, Aaron. Well, depending on how good they are, they can make some decent money. It takes time to get there though. And a lot of effort.”

“You don’t strike me as a give it your all kind of bloke.”

“Mum, seriously! Stop it!”

“I’m just trying to get to know him, Aaron. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Yeah, I do, but not like this!” Robert looked around nervously as some of the other restaurant patrons turned towards their table at the sound of raised voices.

“Well, what did you expect, Aaron? After keeping it a secret for months I find out the bloke you’ve been seeing is Robert flipping Sugden. And, what, you want me to just be okay with that?”

“I want you to give him a chance. Stop judging him by things that happened years-”

“Aaron, he’s a liar. Always has been.”

“That’s enough!”

“Aaron, it’s fine,” Robert interrupted, raising his own voice just enough. He knew they’d never get anywhere at this rate. And maybe they’d never get anywhere period, but he had to do this himself. He couldn’t let Aaron fight this battle for him. “Chas… I know what you think of me, but, I promise I’m not that person anymore. I’m not trying to lead Aaron on. I’ve changed since I’ve been away. Got my priorities straight. And I care about him.”

He watched as she stared back at him, almost as if she was trying to figure out an angle.

“Please, mum. Stop giving him such a hard time.”

She continued to frown, looking between them and Robert realised they weren’t making any headway. But he needed to try. He needed her to see just how much he cared about Aaron and that he wasn’t trying to do anything to hurt the younger man.

“Chas, I know you’re only doing this because you care about Aaron. I know he’s all you have and I know I’m probably not what you had in mind for who you wanted him to end up with. But I’m not trying to steal him away or anything like that. He’s amazing and you should be proud of him and… well, I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but I do love him. Very much. And I only want what’s best for him. I only want him to be happy and safe. We may not agree on much but I think that’s one thing we can see eye to eye on.”

He kept his eyes on Chas but saw Aaron smiling at him out of the corner of his eye, the brunette nervously shifting in his seat ever so slightly. Chas held his gaze, her frown still firmly in place but her eyes softening just the slightest.

“Well… I mean…” She looked away for a moment before glancing at Aaron, who still sat smiling proudly. Sighing, she finally looked back to Robert, pointing a menacing finger at him before continuing. “This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. I’m watching you.”

Robert simply smiled. That, he could handle.

 

**Present**

“So how is everything?”

“Everything’s fine, mum.” He looked over, taking in Robert sitting at the kitchen table, laptop open in front of him, earphones in and quietly singing along to a some unrecognisable cheesy pop song as he worked.

After they’d finished their dinner and the story, Robert had moved into the kitchen to start working while Aaron had called his mum, the story making him laugh as it was pretty much exactly what he’d expected. Overprotective Chas Dingle, always there to back him no matter what. He didn’t have to ask how things were between her and Robert after all these years. He’d seen them together at the hospital before he’d been discharged and the quiet and kind gestures between the two of them let him know that he had absolutely nothing to worry about on that front.

“Everything’s going as well as it can I suppose,” he carried on, as he kept his gaze on Robert.

“Are you sure, love? I know you still haven’t gotten your memory fully back. Maybe you should see another doctor.”

“Mum…” He heard the overpowering concern in her voice and hated that he couldn’t make it better. “It’s not the doctor. It’s just… well, I might not get all of it back. Which I hate but… I’m trying to deal with it as best as I can. It could be so much worse. It’s bad enough that I’ve lost Robert but I could’ve lost absolutely everything.”

“I know, Aaron but-”

“And, like I told you, there are still some things that I remember. And… I don’t know, it gives me hope I suppose. Maybe I won’t get everything back but I can still have my life.”

“Wow, I’ve never heard you talk so positively about things,” she said after a long pause and he could hear the pride in her voice. “What about everything else?”

“The doctor said my arm’s almost healed and the cast can come off in about a week. And my ribs feel fine, surprisingly.”

“Well, that’s good. And… Robert’s taking care of you?”

“Yeah,” he smiled. He looked over at the blonde, still completely oblivious to the phone conversation, head bobbing and currently giving Taylor Swift a run for her money. “He’s been amazing.”

“Good. He’s… well… you know, I didn’t know at first if he was right for you.”

_Shocking_.

“And, it took me a while to come around, I know. But, he’s good for you, Aaron. He’s always done right by you.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that myself.” They talked for another moment, mainly about family and the pub, before they said good night.

Their phone calls had become a regular nightly thing since the accident, which he secretly didn’t mind. He placed his phone down, eyes already on Robert, who still sat at the table, lost in his own world.

Everything that Robert had been through for him, had taken on for him… it was incredible. He couldn’t even begin to imagine just how much you had to love someone in order to do that. But apparently, that was how much Robert loved him. It was so overwhelming, but at the same time, so safe and reassuring.

He smiled a little more as he made his way over to the kitchen, pulling out a beer from the fridge. He turned and his eyes immediately found the other man as he did, his heart skipping a little as his stomach fluttered. He took in the other mans features, attempting to take in everything he could and thinking about how a younger version of himself had probably spent hours doing the same thing all those years ago.

“What?” Robert asked, finally looking up and noticing him staring. He pulled the earphones out, the music so loud Aaron could hear it from where he stood and furrowed his brow as he waited for Aaron to answer.

“Nothing, I just… nothing. Sorry.” He looked down at his hands fidgeting in front of him and smiled harder.

“You sure? Everything okay? Chas okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” He stepped forward towards the table, standing only a few inches away, once again shyly glancing down at his fidgeting hands.

“What’re you working on?” He asked, finally looking up and casting a glance at Robert’s laptop.

“Just boring emails and spreadsheets. I was trying to get as much done tonight as I could so that I’m freed up for the weekend.”

“So asking if you want to watch a film is out of the question?”

“With you?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. “Never.”

* * *

But apparently, a movie was just too much effort.

“Aaron, go to bed,” Robert laughed as he looked over, watching Aaron’s heavy eyes attempting, unsuccessfully, to focus on the TV.

“But then the night’s over,” he reasoned, laying his head on Robert’s shoulder and nestling into his side.

“But if you go to bed now, I can finish up some of my work and then tomorrow, we’ll have more time together for whatever plan you’ve concocted.”

Aaron’s eyes lit up and he smiled slowly, sleepily, before nodding once and standing. Robert watched as he stretched first one side, then the other before glancing back at Robert, a teasing grin now shifting upon his lips.

“Well, it’s the end of a ‘date.’ Aren’t you going to walk me to my door?”

Robert just chuckled as he stood, feeling Aaron’s warm hand envelope his own and gently squeeze as they walked towards the stairs.

“I didn’t realise this counted as a date. I mean, I didn’t even tell you how good you look tonight.”

“Robert, I’m in joggers and a t-shirt, that I’m pretty sure is yours by the way.”

“Yeah, you stole it years ago after you got oil all over it. But, it looks good on you, so.” He watched the blush come up right on cue and smiled happily when Aaron wrapped his casted hand around his bicep, pulling Robert to follow him upstairs.

They stopped in front of the bedroom door, Robert smiling when Aaron leaned even further into him, enjoying another one of those comfortable moments. It was so familiar it made him ache. But he didn’t want to push. If they were doing this, he had to wait for Aaron to be ready, to set the pace.

“Get some sleep,” he said, squeezing the hand in his once more before forcing himself to let go and turning to walk away. He didn’t regret ditching his work for the last hour and a half in the slightest but he really had to get back to it if he hoped to put a decent dent in his workload before he turned in for the night. After all, he really didn’t want to have to worry about doing much this weekend if he could help it.

“Hey.”

He felt Aaron reach for him once again, stopping him and pulling him back in by the hem of his shirt before shifting his grip to his forearm. He looked at the smaller man curiously, taking in his suddenly bright eyes and the way he was nervously biting his bottom lip.

“You okay?”

Aaron just nodded, holding his gaze for another moment, the silence stretching on just a little before he pulled Robert closer, moving his hand from his forearm up to his cheek and cupping it gently.

“Thanks for tonight,” he said as he slowly leaned in, brushing his lips just at the corner of Robert’s and the blonde swore he used every ounce of strength he had at that moment not to turn his head just a centimetre to the right. He closed his eyes, swallowing hard, confused when Aaron didn’t pull away completely. Finally opening them just a sliver, he looked into those amazing eyes, so close he could see the blues swirling together, the little flecks of grey sparkling through and felt Aaron’s hand leave his face, moving down to grab a fist full of his shirt once again, keeping him in place.

This was the longest they’d stood this close since before the accident and Robert couldn’t help the quickening of his shallow breath as the scent of Aaron assaulted his senses. His eyes moved across Aaron’s face, starting with the slowly fading scar on his chin, up to those amazing pink lips, to his nose, and slowly moving back up to Aaron staring back at him, eyes dancing with mirth.

“Are you really not going to kiss me right now?”

Robert smirked, a small breathy laugh escaping his mouth as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Aaron’s for a moment before pulling back just a few inches, his hands moving up to hold the smaller mans face between them, his thumbs brushing over his cheeks.

“What, do I have a bad breath?” Aaron teased.

“No, you smell like beer. Probably taste like it too.”

“Did I used to be a bad kisser?”

“Aaron, I tend to forget my name when I kiss you.”

“Right, so is there a problem?”

Robert’s gaze flicked down to his lips and he gently ran his thumb over the bottom one.

“No.”

“Do you just not want to kiss me?” Robert rolled his eyes as Aaron’s teasing smile grew even wider.

“Here I am, trying to be patient and respectful, waiting for you to be ready, and you’re-”

“I think I am,” Aaron answered, wrapping his other hand in Robert’s shirt and pulling their bodies flush. “Did it ever occur to you that I’ve been ready since you showed up and knocked on the door with a bottle of wine three days ago?”

“You know, you’re getting kind of demanding here, Aaron.”

“Yeah, well you’re being a little too patient and respectful, Robert.”

Robert just chuckled as Aaron gave him a knowing smile. He’d missed this. The back and forth banter was something that he had always loved about his relationship with Aaron. Half the time Aaron gave back just as good as he got and the other half, the brunette ended up getting flustered and usually flinging out some ridiculous comeback that made no sense when he couldn’t come up with anything else. It was charged. And completely them.

Maybe they could have that again. Yes, they were far away from where they were a month ago. But maybe if he kept exercising that patience, and Aaron kept trying just as hard… maybe they really could make it.

“Hey, what’s up?” Aaron asked, pulling him back from his thoughts.

“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head and smiling at the younger man. “Sorry.”

“Look, Robert, it’s fine. I was just messing, I wasn’t trying to push for anything. If you wanna wait… I understand, it’s okay, really. I just…” Aaron trailed off, suddenly looking a little embarrassed. “It’s fine. I’m sorry. Just forget… forget I said any of this.”

Robert smiled softly and leaned in until their lips were less than an inch apart, watching Aaron’s slowly widening eyes the whole time. He paused there, letting out a small chuckle.

“You’re killing me here y’know,” he said before gently bringing their mouths together for the first time in over a month. And oh god, was it incredible.

He felt Aaron stiffen for half a second before completely melting into it, his mouth pushing back against Robert’s as his hands made their way around Robert’s back, holding him close.

Little touches were great. So was being able to hold Aaron’s hand again. Hugs were phenomenal and it felt amazing to be able to sit next to the other man, sides pressed firmly together. But nothing, absolutely nothing, so far, could compare to this moment. Feeling Aaron pressed firmly against him, lips moving in a synchronised dance that they’d mastered years ago…

_Oh god._

He felt Aaron’s hands creep down to his hips, grasping firmly as their lips continued to slowly move against each other and he couldn’t help but smile, hearing Aaron let go of a nervous laugh as he did so.

Pulling back ever so slightly, he opened his eyes, his heart literally stopping in his chest as he took in the sight of Aaron smiling softly, gently biting his bottom lip, eyes still closed.

“Wow,” he said quietly as his eyes fluttered open and Robert couldn’t help but laugh, the scene so reminiscent of the first time he’d kissed Aaron all those years ago.

“So, you’re good then?” He teased.

“We should’ve done this way before now,” Aaron answered, leaning in and leaving one final, slow, breathless kiss on his lips before slowly pulling away and it was Robert’s turn to be speechless.

“Night then.”

“Uh… yeah. Night.”

Aaron smiled one last time, before turning and going into the bedroom, leaving him stood there, still reeling.

_Yeah, like I’m going to be able to go back to work now._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and comments. The support I’ve had since I started writing this has been amazing. I can’t thank you all enough really.


	22. Twenty two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron try to figure out how this whole ‘new relationship’ works.... but can they handle it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to everyone who probably thought that I’d stopped writing this. That really isn’t the case and I suppose I should probably give an explanation as to why I’ve been MIA for over a month. 
> 
> I was in an accident (kind of ironic considering the story I’m writing) and that’s why I haven’t updated and also the reason for the delay in replying to comments.
> 
> I was travelling to work on the 24th July, I remember being on the motorway and having to slow down considerably due to traffic, which then came to a standstill. I looked in my rear view mirror and I could see a lorry getting closer to my car and it just wasn’t slowing down. I have never felt so powerless in my entire life. Both of my hands were clutching the steering wheel but there was no time, no where to go. And the last thing I remember is the sound of the tyres of the lorry screeching. 
> 
> I woke up on August 8th. I was incredibly lucky and I’m convinced someone must have been watching over me that day. Waking up from a medically induced coma is nothing like I thought and is not like waking up from a good sleep at all. First off, the dreams I had feel absolutely real. And if one of the dreams wasn’t about being invited to the mill for coffee, to discuss about me being a potential surrogate for Robert and Aaron, I would have said they were actual memories 😂. 
> 
> The first week after I woke up was a strange one. Awake one minute, asleep the next. Time just seems to go fuzzy and I can’t say I really remember a lot of it. But then last week, when I could actually keep my eyes open for more than a couple of minutes, I got my iPad and logged onto my emails. I saw the comments from you guys and I teared up. Just knowing that people care enough to ask for an update, or check how I am, means a lot.
> 
> So, I guess I should probably stop rambling now. Next chapter is here. I should let you know that chapters are taking me a bit longer to write due to me only having one working hand and a neck injury, which means I can’t look down at a screen for long periods. But I do want you to know that this will get finished. You don’t have to worry about that. I just hope people will stick around to read it as I know the clock is ticking for robron. 
> 
> Thank you for all your continued support in the comments and for leaving kudos, it’s really appreciated.
> 
> Danielle x
> 
>  
> 
> **Added note - I have decided to stray far away from canon where Jack Sugden is concerned. You will see what I mean when you read. I don’t really have enough knowledge on the character, because he was before my time, so apologies if he is out of character.

He looked at himself once more in the bathroom mirror and blew out a deep, shaky breath, running a hand over his face. He’d fallen asleep last night, floating on cloud nine, so happy he could barely stand it. He could still feel Aaron’s lips softly pressed against his own as the last thoughts left his mind and he drifted off. But he’d woken up in a very different state of mind, listening to the deafening silence echoing throughout the house and terrified that it would be empty. He’d slowly got up and quietly padded into the kitchen, standing there and listening carefully, sighing when he picked up the sound of the shower running from the ensuite bathroom.

Unsure of what else to do, he’d grabbed his own things to get ready for the day and slipped into the other bathroom as quietly as he could. If Aaron was going to run out, he couldn’t stop him and he honestly wasn’t sure he could even handle watching it happen again if that was the brunette’s plan.

He leaned the weight of his body onto his palms against the back shower wall, standing under the steady stream above him, letting it cascade over his weary form. He hated that the first thing that entered his brain that morning was the possibility of Aaron panicking and taking off, but he had to be realistic about the situation, and considering everything that had transpired over the last month, the idea wasn’t that far out in left field.

He sighed, remembering the night before and that kiss that had left him absolutely floating and almost giddy with hope. It had been so amazing. So incredible. And, god, he’d missed Aaron’s lips so much. When they’d finally said goodnight and parted ways, Aaron had seemed fine with everything. He seemed downright jubilant. But, they’d been down this road before and the last time something comfortable and easy had happened between them, the next morning was a very different story.

Of course, a harsher truth hung over Robert’s head as he slowly lathered the shampoo through his blonde locks. Even though he couldn’t really stop Aaron from running away if that’s what he decided to do, the smaller man taking off would probably signal the end of them. They said they would try to start over but if Aaron was going to disappear after a simple kiss… well, Robert realised that he couldn’t keep chasing after him, hoping one day that the hunt would stop.

But then what would he do? He’d never pictured a life without Aaron until a few days ago when that seemed to be the only available option and, quite frankly, the mere thought left him feeling like he couldn’t breathe. Without Aaron, his life would be completely different and in the worst way possible. Aaron had been the sun in his dark existence for so long and he knew he’d never find anyone or anything else that precious again. Going back into that shadowy reality was so utterly terrifying and he knew there’d be no other way to fight it without Aaron at his side.

Finding his own fears starting to overwhelm him, he’d quickly finished his shower and after getting ready and giving himself another long hard look in the mirror, he stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed and ready for whatever the day had planned for him. To his utter surprise, he could clearly hear the sounds of cupboards opening and closing and cutlery clinking against ceramic. Aaron was in the kitchen and definitely not trying to keep quiet. He slowly made his way downstairs, rounding the corner, and caught sight of Aaron, quietly humming to himself as he poured a cup of coffee into a mug, spooning a criminal amount of sugar into the dark liquid once the mug was filled.

He cautiously stepped towards the kitchen, hands nervously shoved into his pockets, unsure of what to say or do when Aaron looked up at him and immediately smiled brightly.

“Morning.”

“Hey.” He couldn’t help but grin himself at the smile overtaking Aaron’s face. _Okay, so far so good._

“How’d you sleep?” Aaron asked as he stepped close enough that Robert could smell his shower gel.

“Er... fine.” Honestly, it was probably the best night’s sleep he’d had since he’d banished himself to the sofa but in the grand scheme of things, how important was that at this moment? He leaned a hip against the counter, smiling his thanks as Aaron handed him a mug of coffee he hadn’t even noticed the brunette pouring and took a steadying breath.

“You ready for today?”

“Well, I have no idea what today entails, so… I guess I’m as ready as I can be.” He looked down into his mug, noticing the liquid sloshing around just a little and realised his hands were trembling. He swallowed and attempted to steady them as he looked up into Aaron’s bright eyes and felt the smaller man place a comforting hand on his forearm.

“Relax, Robert. I’m not going to run,” he said, his voice carrying a surety that was not to be argued with. Aaron set his mug down and reached out, placing another sturdy hand on Robert’s and smiled softly at him. “I know I messed up before-”

“Aaron, you didn’t mess-”

“I did,” he said, gently squeezing at Robert’s wrist. “I got scared and I didn’t know what to do. But I promise you, I’m not going to do that again. I’m not going to run. And… I really hope you aren’t either.”

Robert felt the tension deep within his chest slowly float away and he sagged a little further against the counter, unable to fight against the feeling of his lips twitching up into a small smile. Aaron was right, they had a marathon in front of them and at some point, they were bound to hit something that left one or both of them terrified of the situation and what was to come. But if they faced it head on, together, they could get through it. They’d be alright. He held Aaron’s gaze for a long minute, finally nodding when the brunette let out a breathy laugh.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He watched Aaron’s smile grow once again as he slowly leaned forward, carefully avoiding the mug of hot coffee between them, lightly pressing his lips against Robert’s for a few languid seconds.

 _Oh god, I’ve missed that_ , he thought, relishing in the warmth and comfort that were Aaron’s lips.

He swallowed hard as Aaron pulled away, the brunette’s eyes still shining brightly as he picked his coffee back up and took a seat at the kitchen table, clearly waiting for Robert to do the same. Robert waited until he was sure his legs weren’t going to give out before he stepped forward and sat next to him.

“So, we’re okay?”

“Yeah, sorry I just…” He trailed off for a moment, looking down at the table as he momentarily collected himself before meeting Aaron’s patient gaze once again. “I just had a moment of panic.”

“I get those too, you know?” Aaron said and Robert only nodded. “But, even though it might be about you or about us, you being here for me helps. A lot. I’d like to do the same for you if you’d let me.”

“I appreciate that I really do. I just…” _How am I supposed to say this without hurting his feelings?_ “Sometimes it’s just hard to let myself rely on you. I want to, it’s just… it just doesn’t seem right to ask that of you.”

“You did before the accident,” Aaron pointed out.

 _I did. I could. You wouldn’t let me fall then._ But he couldn’t say that and the guilt he felt in that moment forced him to look away from Aaron’s kind eyes. It simply wasn’t fair of him to expect that from Aaron at this point. The smaller man didn’t need that kind of pressure. He hardly knew Robert. How could he just expect Aaron to just pick right up where they left off when everything else had changed?

“I know it’s different, that things are different, but… Robert, I’m still me.”

Robert looked up into Aaron’s desperate gaze and felt his heart ache at that thought. Aaron was right. He was still him. Right? This wasn’t a new Aaron, was it?

 _Fuck_.

He sighed, wishing his brain would just shut up and stop trying to see the things that he wasn’t even sure were really there or missing.

“Please, just… just talk to me, okay? I’m not going to push, but… I’m here. And I want to be here for you.”

Robert felt Aaron reach for his hand, holding gently as he captured it and squeezed once when Robert finally looked back up. As much as he was going to struggle with all of this, he knew Aaron was right about one thing. He couldn’t expect the brunette to stick around and rely on him if he wasn’t willing to do the same. He had to try, no matter how hard it might be. No matter how risky it was to put his heart out there because not trying would be so much worse.

“Okay,” he said, simply nodding and brushing his thumb over Aaron’s knuckles twice before letting go. He took a quick sip of his coffee, suddenly uncomfortable with pursuing this conversation any further and hoping he could distract Aaron with something else. “So, what’s the plan for today?”

“It’s a surprise but, I do have a favour to ask…” Aaron trailed off, still smiling even though he was clearly nervous about something.

“What’s that?”

“Well, we can get a taxi or something if you’re uncomfortable with this but… It’d be better if we drove. The problem is… I still don’t have a car.”

 _God, I knew I was forgetting something,_ he thought as the email confirmation that the car had been paid off sitting in his inbox flashed through his mind.

“Sorry. Everything’s been taken care of with the insurance, I just completely forgot to-”

“Robert, it’s fine.” Aaron reached out, lacing their fingers together with a reassuring smile. “Honestly, it’s fine. I was just wondering if we could take your car?”

“Yeah. Just point me in the right direction,” he said, taking another sip of his coffee and smiling over the rim of the mug.

“Well… I was kind of thinking… I could drive?” And with that question, the entire mood in the room shifted once again.

 _Oh_. Feeling a look of dread take over his relaxed expression, Robert watched Aaron’s hopeful face immediately fall and instantly felt horrible about his hesitation and reaction.

“Never mind, sorry. I shouldn’t have even asked. I mean it’s your car. I just-”

“No, it’s not that it’s my car. Aaron…”

He sighed deeply, looking away and staring down, visually tracing patterns in the table below him. He felt Aaron squeeze his hand, hoping to get his attention and finally looking up, he saw the understanding in Aaron’s eyes, but somehow, it only made him feel worse.

“It’s because of the accident, isn’t it?”

 _I can’t lose you again_ , Robert thought but instead of voicing anything, he simply nodded.

“I know you’re worried about it, about me, but I can’t just stop living, you know?”

“I know,” he mumbled quietly. “I… I don’t want you to stop living.” And that was true. Robert didn’t want Aaron to stop having a life, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to be hard or that he wasn’t going to worry.

 _I guess we have to start somewhere_. That’s what they’d been doing so far. Starting over, together. At least if Aaron drove today, they’d be together and maybe he wouldn’t worry as much as he would’ve if Aaron had gone by himself.

“Okay,” he finally said, slowly nodding. “You can drive.”

“Great.” The smile that brightened his features sped up Robert’s pulse and he couldn’t help but chuckle and nod again. “Right, finish your coffee and then we’ll head out.”

“Where to?”

“Nope, I told you, it’s a surprise,” Aaron said, still looking pleased with himself.

* * *

Despite Aaron’s enthusiasm over driving again, Robert couldn’t help but notice the nervousness flowing off of him in waves as they drove out of the village half an hour later. And apparently keeping quiet in the passenger seat while he had his own mini panic attack only seemed to make it worse.

Aaron had been fine when they’d gotten into the car and he’d started the engine, adjusting the mirror and fastening his seatbelt. But as soon as he’d put the car into gear, Robert watched the smile fall from his face and his eyes widen ever so slightly. He wasn’t sure if Aaron was actually nervous or if he just wanted to try and focus so Robert had kept quiet in his own seat and watched out of the corner of his eye. No sense in making Aaron more self-conscious with his own fears.

Ten minutes into the drive, he looked over and noticed Aaron’s breathing had sped up, eyes even wider, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles had paled. And for him, that was more than enough. Attempting to distract Aaron, even if only a little, he began fiddling with the radio, quickly finding one of his favourite stations and attempting to sing along to the song that was already halfway through. It worked momentarily. The brunettes mouth quirking up at the corners, attempting to stifle a laugh. Keeping his gaze forward, but watching out of the corner of his eye, Robert reached over as they pulled up to a set of traffic lights and took Aaron’s hand in his own, running his thumb across those pallid knuckles. He watched as Aaron sank further into his seat, relaxing just the tiniest bit from the comforting gesture, and knew he was on the right track. Feeling the tension slightly ebb from the brunette’s form, he let go as the light turned green, noticing that while Aaron was still ridged, he had started to hum along to the radio as well.

Robert continued to furtively focus on him as they drove through town, his attention so completely captivated by Aaron that he didn’t even really notice where they were until Aaron made a quick right and pulled the car into a familiar car park. Looking up as they slowed down, he felt himself grin at the thoughtfulness of the other man.

“The art museum? You’re taking me on a date to the art museum?”

Aaron just shrugged, smiling as he found a parking space and killed the engine. Robert watched as the brunette looked over at him expectantly and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I thought we could spend some time here and then there’s somewhere else I’d like to take you. Nothing big or fancy so don’t get excited.”

“This wasn’t what I was expecting. You would normally laugh in my face if I suggested coming here.”

“You’ve done a lot for me. About time I did something for you,” Aaron answered as he climbed out of the car and began walking towards the building. Robert only chuckled and climbed out of the car after him, jogging to catch up.

* * *

He stared up at the painting in front of him, turning his head from side to side as though it might help him understand just what the hell he was looking at, but it was no use.

They’d been at the museum for a little over an hour by this point, spending most of it in silence, which he was actually okay with. He didn’t know what constituted good art, but watching Robert carefully take in each piece was easily the most beautiful sight in the building. His green eyes would widen just so, occasionally biting his bottom lip in contemplation, not a hint of arrogance or teasing anywhere on his expression. Just a man, standing in wonder amongst beautiful pieces of art that spoke to him.

“I have to be honest,” he whispered as he sidled up next to the other man, interlacing their fingers as he did.

“About what?” Robert asked, not even glancing away from the canvas in front of him.

“I have no idea what I’m looking at.” Robert chuckled, finally looking over and the smile he shot Aaron made his pulse race to dangerous levels. He smiled and, unable to help himself, leaned in, placing a kiss at the corner of Robert’s smiling mouth, loving that it was alright to do that now and wondering why he hadn’t just kissed Robert before.

Then again, maybe it was better that they’d waited and let it simmer for an extra couple of days. He’d laid in bed the night before, reliving the moment Robert’s lips had met his over and over as he’d drifted off to sleep, a smile etched upon his face. Robert’s lips had felt even better than they’d looked and the fact that it hadn’t been a big, over the top moment that they’d found themselves in, somehow made it that much more perfect. It made it feel more natural. Like they’d done it a million times before. Of course, logically, he knew that they had, but since he couldn’t exactly remember those millions of times before, he focused on just how perfectly they seemed to fit together during those few moments, standing outside the bedroom, holding onto one another, Robert smiling into the kiss and making him laugh. It was just so… perfect.

“So you’re saying you’re not enjoying yourself?” Robert teased, catching his attention.

“I didn’t say that,” he said with a smile. “There are… plenty of things to look at.” He paused, taking in Robert’s gorgeous profile and stepped a little closer to the blonde. “Are you having a good time?”

“I am. This was a great idea. But… I know you’re bored.”

“No, not at all,” he lied. He watched as Robert finally turned to him, smirking as he did and rolled his eyes at his obviousness. “Well, I wouldn’t say bored. I just don’t get the fascination. I’ve never been one for art really.” 

“Yeah, I get it. Come on,” Robert laughed as he pulled Aaron away and towards the stairs. “I think you might like what’s upstairs.”

“Why’s that?”

“Just a hunch.” He followed Robert, keeping their hands locked as they slowly ascended the marble staircase in front of them and took a right at the top, moving a little further through the galleries before coming to a stop towards the back corner of the space.

“Oh!” His eyes tried to take it all in at once but it was too much. Old items and masses of scrap metal sculpted along the walls. Recreations of famous events photographed decades and decades earlier. It was like the museum had purposely mixed his and Robert’s interests together for the sole purpose of this date.

He looked over at Robert who was currently smirking at him and suddenly was hit with that odd familiarity that had popped up a few times before. Had Robert brought him here already? Had they previously been on a date here? He wasn’t sure, but standing in this room now with Robert, watching the taller man smile excitedly as he looked around, it wasn’t important. It was incredible and perfect and that was all that mattered.

* * *

He sank further back into the corner seat, tired and thankful that the small cafe was virtually deserted. It was a little out of the way but he had wanted to try something new for them, or at least new to him, he hoped. He thought about how nice it was to hear about the things they used to do together and the places they used to go, but he also wanted to try and start creating some new memories. Ones where he wasn’t left in the dark. When they’d pulled up along the curb ten minutes earlier, Robert had seemed just as curious about the place as he was so he took that as a good sign.

He looked up and watched Robert walking towards him, carefully balancing two mugs of hot coffee and the two giant chocolate swirl cookies he’d ordered and smiled. Robert had insisted he’d carry everything over once it was ready after they’d ordered and sent Aaron off to claim the beige corner sofa that was the furthest away from the few people sitting near the front.

“Here you go,” he said as he handed Aaron the cookies and sat the coffees on the low table in front of him. He moved around it and sat down, keeping a few inches between them as he did and making Aaron roll his eyes and let out a soft laugh. He was starting to think Robert was just as stubborn as he was, but that didn’t mean he was going to give up.

“So, did you have a good time today?”

“I had an amazing time today,” Robert said, smiling softly at him. “Thanks for… planning all of this.”

“Am I usually a big planner?” He asked, taking a bite out of the cookie currently in hand and moaning in delight before continuing. “Because I find that hard to believe.”

“No,” he chuckled. “There’s never really been much planning involved. We just go where the mood takes us most of the time.”

“That sounds about right.” He leaned in, letting their shoulders brush as he did and feeling Robert sag a little into him. “This was actually all that I’d planned for today. I thought we’d be at the museum for a while so I didn’t want to rush. But we can grab dinner or something if you want.”

 _Okay, chill out. You don’t have to try and sell every little thing,_ he thought, cringing at how desperate his voice had sounded in his own ears.

“This is fine, Aaron. We can just… sit here and talk or… whatever.”

“I was hoping, maybe, you could tell me more about your family?” He broke off a piece of the soft and gooey cookie, holding it up to Robert as he did and handing it over when the blonde smiled. 

“Yeah, well, family is complicated isn’t it. Oh, these are good. We can definitely come back here again.”

“When did I meet your dad?” He asked cautiously, noting that Robert was already trying to change the subject. He knew that Robert’s mum had died when he was young, he got that information from Victoria. But he couldn’t understand why Robert never seemed to mention his dad. He remembered meeting Jack Sugden when he’d first moved back to the village. Remembers seeing him propped up the bar talking to Diane. They’d never had reason to talk before, but seeing as he was engaged to his son, they must have some sort of relationship now. 

“I suppose you want the whole story don’t you?”

“Well, you told me about you meeting my mum. It’s only fair that I get to hear about meeting your Dad.”

“Well, Vic guilt tripped me into going to her birthday party up at the farm....”

 

**Four Years and Three Months Earlier**

Aaron looked up, watching as the middle-aged man rounded the corner from the stairs and came into view, a condescending and superior air coming off of him. His eyes narrowed as he approached them, stopping in his tracks just a few feet away. 

“Robert. I wasn’t aware that you were invited.”

“I asked them both to come,” Vic spoke up and Aaron noticed, despite her outward appearance, the confidence from just a few minutes earlier had left her voice. “It’s a family party and Robert should be here to celebrate.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think any of us thought you were going to roll out the welcome mat.” Where Vic cowered, Robert seemed to grow even more defiant.

“Ah, well you’ve always been somewhat bright, Robert.” The two stared at each other, eyes challenging before Victoria turned and walked away, heading out into the garden at the back of the house.

Aaron turned back, noticing Jack’s hard, unflinching stare had made its way to him, and despite the warm August sun, he felt a chill run down his spine.

“Why have you brought chas’ son?” Jack asked, his voice harsh, eyeing Aaron like he was something he’d just scraped off the bottom of his boots.

Aaron felt Robert reach behind his back, searching for his hand, which Aaron quickly offered. He squeezed once, he seemed to stand a little taller, his chin brazenly jutting out just the slightest bit.

“Dad...this is Aaron.” Robert paused for a moment, swallowing hard and squeezing Aaron’s hand behind his back once more. “My boyfriend.”

The moment of silence that followed was louder than anything Aaron had ever heard and he waited, terrified for whatever was to come next.

“Right,” Jack said, his face remaining hard. 

And then the silence again. What should he do? Should he say something? Attempt some of that Dingle charm and hope for the best?

“It’s er...it’s nice to meet you properly,” he finally managed before clearing his throat.

 _Good, that’s good. You were polite. He can’t fault you for that_.

He held Jack’s hard stare for all of five seconds before he looked away, staring down, his feet nervously shuffling below him.

“Robert, the next time you come home, I expect you to follow the rules,” he said, his unforgiving gaze now fully focused on his son and completely ignoring Aaron in the process. “And not to come unless you are invited… by me.”

He glared at Robert for another long moment before turning and walking away without another word. Aaron felt Robert’s hand go limp in his own as the other man sagged and looked away.

_Wait, no. What…?_

“Robert, what...what just happened?”

“Pretty much what I expected,” Robert mumbled, his voice defeated.

“Did I mess this up? I didn’t mean to.”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Robert turned back to him, frowning and frustrated. “I just… I shouldn’t have come.”

“But you came for Vic.” Robert just shrugged, looking down at his feet, like that lost little boy that he kept hidden inside. “Would it have been better if I hadn’t come?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered, Aaron. Whether you’re here or not… I’m still bisexual and the dissapointment of the family,” he answered with a shrug as he looked off into the garden. Shaking his head, he turned and walked in the direction Vic had gone, clearly not intending to go back into the house. “Come on. Let’s just go to the pub.”

 

**Present**

“Wait. So he cut you out of his life because you’re bisexual?!”

“Well, among other things. It was never the only reason I was a huge disappointment, but it was the final, big nail in the proverbial coffin.” Robert shrugged like it was no big deal, but Aaron couldn’t imagine that that was true. He could never picture doing anything that would make Chas stop loving him.

“Robert, that’s insane. I mean, what difference does it make who you’re attracted to?”

“It made a big difference to him,” Robert answered as he took the final sip from his mug and placed it on the table in front of them. “It’s messed up and… I never understood why.” He sighed, looking down at Aaron’s hands, held captive in his lap and again, Aaron waited silently until the other man was ready to continue. “He caught us. I was fifteen. We had this new farmhand and he caught us… in my room.”

 _Oh_.

“He sacked him, leathered me, and we just never spoke about it again.”

Aaron was dying to say more but waited as patiently as he could for Robert to continue. Patience, he was learning, usually meant a bigger payoff as far as Robert was concerned.

“And I know I shouldn’t feel anything good towards him. I mean, there were so many things about me, that he made abundantly clear were not acceptable. But at the same time, he wasn’t always like that. He gave me a roof over my head and food in my stomach. He gave me books that took me away from the real world. He gave me my first set of charcoals and paints and I figured out that I could actually do something with my love of art. He...he gave me everything I could want. And even though, in the end, he took all that away, I still have the memories. And I know that probably doesn’t make much sense but… for the longest time, that was all I had.”

“I get it, memories are important, Robert.”

Robert quickly turned to him, eyes wide and cringed.

“Oh, Aaron, I didn’t mean-”

“No, I wasn’t looking for pity. I get it. You have some good memories of him and those are important. And you should hold onto them. Just because you don’t have him in your life anymore, that doesn’t mean that those things didn’t matter before.” He watched Robert slowly nod and reached out, placing his casted hand on Robert’s knee. “So... what happened?”

“He wasn’t happy that I chose to study business in Leeds. He refused to pay for it and… well, I was fine with that because I never wanted his money. But halfway through my first term, he came to visit. I didn’t know he was coming but, apparently, he was hoping that I wouldn’t like it there, that he could change my mind and have me working on the farm like he’d planned. He showed up and… I just happened to be bringing someone else home.” Robert paused and looked up, gauging his reaction. It wasn’t pleasant to think about the fact that Robert had a very colorful past before he’d come along, but that wasn’t the point of the story. He squeezed Robert’s hand and simply nodded, waiting for him to continue. “He saw us and I didn’t notice him until it was too late. He never said anything, just turned around and walked away. The next day, I got a text from Vic telling me the rest of my stuff was at hers along with a letter from Dad’s lawyer saying that I would no longer be receiving my trust fund when I turned 21.”

“He took away your trust fund?”

Robert just shrugged and nodded.

“Like I said, I didn’t care about the money. I just… it doesn’t matter.” Robert pulled his hand away and Aaron watched him close in on himself, hating that he felt so absolutely powerless at that moment. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. We were having a nice time and-”

“Hey, you didn’t ruin that.” Aaron waited for those dark eyes to finally meet his own, smiling softly when they did. “So, I suppose now I understand why you don’t really have a relationship with him… why you don’t really talk to him.”

“Well…”

“What?”

“Initially, yeah. I didn’t have anything to say to him and he had even less to say to me but…”

Aaron watched the blonde struggle, something warring in his brain that was not being said. He bit his tongue, waiting another full minute before getting an answer.

“Aaron…” Robert trailed off for another moment, looking away, an unfamiliar pain in his eyes. “My dad… he passed away a few years ago.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who is sticking with me on this. I appreciate all of the kudos and comments. And a special thank you to @robronfic on tumblr. Thank you so much for including me on that wonderful list of fic recommendations on your blog! And to anyone else that shares my work, I can’t express how grateful I am.


	23. Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Adam and Vic are actually helpful, Aaron strops and Robert is a nervous wreck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the very kind comments on the last chapter.

He felt his lips twitching ever so slightly, pulling upwards at the corners as Robert instinctively settled further against him, their sides touching at every possible juncture. With his casted arm lying along the back of the sofa behind his shoulders and his other hand firmly wrapped in Robert’s as the blonde unconsciously played with his fingers, he really couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be at that moment. It was comfortable. Almost like it was just a normal thing for them to do. Which, before this mess, it probably was. But it was nice to think that maybe not everything had changed. That maybe they hadn’t completely lost all the good that they’d worked so hard to build.

The last few days had been fairly calm. After spending the previous Saturday together, and finding out the truth about Robert’s dad, Aaron had quickly backed off on all of the family questions he had burning in his brain, regardless of whose side they fell on. Robert had seemingly been more than willing to share any information Aaron had requested up until that point but Aaron had noticed the obvious way Robert had closed off after that truth had come out, unsure if it was the fact that Jack was gone or the circumstances surrounding his death that had upset him so much. But Aaron didn’t want to push it. Upsetting Robert further was the last thing he wanted to do and there were plenty of other things that they could talk about when a trip down memory lane was called for.

After the Saturday at the art museum, they’d spent the following days working and taking care of all of the little monotonous details that life had a way of throwing at them and their evenings together, just the two of them, continuing to attempt to slowly rebuild what had been lost. It was… well, slow in Aaron’s opinion. Amazing and wonderful, but far too unhurried in his mind. It seemed like they were moving at a snail’s pace, but maybe he was just getting ahead of himself. Maybe he was pushing for too much, too quickly. And at least he had moments like these, ones where he could simply watch and enjoy merely being in the presence of the other man and having him so close.

Continuing to smile as he watched Robert, who was completely focused on the television across the room, he leaned over, pressing a lingering kiss to his temple, smiling into it as Robert sighed happily. He really should’ve tried this whole kissing/non-stop touching thing sooner.

_Well, it’s not non-stop touching_ , he thought, pulling his lips away but staying close, breathing in the scent of Robert’s shampoo as he did. And the kisses had all been well-mannered and sweet. He kept attempting to remedy that, pushing for something a little more risqué, but so far had been unsuccessful. The previous night had been the most embarrassing of his attempts by far and he was almost worried that he might have royally messed everything up when he’d rushed up to the bedroom afterward.

Robert had come home early and they’d ended up going to the pub and grabbing a bite to eat. They’d talked and laughed and he’d smiled the entire time, enjoying every single moment. It had been a fairly normal night, nothing out of the ordinary, except for the fact that Aaron kept finding himself incredibly distracted by the fitted shirt Robert had donned for their evening out. The garment doing a great job of exposing the taller mans sculpted upper body. Aaron had thought he’d done a fairly good job of keeping his hands to himself, keeping the physical contact to brushing hands and soft cheek kisses, though it had been a challenge. Or at least, he did a good job of withholding his desires for more until they’d gotten home.

Robert had just closed and locked the door behind them when Aaron was on him, pressing him against it, one hand running through blonde locks, the other awkwardly grasping under his leather jacket, lips eager and desperate. It had apparently taken Robert a second to realise what was going on before firmly cupping Aaron’s face between his hands and pulling back just enough to find his voice.

“Aaron, what are you-”

But Aaron had immediately silenced him once again with an even more intense kiss, pushing him harder against the door, their bodies touching everywhere he could make them. It had lasted for all of thirty seconds more before a breathless Robert had finally pulled away, his hands firmly gripping Aaron’s hips, holding the smaller man at arm's length as he pushed them off the door.

“Aaron, wait, just… just slow down for a second.”

“Why?” Aaron asked breathlessly, unable to look away from Robert’s slightly swollen lips.

“I just… we don’t have to rush this, okay? We have time.”

Aaron finally looked up, his lust filled gaze searching Robert’s uneasy one and realised far too late that he may have been reading the signals all wrong. All the flirting and teasing, the few innuendos that had been thrown out … maybe it wasn’t at all what he thought. Maybe he’d done something wrong. Maybe he’d made a mistake.

“Do you… I’m sorry, I just… I thought…”

“Aaron, as much as I miss… that… I just think that maybe we should slow down a bit.”

Robert let his hands drop from Aaron’s hips and Aaron instantly missed the contact. He watched Robert take half a step back, away from him and suddenly felt like a complete and total idiot. Of course, Robert wanted to slow down. Of course, he wasn’t in a rush. This wasn’t new and exciting to him. This was completely predictable. He’d done it a thousand times before.

_You idiot_ , he chastised himself, feeling his stomach begin to churn.

“Oh. Er, yeah, alright. I… sorry,” he said, immediately pulling away and stepping back himself, the tips of his ears tinting pink in absolute mortification.

“You don’t have to apologise, it’s not a big deal.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Robert attempting to catch his gaze but kept his head down. Eye contact right now would only make him feel even more ashamed of his behaviour and it was already bordering on over the top.

“Hey,” Robert attempted once more to get his attention. “I just… I think maybe, for now-”

“No, really, I get it-” he interrupted with a hard swallow and another step away from Robert. He couldn’t believe how wrong he’d gotten this. “I’ll just, um… I think I’m just going to go to bed.”

_No way can I stay out here and watch him look at me like some sex-crazed lunatic who’s going to pounce on him at any minute._

“Aaron, it’s only nine o’clock.”

“Yeah, well I’m tired and I have things to do tomorrow so…”

“Okay, well… are you sure you don’t want to stay down here? Just for a bit? We can just talk or… whatever you want. I… I can tell you another story if you’d like.” Aaron finally looked up, the slight desperation in Robert’s voice pulling at his chest, only to see the slightly sorrowful look in Robert’s eyes and felt even worse.

_And now not only have you embarrassed yourself but he feels sorry for you too. Way to go, Aaron. Just what you were aiming for._

He quickly shot the idea down with a shake of his head and a forced smile.

“Night,” he muttered before turning and practically running to the bedroom, where he’d stayed the rest of the night, replaying his failure over and over in his head like a bad film until he’d finally fallen asleep.

They’d avoided the awkward morning after since Robert was already gone by the time he’d gotten up. He’d spent the day at the scrap yard attempting to focus on the paper work and not the night before, or the fact that he didn’t hear from the other man the entire day. But as soon as Robert had walked in the door a few hours earlier that evening, he’d gently wrapped an arm around Aaron’s waist from behind, leaving a soft kiss atop his shoulder like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

“How was your day?” He asked, holding on for a second longer and giving Aaron’s waist a quick squeeze before pulling away. And just like that, they were fine again. Almost like the night before hadn’t even happened.

Maybe he’d been overthinking things. Maybe trying to rip Robert’s clothes off after just a little over a week of ‘dating’ wasn’t his best idea. Maybe Robert really did just want them to take their time and… well, he had to respect that, right?

“Aaron!” Robert chuckled, looking up at him and bringing him back to the present.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you wanted to watch something else or if you were going to retire to your boudoir for the night.”

“My boudoir, Robert, really?”

“Well, we’re sitting in mine so…”

“And whose choice was that?” He asked, his voice rising ever so slightly in pitch. Robert simply chuckled again, looking back down at their intertwined fingers and shrugged. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Had I been able to see this nightmare coming, I would’ve made sure we had another bedroom,” Aaron said, his voice taking on a fake haughtiness.

“Oh, I see. This place isn’t good enough for you now, ey,” he teased.

“Robert, you know this house is practically perfect for us.”

“It serves its purpose,” Robert said with a smirk, laughing when Aaron gave his shoulder a shove. “It’s definitely the nicest place we’ve lived. By about a landslide and a half.”

“How long have we lived here again?”

“We moved in last July, so a little over a year.” Robert paused for a moment, laughing quietly as he lost himself in thought. “There was a problem with the windows at our old place and it was the hottest weekend we had that summer. Vic and Adam were having some work done so they stopped with us for a few days. You know what Adam can be like, getting on everyone’s nerves. By the end of the weekend, Vic was the only one speaking to him.”

“That sounds about right,” Aaron said with a smile. “So, was our old place a wreck?” For some reason, he hadn’t actually put much thought into how they’d actually ended up living together. It wasn’t something that had warranted his attention, or at least not up until that point. But now, he found himself intrigued about how they’d ended up where they were now.

“No, it was a nice place,” Robert said with a shrug. “It was small, but all of our places had been small up until we moved here. We’d outgrow a place and then move somewhere that was just the tiniest bit bigger thinking that it would be enough for us and then… well, it was a vicious cycle.”

“So how many places did we have before this one?” He asked, shuffling closer to Robert and getting comfy.

“Well, first there was the place in Hotten. One of those small flats above a cafe.”

“Sounds handy for breakfast in the morning.”

“I know,” Robert smiled. “We woke up every day and the place would smell like whatever they were making downstairs. I’m pretty sure you spent more time in the cafe than you did in the flat. Anytime I couldn’t find you, I’d just go downstairs and there you’d be, eating whatever it was that they were feeding you that day.” Aaron just smiled and slightly blushed, believing every word Robert said. “After that we moved into a one bed apartment but we had the neighbours from hell, so we weren’t there that long. They had about ten kids that just constantly screamed at the top of their lungs and they never did a thing about it. And, obviously, before both of those was my place, or the place I was living when we met.” Aaron watched Robert’s face as he continued to play with his hands, apparently lost in thought somewhere if the small smile on his face was any indication.

“What’s with the smile?”

“Nothing, just thinking about all of that.” Robert paused for a moment, shrugging but still grinning softly. “Sometimes walking down memory lane isn’t so bad.”

“I’ve certainly been enjoying it lately.”

He moved his casted hand to the back of Robert’s neck, his fingers just barely grazing. He felt the blonde sag ever so slightly for a full moment before quickly straightening up, seemingly no longer enjoying the simple caress.

_O-kay. Guess we’re back to that_ , he thought, pulling his hand away and swallowing down the little feeling of rejection sitting in his chest.

“So, we lived together in your flat?” He heard the unease in his voice and apparently so had Robert.

“No, Aaron, this whole thing is just one big con to win you over so that you’ll pay half the bills,” he joked, making an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Idiot.” He poked lightly at Robert’s shoulder, immediately drawing his hand back afterward but smiling when the taller man just chuckled once more. “So, how did we decide to move in together?”

He watched Robert look up at him, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.

 

**Four Years & One Month Earlier**

“I just…” He trailed off as he looked away, slightly embarrassed. “I don’t know. It just seemed like it made sense. I mean, you’re here pretty much all the time anyway.”

“So, that’s why you’re asking me to move in? Because I’m always here?”

_Oh shit._

He looked up, shuddering when he saw the smile from Aaron’s face had fallen and the hurt in his eyes had taken over.

“No, that’s not… I’m saying this all wrong.”

“Look, Robert, I wasn’t talking about couples living together because I wanted to pressure you into asking me to move in. I don’t want you feeling guilty and making a decision based on that. If you were really going to ask me to move in, I would hope it would be because you actually wanted that. And, you’re right, I’m over here a lot. I didn’t realise it was such a problem for you but I’ll make sure not to make a habit out of it anymore.” Not only had the hurt taken over Aaron’s expression, but it flowed through his voice, clearly palpable.

“Aaron, come on, that wasn’t what I meant at all.” He stepped towards Aaron, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut when Aaron quickly stepped back. He had to fix this and fast. “Listen to me, I like you being here. I want you here.”

“No, you clearly just tolerate me being here,” he said, reaching for his overnight bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Robert watched the tears forming in those blue eyes, threatening to fall and suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. How had he screwed this up so badly, so fast?

“I’m just gonna go.”

And with that Aaron turned and walked out the door, slamming it hard behind him and leaving little doubt as to just how pissed off he was. Unwilling to let this happen, Robert quickly ran after him, almost ripping the door off its hinges as he pulled it open and stepped through, only to be right back where he started, in the middle of his kitchen.

_What the..?_

“Rob, Robert.” He turned his head in the direction of the echoing voice but no one was there. The apartment was empty. “Robert…”

_Seriously, what the hell is going on?_ He thought, frantically turning in circles, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from and how he’d gotten back here.

“Robert, come on.”

His eyes fluttered open, glancing around the room and realising he was in his apartment, lying in his bed beneath the covers, Aaron sitting next to him, already showered and dressed for the day, lacing up his boots with a smile.

“Finally,” He smiled. “Your alarm went off ages ago and I’ve been trying to wake you up ever since.”

Robert looked around the brightly lit room and groaned.

_God, that’s the third time in two weeks_. He ran a frustrated hand across his face and slowly sat up, shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of the uncomfortable cobwebs the nightmare had left.

_The dreams had to stop eventually, right?_ The first dream, Aaron had merely laughed in his face when he’d asked the brunette to move in with him before walking away, refusing to look back as he’d called after him. The second one, Aaron had looked absolutely horrified when he asked and immediately shouted ‘are you mad’ at the top of his lungs. Now with this third one, he was starting to wonder if he was making the right decision. Of course, he wanted Aaron to say yes when he finally asked but… what if Aaron wasn’t ready? What if he thought Robert was moving too fast and that they needed to slow down and take their time getting there?

“I thought you said your Friday morning class got canceled this week?” Aaron asked as he finished tying up his laces and stood, walking towards the coffee table where his phone and keys were still laid out from the night before.

“It was,” he answered, climbing out of bed and stumbling towards the kitchen where Aaron already had a fresh pot of coffee waiting.

“So… why are you getting up so early then?” Aaron asked from behind him, stuffing his things into his backpack. “You don’t have to go to work today. I thought you’d be taking advantage of a day off.”

“Yeah, I um… I need to talk to my advisor and make sure all my credits are in order for graduation.” He heard the slight hesitance in his voice and hoped Aaron hadn’t picked up on it. The last thing he needed before even having a sip of coffee was his boyfriend wondering what he was hiding from him.

“Isn’t it a bit early for that?”

“Better to find out now than be surprised, I suppose,” Robert said, pouring himself a cup of coffee and turning back to see a confused looking Aaron staring at him. He hurriedly looked away, not wanting Aaron to see through the little white lie.

“Right, well… I should get to work.”

Robert just nodded, taking a quick sip from his mug before setting it down on the counter. Even with hiding this from Aaron, he didn’t want to completely put him off. _That and you just can’t seem to help yourself,_ he thought as he slowly approached the smaller man as he finished zipping up his jacket.

“Hey…” He wrapped his arms around Aaron from behind, his voice still laced with sleep, and placed a soft kiss on the juncture between his neck and shoulder, slowly working his lips up the column of Aaron’s neck before reaching that spot just below his ear that he knew drove Aaron crazy. “Happy birthday.”

“Mm, thanks.” He turned around in Robert’s arms, now all smiles and excitement, practically buzzing as he wrapped his arms around the older mans neck.

“How does twenty feel so far?” Robert teased.

“I can definitely feel the arthritis flaring up in my knees,” Aaron joked back as he briefly pressed their foreheads together. “So I only have work until two and then… are you sure you don’t mind me going to get a drink with Adam after? I can always cancel if you’d rather do something… you know, just the two of us.”

“Why would I mind?”

_Oh, you are cruel, Sugden_. He stepped away, back towards the kitchen counter, watching Aaron’s hopeful face immediately fall and almost backed out of his cover story… almost.

“Well… I just… no reason.” He watched Aaron’s gaze fall in obvious disappointment, the toe of his boot kicking against one of the many scuff marks permanently etched onto the apartment floor.

“Just come over when you’re done with Adam. We can order some food and watch TV or something if you bring your laptop.” Robert knew this was killing the younger man but he’d put too much effort into planning this to blow it now just because pouty Aaron pulled at his heartstrings.

“Yeah okay, we can do that. If you don’t mind.”

“I didn’t have any other plans.”

_Okay, that might’ve been below the belt._

He watched as somehow Aaron’s face fell even more and reached for his coffee mug, bringing it to his mouth in an attempt to conceal the smirk he felt pulling at his lips. He didn’t want to upset Aaron but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to laugh at the kicked puppy look his boyfriend was sporting. Aaron was just so easy to mess with.

“Right, well, I’ll just see you sometime tonight.” Robert nodded and held a straight face as he walked out the door, without the normal kiss goodbye, and then sighed in relief as soon as it was closed.

_Terrible. He’s like a five-year-old._

He quickly made his way back to the bed, reaching for his phone that was still on charge and shot off a quick text.

**Robert (8:15AM)** : He’s gone. You ready?

He took a few more sips from his coffee mug, relishing in the few stress-free, blissful moments as he waited. He knew it was going to be a hell of a day, he’d planned for that. Didn’t mean he was looking forward to dealing with…. his eyes jumped to the door when a loud knock sounded, echoing throughout the apartment. Frowning, he got up and made his way to the door, opening it and rolling his eyes.

“I thought you were going to wait until I texted you to come over. He just left for work. What if he’d seen you?”

“He didn’t see anything. I waited in the alley and watched him leave from around the corner. Now, are you going to guard the door all day or are you going to let me in? This stuff isn’t exactly light, you know.”

He pushed the door open further and stood aside as Vic walked in, loaded down with boxes and bags of god knows what, surveying the space with a frown as she set everything down.

“Where’s Adam? I thought he was coming over to help until it was time to go distract Aaron,” he said as he closed the door.

“Oh, he’s on his way. He wanted to ‘help’ so I sent him to pick up some more balloons.”

“Vic, I already bought all the balloons I could find! Why do we need more?”

“Clearly you’ve never thrown someone a surprise party, Robert. Besides…” He watched Vic go back to her inspection, his sister frowning more and more as the seconds ticked by. “No offence Rob, but this place doesn’t exactly scream welcome and fun. We need all the help we can get. Therefore, more balloons.”

_Fuck, it’s going to be a long day,_ he thought as he ran a hand across his face before moving to help Vic unpack the supplies that they’d been scavenging for and hiding over the last two weeks in the back of her bedroom wardrobe.

A few hours, multiple arguments over Robert’s taste in décor, and the placing of an innumerable amount of streamers, balloons and other party gear later, the apartment had been cleaned, top to bottom, and decorated accordingly. The pulsing music playing was probably the most annoying Robert’s speakers had ever seen, but it was for Aaron, so he’d suffer through. He’d slipped out an hour earlier to pick up the cake he’d ordered for the occasion, and to grab two minutes of peace, as Vic worked on finishing up all the food the two had attempted to prepare with Robert’s meagre stove. Vic must’ve told him at least fifteen times that it would’ve been better to have the party at their house but he didn’t want to do that. It was his idea to throw it for Aaron in the first place, and while he had enlisted the help of his sister since he’d never had a big birthday party himself, let alone planned one, there was a bigger reason behind holding the party here. A reason that so far he’d only accidentally revealed to Carly, and he swore he saw tears in her eyes when he’d slipped up.

“You… you’re going to ask him to… aww, Robert. I’m just so happy for you. You and Aaron are practically perfect together.” And with that, he’d immediately walked away, feeling incredibly uncomfortable with her reaction and leaving her standing alone in the middle of campus a blubbering mess.

“Alright, everything is ready, everyone is here and Adam just texted me that they’ll be here in five minutes,” Vic said, her voice a little higher pitched than normal.

“Great,” Robert deadpanned, looking around the room and running a nervous hand over the back of his neck. What if he forgot something or something was wrong or… what if Aaron hated this whole thing? What if he hated it so much that later on that night, once everyone was gone, he laughed in Robert’s face when he finally ‘popped the question’? “Fuck.”

“Something wrong?” Vic asked, head tilted to the side, eyes wide.

“No. Everything’s fine.” He shrugged off her concerned look and grabbed one of the bottles of beer sitting in one of the many ice tubs littered around the room. Popping the cap off on the corner of the counter with his fist, he took a healthy gulp, hoping to calm his nerves.

* * *

“Mate, seriously, what's wrong with you? You’ve been in a mood all night. That boyfriend of yours rubbing off on you or what?”

“No. I just…” He trailed off as he kicked at a nearby stone, watching it skid over the pavement in front of him before dropping off into the grass. “Sorry, I’ve just… had a bad day at the scrap yard that’s all.”

“I told you not to bother going in today. It’s your birthday. You probably would’ve been happier just staying in bed all day with Robert.”

“Adam!” The other man just laughed and kept walking, and though on any other day, Aaron would’ve agreed with his suggestion, today was different and this definitely hadn’t been the best birthday. Not that he needed a big fuss or anything. But…

Birthdays had never been a big deal whilst he was still living with his dad. He never made a big fuss over it and usually it was just a cheap card and he got to pick what was for dinner that night. But his first birthday back in Emmerdale, his mum had actually organised a gathering at the pub, inviting all the Dingle’s. It wasn’t a big deal, but it had been a good night and it felt nice to know that there were people that cared enough to recognise his birthday and celebrate with him, no matter how small. But this year… it was the first birthday he’d celebrated with Robert.

The older mans birthday had come and gone just a couple of months earlier and, even though Robert had insisted that he didn’t want to do anything special, Aaron had practically sold his soul to get his hands on the concert tickets for the two of them that night. Robert had been over the moon and they’d ended the night with the cake and chocolate ice cream that he’d hidden in Robert’s kitchen. The ice cream had… gotten into some interesting places and had made a huge mess, but it was an amazing night. And now, even if Robert didn’t have anything elaborate planned, Aaron had hoped that he might want to do something special for him. Even something small. Even if it was just a small cake to celebrate, it was something. But Robert seemed to not even care if his attitude that morning had been any indication. The thought of celebrating clearly hadn’t even crossed the older mans mind.

“Just forget it, Adam. It’s fine. Thanks for the drinks tonight.” 

“No problem, mate. Vic had some stuff to take care of anyway.” They’d reached Robert’s building and he looked up, sighing as he stared at its brick façade. Part of him didn’t even want to go up, just to prove a stubborn point. But the bigger part of him had missed Robert that day and even if there wasn’t a cake waiting, they could still spend some time together.

“Aren’t you coming up?” He looked to see Adam had already climbed up the front steps and was holding the front door open.

“Uh, I am, yeah, but why are you going up?”

“Robert borrowed something from Vic. He told me I could stop by and get it. Seemed like tonight’s as good as any considering I’m already here.”

Aaron just nodded and followed along inside and up the stairs slowly, his feet heavy. They reached the fourth floor and he slowly made his way to Robert’s door, pulling the keys out of his pocket and finding the one he was looking for on the overflowing ring. He could hear the neighbours upstairs having entirely too much fun and some music on the other side of the door he was unlocking. _Guess that’s what I’m doing tonight. Listening to music and watching Robert read_ , he thought, his mood turning ever more sour. Not that he minded that, because in all honesty, he’d discovered he could watch Robert for hours and not get bored. _Still…_ Sighing, he finally opened the door, stepping inside and stopped, his jaw dropping as he took in the brightly decorated room, streamers and balloons transforming the small space into quite the festive gathering.

“What’s all this?”

“I think it’s called a birthday party,” Adam said with a toothy grin, patting him on the shoulder. “Happy birthday, mate.”

Aaron smiled harder than he had in months and looked around the room at the familiar faces. Tracey and Vanessa were already bickering on the sofa, they’re respective dates looking slightly uncomfortable. Some of the more tolerable of Robert’s friends were on one side of the apartment, laughing at some ridiculous anecdote while a few of the Dingles were on the other side, rehashing some old stories with full on impressions. Vic was flittering around the room, making sure everyone had food and drinks, ever the proper hostess. And at the very back, smiling softly at him, leaning back against the kitchen counter, cool as ever, was Robert.

_Oh my god, I can’t believe he..._

He tried to make his way to him as quickly as he could but everyone kept stopping him to wish him happy birthday and to try and catch up. He tried to be friendly, really he did, but he just couldn’t get to Robert fast enough. Finally pushing his way past Tracey after she’d introduced her date, he dodged through the room and made it to the other side, relatively unscathed.

“Hey,” Robert said as Aaron finally reached him, wrapping his arms tightly around the older mans neck.

“What’s all this?” He smiled.

“It’s your birthday. I just thought you might want to celebrate,” he said nonchalantly with a shrug, his hands finally finding Aaron’s hips, his thumbs slipping up under his jacket, searching for skin.

“You planned all of this?” He asked in awe.

“Well, Vic and Adam helped. A lot,” he answered, looking away, a faint blush on his cheeks. “I wanted to try and do something for you but… I just wasn’t exactly sure how so…”

“You've done an amazing job, Robert,” Vic added as she approached the two, handing Aaron a beer.

“I have to admit, I’m impressed,” Adam added as he stepped next to Vic. “Yeah, we’ve helped stick a few balloons up, but this was all you Rob.”

Aaron watched Robert attempt to fight the blush currently creeping up his cheeks and smiled even harder when the blonde completely failed to do so.

“So, I take it you didn’t really have to meet with your advisor this morning, did you?” He laughed.

“It was a small white lie and… well, there was a lot to do today.”

Aaron set his beer down and pressed himself against his boyfriend even further, trapping him against the counter.

“This is kind of amazing. You’re kind of amazing,” he said, pressing their foreheads together and smiling when he felt Robert’s hands gently squeeze at his hips.

“Happy birthday, Aaron,” he said, leaning forward and capturing Aaron’s lips with his own and Aaron couldn’t rid himself of the giant smile on his face as the kiss continued.

* * *

“That was… the best… birthday… ever,” Aaron said, punctuating each word with a long, slow kiss to Robert’s soft lips. From below him on the bed, Robert merely chuckled, looking completely and utterly exhausted. “Thank you, Robert. Seriously. This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

It was now well after midnight and Vic and Adam had been the last guests to leave just a few minutes earlier after Vic had insisted on trying to clean up as much as possible.

“Well, I wanted to do something. You got those concert tickets for my birthday. And even though this party doesn’t compare, I still wanted to try.”

“Robert, those were rubbish seats,” Aaron laughed.

“Still the best birthday I ever had.”

“Yeah, well, like I said, this is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.” He leaned down to kiss his boyfriend into oblivion only to be stopped when Robert rolled them over, pinning him to the bed.

“Well, it’s not over yet,” he said, smirking down at him. “I still have one last present for you.” The way he whispered the words against Aaron’s lips left little doubt in his mind as to what Robert had planned and he smiled mischievously, leaning up to attempt to capture those lips once again, only to have Robert completely pull away and climb off the bed.

“Robert, I’m all about that last present so can you come back here now so we can… you know… do it?”

“You always have such a way with words. And get your mind out of the gutter,” Robert chuckled as he grabbed something from above the fridge and slowly walked back towards the bed, smirking the whole way. He sat down next to Aaron and handed him the small, neatly wrapped box in his hand.

“Wait, you actually got me something else?”

“Yeah,” Robert smiled.

Aaron looked back to the package, quickly tearing the paper off of it and opening the box inside, finding himself immediately confused as he studied the contents.

“Er... earplugs?”

“Yeah, well… they’re for if my neighbours are distracting you too much while you try to do the accounts or whatever…” Aaron looked up, noticing the nervous smile on Robert’s face and only grew more confused.

“Right, thanks. That’s… thoughtful, I suppose. But, normally if they get too distracting, I just go home.”

“Well… what if…” He watched Robert swallow hard and blow out a deep breath before meeting his eyes. “What if this was your home?

“What?”

“I love you, Aaron. You know that and I love you being here. I’d like it if you were here, all the time. And… I don’t know… we’ve been together a while now. It just, it seems right.” He stopped for a moment, searching Aaron's eyes, his brow furrowed before pressing on. “If you don’t want to or you aren’t ready, I understand. But I want you here, Aaron. I love coming home from work at three in the morning and you’re here, already asleep. I love waking up and you’re just sitting there, watching yet another episode of top gear on your laptop, eating a bowl of cereal. I love-”

Aaron didn’t need to hear anymore. He grabbed ahold of the front of Robert’s shirt and pulled him in, their lips crashing together as he did. He felt Robert smiling into the kiss and realised it was almost as big as his own smile.

“Yeah... Yeah, of course I want to move in with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Robert, I just said yes!” He giggled and leaned in once again, carefully pressing their still smiling lips together and sighed happily.

“Well, I suppose we should celebrate,” he said, pushing Aaron down onto his back and kissing him with purpose.

 

**Present**

“You are such a romantic sap.” Aaron laughed, giving Robert a teasing shove.

“Oi!” Robert frowned. “I am not.”

“If that’s what you have to tell yourself.” Aaron laughed one last time before smiling and leaning in, leaving a soft kiss on Robert’s smooth cheek and resting his forehead against the other mans temple. Of all the ways to ask someone to live with them, that had to be up there at the top of the list.

Aaron smiled again, moving back just a little and reached for one of Robert’s hands, gently running his fingertips along the back of it, finding that he literally couldn’t keep himself away. Sighing happily he looked up and watched Robert slowly turn his head, swallowing hard as he did, his face completely serious. His eyes found Aaron’s a moment later and Aaron found himself getting lost in their infinite dark depths. He watched the other man glance down at his lips, slightly biting at his own for a long minute, and Aaron waited, wanting nothing more than for Robert to kiss him at that moment.

_Please._

He sighed in relief and closed his eyes when he felt Robert’s free hand cup his cheek as he leaned forward, pressing their lips together for all of ten seconds before pulling away.

He opened his eyes to see Robert no longer staring at him, but instead, brow furrowed, eyes downcast.

“Hey.” He reached out, forcing him to look up. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine,” he said, quietly.

“Robert…”

“Seriously, I’m fine. Just… enjoying your company.” He attempted a smile but it was half hearted and Aaron didn’t buy his answer. There was something more here. And he worried that he already knew what it was.

“You know, if something is bothering you, you can talk to me about it,” he started, feeling a little defeated when Robert looked away but pressing on anyway. “I want you to talk to me, Robert. We’re not going to get anywhere if you go all silent on me. I can’t fix something when I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Aaron, I’m… I’m not trying to shut you out, okay. It’s just…” Robert trailed off once again, pulling his hands away with a sigh and focusing on something across the room. “It’s nothing,” he finally said and Aaron felt it right in his chest.

What could he do? He couldn’t force Robert to open up to him. He couldn’t make the other man tell him what it was that was holding him back. He could only come up with his own theories and right then, they weren’t looking too promising.

_He doesn’t want you anymore. He’s changed his mind. He’s only doing this because he feels sorry for you. He thinks this is a waste of- Shut up brain! You’re just in different places right now. He’s done this already and you’re forcing him to do it again._

“Okay,” he said after a long moment of silence, shifting away on the sofa and leaving a few inches between them.

He watched Robert’s eyes snap back to him, questioning and then defeated as he eyed the invisible boundary that separated them.

“I should probably go to bed.”

“Aaron, I-”

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I get it,” he said as he slowly stood up, glancing back at the other man just one more time before walking up the stairs. “Night, Robert,” he called over his shoulder but the only response he got was a heavy sigh.

Why’d he have to mess it up so bad? They’d been having a great night together, everything light and easy, and it had gone so wrong, so fast.

Just like last night. _Just as soon as he kissed you, you freaked out and pushed him away,_ he thought, swallowing hard as he remembered the feeling of Aaron’s lips pressed against his so absolutely perfectly. He had missed being able to freely kiss Aaron so much over the last few weeks and now that he could, now that he was allowed to, it just felt…

_God. Why do I have to make this so complicated?_

Aaron had only left the room ten minutes earlier but it felt like hours that he’d been sitting there on the sofa, alone and ridden with guilt. He honestly didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t keep holding Aaron at arm’s length but he couldn’t tell him the truth either. The other man wouldn’t understand.

_He’ll think you’re crazy._

He stood up and slowly walked out of the room, turning and making his way outside to the patio balcony, needing the fresh air before he suffocated under the pressure in the house. It was chilly again but he needed that. He needed to focus on something else besides his desire to immediately make his way back to their bedroom, wrap Aaron in his arms, and take what they both so obviously wanted.

_No. It’s not right. You’d be doing the wrong thing_ , he thought, leaning over the railing, feeling the cold metal biting against his bare arms while the frozen concrete of the floor gnawed at his socked feet.

He couldn't do that to Aaron, no matter how badly he wanted him. He couldn't hurt him like that.

_You’d be betraying him._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda nervous about posting this one. I know the present is mainly angsty right now and I have a feeling I might have a few people who don’t like where the chapter ended. But stick with it and trust that I know where I am going with it. I promise it will end happily. 
> 
> As always, the kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! ❤️
> 
> I now have tumblr... I’ve made a page so that I can post little snippets in between updates. Be kind, I haven’t used tumblr before so I’m getting used to how it all works. You can find me @love-you-always (I know, I’m hopeless at naming things, hence my AO3 name being my own 🤣)


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